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rld and i want to make sure it is 100 clear that i do not judge other people s choices these are choices i had made for myself and my baby it has nothing to do with what other people think is perfectly fine or normal or okay i knew what i wanted there are things about the current labor and delivery assembly line in this country that really upset me and i wanted no part of it as you can imagine and as i was repeatedly warned almost nothing went according to plan we made a birth plan i wanted minimal medical intervention i wanted a natural vaginal delivery without drugs more than anything i did not want a c section i switched hospitals in the beginning because my former hospital system has the highest c section rate in the state this was very important to me i m not going to get into why but please believe that i understand the necessity of a c section in certain scenarios and i understand that shit happens but i think c sections are grossly overused because doctors are afraid of being sued it s a sad reality as so many people say all that matters is getting your baby here safe and sound the second most important thing to me was no pitocin for anyone reading this that doesn t know what pitocin is it s a medicine that is given to women in various stages of labor typically if it has stalled or just to move it along if the doctor doesn t feel like waiting i d bet money it s used in like 90 of labors but i have no idea what the actual statistic is the normal labor and delivery assembly line has now become induction with a pill called cytotec pitocin because even though labor was induced the body and baby weren t ready so things have to artificially be moved along epidural what is commonly referred to as the drugs and eventually c section obviously this does not happen to everyone but i d say 8 out of the 10 birth stories i ve heard went this way as further example there were 8 births in the hospital the day i delivered and i was only one that didn t have a c section so let s get to my story i am not going to tone it down for your benefit it is totally tmi so proceed with caution early labor pretty sure that s a smile on saturday august 25th at around 8 00 p m my water broke i had been hardcore nesting that whole day and the night before putting together a stroller and finishing the nursery so that i d feel slightly more prepared for his arrival i finally laid down around 6p or so and didn t move because i was so exhausted when i got up to pee at 8p i thought my biggest fear had come true i thought i had peed my pants i quickly realized after smelling my underwear yes smelling my underwear that there was a good chance my water had broke two weeks early i was not ready not ready at all tony had been getting increasingly anxious for him to get here but i wanted nolan to cook until the very end and i was scared as shit to actually go through labor after discussing with my doula vanessa and massively being in denial about what was happening about an hour and a half later mild contractions started i knew at this point that my water had broken i called the hospital and was told to come in by midnight again i felt far from ready but the clock had started ticking we arrived shortly after midnight and i was examined by the midwife after testing a drop of the fluid she found she determined that it wasn t amniotic fluid but based on my description of events and the fact that i was having some contractions she said i had a good story and she did an ultrasound and confirmed that there were pockets of water but nolan wasn t surrounded by water and i had likely sprung a leak from the top at that point they couldn t let me leave i was going to have my baby within 24 hours i was only dilated to 1 5 cm so she recommended cytotec and pitocin i declined both they took us to our room and i was told to get some rest lol i didn t sleep at all active labor the contractions started to pick up around 5a i texted vanessa to be there by 8a and when she got there i thought i was in the thick of it bahahahahaha i obviously had no idea what was coming each contraction was fairly brutal but short and about 3 minutes apart i was breathing through them with the help of some squeezing of vanessa or tony s hand by 12p i had gotten in the jacuzzi tub all modesty completely gone and my potty mouth in full swing they determined after one of several exams that nolan had become posterior and i was having back labor meaning his spine was on my spine which was what was making the pain more severe at this point i was full blown hee hee hee hooing through each contraction and i was absolutely horrified at the thought of this continuing i was yelling things like i fucking hate this and this is awful and i m done vanessa told me i was doing what i had wanted and encouraged me to keep going and told me i was amazing i did not feel amazing at around 3p after an hour of saying i was done i had them do an exam to see where i was at and i was only at a 5 i knew that meant many hours more of contractions and i asked for the epidural it had been about 6 hours of the worst pain i d ever experienced and i felt insanely guilty for giving into the drugs i should have been able to do it i could have done it but i pussed out the only thing that made me feel justified was that i hadn t slept in about 30 hours at this point and hadn t had anything to eat in almost 24 hours i knew there was no way i was going to have the energy to push him out and let me remind you that the most important thing to me was delivering my baby vaginally my favorite picture so far he looks like an angry old man every time i made any decision about anything it took them forever to do anything about it once i decided i wanted the epidural it took them 30 minutes or more to actually get the anesthesiologist to my room to do it getting the epidural was a whole other horror story tony opted for leaving the room at this point and i can t blame him my contractions were about a minute apart at this point on the anesthesiologist s first attempt he hit something totally wrong and it was insanely uncomfortable i had become a total bitch at this point and was not taking any shit from anyone he insisted he had it in right and i insisted he didn t and made him take it out tony was apparently approaching the room right at the moment that i yelled it fucking hurts and various other shouting while i m confident that what i was experiencing was far more horrifying i can only imagine how horrifying it is to hear see someone you love going through this experience and only being able to offer so much help to them he was a real trooper throughout the process and by my side through most of it providing sips of water and a hand to squeeze and counter pressure on my hips or back on the anesthesiologist s second attempt he kept telling me to stay still during a contraction um are you fucking kidding me this is where i decided that only woman who have experienced labor pains should be allowed to be present during labor men have no clue what is going on and what they are asking he got it in right the second time and the nurse put in a catheter since i was now on iv fluids and the goal was to make it so i couldn t feel my legs this was also when the blood pressure cuff went on and started taking my blood pressure every two minutes then 5 minutes then 10 minutes i hated that blood pressure cuff more than anything and it was on me squeezing away until the next morning it took about 20 minutes for me to feel any relief from the epidural but it still wasn t as much as i or they wanted so they gave me an additional dose of whatever the medicine was not long after that i could still feel the pressure but not my legs and was able to sleep for about 20 minutes when i woke up about an hour and a half after the epidural was put in what i feared would happen had in fact happened i had gone back to 4 cm and my contractions were about 4 minutes apart this started the pitocin talk at this hospital they do pitocin low and slow as opposed to loading people up with it like they used to causing even more intense contractions than regular labor and sometimes birth defects from the baby being squeezed too hard the doctor came in to talk to me about it and assured me that we would start at the lowest dose and check in a half hour to see where i was at i knew i needed to consider it because i was going on 21 hours of labor and although this hospital did not have a hard and fast 24 hours after your water breaks this baby is coming out one way or another rule another reason i switched hospitals i knew i was approaching the point that i d be taking a risk i m not sure what the science is but you are risking getting an infection at 24 hours after your water breaks after discussing with tony and vanessa i decided pitocin was the best course of action and again compromised my plan guilt and fear were weighing on me it took at least 30 minutes for them to come give me the pitocin and once it was in i was scared as shit within an hour they came to do an exam and see how i was progressing and i was at 7 cm it was certainly doing it s job and i was starting to feel a pressure that can only be described as needing to take the biggest poop of your life by now tony and vanessa were at my side for each hee hee hee hooooo party and if they tried to leave i d whine for them to come back immediately i think it was around this time that they started to give me ice chips in addition to sips of water those ice chips were the most delicious thing i d ever tasted i wanted to start pushing the doctor came in and his exam revealed i was at 9 5 cm he left his hand in through that last contraction and pulled something that brought me to complete i e 10 cm 100 effaced and whatever the other thing is that means the baby is low enough that you can start pushing it was go time i was terrified my epidural had worn off transition and delivery i ended up pushing for about 40 minutes and i was literally screaming with each push my voice is still hoarse and i m slightly concerned that i did some damage at about 20 minutes in the evil blood pressure cuff determined that my blood pressure had gone up to 195 110 this is seizure stroke level and is horrifyingly referred to as a hypertensive episode the doctor was clearly alarmed and kept telling me to stop screaming and to put all of that energy into pushing my baby out they pushed 3 doses of a blood pressure medication through my iv but it barely did anything the lowest it got was 185 95 i think tony opted out at this point and was in the corner of the room facing the wall drinking juice i didn t actually realize it right away because i was so focused on my job with each contraction the doctor would tell me kate this has to be the it he has to come out now he grabbed my hand and had me touch nolan s head and told me we were past the point of c section he was coming out the way he was meant to the way i wanted him to it was then that i understood why people opt for c sections while they come with their own set of risks and complications mostly postpartum the last two hours of my labor and what followed were the most horrifying experience of my life a few pushes before it ended the doctor did a tiny episiotomy in spite of it being on my birth plan that i did not want an episiotomy i knew what he d done immediately and yelled at him but i realized that in that moment he didn t have time to talk me into it vanessa had been watching and told me later that he was doing a great job of applying counter pressure and holding me together and helped me believe that if he hadn t done that tiny little cut i would have torn much worse than i did i ultimately ended up with just that little cut and a tiny tear quite lucky or so i m told two contractions and six pushes later the doctor told me if he didn t come out on the next push he was going to have to do a vacuum assist he was about to explain it to me but i already knew about it and told him just to do it nolan emerged with a little very little vacuum assist and the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around his neck twice my birth plan stated that i wanted skin to skin contact immediately and delayed cord clamping cutting so that all of the blood from the placenta could run through the cord to my little man and give him as much nutrients oxygen life as possible immediately upon entering this world well because it was wrapped around his neck there was no time for clamping and it had to be cut from around his neck immediately and it was like a splatter film blood shot everywhere that moment right there and the fact that this doc was determined to let me deliver vaginally since everything else in my birth plan had gone out the window is where i am most thankful to the doctor nolan s heart rate never decelerated at any point during labor which is amazing considering what was happening to me so it must have happened right as he was coming out and turning and the doctor cut that cord within 4 seconds of him coming out so thankful post delivery you can t tell me you don t want to bite that little foot nolan was taken over to the warming table to be assessed weighed and measured while the doc waited for the placenta to be delivered and i got sewn up the shift change was at 9 00 p m so the doctor that was taking over assisted my doc in sewing me up which was weird it doesn t seem like a two person job the doc that took over at 9p already seemed exhausted and put out which was annoying i foolishly thought i would be done after he was out but i so wasn t i was so tired and i just wanted to see my baby the drama had only just begun immediately after i delivered they also started me on a drip of magnesium sulfate to lower my blood pressure magnesium sulfate feels like being on fire on the inside so awful once the placenta was delivered they showed it to me yikes i love science and pregnancy and birth are a fucking miracle but there is also a truly nasty and smelly aspect to it and no i did not poop on the table so again i thought i was about to finally feel some relief and get to hold and feed my baby no i couldn t relax my legs and i had a pain in my right butt cheek that was radiating up my back and down my leg my abdomen was also very sore but i assumed it was just organs moving back into place no they decided to put the catheter back in why did they take it out and my epidural had long been unplugged i told them no to the catheter and they told me my abdominal pain was likely because my bladder was distended awesome so in the catheter went fun times i immediately felt better and vanessa s eyeballs nearly exploded when she saw how much came out of me thanks for that nurses i still don t understand why they d take it out i was still hooked up to an iv for the magnesium sulfate and really weak from what i d just been through so getting up and going to the bathroom wasn t really an option ugh unfortunately this did no...