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car to the front door of the restaurant on the way home my 11 year old decided to assume the role of dj and cranked up the radio as we got onto the highway normally my somewhat shy child would just coast along in the passenger seat observing the world around him or a game on his phone but not this night as an upbeat song came on the radio i couldn t help but move my shoulders up and down and semi dance as i drove i then noticed he was watching intently mimicking each move that i made with an ear to ear grin on his face he giggled as i taught him the crank the lawnmower and the shop for groceries dance moves and he even made up some pretty impressive ones of his own each time we d pull up to a light i would call out moves and he would break out into dance while belly laughing at his newfound confidence if age has seasoned me at all it has taught me that there will be a lot of not so happy hurdles to leap virtually every day whether it s non stop negativity pouring forth on the news the fragile health of a friend or family member or just the stressors of adulting looking for the little rays of sunshine creeping in can salvage even the most disheartening of days and glancing over at my shotgun rider this evening i saw just that sunshine and joy all on the face of a pre teen that is at times too cool to let me be momma while simultaneously clinging to me with every last string of little boy left in him i have no doubt jacob won t remember anything significant from our ride home tonight but for me it was much more those precious 25 minutes were a lifesaver for me the smile on his face the laughter but most of all the dropping of the i m too cool to dance with my mom facade was just what i needed to get through another crazy week ahead you never know when those slivers of sunshine are gonna peek through the wall but when they do you better bet i m gonna write about them that s the only way i can figure out how to make time stand still and for me that is priceless no comments saturday march 30 2019 an unexpected blessing i knew the moment i spotted them we were destined to meet he was clad in a faded plaid shirt blue jeans and black suspenders that matched his well worn black dress shoes his gray hair wasn t much more than a suggestion atop his head and his glasses were thick as a soda bottle he ambled along pushing her wheelchair not out of obligation but in a nurturing almost protective manner i overheard her ask him if they had made it to the ladies department yet which tipped me off that she was without sight he leaned down spoke loudly in her good ear and said yes but i don t see any dresses or pants for that matter i ve always been drawn to the elderly as a young girl i volunteered in nursing homes but instead of handing out magazines or adjusting pillows i emptied bed pans fed the residents and rubbed lotion on weathered skin there is a certain entitlement to dignity that comes with living to a ripe old age and as i watched this man navigating his beloved through the maze of overstuffed clothing racks i felt compelled to assist sir can i help you find something i asked well i wanted to buy my wife a dress and i m not really sure where to look i asked her size and told him he could follow me as i led him to the right section as we walked i asked him how long they d been married and with a gleam of pride he responded well we re goin on 63 years now she went blind four years ago and i ve been getting her ready ever since as i surveyed her outfit my heart smiled her hair was neatly coiffed and she was wearing a nice black and white blouse pressed black slacks and simple black flats what i found so sweet was her jewelry her earrings were long dangly and sparkly matching her equally fancy necklace i told him she looked like a million dollars and a smile stretched clear across his face as we approached the rack of dresses i selected a navy one with little yellow flowers and a short sleeved yellow sweater he placed it in her lap and let her feel it with her hands she ran her delicate fingers over the fabric and smiled exclaiming ooooh this is niceeeee i told her she would look so pretty in it that he might get a little flirty with her she giggled and smacked my hand in mock embarrassment meeting william and susan this afternoon changed me i had spent the better part of my day in dressing rooms trying on bathing suits and feeling anything but beautiful after cataloging all my flaws in the mirror i stepped out saw those two and realized that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder he looked at her with such adoration that i couldn t help but fall in love with them myself we stood and chatted a while as they shared about their 60 yar old son battling cancer their friend at church that is deaf but can quote the whole sermon just by lip reading and the fact that she had worked at that very department store 40 years prior they were simply delightful and i am a much better person for having crossed their path i witnessed pure unselfish love today a man pushing a wheelchair to help his blind wife of 63 years find a new dress to make her feel pretty as i hugged them goodbye she said god bless you for helping us believe me susan helping you blessed me more than you ll ever know tears welled up in my eyes and i turned to walk away 3 comments saturday may 07 2016 mother s day 2016 as i leaned down to kiss my sleeping child on his forehead tonight a tear fell as a flood of emotions welled up inside over the past few weeks i have struggled to stay composed when the longing for my own mother hits i lost her 13 years ago to cancer and the missing had gradually gotten a little easier until recently as a mom i often fall prey to the realization that contrary to my belief as a coming of age young woman my mother actually did know what she was talking about whether the topic in question involved boys clothes sibling spats she really did have my best interest at heart when dispensing sage tidbits of advice but back then i would have just as soon changed my name and moved to mars than to admit that she was right and she was almost always right now my daily encounter with a 14 year old son that thinks i am the possibly the uncoolest person he knows makes me want to shake my teenage self and scream listen to her she s not ancient and out of the loop she sees the bigger picture a lot clearer than you do if only i could perhaps the biggest part of the struggle is wanting to share mom stuff with her or ask for advice when the boys are fighting or i feel like a failure trying to find balance each day but she s not a phone call away i long to commiserate on the challenges of parenthood as much as i would give anything to see her at my son s field day in her big floppy hat and sandals i want to post a current picture of my mom and me on my facebook profile instead of a grainy image from over a decade ago i want to give her yellow roses and share recipes and go to mom daughter functions at church and all the perks of having an adult relationship with the woman that raised you i m pretty sure the recent struggle goes deeper than the melancholy of a mom less mother s day it is a soul gripping ache for her to know my children and know me as a mom she would devour my oldest child s sarcasm and quick wit as much as she would cherish my youngest son s sweet hugs and tender heart and they would love their grammy too her creativity and the cackle of her laughter would draw them in as much as her warmth of her hugs i want them to know what an amazing woman their grammy was so as the onslaught of this holiday rolls around in a matter of hours i pause to reflect on the blessing of not only being a mom but having so many fond memories of my own mother i miss that selfless artsy fartsy giving funny piano playing skittle and sunset loving woman i was blessed to have her for 31 years and for that i celebrate this mother s day happy mother s day mom i may not have realized it at 14 but this 44 year old woman knows all the sacrifices you made for me i realize that you knew so much more than i ever gave you credit for he wasn t right for me that skirt was too short i really can do anything i set my mind to and yes being a mom is the hardest yet most rewarding thing i ll ever do get ready for this mom you were right in loving memory of patricia trotter june 3 1945 march 13 2003 no comments thursday february 25 2016 we need your help my youngest son s school poplar road elementary is in desperate need of a playground overhaul over the past 13 years various parts of the equipment have been removed due to safety concerns the entire set is nearing the end of its lifespan and needs to be replaced please click on the donation link and help these kiddos build an enjoyable and more importantly safe place to play every dollar counts thank you no comments friday january 01 2016 2016 reading challenge join me on my reading challenge click here no comments wednesday october 07 2015 cowboy cutie did a western themed spirit night at texas roadhouse last night for jacob s school and this was my date for the evening i must say he looks mighty cute as a cowboy no comments tuesday october 06 2015 one foot in front of the other life change is hard period that fact was making its presence known at 5 45 this morning as i struggled to get out of bed to do my morning walk as i lay there compiling all the reasons i did not need to go my phone buzzed and my accountability partner in nashville had issued a fitbit challenge for the day crap so i toss the excuses to the side and peel myself off the mattress and walk ever so begrudgingly to the closet to change with shoes laced up and earbuds in i took my first steps down the driveway into the darkness the air felt like october should crisp and clean and inviting and the sky was a palette of deep blue with a smattering of stars waiting to greet me i knew this was a good decision often when my mind is amuck which is all of the time of late losing myself in music is a welcome distraction this also proves to be a helpful remedy when i d rather be snug under the covers one foot out for good measure of course than pounding the pavement in the name of health as i made the final stretch back to the house i glanced at my fitbit and it read 3 175 steps rather than the 40 or so with which i started i gave myself a mental pat on the back and decided that starting off my day with a sky full of stars and my favorite songs isn t so terrible after all all it took was a little willpower and putting one foot in front of the other we ll see if i am this motivated when that alarm sounds tomorrow morning no comments monday october 05 2015 one more for today i love the harmony of their voices a great mash up of some of my favorites no comments lay me down i m in a music mood this song soothes me with its raw emotion also how the orchestra is situated and the way the graphics billow up behind him this video is close to perfection as is the song no comments thursday september 24 2015 i won t let go love this no comments tuesday august 04 2015 pure love on the floor of the animal hospital today she s back home now and resting feeling a little better no comments my sweet girl taking my cassie girl to the animal hospital she s been sick for a couple days and i m pretty worried about her as much as my heart is breaking with worry my son jacob is sick with concern cassie is lethargic with no appetite so she s definitely not herself praying she ll be ok no comments monday august 03 2015 pardon me i don t speak idiot in the interest of full disclosure there are some well physiological reasons that i might be a little on edge today but even if i am not in the perkiest state of mind i should be able to expect even the most basic form of common sense when dealing with others i took the boys to lunch today at a local deli their soup of the day was potato which is daniel s favorite and there atop the cash register sat two sizes regular and large two cups of slighty differing capacities so i ordered i d like a regular potato soup an order of nachos and a large drink thanks we re out of the regular soup the rocket scientist behind the register informed me so do you have any other soups i inquire oh we have the potato soup we just don t have it in regular what about unleaded i m so confused the room is starting to spin a little i take it a little further so you have the potato soup but i can only buy a large portion yes she replied is that because you ran out of regular sized cups this is beginning to entertain me yes my left eye is now twitching well do you think that we might be able to buy a regular sized amount of soup but you just use the larger container so that i won t have to buy 5 50 worth of soup that he won t finish fine she is now annoyed with me but it gets better she rings up my order and as she is scanning my credit card there is a coupon for today s special laying at the counter free nachos with purchase of a large drink a 3 00 savings ma am um if today s special is a free nacho with a large drink and i just bought an order of nachos and large drink wouldn t my nachos be free she looks at me as if i just landed on the counter in a spaceship well it would but i just charged your card yes i see that but could you not undo that considering i bought those two things and it s today s special and the nachos should be free my manager is not here at that point i seriously looked around for a camera crew thinking i was on an episode of punkd or what would you do you know there are times in life when it s just not worth the fight when the difference between fighting for what is right and curling up in the fetal position underneath the first booth on the left is nothing but a fine little line there are times when stupid is simply stupid yes jacob i said the s word and you just decide to go on with life i ll just consider that 3 00 a small price to pay for a ringside seat at are you smarter than a gnat sigh pass the midol please no comments sunday august 02 2015 building more than pirate ships i had found my solution to the doldrums curling up on my bed on a sunday afternoon and losing myself in my favorite netflix show the boys were content watching tv so i thought and as my i slowly drifted off into my own little world my door opened and there stood my wide eyed seven year old child will you play legos with me mama nooooooooooo my inside self screamed from a deep selfish place um do you mind if mama finishes her show and then we ll play ok mommy guilt that sweet little voice they re only young once trace adkin s voice blaring from the radio in my head you re gonna miss this you re gonna want this back oh for pete s sake i think to myself as i begrudgingly peel myself off the bed and walk upstairs the show can always wait i guess lego time i announce in my best faux enthusiastic voice as i reached the entrance to his bedroom just the look of excitement on his face was enough...