Meta tags:
description=A quest for dominance;

Headings (most frequently used words):

2014, the, of, new, thoughts, monday, saturday, 27, september, melinda, prompted, me, to, make, blog, entry, part, turmoil, dom, pages, wednesday, 19, november, october, 20, sunday, july, 17, february, pageviews, from, past, week, followers, end, an, era, and, now, for, something, completely, well, almost, patterns, what, no, limit, slave, wants, two, one, after,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (256), and (196), she (179), her (159), that (133), not (86), with (82), was (76), this (74), have (74), but (68), relation (62), for (54), saida (52), what (44), you (35), slave (34), are (33), had (33), #melinda (32), has (29), one (27), our (27), about (27), now (24), self (23), sub (23), love (23), from (22), share (22), when (22), more (21), who (21), where (21), because (21), did (20), also (20), would (20), new (19), all (19), time (19), dom (19), will (19), can (19), things (18), ttwd (18), well (18), out (18), girl (17), like (16), does (16), told (16), end (15), could (15), lesbian (15), then (14), other (14), only (14), life (14), very (14), been (14), wanted (14), blog (13), make (13), line (13), much (13), really (13), being (12), just (12), think (12), know (12), happy (12), both (12), thing (11), feeling (11), how (11), yes (10), there (10), made (10), heart (10), want (10), long (9), get (9), needs (9), master (9), become (9), sex (9), see (9), give (9), ever (9), since (8), last (8), some (8), way (8), still (8), previous (8), real (8), need (8), should (8), almost (8), back (8), said (8), woman (8), first (8), they (8), pinterest (7), facebook (7), blogthis (7), email (7), comments (7), posted (7), elder (7), lot (7), feels (7), collar (7), few (7), after (7), humiliation (7), hope (7), important (7), part (7), most (7), started (7), loves (7), comes (7), today (7), past (6), ago (6), felt (6), too (6), own (6), came (6), getting (6), say (6), feel (6), different (6), keep (6), straight (6), already (6), thought (6), over (6), 2014 (6), surprised (6), break (6), day (6), case (6), better (6), same (6), right (6), starting (6), guilty (6), week (5), entry (5), whole (5), happened (5), met (5), must (5), why (5), subs (5), gives (5), used (5), which (5), point (5), goes (5), least (5), easy (5), knows (5), together (5), good (5), though (5), two (5), start (5), vanilla (5), failed (5), went (5), turned (5), always (5), come (5), look (5), bdsm (5), brain (5), limit (5), girlfriend (5), years (5), video (5), dehumanisation (5), many (5), true (5), happen (4), intended (4), perhaps (4), find (4), bit (4), down (4), year (4), choose (4), stupid (4), crisis (4), ironically (4), thinking (4), short (4), challenge (4), wants (4), never (4), far (4), humiliate (4), order (4), situation (4), ended (4), combine (4), done (4), means (4), ask (4), times (4), possible (4), aspects (4), gave (4), politics (4), holocaust (4), peace (4), discovered (4), experience (4), care (4), thoughts (4), people (4), girls (4), your (4), islam (4), off (4), positive (3), state (3), turmoil (3), friends (3), intend (3), again (3), account (3), actually (3), next (3), rather (3), gets (3), convinced (3), before (3), harsh (3), call (3), something (3), cunt (3), silly (3), even (3), hard (3), express (3), making (3), side (3), caused (3), speak (3), truth (3), weeks (3), work (3), until (3), entries (3), longing (3), whom (3), friendship (3), prompted (3), towards (3), young (3), leave (3), opinion (3), fact (3), purely (3), submissive (3), asked (3), bar (3), accept (3), any (3), relations (3), interesting (3), open (3), success (3), multiple (3), question (3), addicted (3), enough (3), dominate (3), orders (3), mean (3), tried (3), understand (3), submit (3), says (3), assessment (3), saw (3), looking (3), quite (3), minutes (3), society (3), however (3), discussed (3), explanation (3), tells (3), sync (3), inner (3), subject (3), everything (3), total (3), got (3), trough (3), them (3), whilst (3), person (3), fall (3), picture (3), father (3), him (3), millions (3), ideology (3), million (3), pay (3), shop (3), buy (3), became (3), decisions (3), sure (3), mattered (3), big (3), simple (2), theme (2), posts (2), home (2), month (2), transition (2), becoming (2), albeit (2), along (2), wait (2), partner (2), result (2), unexpected (2), thousands (2), probably (2), trading (2), recently (2), decided (2), best (2), going (2), wondering (2), slaves (2), their (2), lets (2), deep (2), stay (2), narrow (2), slut (2), words (2), called (2), obey (2), clinical (2), push (2), pushed (2), strange (2), while (2), trust (2), photo (2), send (2), confronted (2), believe (2), emotions (2), lost (2), peeling (2), layer (2), monday (2), post (2), months (2), business (2), accepted (2), completely (2), read (2), label (2), significant (2), chance (2), family (2), extreme (2), partly (2), scars (2), reluctantly (2), given (2), neurologist (2), taken (2), follows (2), seek (2), story (2), fell (2), each (2), position (2), moved (2), terms (2), might (2), agreed (2), reason (2), everyone (2), july (2), passed (2), hardly (2), stuff (2), apprehensive (2), neurology (2), submits (2), suffering (2), take (2), taking (2), anything (2), doing (2), talked (2), experiences (2), coming (2), add (2), makes (2), mistakes (2), nice (2), having (2), saturday (2), september (2), conscious (2), knew (2), skip (2), edition (2), clip (2), interested (2), idea (2), relevant (2), victims (2), perpetrators (2), acts (2), war (2), crimes (2), western (2), enabling (2), contact (2), act (2), examples (2), ultimately (2), feelings (2), analyse (2), complete (2), matters (2), satisfactory (2), sometimes (2), undid (2), satisfied (2), here (2), yet (2), events (2), brought (2), nature (2), confidence (2), lives (2), overall (2), every (2), experienced (2), totally (2), despite (2), era (2), changes (2), fast (2), dynamics (2), external (2), circumstances (2), matter (2), episode (2), besides (2), wrote (2), promptly (2), found (2), loved (2), believed (2), men (2), domme (2), style (2), sexual (2), possibility (2), word (2), mention (2), parents (2), greatly (2), islamic (2), oklahoma (2), unfortunately (2), help (2), spade (2), cities (2), silent (2), rape (2), 1400 (2), terrorist (2), isis (2), radical (2), nazism (2), communism (2), muslims (2), glazov (2), gang (2), survived (2), emotional (2), change (2), easiest (2), pet (2), lie (2), argument (2), stand (2), unhappy (2), live (2), once (2), gone (2), run (2), without (2), set (2), lean (2), somebody (2), sad (2), images, powered, blogger, trapdoormedia, followers, pageviews, subscribe, atom, older, written, consider, lucky, partners, soft, landing, its, ups, downs, knee, jerk, reaction, dreaded, website, wannabes, pretenders, options, diamonds, rough, profile, expecting, match, nearly, impossible, unintended, spanish, refers, steep, pretend, specially, moment, separated, kilometres, intends, purposes, near, limitless, forward, less, compassionate, kept, according, belief, unique, exemption, constant, verbal, abuse, check, avoid, cosy, trap, treated, results, instant, responsive, admirably, doms, sacrifice, effortless, lack, feed, took, warm, collapse, distrust, fake, mistake, needed, crises, establish, inch, pulling, plug, demanded, passionate, description, stood, explosion, missing, restored, standing, beliefs, spite, certain, knowledge, reply, compelling, heading, somewhere, ahead, compares, onion, onions, guts, figuratively, speaking, rambling, summary, concrete, frequent, intension, february, sharing, comment, writes, cares, guess, everybody, followed, replace, fill, void, italy, invited, lovely, ease, maintained, don, challenged, empty, likes, apply, loyalty, his, interpreted, betrayal, hence, shed, light, form, difference, absence, fond, remarkable, onset, scene, children, winding, kick, habit, immoral, dumped, suffered, permanent, mental, admit, desirable, amaze, importantly, turn, online, instructions, task, humiliated, experimenting, ways, advances, claims, night, affair, sadia, adventure, kind, conflicts, takes, precedence, stop, seeing, save, encouraged, friend, pure, grow, affects, phase, serious, inevitable, sooner, later, those, offering, depth, prevail, undone, damage, proxy, completed, chapter, regrets, sunday, blogged, procrastination, considerable, survival, mode, relying, mails, staggered, vacations, worse, scenario, resulted, meeting, early, practically, fascinating, job, wonder, theory, generates, dopamine, acknowledged, dwell, sees, due, addictions, acknowledge, addiction, clearly, turns, severity, punishment, brutal, subtile, revelation, game, changer, borrowed, submission, allowing, edge, crux, advantage, bottom, confusing, factor, use, purpose, tool, wrongly, assuming, seeking, reality, surprise, level, ship, compared, refuses, struggle, arguments, compliance, eery, beginning, detached, exactly, behaviour, refuse, try, calls, anecdotes, intense, disconnect, putting, head, softer, beautiful, hanging, difficult, evidently, misjudged, motivations, talking, tick, psychology, free, frustrating, contemplating, blogs, period, therefor, clinging, rid, merely, letting, none, decision, mix, violate, rule, orange, text, following, triggered, peek, troubles, world, minute, recommend, anybody, history, invest, becomes, relate, trigger, connection, speaks, humane, commit, underwrites, principals, ssc, stays, within, boundaries, law, removed, certainly, sado, masochsim, plays, role, element, evening, among, topics, unraveling, couple, definitely, interlinked, rest, follow, proof, wrong, looses, ability, unfinished, shape, loath, mind, seeks, low, esteem, masochistic, harms, lead, full, main, pillars, evolving, longer, daily, discussions, growing, dark, hole, patly, efforts, encouragement, improves, unifies, caring, fun, humour, importance, craving, dilutes, single, often, sequential, health, marriage, desire, soul, mate, involvement, problems, opposite, kudos, couples, successfully, ultimate, dream, reach, closest, turbulent, bad, happening, happiest, hind, considering, drastic, evolve, rapid, disagree, thinks, fault, such, deserves, effort, context, bring, analysis, 100, correct, maters, unrestricted, insight, deepest, secrets, fears, uncertainties, aspirations, man, deeply, yep, plenty, chances, overruled, common, sense, undermine, bothers, initially, genders, loosing, interest, regular, parties, lesbians, spends, council, adequate, answers, secret, unknown, spoke, introduced, bisexual, minded, venture, surely, deny, orientation, although, politely, mentioning, occurred, mail, earlier, vacation, coin, dropped, mindedness, excluded, unconscious, loathing, opened, ran, violations, intensions, regarding, excessive, count, apologies, forgot, clean, relieved, conservative, strict, supports, great, proud, islamist, jihad, terror, attack, condolences, victim, wish, speedy, recovery, surviver, coincidence, above, direct, message, coincidentally, beheading, served, example, silence, enables, talk, strike, irak, syria, female, genital, mutilation, hundreds, honour, killings, systematic, prostitution, muslim, gangs, rotherham, old, europe, feminists, emma, watson, religious, minorities, beheaded, raped, mutilated, buried, alive, actively, deceiving, origins, between, brackets, orthodox, beyond, religion, controls, exists, 270, enslaved, pale, comparison, trade, american, continent, rightfully, ashamed, 1500, aspiration, potential, terrorists, west, sympathy, political, leaders, holds, mirror, ww2, germans, condemned, allied, countries, nazi, nazis, facing, dangerous, version, evil, mark, patterns, conversation, illustrates, buys, agree, dog, pass, fashion, accessory, visiting, shops, trying, collars, bemusing, personell, assistant, doggy, boss, eyes, lips, latter, require, bank, either, ridiculous, hate, offs, away, accumulated, unwilling, discussion, tonight, pissed, leaving, future, confirmed, lifestyle, slowly, realisation, numb, wrenching, deal, immediately, tangible, saturdays, cried, perfect, resounding, alone, learned, reached, supportive, improved, trophy, daughter, genuine, mentally, mature, deliberately, turning, accidentally, sorry, mess, joke, process, positively, equivalent, nobel, price, nicest, prove, unless, tries, notch, october, happenings, closer, weekend, control, drama, seemed, return, normal, nothing, seeds, sown, exit, motion, learn, through, power, forces, decide, define, dilemma, cross, road, desperately, instance, lines, sounds, narcissistic, loving, believes, consequences, willing, exceptionally, final, shit, keeping, betraying, miss, friday, goodbye, firsts, battle, hardened, may, introducing, identified, absolute, broke, honest, including, stepped, aside, changing, satisfaction, indicates, path, wednesday, november, pages, opinions, minister, portfolio,

Text of the page (random words):
do everything right with saida doing the right thing became the most important thing to me in this relation we had i can say now that besides ttwd which is all very nice just like sex for instance the things that really matter and mattered to me in our relation where the big lines and big picture i have discovered for sure that this is what i am about and i am happy i know it now the big picture is that saida has become a better person trough our relation it sounds almost narcissistic to express this but i think it is the truth she has gone for too long without love she has now found love in her gf she also did not believe it is possible to have a loving relation with a dom and still be submissive on the last day of our d s relation she told me she now believes it is possible and last but not least the thing happened that undid our relation and that is that she knew what the consequences are from having a relation with somebody somebody she loves and for who she is willing to leave the life style she loves so much with that i lost her as my slave or sub we have used both terms we where going well exceptionally well in the final weeks and it felt like shit to break it up she has been so important to me in a time that it really mattered to me but keeping her would be like betraying what i wanted her to become so i am sad and happy at the same time i miss her it is only since last friday we said goodbye she was many firsts to me she was the first girl in ttwd who was already experienced and battle hardened i may add up to then i was introducing girls to ttwd who where new to it she was the first girl in ttwd who identified her self as slave and not sub and now she is the first girl in absolute who i broke up with because i love her i have to be quite honest i am not sure if i would have done that if we would have had more then just an on line relation but if that where the case many things would have been different including her not starting a relation with her gf what matters is that i stepped aside because i love her and because i know that to make her happy in the long run we must end what we had ok it was an on line relation but the emotions where real her life changing events and she really had them where all too real and i look back on this episode with the satisfaction that everything indicates i did the right things with saida when it mattered i am sad but i am satisfied at the same time i hope she will have a happy life i set her on that path i hope she will keep on the straight an narrow can a dom want anything more from a d s relation posted by elder at 20 39 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday 6 october 2014 and now for something completely new well almost i just ended the most emotional conversation i had with saida since we started our relation we have had a bit of a crisis last week what happened only illustrates how fast things can change it all started with getting to the point where i would actually collar saida an act that i have not done yet our relation is on line so the easiest way would be that saida buys a collar and i pay for it at least i thought so the easiest thing was to agree on the collar the collar would be a real dog collar albeit one that could pass as fashion accessory saida has been visiting pet shops and trying on collars and bemusing the shop personell she told one shop assistant it is for the doggy of my boss which in her eyes was not a lie only she could not get the word master over her lips there in the pet shop the crisis however was because she wanted to buy the collar and pay for it whilst i wanted to pay for it as well the latter would require her to give her bank account this was either too much for her or as she told me she wanted to buy it her self as a slave should buy her own stuff well that is easy i told her you are slave and you do as i say but she went from one silly argument to the next ridiculous argument and it became a stand off i hate stand offs and i told her this will not go away it all accumulated in that she wrote me she thought i was unhappy with her and want to end the relation she also said she was unwilling to stay in a relation when she thought i was unhappy the emotional discussion we had tonight was what i brought up no saida am pissed off with you but i was not thinking of leaving you for this but now that you mention it we do need to speak about our future and our relation because it does not combine with the relation you have with your new girlfriend in short i do not want saida to live a lie with her her girlfriend see melinda prompted me to make a new blog entry part two towards the end it was once more confirmed how much saida is longing to this lifestyle and at the same time she slowly came to the realisation of what she new already and that is that this has to come to an end she was totally numb when we discussed this i have to say it was really heart wrenching to see her like that the deal we made is that i will help her transition out of ttwd starting immediately she is now my sub and not slave more significant to her then me and what is tangible she gets saturdays off that being the only day of the week she has all day with her girlfriend saida cried i was both moved and surprised she also feels like she has failed in being the perfect slave she wanted my opinion it is strange how different that can be i from my side thought our relation was a resounding success i always believed that a sub of a dom must be better off with her dom and with the decisions of her dom id she where alone or would make her own decisions so lets see she ended up with her new girlfriend she discovered of her self and that she is lesbian and she learned to accept it she reached out to her parents and discovered her father is supportive of her this greatly improved her relation with him because for the first time she knows for sure he loves her and that she is not just a trophy daughter i think she has become an overall more genuine and mentally mature woman so yes success so today is the start of a new challenge really new for me deliberately turning a slave in to a vanilla girl yes melinda i know i have accidentally done that with you i am sorry that was not what i wanted i hope i will not mess this one up that would be the joke of the year i also hope that when we have gone trough this process both saida and i can look positively back on what we had that is what i really want out of this to start with saida gave me today something like the bdsm equivalent of the nobel price of peace she told me you are the best master i ever had and coming from her i told her you said the nicest thing a slave has ever told me now i have to prove my self that she is right oh by the way i will also be the last master she had unless her relation comes to an end and she tries again you never know but i hope she will have a long and happy relation with this girl with saida i really have the feeling she is addicted to ttwd addicted to a point that perhaps it is good if she gets taken a notch down if only to give her new relation a chance in the long run posted by elder at 21 04 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest saturday 27 september 2014 patterns of thoughts when i started this blog quite a few years ago when i was still melinda s dom i made a conscious decision not to mix it with politics i also knew that one day i would violate this rule i made for my self and that day is today if you want to skip the politics just skip the orange text the following edition of the glazov gang triggered this blog it also gives a peek about what troubles me in this world it is a 23 minute clip and i recommend the whole clip to anybody who is interested in history and politics but if you do not want to invest 23 minutes and still get an idea you can start it at the 16 minutes mark at 18 minutes it becomes relevant to ttwd this edition of the glazov gang holds a mirror up to our self the subject is the holocaust in ww2 but despite the time that passed it is more relevant then it was for the almost past 70 years the germans have been condemned for the holocaust but the allied countries have been almost as guilty by being silent about the nazi ideology of the holocaust we have survived the nazis and we have survived communism but today we are facing the most dangerous version of evil of all times and that is radical islam and radical is between brackets because it is the true islam the orthodox islam and it is as much an ideology as nazism as it goes beyond a religion and controls all aspects of a society in the 1400 years it exists islam has made 270 million victims and enslaved millions of people both nazism and communism pale in that comparison and so does the total slave trade to the american continent that we are rightfully ashamed of as western society there are 1500 million muslims so if only 1 has the aspiration to become a terrorist we have 15 million potential terrorists more then 50 of the muslims in the west have sympathy for isis our political leaders are looking the other way and are actively deceiving us about this ideology and the origins of isis islamic state of irak and syria if we are silent we are guilty of the millions of woman suffering female genital mutilation we are guilty of the hundreds of thousands of honour killings we are guilty of the systematic rape and prostitution of 1400 girls by muslim rape gangs in rotherham uk who are as young as 10 year old and who knows how many more in other cities in the uk and europe where are the feminists any one emma watson perhaps we are guilty of the millions of other religious minorities being beheaded raped mutilated buried alive and so on we are guilty to enabling terrorist to strike at our cities silence enables the perpetrators do not help them talk about it call a spade a spade the above is the direct message from this video it was coincidentally this video and not the oklahoma beheading that got me thinking about making this blog unfortunately i was promptly served with an example of what this is all about which unfortunately is not at all a coincidence i want to express my condolences to the family of the victim and the people of oklahoma and i wish a speedy recovery to the surviver of this true islamic jihad terror attack but where does it relate to ttwd how did this video trigger to blog about ttwd the connection is that the video speaks about the dehumanisation of the victims of the holocaust to make it more humane for the perpetrators to commit their acts of war crimes now everyone who underwrites the principals of ssc when it comes to ttwd stays within the boundaries of the law in the western society so this is as far removed from war crimes as possible however certainly when it comes to sado masochsim the dehumanisation plays a role in enabling the acts when it comes to humiliation in a bdsm contact the act it self has an element of dehumanisation and this is the case for both the dom and the sub for both examples it was only the evening before when i talked with melinda and among many other topics we discussed i tried and failed to give her my explanation of what caused the unraveling of our d s relation and ultimately our relation as couple melinda goes by her feelings as she says it i need to analyse things as she says it her own assessment is definitely true and her assessment of me is also true but not complete yes i need to analyse things the truth and how things are interlinked are matters that i need to understand i can not accept things as they are my brain will not rest until i have a satisfactory explanation for it she is right there but it does not mean i do not follow my feelings or my heart far from it the proof in that is that we are friends melinda and i it is my heart that tells me to keep up the friendship with melinda because i love her with my heart my brain sometimes tells me my heart is wrong but looses so what was it that undid my ability to dominate her well we just went out of sync said melinda and with that her heart is satisfied yes melinda you are right that is the case but it will not do for my brain and here my brain tells my heart that there is some unfinished business melinda is now in a very good shape when it comes to her inner peace and it makes me happy because i love her but she used to loath her self at some times when we first met and i did not love her yet at that time what follows now are in my mind the events that brought us from where we started to where we are now melinda seeks a dom and has a low self esteem she is masochistic and sometimes harms her self she has discovered her submissive nature and wants a dom to lead her i am looking for a sub i have already had quite a few subs i like to be dom i need it and i am full of confidence because of my previous experiences we get together and sm as well as d s are the main pillars of our relation our relation is evolving we are no longer only being the dom and the sub but our daily lives become subject of long discussions the relation is growing melinda is starting to come out of a dark hole patly because of her own efforts and partly as a result of my encouragement her self confidence improves and she is feeling overall better and more i am starting to love her more and one of the things i love about her is that she unifies everything i ever wanted from a woman the friendship the d s experience the sm experience the caring the fun and humour the sex ok not all in the order of importance p this craving for the total experience i have with a woman dilutes every single experience because they can often only be experienced in a sequential order one of the examples is that melinda is starting to care for me as well she is starting to take care of my health as well as some scars i have from my failed marriage my desire to have a soul mate as well as sub in the same woman and the involvement of her in taking care of my problems are totally the opposite of dehumanisation kudos to d s couples who successfully combine love and care with a d s relation it is my ultimate dream to reach that state the relation with melinda is the closest i ever got to that and despite being in a very turbulent era of my life with many bad things happening i look back on it as the happiest time i had on hind side considering all aspects of it but ultimately the changes we both went trough in the short 3 years we where together where so drastic that we could not evolve fast enough with them the rapid changes in the dynamics of our relation caused us to go out of sync and here i disagree with melinda she thinks it was our fault that we just got out of sync and that external circumstances should not matter i think we made mistakes whilst being confronted with the external circumstances i also think that such an important episode of our life deserves the effort to see it a...