Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2012, september, saturday, blog, the, kiddo, korner, thursday, monday, 20, august, followers, archive, about, me, my, list, is, consistency, really, issue, starting, to, become, real, mos, in, what, ve, learned, so, far, definition, of, insanity, beginning,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (114), and (83), that (63), was (55), this (39), for (37), him (30), would (25), with (25), just (24), have (22), but (21), had (18), what (17), time (17), how (16), share (15), when (15), not (14), been (14), last (14), about (13), #really (13), know (13), don (13), were (13), first (13), tom (13), get (12), still (12), doing (12), our (12), now (12), room (12), you (11), out (11), more (11), back (11), from (11), has (11), are (10), relationship (10), did (9), one (9), started (9), being (9), want (9), kiddo (8), all (8), like (8), can (8), very (8), control (8), some (8), felt (8), wanted (8), feel (8), starting (7), real (7), issue (7), doesn (7), think (7), there (7), always (7), got (7), didn (7), long (7), any (7), while (7), his (7), after (7), red (7), consistency (6), home (6), domestic (6), discipline (6), submission (6), email (6), say (6), things (6), into (6), way (6), sure (6), then (6), night (6), work (6), rules (6), lecture (6), new (5), marriage (5), 2012 (5), labels (5), pinterest (5), facebook (5), blogthis (5), posted (5), kind (5), will (5), only (5), ever (5), years (5), because (5), down (5), knew (5), tried (5), wrong (5), husband (5), almost (5), enough (5), took (5), getting (5), told (5), bed (5), trying (5), also (5), lifestyle (5), insanity (4), far (4), september (4), bad (4), suddenly (4), again (4), could (4), beginning (4), why (4), realize (4), myself (4), short (4), never (4), even (4), its (4), off (4), something (4), comments (4), said (4), well (4), pretty (4), thing (4), bigger (4), morning (4), serious (4), hoh (4), months (4), than (4), lead (4), internet (4), testing (4), list (3), complete (3), phase (3), mos (3), learned (3), post (3), much (3), stunned (3), agreed (3), each (3), other (3), wait (3), someone (3), deep (3), find (3), bring (3), annoyed (3), couple (3), taking (3), own (3), actions (3), considering (3), lot (3), done (3), minute (3), small (3), son (3), make (3), take (3), eventually (3), person (3), found (3), nice (3), old (3), which (3), keep (3), happy (3), start (3), wasn (3), later (3), place (3), painting (3), turn (3), etc (3), yes (3), project (3), thought (3), especially (3), spanking (3), moved (3), weeks (3), sleep (3), too (3), need (3), mean (3), wonder (3), giving (3), try (3), ban (3), punishment (3), terrible (3), makes (3), respect (3), blogger (2), blog (2), year (2), life (2), august (2), definition (2), become (2), accepting (2), everything (2), idea (2), read (2), aren (2), see (2), takes (2), longer (2), admit (2), breaking (2), going (2), seemed (2), good (2), both (2), changed (2), love (2), better (2), already (2), guy (2), under (2), courage (2), fighting (2), fight (2), finally (2), through (2), angry (2), somehow (2), over (2), afraid (2), trouble (2), left (2), wondering (2), weren (2), least (2), alot (2), lost (2), father (2), along (2), less (2), respectful (2), anything (2), honest (2), little (2), possible (2), story (2), though (2), man (2), wanting (2), different (2), fashioned (2), men (2), course (2), ago (2), came (2), called (2), kept (2), maybe (2), stay (2), walls (2), let (2), figured (2), given (2), guess (2), unfortunately (2), instantly (2), patience (2), thin (2), functioning (2), week (2), theory (2), reno (2), without (2), snappy (2), before (2), around (2), blue (2), redrum (2), boy (2), blame (2), late (2), effect (2), wow (2), embarking (2), bedroom (2), flu (2), challenge (2), constant (2), following (2), surprised (2), adjustment (2), asking (2), second (2), secretly (2), such (2), instead (2), consequences (2), set (2), basically (2), come (2), does (2), stop (2), saturday (2), full (2), guilt (2), warn (2), disappointing (2), remember (2), today (2), punished (2), during (2), promptly (2), doubt (2), family (2), led (2), laxer (2), correcting (2), fed (2), against (2), korner (2), ethereal, theme, powered, view, profile, soon, turning, ack, happen, working, mother, adorable, introducing, archive, followers, subscribe, posts, atom, comment, here, goes, nothing, depending, look, bucketloads, perfect, yet, iron, kinks, lasted, describe, reaching, point, quickly, between, attracted, counted, hand, number, times, made, preceding, feels, except, reconnecting, loved, wonderful, buried, bunch, junk, habits, research, digging, happened, actually, call, express, whenever, fired, lectured, accountability, middle, talking, imagine, must, behaviour, five, extent, submissive, ways, until, facets, unconsciously, spoke, gone, feeling, rarely, fought, care, contributed, child, health, issues, resolved, depression, pulled, went, became, totally, granted, begrudge, spend, joy, seems, head, looking, tendency, romantic, relationships, peter, tired, tiring, once, initial, honeymoon, wore, form, organized, imagined, charge, within, reason, decade, across, defunct, site, fondlybutfirmly, com, focussed, fascinated, boyfriend, monday, people, define, act, repeating, same, expectation, result, definitions, snapping, inevitable, snap, telling, cutting, corners, placing, ladder, obeying, directive, quietly, playing, hallway, happily, priming, asked, your, butt, sore, laughed, quiet, stops, hurting, remind, doh, stress, wants, till, recover, everyone, oblivious, moods, parents, excited, help, continually, forgot, listen, shortened, fuse, ran, quick, cranky, tempered, cleaned, pictures, taped, widely, upon, virtually, impossible, spouses, tackle, sort, arguments, problem, magical, wont, tempted, having, taken, nights, failed, factor, evil, didnt, put, sweet, baby, smaller, older, big, yrs, color, apparently, afternoon, early, evening, sun, comes, beige, curtains, casting, orange, glow, odd, shadows, nope, kid, digress, decide, paint, sick, intended, weekend, several, month, waking, screaming, insisting, aka, spare, interrupted, dark, painted, cherry, cheery, christmas, bloodred, girlfriend, created, sign, dripping, bloody, font, recalled, walkthrough, house, nightmares, matter, midst, recovering, biggest, uncommon, type, entirely, fair, accurate, perhaps, inability, accept, reassured, board, probably, topic, another, resisted, reflecting, brought, realizations, foolishly, smooth, sailing, naive, bottom, line, regret, nano, foolish, expect, seamless, transition, slight, rocker, offer, tell, yuuuuuup, harder, anticipated, bet, mistake, emphatic, concept, submitting, intrigued, quite, honestly, harboured, desire, embarked, expressing, actively, seeking, arrangement, regular, fantasizing, sometimes, bemoan, fact, therefore, unable, hook, breakdown, logic, heard, poor, buggers, dating, chance, faced, acts, crave, difficult, pride, puffs, resist, follow, insists, them, begs, question, drew, included, written, responsibilities, guide, heck, slowing, learning, may, envisioned, says, book, suffice, insane, they, removed, smugness, minimum, expectations, letter, sounds, nuts, exactly, anyone, advice, leniency, wrote, lunchhour, obvious, reasons, extend, personal, purposes, fall, hmm, ask, 11am, snapped, emailed, confession, terse, referencing, learn, helped, cause, fate, hey, rhymes, secret, excitement, anticipation, upcoming, dreading, originally, computer, wiser, capital, guilty, ashamed, appalled, couldn, hide, days, light, punishments, likely, behind, case, immature, rebelliousness, understand, rebel, sane, grateful, decision, messed, usual, online, check, blogs, rather, embarassing, aroused, hoping, ahem, cuddles, reaction, intense, steamed, tone, brooked, argument, since, remorse, worried, disrepectful, possibly, hurtful, able, cry, close, two, sprang, step, managed, riled, attitude, advised, unwell, seen, mad, making, sent, privileges, fledgling, effectively, few, away, visiting, whole, proceeded, traces, battling, clear, throughout, lenient, obedience, lack, talk, thursday, anytime, warning, hohish, worry, mind, humoring, questioning, nauseum, liking, saying, many, add, plenty, chances, mess, prove, worked, nagging, gave, newbies, veterans, purposely, rule, reassurance, verbally, realized, every, slide, gives, ammunition, fear, seriousness, agreement, submisive, test, disappoint, hmmmmmmmm, calm, rational, insecurities, slowly, receding, frustrates, weird, level, relaxed, unless, stern, normal, part, adjusting, freak, spent, awful, three, moaning, others, chat, consistent, insecurity,

Text of the page (random words):
ammunition against the doubt and fear it also makes me respect him more and respect the seriousness of my agreement to be submisive to him which makes me want to test or disappoint him less hmmmmmmmm wonder how long i go being this calm and rational posted by kiddo at 17 19 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels consistency domestic discipline hoh testing thursday 6 september 2012 starting to become real our fledgling dd relationship has effectively had a few weeks off first we were away visiting t s family and then our whole family proceeded to come down with the flu tom is pretty much well now our son still has traces but i ve really been battling trying to get clear throughout this time tom basically called a time out on punishment and has been very lenient with me unfortunately this has led to my getting laxer and laxer on the rules like respect obedience and lack of back talk last night i took it one step too far and and managed to get tom really riled up with my attitude i was promptly told to get up out of bed and was given my second real dd lecture and this was way more than the first one during which i was advised that he was done trying to be nice while i was unwell and that starting in the morning we were back full on with rules and consequences i have no doubt that he is very serious i can t remember the last time i ve seen him so mad when he was done making me feel bad i was promptly sent to bed and told that there would be no internet privileges today two things sprang from this lecture 1 for the first time since we started dd i really felt remorse for my actions for the first time instead of just being worried about how bad my punishment would be i felt terrible for disappointing him i felt terrible for being disrepectful and possibly hurtful i ve never been able to cry during a spanking but i came close to it last night just from a lecture 2 this is rather embarassing to admit but after i got into bed after the lecture i found myself very aroused and really hoping we would have some ahem cuddles when he got into bed we didn t but i am surprised at this reaction to a pretty intense lecture he was still pretty steamed though and said it was time to sleep in a tone that brooked no argument a sane person would have been grateful i wasn t punished last night especially considering how angry he was don t get me wrong i was and am but that just makes my decision this morning so messed up i was home later than usual this morning and after tom left i wanted to go online and check out some blogs did i remember the internet ban for today yes why did i do it i don t know i don t want to be punished i know from last time that my days of light punishments are likely behind me now and i wasn t trying the testing thing again i think it was just a case of old fashioned immature rebelliousness what i don t understand is why i am the one that wanted this lifestyle and when i start to get it i rebel originally i figured that i would turn the computer off go to work and he would never be any the wiser and then guilt set in guilt with a capital g i think the effect of that lecture last night was still with me i didn t just feel guilty i felt ashamed of myself i felt appalled that i would do this to him after he was good enough to just warn me last night i felt terrible for disappointing him i also knew that i couldn t hide this from him by 11am i had snapped and emailed him my confession i got a short terse email back referencing my taking a while to learn things but he did say that my being honest about it helped my cause so now i wait to find out my fate hey that rhymes and for the first time i don t have some secret excitement or anticipation about an upcoming punishment this time i m just full on dreading it does this mean it s really starting to feel real p s i wrote this at work on my lunchhour for obvious reasons the internet ban doesn t extend to work but im suddenly wondering if being on the internet at work for personal purposes would fall under the ban hmm not sure i want to ask him about that one as its already too late and im in trouble enough posted by kiddo at 09 39 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels domestic discipline hoh leniency spanking saturday 1 september 2012 3 mos in what i ve learned so far 3 months in i can say that our biggest challenge with dd is consistency i ve also learned that that is not an uncommon challenge in this lifestyle but as i type that i wonder is that entirely fair maybe it would be more accurate to say that while it has been an issue perhaps the bigger issue has been my inability to accept that tom has agreed to this new lifestyle and i feel an almost constant need to be reassured that he is on board and we are still doing this that s probably the topic for another post i think the bigger issue is that i have resisted really giving up control reflecting on the last 3 months has brought me to to the following realizations just because he is not following my expectations to the letter does that mean he s doing it wrong or am i still trying to control how my giving up control takes place sounds nuts doesn t it but it s exactly what i have been doing now i just need to stop it anyone have any advice on this from the beginning i tried to control how we would do this even the first set of rules we drew up included and written by me a list of his responsibilities basically a how to guide for him on how to take the lead on our marriage how the heck is that ever going to work i m slowing learning that he will find his own way to lead and it may not be the way i envisioned or what it says in the book suffice it to say it didn t take me long to realize how insane my rules of him were and they were removed from the list he kept the smugness to a minimum guess he knew deep down i would come around submission in theory vs in real life the concept of submitting to my husband s lead has always intrigued me and quite honestly i have always secretly harboured the desire to be in such a relationship even as i embarked on relationship after relationship without ever expressing this or actively seeking such an arrangement instead i would try to make a regular relationship work while fantasizing about being with a real man sometimes i would even secretly bemoan the fact that i was with someone and therefore unable to hook up with the kind of person i wanted now there is a serious breakdown in logic if i ever heard one wow the poor buggers i was dating didn t have a chance all that being said when i m faced with the very acts of submission i know i crave why is it so difficult suddenly my pride puffs up and i resist the very thing i want i am annoyed when i don t follow the rules and there are no consequences and i can be just as annoyed when he insists on them it begs the question what the do i really want the thing is i know what i want this is what i want i just i ve just been surprised that it has been an adjustment for me i knew it would be an adjustment for tom but i foolishly thought that because it was what i wanted it would just be smooth sailing from the get go for me can you get any more naive than that the bottom line is 3 months in i don t regret asking tom for this kind of relationship for a nano second was i foolish to expect a seamless transition for me of course i was was i slight off my rocker to offer up control to my husband and then try to tell him what to do with it yuuuuuup is submission to him harder than i anticipated you bet have i ever thought it was a mistake or wanted to go back to the way things were emphatic no posted by kiddo at 12 18 5 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels accepting submission domestic discipline hoh consistency definition of insanity some people define insanity as the act of repeating the same actions with the expectation of a different result i have new definitions of insanity embarking on a bedroom painting project while we are recovering from the flu or embarking on a bedroom painting project or any home reno s for that matter when you are in the midst of trying to be more serious about dd or both we didn t decide to paint the room while we were sick we had intended on doing it this long weekend for several weeks now last month our 4 yr old started waking up screaming in the night and insisting he be moved into blue room aka the spare room and that someone stay with him after weeks of interrupted sleep he finally told his father that he was afraid of his room and it was too dark something you need to know about our son s room its painted red and i don t mean a nice cherry cheery red christmas red or m m red no its red as in bloodred so red that my girlfriend created a redrum sign for it when we moved in complete with dripping bloody red font i recalled that on our first walkthrough of the house i told tom wow if i had to sleep in that room id have nightmares now before you think i m evil i didnt then turn around 3 mos later and put our sweet baby in that room he started in the smaller blue room but redrum was bigger and as he got older and into a big boy bed we moved him to the bigger room for 1 5 yrs the color was not an issue now apparently it is and i have to say i can t blame the boy especially when the morning or late afternoon early evening sun comes through the beige curtains somehow it has the effect of casting an almost orange glow in the room complete with odd shadows nope don t blame the kid at all but i digress it s a widely agreed upon theory that it is virtually impossible for spouses to tackle any sort of home reno project without arguments or at the very least getting snappy with each other no problem i thought with this new magical dd thing we are doing i wont be tempted to get snappy at all especially after what i m considering to be my first real dd spanking having taken place only 2 nights ago i failed to factor in that my patience is thin because i really still don t feel well yes i m up and functioning for the first time in a week but i am not ok tom s patience is thin because he still doesn t feel well yes he s up and functioning for the first time in a week but he is still not ok tom would instantly turn cranky and short tempered the minute we started to get the room cleaned out pictures down walls taped etc at first i tried to just keep everyone getting along unfortunately the small one is oblivious to the moods of his parents and was so excited and wanting to help that he continually forgot to listen to anything we said or told him to do and tom s shortened fuse ran out pretty quick long story short i tried to keep things happy tom kept snapping it was inevitable that i would start to snap back maybe i wasn t as respectful as i could have been when telling him he was cutting the corners wrong and placing the ladder wrong later we seemed to be in a better place the small one was obeying the directive to stay out of the room and was quietly playing in the hallway we were happily priming the walls suddenly tom asked your butt still sore i kind of laughed and said a little i can still feel it he was quiet for a minute and then well let me know when it stops hurting and i ll remind it again doh i figured the stress of painting would have given me a by guess i ll just be happy he wants to wait till i recover from the last one posted by kiddo at 11 32 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels domestic discipline monday 20 august 2012 the beginning here goes nothing or everything depending how you look at it i have no idea what kind of a blogger i am or will be for all i know this will be my only post or i ll post bucketloads and no one will ever read it i really don t know when i found out about any form of organized domestic discipline but i know that for a long time i always imagined how nice it would be to have an old fashioned kind of marriage back when men were men took charge and took control within reason of course over a decade ago i came across a now defunct site called fondlybutfirmly com which was the first i had found that focussed on dd and while i was fascinated by it i never got up the courage to bring it up to my boyfriend at the time long story short it seems like it was always there in the back of my head but i never felt i was in a relationship that it would be possible with looking back i realize now that i always had a tendency to take control in my romantic relationships even though deep down i wanted the guy to eventually the relationship would peter out id always feel like i had just tired of the person its only now that i realize what i was tiring of was of being the man in the relationship and once the initial honeymoon phase wore off i was back to wanting something different i m not sure why i was so afraid to bring dd up to my husband of five years when i did to some extent in the beginning of our relationship i was submissive in a lot of ways but i didn t realize until we started dd and there were some facets of submission that i had unconsciously been doing by the time i spoke to husband it we were in trouble i had gone from feeling like we would be done the minute our small son left home to wondering if we would make it that long we weren t fighting we rarely fought we just weren t almost like we didn t care enough to fight at least that was what i felt alot contributed to it i had a child i had health issues for a couple of years that only got resolved last year i lost my father along the way i lost myself was it depression i really don t know i just know i pulled back on alot of things the more it went on the less respectful of my husband i became i totally took him for granted and had started to begrudge any time i had to spend with him i took no joy in doing anything for him and to be honest was doing as little as possible but deep down i knew he was still a wonderful guy and there was love for him it was just buried under a bunch of junk and bad habits i started doing more and more research and digging into dd and tried to find a way to get the courage to bring it up to him as it happened we were fighting when i did actually i m not sure you could call it a fight he had finally been annoyed at me to express it and as i always did whenever he tried to get through to me i just got angry and fired back at him and lectured him about everything wrong he did and had been doing for the last couple of years taking no accountability for my own actions somehow in the middle of it all i started talking about the dd and him taking control of our marriage i can only imagine how stunned he must have been considering my behaviour over the last couple of years it stunned me that he agreed to it and seemed to think it was a good idea it stunned both of us how quickly things changed between us we are suddenly attracted t...