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Text of the page (random words):
ots out of the red mud but i am determined to respond differently this time i am committed to not being completely controlled by fear and anxiety i don t want to jump like i have done so many times before this time i am and will continue to spend time in the word even when i don t feel like it therefore i refuse to let the enemy shut me down it s soooooo hard yet god has been faithful to open my spiritual eyes during my daily bible study i ve been reading a lot of the old testament lately the holy spirit has given me some divine revelation that helps me when i wonder where god is in all the mess when the israelites praised god and engaged in thanksgiving they would recall all the lord had done for them he delivered them time after time after time all the ups and downs of their lives are recorded in the bible check it out with this in mind i have been looking back not longing for a better time but reliving the times of deliverance in my life and in the lives of those around me god has done some pretty amazing things that have made me believe wholeheartedly that he answers prayers and has a good plan so i will intentionally thank him for what he has done for what he is doing and for what he will do this will help me to not get bogged down in my current stressful circumstances i remember the days of old i meditate on all your doings i ponder the work of your hands psalm 143 5 looking back reminds me of god s faithfulness and his ability to work out anything that comes my way god has literally worked miracles in my life through healing from infertility and long term illness he has delivered me from the bondage of fear anxiety guilt and condemnation on the other side of healing and deliverance i experienced a revival in my heart as i clung to jesus to help me as a new mother of twins and stay at home mom after working outside the home for 14 years as i held on tight and pushed through anxieties and fears that kept me from drawing too close jesus gave me what i needed all along deliverance from all that bound me so i look back to remind me of his deliverance healing faithfulness and loving kindness unbelievable miracles worked in my life david also looked back to remind himself of god s faithfulness psalm 143 5 8 i remember the days of old i meditate on all your doings i ponder the work of your hands i spread forth my hands to you my soul thirsts after you like a thirsty land answer me speedily o lord for my spirit fails hide not your face from me lest i become like those who go down to the pit cause me to hear your loving kindness in the morning for on you do i lean and in you i do trust cause me to know the way wherein i should walk for i lift up my inner self to you this year is full of unanswered questions as i think of transitioning back to work and the girls starting school against the backdrop of issues surfacing again with my health concerns over the health of others in my life and uncertainties in family relations that grieve me deeply this is my prayer that helps me to focus on god s faithfulness dear god you have got this because you are in control i don t know what tomorrow may bring but you do help me to trust you because your plan is good you have proven yourself faithful to me and those around me over the years help me to look back and rejoice over all you have brought us through i thank you for bringing me through these present trials and i will wait on you thank you for peace and joy as i wait on you to answer my prayers these days i have to remind myself daily that god will continue to be faithful and work in my life just as he has always done in the past i am finding it easy to slip back into a good depression like you would slip into an old pair of flannel pajamas your husband secretly wants to trash it feels good to be a little melancholy for a few days indulge in a little depression but then i force myself to snap out of it and choose joy i can t wait until the good times to realize god s faithfulness and choose joy over depression life is a series of ups and downs the road has some rough terrain that we travel and then smooth highways before it becomes rough again psalm 130 5 6 i wait for the lord i expectantly wait and in his word do i hope i am looking and waiting for the lord more than watchmen for the morning i say more than watchmen for the morning like david and the other israelites i will look back and thank god for his faithfulness and loving kindness to me and those around me it really does encourage me and it strengthens my faith god has been good and has always answered my prayers he s not going to stop now after i look back i then engage in worshipping god for who he is and what he has done and will do then my funky feelings dissipate and i begin to trust and feel thankful again so maybe i should pick up that thanksgiving journal and start writing again psalm 136 23 26 to him who remembered us in our low estate and imprinted us on his heart for his mercy and loving kindness endure forever and rescued us from our enemies for his mercy and loving kindness endure forever to him who gives food to all flesh for his mercy and loving kindness endure forever o give thanks to the god of heaven for his mercy and loving kindness endure forever posted in uncategorized 1 comment there s always hope part 3 my happy ending posted on february 17 2015 by kmbstone daydreaming about having a child became my favorite hobby in my dream a newspaper headline would read sick desperate and hopeless almost middle aged woman has healthy baby i told the lord this would be a great way for him to get praise and it would be an encouragement to others i realize god s ways aren t ours and what we think makes sense doesn t always work in god s book but this was my dream and i knew it probably wouldn t come true there is surely a future hope for you and your hope will not be cut off proverbs 23 18 there s always hope but sometimes in the midst of trials it s easy to get weak and begin doubting god s hand in your life maybe you never felt that way but i did for a long time i had felt beaten up for years and had lost sight that god did indeed have a good plan for me and my husband on the other side of the three biggest trials in my life that have spanned my 20 s and 30 s i know god is good but in the middle of those storms i lost sight of that and let my emotions get the best of me during those trials i was vulnerable to the attacks of satan who is always on the prowl i entertained his lies that god didn t have anything good for me and because of rifts in relationships i wasn t going to receive what my heart desired most children writing this now it seems crazy when i read it but i was such a mess back then that i truly entertained the thought that because i wasn t at peace with some relationships that the lord wasn t going to bless me and my husband with a child i truly felt like i was being punished for having trouble reconciling one relationship in particular it sounds crazy but i couldn t figure out why we couldn t have children i had been healthy for over a year and the doctors couldn t find anything wrong with me but even with infertility treatments i couldn t get pregnant everyone around us it seemed said i want to have a baby and poof they were pregnant it was bewildering to me how could that be i was tired of the roller coaster up one day and down the next maybe this treatment will work i m up then it doesn t i m down my coping mechanism at the time was to move forward and decide what to do with my life if children weren t a part of the plan it seemed that too much of my life had been wasted in angst through sickness and infertility too much life was passing me by i was okay around others as long as we didn t have to talk about my infertility issues it hurt too much to talk about and verses given to me had no meaning i wish they did honestly i didn t believe that god had a plan for me involving children after years of sickness and then several more with infertility issues i regret to say that i started to doubt that god had a plan for us that was good especially one with children though i doubted i still had a dream as i tried with my husband to move ahead and focus on a future without children god spoke to me i flipped through the bible and stumbled upon psalm 16 i felt like god was speaking to me and i wanted to believe that the promises in the psalm could be for me psalm 16 lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup you have made my lot secure the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places surely i have a delightful inheritance please lord let something good come from my sorrow i will praise the lord who counsels me even at night my heart instructs me please help me to follow you even when i don t feel like you are there i have set the lord always before me because he is at my right hand i will not be shaken please don t let me fall apart completely and turn away from you even though it s what i want to do therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices lord i want to rejoice but i can t you have made known to me the path of life you will fill me with joy in your presence with eternal pleasures at your right hand lord fill me with joy in your presence though it s so hard to seek you right now i truly felt for the first time since struggling with infertility that the lord spoke directly to me i just couldn t receive an encouraging word from anyone else i felt a glimmer of hope for a good future full of abundant life with unspeakable joy remember my favorite dream it became a reality with a bonus twins after years of struggling through sickness infertility and relationship problems not my husband the lord answered our prayer we ended up doing in vitro because the other options had failed this was it before going the adoption route i didn t want to do in vitro but my husband and i desired to have a child of our own after doing in vitro once i got the call on my way to meet my husband for lunch i was pregnant i couldn t believe it i had braced myself for bad news because bracing for the worst had protected me through the years during sickness and infertility i was elated but anxious through the pregnancy a few things happened that made me think i was going to lose the babies but it worked out i had a healthy pregnancy and even though i took medication i was concerned about all went well my girls made it 36 1 2 weeks and were 100 healthy god truly showed me his love and goodness when he lavished my husband and i with beautiful twin girls they look completely different from each other which is amazing i like to say god blessed me with two pregnancies in one our girls are a joy and i realize everyday that god answers prayers i hope i will never doubt for long again that god answers my prayers and that he really does have a plan for my life god s answer to prayers in my trials have strengthened my faith and i have more faith than i have ever had in my whole life i plan to always look back and remember what the lord has done for me for i know the plans i have for you declares the lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future jeremiah 29 11 this wonderful verse is true but i couldn t claim the promise at that time and the words rang hollow in my ears the next verse in jeremiah would have helped me greatly and has meant a lot to me since having my girls then you will call on me and come and pray to me and i will listen to you you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart i will be found by you declares the lord jeremiah 29 12 14a i know it s easy for me to be hard on myself and look at the past with different eyes now that i m not drowning but i wish i had heeded more to seeking the lord with all my heart since all this happened i have become a scholar of the word and can t go a day without deeply studying the word not only am i armed with the truth but i have faith that god really has a plan and will work in my life and the life of others i have lived it and received a miracle therefore i won t forget what he has done nor will i doubt the promises in his word my soul finds rest in god alone my salvation comes from him he alone is my rock and my salvation he is my fortress i will never be shaken psalm 62 1 2 so as the tough times come and i feel like i have been thrown in the fiery furnace so to speak i will trust and cling for my hope is in the lord my prayer is that if i m tempted to feel hopeless again that the lord will tug at my heart and remind me of all he has done in the past i want my family and friends to remind me as well i believe that no matter what there is hope please remind me i wait for the lord my soul waits and in his word i put my hope psalm 130 5 posted in christian infertility uncategorized tagged anxiety god gratitude jesus jesus christ love of god peace prayer psalm trust 4 comments my wonderful counselor posted on december 19 2014 december 19 2014 by kmbstone for to us a child is born to us a son is given and the government will be on his shoulders and he will be called wonderful counselor mighty god everlasting father prince of peace isaiah 9 6 i love this verse when i read it i always linger over the names wonderful counselor and prince of peace names used to describe jesus as a person who can feel overwhelmed with anxiety i love to call on jesus to be my wonderful counselor and prince of peace love came down to show us a better way to live and enabled us to experience true freedom from the sin that binds us including those all encompassing nasty emotions that rob us of our peace everybody could use a little peace and good counsel or maybe you could use a lot like me in my humanness i m anxious fearful and tend to worry it is only through a close relationship with my wonderful counselor jesus that i can live a peaceful life full of joy the word is a healing balm to my soul as i spend more and more time with jesus the negative emotions like anxiety and fear that try to control me melt away during this time of year when i focus so much on the birth of jesus i like to thank god for sending his son so i could be free from what binds me jesus is my wonderful counselor and prince of peace he is exceptional distinguished and without peer the one who gives the right advice 1 i will praise the lord who counsels me even at night my heart instructs me psalms 16 7 when i spend time daily reading the bible praying and worshipping jesus i receive the right counsel and experience an uncanny peace that is not dependent on my circumstances without his counsel and peace i m a mess peace i leave with you my peace i give you i do not give to you as the world gives do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid john 14 27 is jesus your wonderful counselor and prince of peace get to know his story in the gospels your life will be transformed and you will never be the same you will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast...