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h most of her opinions are unsolicited lol she tells me that over the last six months or so she has noticed that i have an anger simmering under everything i do she was quick to point out that it hasn t manifested as a hotter temper or other behaviors that have plagued me throughout much of my life but that it is noticeable in many facets of my daily life from taking offense at the way diego takes too long to put his socks on to general negativity about everything around me she tells me i can tell you haven t been in your bible hardly at all over the last few months it s obvious so one can imagine in my head i m like psssh whatever dude quit judging me but something in her voice and the look in her eyes was so completely devoid of judgement or condemnation so i couldn t really board the offense rocket like i wanted to it was like god whispered in my ear and said if you won t listen to me maybe you ll listen to your wife she tells me how the music i listen to in the shower is a barometer for where i am emotionally i agree music is literally part of almost everything i do and the shower is where i belt out the songs that fire me up and dump the day s stresses etc but when i m in a good place my playlists for the shower will include classics like pink floyd the who elvis mixed with some contemporary christian music etc pleasant stuff she points out that i ve been rocking what she calls screamo it s not screamo that stuff is for weirdos i rock the old school metal and hardcore like anthrax cro mags af etc for months she was so gentle about how she presented it i don t know what went through her head prior to the conversation but it felt like she put a lot of thought and effort into delivering this important message from a place of love and faith she didn t have to condemn or convict me i heard the message and convicted the ever lovin crap outta myself i think i ve been faking it the last few months so if y all would indulge me let s look at what has been rattling around in the cavernous immense void that is my skull and at the sickness that has grown in my heart as i spent the last few months going through my christian motions while doing my damnedest to avoid real pursuit of my faith i m going to present it from a we re all dealing with this sickness on some level standpoint just to keep it relatable 2020 was for a huge majority of americans especially those who are the same age as me or younger the absolute worst year ever a global pandemic that literally changed how we live work learn interact or engage in the world around us social and political unrest that threatened and continues to threaten the very foundation of this nation s social moral and spiritual values and in the midst of all of this our government the legacy media and our 24 7 engagement via a myriad of social media platforms has left what seems to be every single one of the 315 million people in this country angry scared and just plain frazzled none of these things in conducive to emotional and spiritual fulfillment and peace so i am certain that much of what i m about to say will resonate with most folks whether they share my christian faith or my political and moral values this will be another look at how your worldview and your heartview require constant work to balance and how the pursuit of a relationship with jesus christ is really the only way to make that happen let s look at johnny knuckles world view as i type this post i hate cancel culture and all who participate in it or support it i hate the mob culture and victim culture that justifies the rioting and chaos that has plagued this country i hate that the false narrative of racial genocide and systemic racism in law enforcement is so widely accepted i hate that joe biden and kamala harris got elected and are now actively and overtly working to subvert the constitution i hate that a global pandemic has caused such widespread restriction of how we live our lives i am scared of what the pandemic and the vaccines and everything involved still hold in store for us i am scared of what may happen when the george floyd verdict comes in i m scared of what will happen to this country when the left pulls off the agenda they ve been pushing for decades i am pissed that george floyd was killed by a cop who didn t deserve the badge i am pissed that antifa was allowed to burn cities all over the country with impunity while those on the opposite stormed the capitol and are being jailed by the dozens and charged with treason sedition insurrection etc i am pissed fear anger hate uncertainty breeds fear the natural progression from fear waaayyyyy down in our monkey brains is anger anger is a defensive emotional response to fear but unchecked unaddressed anger only goes one way hate is the natural end result of anger s progression when left to nature this is a fact in every culture in every religion 200 years ago or this morning at breakfast anybody who steps back and looks at how this whole thing works knows this to be true even someone with love in the heart and a good person in their core even a child can easily be turned into a seething blob of hate and discontent when fear becomes the norm and i can tell you i m a big strong manly man alpha sheepdog warrior and i ve been living in fear for well over a year the united states of america that i grew up in is long gone burned to ashes in a two decade whirlwind of moral decay corruption and division what i thought was an incontrovertible incorruptible moral foundation and framework as designed and built by our forefathers and defended by our grandparents and parents was actually pretty fragile which i suppose is why so many have died defending it freedom real freedom and the american dream require constant maintenance and protection and since the early 1960 s although many have truly fought to preserve it many more actively or passively worked to destroy it and we let them today in 2021 simply being born caucasian makes you a racist believing that there are biologically only two genders makes you a monster being a male makes you a misogynist working hard and earning a decent living makes you a capitalist oppressor of the downtrodden ok off my political soapbox the fear that comes from not knowing what the future holds for my children and grandchildren is immense the fear that my plan for growing old and how that all plays out is now totally up in the air as our country appears to have radically changed direction social and civil unrest lies and corruption at the highest levels of government enemies foreign and domestic overtly cheering the demise of everything i thought was correct and good the confusion and anger at this sort of thing bleeds into my daily mindset in relationships with my loved ones my friends my workplace and it definitely interferes with my relationship with god as i spend less time in my bible and more time reading internet stories about the crapshow around us step one was easier than i thought it would be i deleted my facebook account and trimmed my instagram feed within hours i felt better at least now if i want to be lied to or censored or whatever i have to seek it out intentionally so i had to make a choice a radical change in direction for my life and how i live day to day option one continue talking the christian talk but continue walking that secular life of anger and fear and frustration over the unknown future and the chaos of today let anger be my jam option two return to the word of god as my refuge embrace the path and peace that he has laid out before me for all of us place all of the fears and angers and negativity as his feet and take up his yoke which is light so stay tuned for part two of this one as i collect my thoughts and keep this one in prayer to make sure the message is biblically sound and functionally legitimate for our daily lives it s gonna be good i promise posted by johnny knuckles at april 28 2021 2 comments tuesday april 20 2021 good news the book of face is no longer graced with my presence i have left the book of face for my own mental health and to make some online screentime room for this blog there will be much more content to come including a better explanation of my departure from facebook and why you should consider leaving too and i will also be focusing a bit more on youtube content as well if you didn t know my youtube channel is also called knuckle sandwiches and big words working on a blog post now about an epiphany provided by my heaven sent better half should be up in a day or so posted by johnny knuckles at april 20 2021 1 comment wednesday march 10 2021 is it time to weigh the effects of lockdowns against the effects of covid https www propublica org article the lost year what the pandemic cost teenagers i ll be doing a youtube video on the subject in the next couple of days but i encourage you all to read the above article and know that the impact this pandemic more on the response to the pandemic not the actual virus continues to have on our society and especially our kids posted by johnny knuckles at march 10 2021 2 comments thursday february 25 2021 loss and the perspective it brings denise hobbs was the leader of my church s prayer ministry a grandmother raising her granddaughter and a great human but these words cannot possibly be enough to describe who she was to our church and to humanity she was blessed with an incredible gift of intercession a divine connection to god via prayer when denise prayed for you or with you it was as though god had dropped down from heaven and sat there with you she was truly filled with the holy spirit and used her gift to bless others at every opportunity her faith and her personality and her love for jesus made her a huge presence at church and in the world on february 18th on a dark and snowy night in the middle of nowhere denise pulled over on a treacherous stretch of two lane blacktop to render assistance to a stranded motorist a stranger all logic and common sense would dictate that a grandmother should not do such a thing the risks are many maybe the motorist is a psycho killer the roads are terrible what if something happens but denise probably never even considered those things as another person was potentially in trouble and she was compelled to offer help as that s what her faith looked like to her selfless unconditional love for her fellow man the details of what happened next are incomplete but we don t need them anyway denise was struck and killed by another vehicle the impact of her loss will ripple across uncountable numbers of people throughout the community she lived in and the people she touched a granddaughter who attempted cpr on denise along that dark stretch of highway begging god not to take her a husband who must now navigate a world without his partner a church that counted denise among the foundational pillars of it s very existence friends strangers family surely the number of people suffering in this terrible loss is in the hundreds if not thousands across the country clint a man i have never met but who is a member of my fleet in an online game lost his two year old son cole to cancer a couple of days ago he shared with me the caring bridge link where the agony of a child s fight against a monster was documented in heart breaking detail by parents who also happen to be strong christians this family never stopped believing that god could heal little cole and yet when cole went home to be with jesus they did not waver in their faith they accepted that we do not and cannot possibly understand god s plan or how such suffering is part of his plan for us and they leaned even harder into their faith and their love for him reading this story from the day of diagnoses to the day cole got his wings brought me to tears in the same couple of days as finding out about the loss clint and his family had suffered another member of my fleet lost his 25 year old younger brother i know nothing further about the details of that loss nor do i know whether or not they have faith to lean on in this time but yet another gone too soon the cherry on top of this crappy cake yesterday would have been my own little brother s 46th birthday but he too was taken by god on february 12th 2006 it s a loss i still carry with me and if i m being honest here it s something i haven t fully recovered from so where am i going with this litany of heartbreaks and sad stories every day is about perspective my friends it s easy to get caught up in the miseries of our day to day life in a fallen world to find plenty of reason to complain or be angry bitter about the perceived injustices and unfairness of life your job sucks your wife isn t affirming you the way you want your kids don t appreciate your efforts to parent them your car is a piece of crap your bum knee hurts all the time your guy didn t get elected as president you re sick and tired of covid and these stupid masks you can t eat cinnabon anymore as you re overweight and trying to get healthy they fired gina carano when we lose perspective it s super easy to develop offense to be angry or depressed about all of these things that don t meet our expectations in fact the reality is life rarely actually meets our expectations and it often takes something that truly sucks to remind us that our expectations are mostly worldly ego or emotion driven things that don t actually benefit or improve our lives as a matter of fact lack of perspective is a poison that contaminates every facet of our lives in the bible we are shown over and over again that the only real peace and contentment we can rely upon is found in our faith from abraham nearly sacrificing his only son not understanding why god would ask such a thing but fully faithful that god s will was just and holy and abraham s pure faith was rewarded just as god had promised job suffered countless indignities and terrible losses and while he was clearly angry and hurt by all of this even angry at god his faith in god was unwavering and eventually his prayers were answered so i ll end with this the important part perspective romans 8 38 39 for i am convinced that neither death nor life neither angels nor demons neither the present of the future nor any powers neither height nor depth nor anything else in all of creation can separate us from the love of god god will never cease pursuing your heart you can run as fast and as hard as you want but he will be right behind you keeping up waiting for you to stop running we often don t even realize when we are running away maybe because we don t fell like we re running maybe we ve just gotten off the path a little and are just kind of walking along all wrapped up in our worldly desires and problems and haven t made time to talk to god or seek his word even then he is literally right behind you patiently waiting for you to turn around and come back we will all suffer the terrible emotional burden of losing loved ones we ...