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ion centered on understanding the importance a father has in his daughter s life beginning to heal any past trauma or sharing your own father daughter story positive or not read tikeetha thomas blog read la jefferson s blog read ishna hagan s blog read kotrish wright s blog share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet like loading monday notes atlanta book reading setting intentions july 1 2019 july 8 2019 kegarland 26 comments some of you will recall that i had a book reading in jacksonville florida it was women s history month and my intention was to introduce the book daddy in a public way with at least four authors i did that and it was successful with the atlanta book reading the intention shifted one of my co authors bree had a different purpose she aimed to provide a space for healing it began with her creating another title instead of the book s title daddy reflections of father daughter relationships she decided the theme would be dear daddy intimate conversations about father daughter relationships and let me tell you her intention set the tone additionally rosa duffy the owner of for keeps bookstore also had a goal if you haven t read about her then please do so in this atlanta magazine feature her intention was to have an open place for rare african american books her establishment is in an historical district and she wanted a place for people to saunter by and say hmmm let me see what s going on in there as you know my intention when i write is to raise people s consciousness specifically women i want us to see ourselves in writing and to connect with words and ideas and then do act and speak differently much like other happenings in the universe these three intentions converged we each accomplished our desired outcomes we had intimate conversations a man in the front row pulled out his journal started writing feverishly and then held his partner s hand for the remainder of the event he didn t share he didn t make eye contact but i can tell he was moved a woman happened to be walking past for keeps bookstore opened the door sat down and connected with the stories being told she even had an endearing conversation with one of the authors and will probably collaborate with her to continue healing hearts in some way women spoke out about their experiences with their fathers they shared their pain and then the conversation took another direction similar to the last reading a few women expressed the fact that they didn t realize not everyone had great fathers but this time they communicated a growing awareness they felt the need to thank their dads more to appreciate the time they had left with their fathers and to simply be more grateful it became a time to honor everyone s feelings even if they were dissimilar my husband even shared his sentiments on that day we were each mindful of one another we created a dialogue and communicated in an empathetic space once again i m thankful for this reading it was different the energy was intense in a progressive atlanta kind of way if you missed the first two readings then no worries we ll be convening in washington dc in the fall share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet like loading atlanta book reading june 8 2019 january 24 2020 kegarland 26 comments do you live in atlanta will you be home on june 15th are you interested in discussing the importance of father daughter relationships if you answered yes to any of these questions then please come out to hear four of my co authors read their stories and converse about familial ties there will also be free food and wine details below share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet like loading monday notes listening to supporting and understanding women s issues march 4 2019 march 2 2019 kegarland 36 comments in the states women s history month is a time commemorating and encouraging the study observance and celebration of the vital role of women in american history women s history month isn t that great while i believe people like harriet tubman and helen keller were influential to society as a whole i use this month as a time to not only reflect on the important role that friends and family have played in my life but also to pay it forward by encouraging and uplifting women with whom i m associated therefore i decided to begin this year s women s history month by having a book reading on saturday march 2 2019 four of the authors from my most recent edited collection daddy reflections of father daughter relationships and i gathered together to share our stories it was a perfect writer s scenario it was a dark and stormy afternoon seriously it rained the entire day the independent bookstore was cozy stacks of used and new books served as a backdrop right next to us sat a group of five doing black out poetry they circled and highlighted words while also half listening to our talk afterwards the group s leader expressed her adoration for the women and the event highlighting the importance of healing through story the support was palpable this is no exaggeration the space held supportive energy and the reason was because each author had invited guests who had their genuine interests at heart mothers cousins brothers best friends longtime high school friends and book club members were a part of the audience most importantly they listened in an attempt to understand each woman s point of view about her former dysfunctional relationship with her father during the question and answer portion a woman from a book club i frequent began by saying she was trying to relate because she s a daddy s girl i d heard her sentiments from other women with similar experiences they had no idea that some men had little regard for their daughters it was a foreign concept but i was happy to know that she and others were attempting empathy to me that s what creative nonfiction is all about we should attempt to understand life through another s eyes reading another person s story is one way to develop the type of empathy i m suggesting think about it it s easy to remain in a bubble of understanding that privileges your perspective but it takes a different level of relating to listen to someone s story and try to place yourself in that position to feel what they may have felt and so i m pleased i recently read someone s thoughts on empowering women i don t remember whom but she suggested that she does not empower women but rather she creates the conditions for women to be empowered and from that they are able to liberate themselves that s how i view this book and this weekend s past reading i ve merely served as a vehicle and set up the conditions these and the other nine authors have done the work to free themselves isn t that a beautiful thing share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet like loading monday notes finding my biological family part ii february 19 2019 february 19 2019 kegarland 43 comments i ve been trying to figure out how to begin this post humorous those ancestry com commercials are cute right white people finding out their brown african roots black people finding out their white european roots it s all fun and games until you click on that other link and find out who your biological father is somber and poetic aunt catherine said she asked my pregnant mother one question who s the father joyce looked at her lifted a finger and pointed at the janitor a lanky white man dcfs had reported a janitor found me as a baby not thinking there could be more than one the storyteller in me put two and two together and made myself biracial turns out i m not my father is an african american male i know because of an ancestry dna kit straight forward ye t cheeky like 4 million other people i thought i d spit into a tube mail it off through ups and find out from what part of africa i hailed cameroon congo benin togo and england wales are the top three but ethnicity isn t all you can learn there when i clicked on the little green icon called view dna matches the full name of my biological father appeared this is how i found him my feelings about finding my biological father who we ll call cb are just as varied as these introductions i ve been trying to pin them down but they range anywhere from a kanyeshrug to elation those of you who ve followed my blog for the past four years might understand clearly much of my time has been spent healing and talking about my adopted father who passed in 2015 his death brought pure peace to my being an integral connection ended for good although a different person cb is still my father and finding him had the potential to open another relation called father was i ready for this did i need this these questions swarmed in my brain it is my belief that no matter what your head says your heart and soul always know better i d released the idea of knowing my biological father not because i didn t want to know but rather because i thought it an impossible feat i d forgotten my own 2018 mantra anything is possible especially finding your father via 21 st century methods so i am ready for this relating to my deceased father and processing hurtful emotions has prepared me to connect with whoever cb is i ve learned not to judge as harshly as i used to this has been useful when cb described the circumstances surrounding my conception a one night stand i felt liberated not judgmental who am i to judge a one night stand or a baby born out of wedlock to two unprepared people i also needed this it might seem shallow but i finally have a complete picture of who i am this is something i ve noticed biological families take for granted growing up i always felt physically out of place no one s skin color was like mine no one shared my body type no one walked like me no one held their head like mine in fact the size of my butt was often the topic of conversation i now know that comes from my mother s shapely frame i was also often told to stop walking slew footed and to stop walking like a turtle it might not be healthy but now i see why these things were challenging for me to correct cb and one of my sisters have similar characteristics i m prepared for this learning to love myself has had one major impact i no longer seek relationships to fill a void this means i now enter situations as a whole person with clear boundaries therefore i am good no matter what may come from this new connection and if i m not i ll add it to the memoir part i share this email a link to a friend opens in new window email tweet like loading daddy contributor tikeetha thomas september 14 2018 september 6 2018 kegarland 29 comments unlike the unhappy wife book daddy is not written by me this anthology includes stories written by women who felt it important to publicly re tell narratives centered on their relationship with their father each woman s purpose is similar yet different every friday i invite you to read about their reason why today meet tikeetha thomas author of a daughter s grace which not only illustrates the difference between grace and forgiveness but also shows the challenge that comes with offering it to an absent father why were you inspired to contribute to this book the relationship between a father and daughter can be complicated he s supposed to be her first love however in many cases of divorce or abandonment that doesn t always happen and it can have a lasting effect on how we conduct our own relationships in my case my parents divorced and my dad never looked back there were glimpses where he would show up and promise things that never came to fruition but he wasn t there this affected me greatly i struggled in my relationships i struggled with finding my own identity and believing it and i struggled in trying to get to know my father as an adult i wanted to share the awkwardness pain and anger that can come with trying to rebuild a relationship what is your father daughter relationship like now it s non existent he called me and left me a voicemail on my birthday months ago and i ve yet to call him back partly because i have a lot going on and i can t focus on more than one battle at a time and mainly because i don t know what to say beyond hello i didn t call for thanksgiving or christmas i am just going through the motions of viewing him as a man that i dated and i may or may not call back there s no rush because i m not really interested in him so i ve slid him to the side if there is one thing you could tell your father what would it be i survived in spite of you not being present through all the traumas trials and tribulations that i endured i m still standing if there is one thing you could tell women who struggle with daddy issues what would it be don t let not having a dad define you find out who you are and what you want out of life without looking to get it from men that may not ever understand work on you you don t need a man to tell you that you re pretty look in the mirror every day and say those words to yourself no man is worth your self esteem by lying up under the wrong man you could cause yourself a lifetime worth of issues if there is one thing you could tell men with daughters what would it be don t leave even if you have a hateful relationship with your daughter s mother stay a part of her life write in a journal daily letters to let her know about life you your family and just to encourage her stay in her life and help her understand the facts of life be her first love encourage her dreams and do what you promise your words matter what do you hope your story accomplishes i hope that it sheds some light to the complicated relationships women can have with their fathers that people see the importance of being there and that women know that they are not alone in missing their daddy but i think i want women to know that if he s not there that you are still valuable and worthy of love from a wonderful man what are you working on currently wow i m busy personally i m working on going into a couple of business ventures and writing a book of fiction loosely based on my life i m also in a relationship a healthy relationship so i m working on developing that and getting to the next level i m raising my son to be an amazing young man which is the most important thing in my life right now i m active in my sorority i m writing grants for my son s school active in the pta active in a number of social groups and blogging while working with all that i have going on i m also working full time managing a staff of five but i love my job i actually wake up each day excited to go into work tikeetha thomas is a full time working mom with a beautiful nine year old son who is the apple of her eye she resides in maryland and spends time volunteering blogging and maintaining a healthy relationship with a wonderful man you can read more about her life at her blog a thomas point of view a portion of the book s proceeds will be contributed to...