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Text of the page (random words):
kyra ishtari the meanderings of a slightly twisted mind p kyra ishtari the meanderings of a slightly twisted mind p menu skip to content home update oct 19 i ve started actually writing again and i m ecstatic i m at 115 pages and 58 000 words hopefully this time i won t be derailed again this entry was posted on october 19 2012 leave a comment sample chapter posted oct 19 hey everyone if anyone is actually following me i just wanted you to know that i ve posted a link at the top of the page here of a sample chapter for last christmas i m so excited to be writing again and i just wanted to share that with you all this entry was posted on october 19 2012 leave a comment i am woman hear me whimper hear me roar oct 16 i am woman words and music by helen reddy and ray burton i am woman hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore and i know too much to go back an pretend cause i ve heard it all before and i ve been down there on the floor no one s ever gonna keep me down again oh yes i am wise but it s wisdom born of pain yes i ve paid the price but look how much i gained if i have to i can do anything i am strong strong i am invincible invincible i am woman you can bend but never break me cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal and i come back even stronger not a novice any longer cause you ve deepened the conviction in my soul i am woman watch me grow see me standing toe to toe as i spread my lovin arms across the land but i m still an embryo with a long long way to go until i make my brother understand oh yes i am wise but it s wisdom born of pain yes i ve paid the price but look how much i gained if i have to i can face anything i am strong strong i am invincible invincible i am woman oh i am woman i am invincible i am strong i am woman i am invincible i am strong i am woman this morning as i came home from work these words rang though my mind with a resounding clarity i don t know where it came from precisely but it seemed to be something that i needed to embrace and absorb for the first time i have known and loved this song my entire life recognizing it as a mantra for the fellows of my sex but i don t think it ever really registered to me until just now odd really the moments of clarity that seem to flash up on us in a moment so random that it seems almost like a message from god on high like a ray of light through parting clouds shining down in revelation to impart wisdom on heretofore empty grey matter i have self esteem issues i am human i make mistakes i am fallible i learn i forget i grow i am woman hear me whimper hear me roar i had a long conversation last night with my dear friend deb who i consider myself very fortunate to have met she really believes in me and frankly that s humbling from the standpoint of someone never really having believed in myself all that much i have difficulty seeing what exactly it is that she sees in me not only are my issues deeply rooted in self esteem but also in a lack of self worth i don t think i m good enough and honestly never have i don t know where that stems from it could be from my parents splitting up when i was a child and the fact that my relationship with my father has suffered over the years until it s barely recognizable or it could well be two separate attempts that were made at molestation by non familial males that i knew in my younger life neither was successful as it turns out being a stubborn bitch my entire life served me well in this regard it could come from being harangued by my grandfather over my weight when i was a child it could be a combination of these things or none of them or even someone calling me a name as a child i don t know suffice it to say that i have always doubted myself very deeply and have never thought that i had what it took or that i would fall flat on my face and fail miserably i think that manifests itself in a lack of motivation on my part i am no psychologist but that s the best deduction that i can come up with i have let the things that have happened to me recently trickle down in to a serious lack of motivation on my part this has to stop i ache daily to write i open the file for last christmas almost every day and think to myself i don t know what happens next and i close it or i leave it sitting there open like a bleeding wound begging for attention that i have not been able to give it sighs i sent deb four chapters of the book and she loved them and insisted that i continue and that she wanted more there are a dozen subsequent chapters that i have yet to share and frankly i m afraid to i m not happy with some of it and i know that it needs reworking i will do this i must i am woman i will endure this entry was posted on october 16 2012 leave a comment an attitude adjustment amen oct 1 after all this time being sick and parting ways with my ex i found myself just sinking into a miasma of misery the likes of which i haven t experienced in a long time i thought it was just the flu dragging me down but now i realize that it was so much more than that i was feeling badly about myself in general i let myself get sucked into a toxic relationship that just kept feeding on itself and increasing how miserable i was day by day i cut him off removed him from my life completely but when i attempted to move on was told in no uncertain terms by someone that i really liked that i wasn t ready for a relationship and i let him convince me in some small part that i wasn t stupidly i took that as meaning in some way that i wasn t over the dreaded ex and attempted a reconciliation what a wretched mistake that fiasco turned out to be i loved this man with everything i had in me yet he placed no value on that he assumed that since had hooked me that he had me and that there was no upkeep involved or so i assume that s the only thing i can really come up with in looking back on it he married me and then essentially dropped me and made no effort to maintain anything with me i don t want something like that and can t understand how someone can claim to love someone so intensely yet show it so little i am officially well and truly over the ex i have moved on and i need to thank someone special for the attitude adjustment that i ve had over the last couple of days i m smiling again i look forward to logging onto sl again because i might see him or spend time with him and that s just so damned valuable to me so tj thank you you don t know what the last couple of days have meant to me you ve made me smile again and feel all warm and fuzzy inside and i am so grateful to you for that i feel like i can breathe again and it s wonderful kyra ishtari takes a deep breath and sighs with a little smile playing on her lips and reaches for the mouse and clicks on publish this entry was posted on october 1 2012 leave a comment busy with morphs sep 30 seems like it s either feast or famine in sl sometimes i can go days on end without a single customer wanting anything and then suddenly people seem to come crawling out of the woodwork looking for photos i did some this weekend that i think turned out really well one of them really surprised me i m going to share it here but for the others you can check my flickr stream this entry was posted on september 30 2012 leave a comment warm and fuzzy sep 21 so i have to share i met someone he is amazing so far he s very well spoken which is a complete turn on for me he s nice looking not that that really matters that much to me but it s just a bonus he s flirty and sweet is very understanding so far and he s assertive and dominant which i really like i can t wait to see how things go i know i know this is so not about anything that i ve written or edited but i still had to share this entry was posted on september 21 2012 leave a comment new profile image in sl sep 17 i am finally starting to feel a little better though i admit it s slow going i had a relapse over the weekend and had two of the worst days that i ve had in a long long time but it s breaking up and hopefully moving on so there is light at the end of this sickly tunnel i ve been traveling last night i managed to create a new morph for myself and i have to say that this is by far my favorite picture to date there s something about it that just grabs my gut and i don t know what it is i think it s got a raw sexuality to it that appeals to me would love to know what you think this entry was posted on september 17 2012 leave a comment humbling to say the least sep 10 there s nothing like watching your stats and realizing that you have no readers nor followers lol i know i m new at this and probably not the least bit interesting but there s nothing that will quite drive that fact home like seeing the stats say that you ve had no readers at all for 3 days granted i haven t written anything in a few days and i suppose that could have something to do with but still insert pitiful sad face here i am slowly starting to feel better but it is i have to admit taking forever the congestion in my chest is hanging and on and on and one until i m convinced there are little green guys in there with a death grip on my lungs phlegm is disgusting the little green guys in the mucinex commercials simply cannot do it justice nor am i going to expound on how gross it is here as i m sure we ve all had our own first person experiences and know first hand from said experiences just how disgusting it truly is the problem with being sick is feeling like my brain has shut down and that any creative sparks that were firing off like mad prior to the illness have gone out completely leaving in its place the dull sound of a quarter being spun on a tabletop out of sheer boredom just to see how long it will spin before landing flat tails up on the table i can t pull out creative thought i can t see where my story goes from here and i can t imagine that i will ever finish this book i was on such a roll that i thought i would certainly have it done by the end of september at the very latest and published soon there after only to start on another or perhaps deviate from the series and work on a short that i ve been mulling around or even a stand alone that i worked on years ago that i ve recently attempted to revisit sadly none of it appeals i can t even make myself muster interest in logging into second life and enjoying myself there or even working there and lord knows there s plenty there to be done but i m incapable lord please get take this melancholia away from me and let my brain start firing again like it s supposed to i m tired of the inactivity in my brain and am beginning to feel like a mental deficient waiting to be committed and locked away for my own protection this entry was posted on september 10 2012 leave a comment never realized just how much one affects the other sep 6 i haven t been feeling well lately i ve had some kind of a flu bug and am very congested achy and just over all feeling icky my stomach is even getting in on the act oh joy i have been on such a roll with my writing and now i feel like the tires have been kicked out from under me i look at the book and i just groan because i ve tried writing today and what s coming out is complete pooh pooh maybe i need to just lay off and realize that i can t do this every single day like i want to these dreams of getting my work out there have been here my entire life and now that i m on the path to actually accomplishing it i feel like i need to keep the momentum going every second that i possibly can but i m realizing that that just isn t going to be possible when i feel like crap crap is what i write and no one wants to read that let alone me hopefully tomorrow will be better or at least this weekend peace out peeps i think i m going to medicate and vegitate this entry was posted on september 6 2012 2 comments i passed a milestone sep 3 i know it doesn t sound like a big deal to most folks but i am thrilled to see that i ve passed page 101 and 50 000 words without even noticing it i can t believe i ve done it when i set out to hit a certain number of words i was more than a little intimidated by it but i m getting there i can t believe it silly really the things that put a smile on a person s face this entry was posted on september 3 2012 leave a comment post navigation older posts search for search for recent posts update sample chapter posted i am woman hear me whimper hear me roar an attitude adjustment amen busy with morphs archives october 2012 september 2012 august 2012 categories uncategorized meta create account log in entries feed comments feed wordpress com blog at wordpress com kyra ishtari blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed kyra ishtari sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy kyra ishtari subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website 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