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ith me i m widowed i will always be a widow the amount of grief guilt and regret i carry cannot be healed by remarrying it s a burden i ll carry for a lifetime but the grief moments lessen as days push forward i am excited to be a wife again i can t wait to start building a life and perhaps a family with my soon to be husband but my ghosts will always haunt me and they ll continue whispering and tormenting me until i become still posted in uncategorized tagged advice anxiety anxiety of being a widow family getting married getting over loss of a husband getting ready for the wedding inspiration life lifestyle military girlfriend relationships remarried wedding wedding dresses wedding preparation widow young widow 4 comments how do half marathons parallel widowhood posted on march 11 2018 by j i made the vital mistake of not training for my last half marathon my body is not cooperating with me and my legs i think they re ready to detach the exertion of yesterday is beginning to take a toll on my mood today but i m still beaming with pride that i got through it and that s one of the best parts of racing when i first started getting into running i did so to clear my mind sort through my feelings and reflect on being only 28 years old and widowed i would talk to george on my runs tell him about my days what i miss about him what used to make me laugh and then on those rough days what i hated about his absence it was cathartic and assisted in my healing but i also think running gave me a feeling of false positive when looking back vision is always 20 20 but at the time i didn t know it was so new and fresh and i wish i knew better but i didn t how could i i feel like i started dating too soon made poor decisions with my friends and how i treated them how i acted with my co workers how i spoke to my players and of course making a decision that will change the course of my career but running also provided me a new sense of what is important to me i am a full time fitness professional with a collegiate coaching background i love the training process and the end result of all the hard work it takes to gain strength speed self confidence and of course mental gains pairing up with widow dark thirty and helping the widow dark fitness line i have the opportunity to help other widows use exercise to heal so what does this have to do with half marathons having done a marathon i know half marathons are my bread and butter i know how to handle the distance and i know when my body begins to struggle and fatigue however this last montgomery half marathon the lack of training did me in if only i could turn back time vision is always 20 20 in hindsight but it made me reflect on valuable lessons about training for races and how it parallels widowhood and readjusting to life after loss 5 lessons of running and widowhood when running there needs to be a level of relaxation your body needs to be prepared for the long haul whatever speed and distance it is that s why most people can t roll out of bed and run 10 miles try telling a widow to relax is almost as bad as telling a widow to move on easier said than done learning how to relax on long runs takes time and practice it doesn t just happen just like with widowhood figuring out what words moments trinkets smells clothes trigger grief takes experience and unfortunately practice on how to deal with it there isn t a choice of distance because the distance is the rest of your life how to deal and get by daily becomes a lifetime of emotional and mental training over time it does get easier but the cost is damning the mental fortitude to keep pushing even when fatigue comes in is another aspect of race training figuring out ways manage physical stress along with mental negativity is a fine line between a successful run or a struggling run the evenings or mornings after horrible grief waves can allow for projects daily tasks bills cleanliness all to become secondary sitting in bed is soooooooo much easier but not really gratifying and when the bed wins that s when the regret comes in there are countless reasons why to shun the day and stay locked inside there can be thousands of reasons why to do something but the one dagger of i m grieving can turn life into a ship that cannot be repaired before it sinks but those days when the kids need you there s a crucial work deadline important recruiting meeting those are sometimes the most accomplished moments the times when you feel you conquered grief i feel in these moments a person learns more about themselves and how to be more successful the next time crippling grief rears its ugly head reading the course is vital too seek out others who have run the course to know if the hills are as bad as the course map says is it a slight slope for 2 miles or steep and grueling for 1 2 mile seek out others who have been widowed seek out others who are fresh to widowhood and see if some of their experiences are similar to yours two of my closest widow friends were both widowed in 2013 one was widowed in april 2013 and the other was widowed 20 days before i was in november 2013 we have stayed in contact for 4 years and have talk hours on top of hours about anniversaries birthdays random grief waves new relationships first breakups etc know your course also because grief is individual at the end of the day something you might never have expected might send you into a tizzy of grief depression despair anger etc make a mental note of it and understand that bump is one to be mindful of also in my case when i listen to voicemails from george i better be ready to know that it comes with an emotional consequence think about your own personal course and master it the best you can invest in proper footwear wearing the wrong shoes can lead to increase physical stress and eventual injury if you suffer an injury on your training runs understand how you might be compromising your form invest in yourself widowhood is a time to learn more about yourself than you ever wished or wanted to life changes and it cannot go backward so there are two choices a person has kill or be killed grief can kill you but invest in yourself and finding healthy ways to deal with the unavoidable self medicating with alcohol or drugs only prolongs the feelings that need to be felt running until exhaustion also only puts off what will eventually come back to rip you apart lessons i ve learned if life gets to be unbearable seek out a source that can help you whether it s a grief counselor or attending camp widow or talking with the grief consultant or a life coach your mental health is valuable and should be an investment so in the long haul you are becoming the best version of yourself under these circumstances put in the work enjoy race day though the training was long and grueling not every race day will be a personal record but go in do your best and be proud one thing i love about running is it s you versus yourself every race day and each time you lace up your shoes to hit the road one thing i hate about grief and widowhood is it s you versus yourself there are days when you wish to be anyone else but you and what makes it worse is it s an uncontrollable emotion that you re fighting against some days are better than others but as the saying goes with two steps forward one step back there will be setbacks there will be victories but at the end of the day how you react to each one is individual as days become weeks and week become months and then years as long as there s personal growth you are proud of when it comes widowhood no one can strip that away from you but just know life will be different but it can also be different in an enjoyable way posted in uncategorized tagged advice anxiety of being a widow can running help with grief can running trigger grief exercise exercising alone exercising while grieving first year widowed fit widow four years widowed health healthy lifestyle how to better yourself through widowhood how to life as a widow inspiration life life after death life after loss life changes after husband dies lifestyle lifestyle change new runners new widows relationships running helps with anxiety running tips sports widow boards widow brain widow life widowhood widowhood sucks work young widow 3 comments progressive overload posted on february 26 2018 by j there s a style of lifting called progressive overload this consists of doing heavy weights with low reps a good example of this is strong lift also known as 5 5 program 5 reps for 5 sets it s three exercises to be performed three days a week and over time the weight increases ex day one bench press 85lb 5 5 squat 110lbs 5 5 barbell row 75lbs 5 5 next time revisiting these three lifts together squat 115lbs 5 5 bench press 90lb 5 5 barbell row 80lb eventually overtime a person builds a ton of muscle and strength so what does this have to do with widowhood and grief as widows grieve and learn to adjust to life after loss i feel this is an emotional version of progressive overload a lot of times widows especially after their first break up cannot handle the realization of rejection i was like this 110 when i went through my first break up after george died i did just about everything to numb the rejection run miles swim miles bike for miles drink hard on weeknights incapacitated on weekends yeah did the abuse the body inside and out but the hurt and pain subsided and i got back on my feet and kept trekking forward also cleaned up my act quite a bit gave up the booze because i felt it made me more unstable than i already was i still feel i am so i don t drink much in present time either but what matters most is when the next rejection came a few months later i skated on by like it was nothing i see this as a version of emotional progressive overload grief makes us vulnerable and with rejection on top a person is bound to shatter but then get back together stronger than before it doesn t take a lot of reps or practice to build up and that s why this ensures emotional fortitude and strength my fiance is currently on a 2 week business trip and this is the 5th little hiatus we have had in the last year this is not including the 6 months he was deployed that wasn t a little hiatus that was a straight up life adjustment for awhile these 2 5 week tdys are inconvenient but they don t rattle me too much anymore losing george has made his tdy and deployment much more manageable for me and i chalk this up to the style that makes strong lifts so effective and why i am applying a lifting style of progressive overload to dealing with widowhood feature photo cred suzanna wasserman posted in uncategorized tagged advice health life lifestyle lifting mental gains military progressive overload relationships sports strength strength training strong lifts weight lifting work leave a comment great article on ar 15 ownership in america posted on february 17 2018 by j via fuck you i like guns posted in uncategorized leave a comment don t pay someone to count your macronutrients posted on january 17 2018 by j get your pen and paper out and get ready for some math problems we are calculating macronutrients macros is a buzz word in the nutrition world but they are the fundamentals of how we function they are energy and a significant player in the thermodynamics of our human system carbohydrates protein fats before we enter into the conversation about customizing your macronutrients and catering a macro diet plan to your needs not your cousin or sister or husband s needs you need to figure out what your daily caloric needs are huh if you were to lay around in bed all day long only to get up to go to the bathroom how many calories would you need to survive this is called your basal metabolic rate bmr to do it manually this is the equation bmr height in centimeters x 6 25 weight in kilograms x 9 99 age x 4 92 5 or you can google that shit and get it done for you here https www bodybuilding com fun bmr_calculator htm that count is if you were totally inactive all day that s what you would need to maintain your current bodyweight but this is a fitness group and we all seem to be actively engaged in some sort of physical activity so to determine your custom macro diet we need to determine your tdee total daily energy expenditure tdee can be estimated by a complicated equation here men 10 x weight kg 6 25 x height cm 5 x age 5 women 10 x weight kg 6 25 x height cm 5 x age 161 or this much easier one to give a range weight lb x 12 minimum weight lb x 18 max a lot of people find the comfort zone in the middle of 14 16 range or you can use this online app https www bodybuilding com calculate your total daily e so as you see each individual has different caloric needs based on height age weight and of course activity this is why diet plans work for some and not others but with macro dieting you can customize it to your needs it offers flexibility in dieting and if you want to eat waffles as a way to get your carbohydrates well damnit eat your waffles but how do you determine your macros take a seat and get ready to have your mind blown and get really pissed off you actually paid someone to do this for you i do accept venmo paypal cash app donations i m going to determine my tdee based on the weight x 16 i believe i m moderate to high degree of activity my tdee is 2160 cals per day to maintain my body weight my bmr is 1380 because i am active i need to make sure i have 1g of protein per pound of my bodyweight editor s note there s a bit of controversy regarding this amount it s mighty high i ve researched and cross references it with the american college of sports medicine and also with the national academy of sports medicine and in addition to american heart health association potentially take your body weight and divide it by 2 2 to get your weight in kilograms and then multiply it by 1 3 for your optimum protein you personally can tinker with it but i like the 1g per pound so i need to be consuming between 135g of protein a day here s a nice little guide to determine your amount of protein protein requirements in grams per pound of body weight per day sedentary adult rda 0 40 adult recreational exerciser 0 75 adult competitive athlete 0 90 adult building muscle mass 0 90 dieting athlete 1 00 growing teenage athlete 1 00 1g of protein 4 calories so 135 4 540 calories from protein cool beans determine grams of fat is a little different the american heart association recommends fat intake to be between 20 35 of the diet to make life easier let s go with 25 of the diet will be fat take your tdee and multiply it by 25 this is mine 2160x 25 540 so 540 of my calories should be from fat but to figure out fat per gram divide your calories from fat by 9 1g of fat 9 calories 540 9 60 so i m getting 540 calories from proteins and 540 calories from fat that leaves carbs to be determined 540 protein 540 fats 1 080 calories 2160 tdee 1080 fats protein 1 080 calories remaining ...