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description=Okay, so, it’s not like I think everything I say and do is so damn awesome that everyone should know about it. In a blog. It’s just that as if being blind, and a vegetarian, with anxiety/OCD, and having the ability to accidentally break almost anything, and not liking chocolate, would be enough. But no. I also have to have IVF. Could I be any more minority? So it’s like god is playing one big joke on me… and I am not going down without a fight. In fact, God, I’m going to tell your mum on you. Well I would if my knowledge of religion was good enough for me to figure out who your mum is. Eve? Is it Eve? Well, Eve, this is what your son has been up to, and God, I just got you grounded pretty much forever. In your face, God. Ha.;

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Text of the page (random words):
already done the test me yes i went in this morning james reaches forward and i think he s going to rub noses eskimo style but he picks at my jumper me what was that james a coco pop on your jumper me hangs head james reaches out and lifts my chin and picks at my neck me what james that was another one on your bare skin did you go in to do the test like that me no james really me no so no more coco pops but having coco pops at the arse crack of dawn gave me a whopping headache and then when i reached up on the fridge to get panadeine there were two boxes that felt about the same ah we bought cat worming tablets on the weekend surely cat worming tablets can t be that harmful to humans surely they have worming tablets for humans they re probably exactly the same probably there s a 50 50 chance i ll soon find out at least i had the tablet after the blood test if they found cat worming tablets in my blood and coco pops stuck to my jumper there s no way i could show my face at that pathology centre again ever 10 comments posted in abnormal behaviour can someone please shoot me with a tranquilliser dart ivf blah mortification blind style stuff like this just kind of happens uncategorized and tagged fertility hormones infertility ivf ttc ivf bookmark the permalink killing hormone time posted on may 24 2013 by kateetaylor me outside is dangerous you know james i ve never met anyone who hates being outside more than you do me i m super special if i was in the fbi i d be super special agent taylor james you re certainly something me i went outside to water the plants and walked through a spider web james a web is not dangerous me but there could have been a spider in it so i started hitting myself in the face trying to kill any spiders and get rid of the web james silent me and then i realised that it wasn t actually a web it was a stray strand of hair that blew across my face it hurt when i tugged at it james more than hitting yourself in the face me anyway so now i m just going to let all the plants die it s not worth the risk and then i went back into my office to keep working and found that bobcat had challenged frankie to the ultimate farting championship heavyweight title a giant cat farting on the desk in front of me a giant dog farting on the floor behind me we re never feeding either of them ever again i think they were trying to gas me out so frankie could jump on the computer and look up porn and bobcat could google a good therapist inside can be just as dangerous as outside people 6 comments posted in abnormal behaviour can someone please shoot me with a tranquilliser dart ivf blah killing time and be thankful that is all i m killing stuff like this just kind of happens and tagged down regulation fertility hormones infertility ivf mental health issues bookmark the permalink one more and i ll stab you while you re sleeping posted on may 11 2013 by kateetaylor so i m carrying around several lemons in my ovaries and it s not very comfortable i am the home of the giant follicle and with another 36 hours to go before retrieval i m considering downing a bottle of rubbing alcohol grabbing the fruit knife and getting those suckers outta there myself they re getting so big i think they are planning to stage a coup and take over my entire body it s not uncomfortable no more uncomfortable than applying a hot iron to one s face would be it s fucking painful and if this was a perfect world then i would get to lie on a big white bed and have mignons bring me grapes and panadeine forte and strawberry milkshakes all day long and i wouldn t ever have to waddle around with a gut full of lemons seriously these follicles are like 5cm each baby lemons yes but if you want to argue the point with me then i will come over and wee on your front door mat out of pure frustration they hurt and there s just no exercising with these bastards in there it s like the germans have invaded and are fucking everything up as germans are wont to do i tried doing star jumps and managed one before i doubled over then i just decided to do the arm movements instead of the jumping as well and ended up like a wind turbine a council officer came over and asked to see my permit so i m giving up on exercising for a few days but then i ll get fat fuck you germans and then james started saying the wrong thing everything anyone says at the moment is the wrong thing granted but really me my ovaries hurt these giant follicles are killing me james you remind me of the crayfish i caught as a kid with their tails full of eggs me that was not the right thing to say asshole james don t worry i always threw those ones back quickly followed up just minutes later by me dangling my foot in front of james face do you like my new slippers james they sure are purple me are they james yup with a black sole with a blue bonds written on it see a black soul just like yours it s pretty mean of him i think he s got some german in his heritage he s certainly got some stupid in his heritage when i get my physical prowess back i m going to beat him like a salvation army drum nb i don t actually have anything against germans well besides a couple of bigarse wars and them hating on jewish people and that smug look germans always have don t they always look just so fucking smug and they need more vowels in their language can t understand a fucking word like they re talking with marbles in their mouths hmmm turns out i don t like germans much at all i m sure the modern ones are perfectly nice when they ve got that fucking smug look off their faces i m just angry maybe i have some german in my heritage 9 comments posted in a brief stopover in anger town abnormal behaviour can someone please shoot me with a tranquilliser dart ivf blah killing time and be thankful that is all i m killing there s a fine line between hormones and homicide you ll know when i cross it and tagged fertility hormones infertility ivf bookmark the permalink ivf drugs don t make you put on weight drinking four strawberry milkshakes in one day does posted on may 3 2013 by kateetaylor so i started wondering if there is any clinical basis for ivf drugs to make me put on weight i like to be prepared like for the end of the world if possible i have a zombie survival plan enough said and turns out that none of the drugs have any caloric or metabolic influence at all gasp controversy it s just that they make you feel shit and that makes people comfort eat hello four strawberry milkshakes without ice cream in one day which still gave me chronic belly pains and i appeared to be randomly grimacing at people all day awkward also most people don t want to exercise when they feel shit so strawberry milkshakes couch putting on weight strawberry milkshakes also brings all the boys to the yard and they re all like it s better than yours damn right it s better than yours i can teach you but i d have to charge ahem i haven t put on any weight all these ivf drugs and not a single gram i like to be all pious and proud of being lean and fit and strong but if i could eat chocolate or donuts or cakes or ice cream or lollies then it would totally be a different story but all those things upset my tummy because of irritable bowel syndrome and combined with the rampaging effects of the hormones on my tender tummy it s pretty much like having hormone induced involuntary bulimia and the exercise oh the exercise i workout like a military operative fuelled by pure anxiety i m not sure it s entirely normal to do 750 jabs 750 upper cuts 750 military punches 750 knees 1200 star jumps 150 butt lifts and eight minutes of skipping every night but it helps every little bit helps helps with the anxiety helps keep my weight down helps clear my head although now i have to go and see my physio because my knee keeps aching i m getting old either that or it s going to rain my point is i really like strawberry milkshakes my other point is this whole thing is a mind game you can t win or lose this game you can just get through it however you can whatever it takes sometimes i get by with a little help from my friends as in i was complaining about my nasal spray causing massive hot flushes oh my god why the fuck is it so hot in here and she says that must be like snorting cocaine you re like lindsay lohan you re going to have to get your nose fixed that bit in the middle there which made me snort my tea out that very same nose sometimes you just need someone else to point out the funny side to you and sometimes i don t do very well at it at all here s an email i sent james fuck you i had to go out and fill up the dog food container because you are too fucked up to manage it fuck you y all already knew i m a bad person right and then i feel bad for being mean and i am going to have to help thousands of old ladies across the road to equal out this bad karma but the sad thing is being blind i m probably not going to be very good at it so the headline would be kind act results in death of hundreds and then a current affair would track me down and bang on my door wanting to know why i drag old ladies onto the road in front of cars and then i d have to move out of my street because none of the neighbours would want anything to do with me and would throw eggs at my house and i d have to move to queensland because that s where everyone leaving ramsay street seems to move to not that i am so low brow as to watch soapies did you see that steffi married liam on the bold and the beautiful i d totally have to knock off killing old people on local roads at 4 30pm every day to catch the bold maybe i could invite the survivors over to watch it and have a cuppa and a gluten free biscuit or a strawberry milkshake it s not easy being on ivf meds and oh my god why the fuck is it so hot in here 15 comments posted in a brief stopover in anger town abnormal behaviour can someone please shoot me with a tranquilliser dart ivf blah mortification blind style there s a fine line between hormones and homicide you ll know when i cross it and tagged accidental homicide down regulation cycle fertility hormones infertility ivf bookmark the permalink baby i know it posted on april 23 2013 by kateetaylor a whole week on syneral oh the headaches someone sedate me please i am psychotic again and moodiness just isn t moodiness without randomly screaming why can t i get barry fucking manilow on this radio anyway i think james is looking for something to put me to sleep not just for the night either the kind of sleep that s followed by a funeral james myyyyy way to the danger zone me it s highway dickhead not my way james it s my way me it s highway there is only one way it s not like you ve put the danger zone into our satnav and its asked do you want the shortest route to the danger zone or the route with the best roads there is only one way the highway james it s my way me no my way to the danger zone sounds like frank sinatra singing danger zone and i m pretty sure frank sinatra never felt the need james the need me the need for speed james google it me fine googles ha dickhead it is highway don t try to fuck with a top fun fan james i don t even care me i know why james mmm me you never close your eyes anymore when i kis your lips james i know what you re doing me and there s no tenderness like before in your finger tips james please stop me you re trying hard not to show it but baby baby i kno ow it james here we fucking go me you ve lost that lovin feeling whoa oh that looooovin feeling you ve lost that lovin feeling now it s gone gone gone whoa oh oh oh and at that point james left the room so i had to sing extra loud in case he couldn t hear me any more and then i followed him around the house singing that he s got no lovin feeling but then i tripped over the cat and stopped singing but if i ever had to choose a wingman it would totally be james 4 comments posted in a brief stopover in anger town abnormal behaviour can someone please shoot me with a tranquilliser dart ivf blah stuff like this just kind of happens and tagged batshit crazy down regulation fertility infertility ivf bookmark the permalink bribing ovaries is harder than it looks posted on april 18 2013 by kateetaylor so i ve started my nasal spray for a down regulation cycle and you d think that the whole point and spray of a nasal spray would be super easy last night i missed my nostril all together and squirted it up the side of my face and into my eye and started panicking that it would burn my eyeball out or leave my cheek hideously scarred it took a good thirty seconds of frantic rinsing to realise that if the spray was that dangerous they probably wouldn t get me to spray it up my nose thank you logic for your late arrival the situation wasn t even covered in the little sheet that comes with it i m that clumsy i require medical fact sheets to be re written my point is don t give clumsy people medication that requires co ordination needles are fine my biggest worry there is having to do them so early in the morning that i haven t woken up properly and i accidentally inject the cat who is currently leaving so much hair on my carpet that i m thinking of cutting out the middle man and just vacuuming him but every time i even look at him with the turbo head in my hand he gives me this bring it bitch flick of the tail which means it s on like donkey kong i m all like oh yes i will and he s all like oh no you won t or i ll wee on the ipad and i m all like go ahead loser it s james ipad not mine and then he s all like fine then i ll get into your top draw again and bat all your tampons up and out and all over the house for your visitors to find in strange places and so i lose to the cat again anyway i m too clumsy for nasal spray hell i own plastic glasses because i m too clumsy to have nice glass glasses it s not my fault though because i have some kind of munchausen s by proxy which makes me inflict pain on inanimate objects for sympathy true story so i thought i could just try and work up a sweet deal instead of all the meds this time but then the following conversation took place possibly entirely in my own mind and looks like the nasal spray is the only option my ovaries oh lord won t you buy me a mercedes be enz me are you trying to bribe me my ovaries my friends all drive porches me they do not my ovaries i must make a mends worked hard all my lifetime me no you have not you ve done the opposite you ve worked un hard all your lifetime that s why we re doing ivf because you are lazy as and can t be arsed producing follicles my ovaries maybe we would if we had a little incentive me a mercedes benz my ovaries exactly me how about the next verse a colour tv look we bought you one a shiny 54 plasma for you my ovaries that s not for us you ve had it for ages you have to buy us something me it s not for me i m blind what the hell do i want with a giant tv i d be perfectly happy with one of those portable black and white tellys my o...