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Text of the page (random words):
whimsical rants unless you ve lived my life don t judge me whimsical rants what s there to know unless you ve lived my life don t judge me april 17 2025 my brother passed away november 2024 i miss him despite my brother passed away november 2024 i miss him despite his addiction issues i miss him he is my brother although we never saw eye to eye i miss him this years raya was awkward somber no feel it will never be the same but we need to move on leave a comment october 25 2023 different hit this time around the runs hit differently definitely having a different perspective from my previous hm preps and regular fun run runs after last weekends random just run it 21km it made me realise that i didn t need a medal or event to prove myself to validate myself i can run my race my pace no cheering squad flag off horn running crowd just me myself i so ok i registered for my hm in april hit the ground training running slogging and trained more only to not wake up to my alarm clock but but i actually decided to go fuxk it i m still going running the bib that got bubbed the flatlay that fell flat i m not sure what drove me maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe it was out of fear the fear that it could be my last hm it s that fear that i might not be able to do it again so i just needed to get out there to see maybe if i still had it that zest that mojo i use to have pre cancer days yeah cancer does that to you no matter how hard you try to shelve it hide it ignore it there are days that it will creep up behind you tap you on the shoulder you look back to see this dark face and it asks hey long time no see catch you later and then dissapear back into the dark recess of my head it s the fear of recurrence when cancer comes back a recurrence will simply throw me off the cliff of my structured running plans the reason why i run it keeps me busy this will defo derail me it took me 4 years to get back into my running shoes change my mindset slow kan but hey everyone heals differently it was in march 2023 during a routine follow up with my onco dr mastura md yusof of pantai medical hospital bangsar stress the importance of keeping a healthy lifestyle the need to lose weight to reduce recurrence so from that day onwards i set out to sort myself out 4 years late to the running party i dont know what stopped me back then maybe i wasn t in the right frame of mind i was like eh gila lah tak boleh jadi ni i need to get out of here the only way out is up there it began my running journey my running away from cancer my runs that quiet the mind no need to wait for an event well if ada bonus la but at then end of the day a run sure does help me stay sane endorphins dopamine and all time ni lah i started reading up on how to improve my runs how to fuel during runs and what mindset you needed pouring over youtubes and blogs ig and tt i am proud to say that i am much more prepared now than my last 2 hms where my fueling was concerned started testing out energy gels seriously because i needed to train with these too and it s too important to skip ok imma stop here and continue later on how my training went toodles leave a comment october 2 2023 hello old me gosh has it been that long last post dated october 2017 and here i am 7 years later back again in october 2023 where do i start where have i been what have i been up to what s going on well it s been a roller coaster ride for sure everything was going fine kids and husband picked up surfing me doing my own thing enter 2019 and everything went downhill from there onwards a routine annual mammogram ultrasound y know the usual health screenings you do when you reach your 40s so it turned out i had cancer yes the big c breast cancer you could imagine the panic i went through hubs was abroad and i was on the verge of losing my mind i shut down i told doc when can i have this operation to remove the growth yes i was that eager i was not going to wait a few months or week so we had to go through the procedure of biopsy staging surgery restaging treatment alhamdulillah fast forward all this was completed within 3 months based on the stage of my cancer i was only recommended lumpectomy radiotherapy and a 5 year prescription of oral meds i followed through avoided cancer muggles and all the call outs to try herbal drinks and meet special people i had my head deep in researching my cancer online although i was warned by my doctors to not dig deep or it will do my head in i thought to myself please give me some time and space to grieve over losing the old me and accepting a new normal of living off 6 month blocks of routine scans and follow ups some how i felt glad i dug up info about pre and post cancer treatment i felt better prepare to face a new challenge standing before me nobody told me the real battle begins after you ve completed your treatment okay i m sleepy dah nak masuk 5 series ni sleep is precious tomorrow i will write more leave a comment october 10 2017 silent pain it hurts just thinking of you hurts just looking at you hurts you are like an empty vessel of skin bones and a gut constantly needed to be fed it hurts thinking of how you came to be how you are now coccooned in your own world constantly escaping reality in your dreams hiding behind veils of smoke and riding the high waves that run through your veins not a day goes by without me wondering how will you be when they are gone i cannot put a blind eye and ear to this i know because i saw i heard i grew with it i am probably even half of you because we had it the same only difference is that i took a different exit they are lucky and they will never know leave a comment october 5 2017 living quietly thinking loudly maybe this explains why i find it easier to rant quietly here married connected but not quite here nor there leave a comment october 4 2017 working it sometimes i hate looking at myself in the mirror 2 kids onwards and i feel and look like a 50 year old so thankful i have my husband to give me that push on top of that i need to be mindful of what i eat more greens and nuts yes eat like a bird leave a comment october 4 2017 say a little prayer it still saddens me thinking how things took a 360 turn i still come around this lane of memories to question to dig deep and to hope i remember clearly the chain of events that lead to this awkward meeting it was a rainy day claps of thunder outside this mamak in the boulevard of mid valley megamall how a call out to talk about something made me wonder why d he make the effort to come all the way here why did he come alone motives after a 3hr showdown of sorts i came to the conclusion that it was out of pity pity that to him kawan should not makan kawan pity that i should ve known better that the alarm bells were ringing for ages but i chose to close one ear and hang on because you you were my only friend pity it came to this pity that this is how i decided to end a friendship i wish i didn t have to but damage had been done and trust had been severed fast forward 11 years today our schoolmates are all organizing gatherings bff holidays movie time and here i am lurched in a dark corner of my mind still in the dark about many things still wish i had answers maybe i should have replied your selamat hari raya text wish but i was too upset so many what ifs now but maybe it was meant to be if you do come across this do know that i do think about you still do you know where to find me take care leave a comment october 3 2017 stripped so that happened tired of congak mencongak how much to spend at the spa decided to make my own pot of sugarwax what would cost myr40 above could easily cost less than myr10 to make on your own didn t expect it to be so easy to make totally sold on this no more trips to the beauty parlor only because this is not my first time waxing and am already familiar with the technique of stripping i can use it hot or cold with or without a strip cloth and most of all i can take my time here s where i got my recipe make your own sugar wax selamat mencuba leave a comment october 3 2017 simply b b is for busy i should get back to blogging tired of that restraint you need when updating posts on fb so much to say but not sure about going on a rant there one liners cryptic talk meh anyhoo i ve been busy not with work but with 2 bungling kids on my back 367 24 7 and not forgetting the neverending waterfall of house chores the list goes on in between i try to make time for myself a must when you re bordering on depression and silent meltdowns you really need some time out he doesn t think i am depressed he thinks nothing is bothering me it s i i seem to be bothered by everything around me he thinks 2 school going kids later here i am partially still a mess minding my own thing not in need to know who s doing who what or where extrovert gone introvert prefer being on my own day in day out housewife macam ni lah cook clean catch up with the kids catch up with husband yada yada yada while all of my friends have now stepped up a level with kids in their teens and earning their hajjahs and haji s i am still down here silently wishing and hoping for what i don t know but simply living simply appreciating the little things that come and go living within our means alhamdulillah cukup makan will update later time s up time to pick up the kids leave a comment march 29 2015 tired trust is a big fragile thing speaking from experience nowadays i am pretty happy being on my own doing my own thing keeping busy keeping distracted don t see the need of having a bff maybe i just lost that chance maybe it s too late you don t build friendships overnight right but i do think it must be nice having a bff but then again you have nights out stay overs coffee chit chat a shoulder to cry on nah i ll just get on on my own tired just thinking of it is already tiring leave a comment older blog at wordpress com whimsical rants blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed whimsical rants sign 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