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these tests so the level of monitoring is outrageous but it s allowing me to sleep at night it had been pretty quiet around labor and delivery the last few days then last night and this morning things have really picked up you could see the stress on the nurses faces i am one of a number of ante s who are meant to be here long term everyone else rotates they come in labor have their babies and then move upstairs to the mother and baby unit they try to stick the ante s on one hallway so it s quieter for us i met one of them yesterday for the first time when we were both getting ourselves some orange juice she said she d been here two weeks already she barely looked pregnant at all and i thought i hope she has a long long while left when i woke up this morning to the artsy engineer bringing me blueberry pancakes and tea before heading to work a variation of which he has done every day to prevent me from eating too much horrible hospital food he told me that there was a labor bed outside of her door all morning doctors and nurses voices have floated past my door and into hers and i can hear her crying and tomorrow she ll be gone hopefully with a small but healthy baby to visit in the nicu i m also on strict bedrest which is very interesting i sit all day i sit i can get up for the bathroom and to take a shower and every once in awhile to walk to the ice machine in the hall right outside my room to fill up my own water because dear god is it hard to let others do things as simple as this for you all day the nurses come in once an hour to check on me during the day and every two hours at night my new digs see the bassinet it made me cry every time i looked at it during the first few days knowing that my babies will not be with me when they first enter the outside world but you know what guys it s helping i had been warned that this sort of issue doesn t really improve it just gets worse slowly or not so slowly and then you have to deliver but something is seriously really really helping since i got here i ve had two additional ultrasounds both have continued to show reduced end diastolic flow but not continuously absent and not even intermittently absent this is excellent the babies both continue to pass their bpps which is where they look at movement and heart rate and attempts at practice breathing using ultrasound and i ve been told repeatedly that our babies look great even for their gestational age on the 3x day non stress tests that our boy does not look like a baby with cord blood problems so they both seem to be healthy and doing developmentally appropriate things in there and no one is distressed no one is distressed on friday my mfm said that if he were a betting man all of these things would lead him to place his bet on our being table to talk in weeks until delivery rather than in days until delivery it still seems doubtful that i will make it much past 34 which is about a week and a half away at this point but man i m so so close sisterfriends so i will continue to relax my ass off in this hospital bed for as long as i can if it means these babies can use the incubator on the inside of me instead of the incubators on the outside of me i can t wait to meet them but my body will miss them when they come 30 weeks 4 5 days and then just like that things change january 22 2014 53 comments this will be erratic and full of typos forgive me it s the middle of the night and i m not so concerned with writing style right now my plan was to follow up yesterday s post with one later this week about the pregnancy itself i was going to talk about how the movement is the most amazing thing i ve ever experienced i was going to tell you about the weight gain and the roundness and loving my less angular body about how i ve somehow miraculously managed to get by with no stretch marks yet i was going to tell you that we picked out names that we love and that feel right i was going to comment on all the weird things about being pregnant like the leaky boobs starting at 20 weeks and the dizziness and low blood pressure and the inability to walk more than a mile during the second trimester these last two have improved and the multitude of braxton hicks contractions that started around 16 weeks sent me in for monitoring around 24 weeks and have since subsided to a normal rate i was going to tell you about all of the things i love about being pregnant in fact on sunday someone posted a question to a due date group i m in asking the women what they like about pregnancy i said the following honestly i am kind of loving almost everything about it i love the movement i love thinking of food as baby fuel and trying to squeeze as much of it as humanly possible into my body during the day for them i am even fine with the insomnia because i get to lay in bed and feel them move and think of how excited i am to meet them i d be lying if i didn t mention loving all of the positive attention attention from others usually makes me feel squirmy and uncomfortable but for some reason now i m basking in it i work in a couple of different hospital settings with a lot of women many of whom are in the child wanting stage but who are currently focusing on academics and careers who make me feel like a rockstar and ask me 100000 questions a day i love the knowing and warm smiles i get from strangers i love how my coat won t close in the bottom and my belly sticks out and i ve overheard two women over the course of the last month stop mid conversation to comment to whomever they re talking to on how cute i am i mean really talk about making a lady feel special i love how peaceful the nursery makes me feel i love that it has turned my already sweet husband into an even sweeter father over the last couple of months even though they aren t here yet in the evenings he often sits in the rocker in the nursery with a soft light on and plays his guitar because he just likes it in there ha oh yeah and while i do miss working out i love having the excuse not to since you really can t do much besides walk and stretch and squat with a twin pregnancy at this stage of the game but then today yesterday i don t know it s 3 am and i slept for an hour between 11 and 12 and then woke and sobbed into the artsy engineer s chest for 2 hours before deciding to get up and make myself a cup of tea to relieve the pressure in my head and to write these words today things went not so well all of the sudden i went in to maternal fetal medicine for my monthly growth scan during the growth scan they measure the femur length the head circumference and the abdominal circumference and they use these measurements to estimate the weight of the baby she measured baby a first our dear girl looked good she was right around average for gestational age for twins at 3 lbs 4oz we weren t able to get a good image of her face because she was wedged in and sleeping most of the time but the sonographer commented that she had really chubby cheeks and i was able to see that she has quite a bit of hair already then she moved on to baby b our boy and his report is not glowing baby b s growth has fallen off his estimated weight is 2 lbs 11oz i didn t think to ask for his percentile at the time but from my own dr googling this puts him below the 10th percentile this represents only a 450 gram growth over the past 4 5 weeks they then came back in the room to do all sorts of other measurements including using the doppler to look at blood flow in the cord as a measure of placental functioning this was also less than good it is evidently not an emergency situation yet but it could quickly turn into one the mfm doc has increased the frequency of my appointments i ll be going in every tuesday and friday for further monitoring he also said that i will not be making it to 36 37 weeks as was our goal but might be able to coast along like this for another couple of weeks honestly i didn t hear many of the details from here on out i heard the buzz words placental insufficiency poor environment lack of nutrients preterm delivery if we can get there babies born at 32 weeks generally do pretty well get him out where we can get him what he needs to grow and this was the first appointment the artsy engineer missed because everything has been going so well and because he d been out so much around the holidays and to drive me to all of these interviews as soon as i left the mfm called my ob who i lovelovelove and my ob called me immediately he said some additional things including that he was a little surprised that i was not admitted today and that while i don t need to have my bags packed before each of these appointments i should start mentally preparing for the possibility of admission for closer fetal monitoring and eventual preterm delivery they were also both careful to say that there is nothing i have done or can do it s not the little bit of caffeine i ve been drinking one half caff a day it s not my vegetarianism or my recent travel it is most likely due to placement of the placentas and what this placement means for their growth and functioning i have to believe them right now because my focus is mostly on my babies alone but there is a nagging voice of fear somewhere in there that wonders if this is something i have done or worse maybe my womb is just not good enough to make or carry babies now we wait and we watch they are weighing the risk of leaving him in an environment where he is clearly not getting what he needs versus the risk of taking them both out at this level of prematurity the mfm doc said that had i been 34 weeks today as opposed to 30 5 he would have suggested that we deliver now but i guess it s all about balancing risk the ob told me that he asked the mfm whether i should come in for the steroid shot to help develop their lungs in preparation for delivery but that the mfm said that he thought that was still premature so we wait needless to say i m not doing super well at the moment it was shocking everything had been going so smoothly i was just thinking last night that i was pretty sure i could ride this out for another 6 weeks in fact when i laid down on the exam table for the ultrasound today i remarked to the technician that i felt way better than i had expected to feel at this stage in the game i had started thinking i was going to be one of those to make it to the safe zone tomorrow my dad has arranged for himself a quick phone call with the medical director of the nicu in the hospital where i currently receive obstetric care and where i ll be delivering the same hospital my dad recently left for a new position in a new state as resident bigwig of pediatrics at bigwig hospital it helps to have family in medicine and me i m going to go drink my tea which is now cold and as such will relieve no head pressure after all and try to put myself to bed 30 weeks 4 daysareyoukiddingme january 21 2014 18 comments when i was trying to get pregnant and failing miserably and then again during the early months after that miraculous last minute positive beta i would look at those of you who were 30 weeks and think of you as already done cooked finished baby is as good as birthed i cannot believe i am at this point i have no clue how i got here it s like i hit 20 weeks and blinked and found myself in this space no joke i lost time in an effort to not sound absolutely ridiculous by updating you on all aspects of my life in the last however many weeks i decided to break it up in this particular post i m going to try to give you an overview of my work school life over the past 10 weeks or so because honestly it has been major after i proposed my dissertation back in mid october i had to scramble to get my applications submitted for the next stage in my training i started thinking about wrapping up my patients i started climbing out of the cave i d been living in while preparing for the november 1st application deadline to come around then the holidays happened we traveled to visit the artsy engineer s family for thanksgiving and then my computer our one and only computer broke and then i started getting interviews coming in for said training programs lots and lots of interviews this is good but maybe less good when you will be 7 5 months pregnant with twins during interview season then the holidays kept happening and we drove to visit my family and then my computer was still broken and then i came home for three days and then left again to start the interview extravaganza in the past two and a half weeks i have attended 10 day long interview sessions the artsy engineer took time off to drive me around the country we opted to limit my application to programs east of the mississippi river in order to remain a reasonable distance from family but even so we ve been in many states and put thousands of miles on the car and as an aside this man deserves a medal he has taken care of all of the details driving me around arranging accommodations feeding me he even got up with me each morning and pressed my suit while i was in the shower he d help me put on my shoes grab some breakfast for the road either from the continental breakfast if we splurged on accommodations for the night or more likely from the shoddy dunkin donuts across from the motel if we didn t then he would drive me to the main entrance of the hospital where i was interviewing and drop me off in front of the main entrance hand me my coffee and my fancy portfolio thingy and send me on my way after kicking around all day in whatever city we were in either parking and exploring the city on foot the man visited countless museums and music stores throughout the eastern half of the country or finding a library or coffee shop where he could eek out a couple of hours of work he d pack up the hotel where we stayed the night before and pick me up at the same entrance where he dropped me off the car would be warmed and ready to go and he d have the route out of the current city planned so we could start making our way toward the next we d get in late he d unpack the car i d prep for the next interview we d go to sleep then we d do it all over again i would not have made it through this time without him now it is now and we are finally home i have been gone for 7 of the last 9 weekends and nearly 4 of the last 8 weeks i have interviews this week too but they will take place in phone or skype land these are ones that would not fit on our route earlier on and i cannot travel by plane or alone because of low blood pressure issues and dizziness what is the point of all of this torture you ask well if you have been around awhile you may remember that the final step in my doctoral program is to spend a year focusing on clinical training alone it s kind of like residency but it happens before the degree rather than after for my specialty there is one of these positions in my entire state in addition placement is based on a match system much like medical school here in ...