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tales from the road skip to main skip to sidebar tuesday august 31 2010 til death do us part i had an entertaining run tonight normally i only deliver friday and saturday nights but i picked up a shift i went to a trailer park with a large 4 topping pizza the only reason i mention it was a trailer is to set the scene not to look down on people that live there or make fun of them this was a double wide trailer the extra side of it was completely unfinished and made the people that lived there a prime candidate to appear on the show hoarders i knocked on the door an elderly gentleman answered with his wife lurking in the background i told him his total 19 00 he happily handed me a 10 bill and generously at least from his perspective told me to keep the change i said sir this is a 10 bill and handed it back to him his wife yelled why don t you get it right to which he responded why don t you shut up after this sequence which eerily reminded me of george costanza s parents screaming on seinfeld the man handed me a 20 bill still told me to keep the buck and the couple acted like nothing ever happened at least they agreed on pizza toppings posted by lg at 10 33 pm 1 comment sunday july 25 2010 i miss it in the past few months while keeping 2 nights of pizza delivery i ve picked up a fancy full time day job with a fancy title for a prestigious firm pay is about what you d expect for an entry level bachelor s degree job the benefits are great the time off is generous and i like most of the people i work with but it s not the same delivery is always exciting to me days are never the same and i control my income based on my performance level contrarily my day job is comparable to bill murray s experiences in groundhog day in that every day is the same the job was exciting at first but now that i have the hang of it it s pretty monotonous unlike delivery there is an undertone among my coworkers of don t work too hard or they ll give you more work or don t work too hard or you ll make us look bad that attitude clashes with my beliefs the hardest thing to get used to for me though is that i am always being watched in delivery i am in my own car able to pick my music talk on the phone all night eat wings and stop for a beverage if i want while things are slow of course when i m in the shop i can do much of the same plus i can play games on my phone in the real world they monitor internet usage on your computer have you notate every task you perform even the most mundane and it feels like there s always somebody scrutinizing you over your shoulder this is a challenge that i will have to get used to if i am going to make this work in delivery i had two fantastic jobs i worked about 50 hours and i typically brought home 900 1000 wk after gas i don t make nearly that at my new digs but the potential is there to double or even triple it patience is not always my strongest asset especially when i work 12 hours in 2 nights and make 350 at the pizza shop after having a particularly rough friday at work this post is probably well timed because it s sunday night and i am dreading my monday morning in my delivery days i typically worked very hard tuesday saturday and rested up on sunday and monday but i always looked forward to going back to work because i loved my jobs i miss that i often tell myself that the 40 year old version of me would kick the 28 year old version of me s butt if he was still delivering pizzas at 40 but would i sure i have nights off now and that will be important to me over the next several years as my son grows up plus the paid vacation will be more enjoyable knowing i am not missing out on pay to take a trip but in delivery i never felt like i needed a vacation plus i could always get a shift off when i needed one several people this weekend have told me some version of you don t seem like my normal self well you re all right i have come to the realization that i don t enjoy my work on friday jon kissner posted this on facebook you ve achieved success in your field when you don t know whether what you re doing is work or play warren beatty that used to be the case for me now it only is the case every friday night saturday night and every other tuesday night i am choosing delivery over bowling in a league this year that s how much it means to me do we need the money the cash comes in handy but we could certainly do without it it s fun i love everything about it besides the effect it has on my car and the hours and i miss it posted by lg at 7 39 pm 1 comment thursday october 1 2009 gps let me preface this post by saying that i pride myself on my navigation skills and knowledge of my trade area i love to be the guy who can answer any question anyone has 2450 westwood 3rd house on the left yellow house with a detached garage white trailblazer and orange wrangler in the driveway that being said there was a craigslist ad that irked me http columbus craigslist org fbh 1401586805 html local pizza place looking for delivery driver to work evening and weekends must have gps and reliable vehicle if interested please reply to posted email with contact information and phone number thanks so i responded with an ad of my own http columbus craigslist org fbh 1401663657 html real delivery drivers don t use gps we use maps for a couple weeks to a month and then we have our areas all but memorized we laugh at gps delivery drivers you typically only have a 2 3 mile radius to learn so a simple area map will do the job gps slows you down and stops you from learning the best route to your destination by the time you have your address programmed into your gps i am already at the house i look at an ad like this and i see person needed to add 2 digit numbers together must have ti 84 or above graphing calculator as a 50 hour wk delivery driver this is just a pet peeve of mine and i hope i have trained a green owner manager how to better run a shop have a nice day all i see my post lasted about 5 hours before it was flagged for removal oh well i posted my opinion and i know i m right i ve worked with people that had gps over a two month sample when i worked at pizza hut i averaged a 16 minute trip time of the gps drivers none averaged better than 19 minutes during that time 3 minutes per delivery might not seem like much but over a night with 20 runs i ve beaten joe technology by an entire hour that s a butt kicking i ve found the best way to learn a trade area is to start with the main roads and numbering system parameters just knowing this will be of tremendous help then learn what the main drags are in subdivisions and learn the side roads this is where it ends for many veterans but this is where i just begin to get my edge once you have the normal way to get somewhere it is time to start experimenting slow days like mondays and tuesdays are great days to do this as losing a few minutes on a gamble won t be detrimental to getting an order to its destination on time i also learn the timing patterns of the traffic lights which lights use a delay what routes have fewer traffic lights what routes involve more right than left turns and which neighborhoods i can cut through to escape rush hour traffic gps won t do any of that for you if this seems excessive just remember that the 15 seconds i wasted could mean the other driver gets the arlington triple with 3 known great tippers and i get the single to bfe i need something snappy to go out on put that in your gps and smoke it posted by lg at 11 08 pm 3 comments saturday july 25 2009 i wish you would order from someone else here s a dollar i wish we could give you more i smirk take the dollar and say take care behind the smirk there is a lot more going on in my mind yes 1 is better than nothing and yes a buck was a good tip during the carter administration but don t tell me you wish you could give me more not when you made me wait 3 minutes and i got to survey all your toys the 50 hdtv is a nice touch the late model f 150 looks awful nice but my favorite is your rv amazingly your budget allows for these extravagances but you wish you could give me more than 1 awesome here s your food i wish i could have gotten it here sooner unfortunately the good tippers got theirs in if the lady wants to tip more she should just do it if she doesn t she should just give me the dollar and not make things worse by saying what she says no reason to rub salt on my wounds if it were just one time i might overlook it but this has happened several times now increasing in annoyance each time posted by lg at 10 57 pm 1 comment saturday april 25 2009 ode to stiffers the rims on your escalade cost more than my car but you can t afford to tip me since times are tight i hope you learn what times are tight really means it s the first of the month and you are using your welfare money to buy 2 large pizzas 40 hot wings and 12 bleu cheese cups true story i hope you run out of bleu cheese and don t realize it and eat the hottest wing in the bunch meanwhile you don t have a beverage the refrigerator and freezer lock and the water goes out causing you to weather your burning tongue you lose your voice for the next several months and are unable to ask for taxpayer handouts to support your frivolity your parents sent you to the door to pay and you pocketed my tip i hope the money falls out of your pocket in front of your parents and daddy finds the biggest paddle and the firmest belt in the house and unleashes a whipping that chuck norris would envy you gave me a religious tract and told me that it was way more valuable than earthly money and expected me to be grateful instead of being furious that we are part of the same religion i hope you start some sort of selfish charity and everyone sees right through it when you ask for donations catching wind of your cheap habits that you justify with religion i hope they send you nothing but pizza menus in the donation envelopes you provide you are greedy and live in a mcmansion and decided to buy another tahoe instead of giving me a few bucks i hope you forget to open your garage while you are yapping on your blackberry and drive your tahoe into your mcmansion causing both of these symbols of wealth and debt to collapse and i hope you were also being miserly when it came to auto and homeowners insurance leaving you with nothing but a pile of bricks and an suv that needs a nose job you look down on pizza drivers and decide they are beneath you i hope you lose your job and fill out an application at my pizza shop so i can look down on you when i tell you that we are not hiring drivers at the moment but please feel free to check in periodically in case something opens up you somehow determined that the delivery charge is a replacement for the tip to cover your cheapness i hope your phone number and address find themselves on a special list of customers who now pay a 7 delivery charge i feel better posted by lg at 1 13 am 1 comment friday february 6 2009 is a dollar cool is a dollar cool i was faced with that question 8 days ago at conway trucking around 5 30 pm after brilliantly navigating hilliard rush hour traffic waiting 3 minutes for the guy to come out and persevering through the aftermath of a violent snowstorm in the preceding 48 hours which was essentially an area wide skating rink before i could muster out a seemingly graceful answer to a horribly dumb question the trucker s coworkers heckled this cheapskate mercilessly over his tipping habits a dollar he drove all this way and waited for your a come on man a dollar what is this 1975 okay i threw that last one in myself during all this i kept a smile on my face and let the heckling truckers say what i wanted to say despite the fact that conway trucking is on the very edge of our delivery map to my surprise the penny pinching trucker held firm and wrote 1 on the tip line on the credit card slip joy fast forward 1 week i check my tickets and see that i have a stop to conway trucking i get to said destination and inform the multitasking dispatchers who my customer is and have him paged after 2 minutes my customer comes out and greets me by saying is a dollar cool i immediately recognize him as one of the hecklers from last week and i share a good laugh with him before giving him his total 18 60 he hands me a 20 and a 10 and says this is to make up for that cheap bas last week i said sir you don t have to do that but i greatly appreciate it posted by lg at 8 49 am 1 comment sunday september 28 2008 rule breaking euphoria it was my first delivery of the night at sparano s and i was already feeling great during the 40 minutes between the end of my pizza hut shift and my first delivery at sparano s i got my 2 00 after 2 pm mocha frappucino and michigan had turned a 19 0 deficit into a 19 14 mid 4th quarter gleam of hope when i pulled up to the beautiful marble cliff condo with 4 pizzas that totaled 64 50 i had a good feeling the mid 50s lady at the door asked me if i could bring the pizzas downstairs for them i jokingly told them that they seemed like pretty safe folks and the crowd of baby boomer buckeye fans roared with laughter before entering the condo which was probably built in the last year or two i astutely noticed the very light carpeting as i kicked off my trashy old pepperoni grease lined walking shoes i told the mccain voters that i did not want to ruin their beautiful carpeting they all commented on what a nice gesture it was not realizing that it was an obvious attempt to pad my tip as the lady handed me 4 crisp 20 bills and told me to keep the change i smiled thanked them for their generosity put my shoes back on and left i walked back to my cr v thinking of the delivery driver safety sign at pizza hut that states never enter the customer s house among other arbitrary rules as if the sign could hear my witty reply i thought to myself yeah never enter the customer s house unless you want a tip big enough to buy lunch for you and your wife after church the next day as i got into my car i quickly noticed that the display on my sirius sportster said wisc 19 mich 20 i did a quick fist pump hit rewind and listened to frank beckmann s call of john thompson s pick 6 now that is how i like to start a shift posted by lg at 2 56 am no comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom tales from the road during an eight hour shift i ring 30 doorbells spend 6 5 hours in my vehicle wait for traffic lights to turn green and have a lot of time to think these thoughts are spewed out here in paragraph form blog archive 2010 2 august 1 til death do us part july 1 2009 4 october 1 july 1 april 1 february 1 2008 11 september 3 august 2 july 6 about me lg view my complete profile crude oil prices to get the oil price please enable javascript