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to the ground and i went right into it a necessary day or two of rice in case you haven t noticed i am important the emails that come to my phone are so essential so time pressing so urgent that i dare not look up and live the life in front of me ouch is right my priorities and perspectives are about as twisted as my ankle i wish i could say this is the first time i ve written about this but no let s travel back ten years back through two countries and a different job to when i wrote about alarm fatigue i only hope those in power see the liability of alarm fatigue in education and that we return to a renewed focus on treating teaching the student only then will we all find healing well houston we have a problem i am now one of those people in power and i am so consumed with the alarm bells of my inbox that i can t even look up my beautiful ex colleague but still friend nikki said something a few years ago that i can t stop thinking about and talking about she talked about how in education we manufacture this false sense of urgency often it is from a lack of proactive and thorough planning and diligent execution so then when the action arrives wait what what action didn t you check your email everybody and everything is so frantic to get it done and get it done right that everything else has to be stopped to do this thing oh but wait doing this thing means you have to stop that thing and no you can t not do that things will fall apart if you do that so juggle it all with the same intensity oh and also don t forget self care and model for students healthy boundary setting and oh wait crap the copier is down oh and also could you help we don t have someone to sponsor that club can you do it because the person who was doing it is behind in writing a new policy for deadlines because nobody is getting all the important stuff done in time and so they don t have the time to dedicate their time to that and we need that policy because the external organizations we are paying a butt load of money to don t have their ducks in a row wait they just changed their syllabus again can we have a meeting to get that figured out and don t forget to spend time exploring genai because your kids are using it and cheating all the time yeah you re right they need some social and emotional development especially after covid oh gosh that reminds me of the other gaps that came about from that years long span of being behind a screen can you fill out this form and let us know what you re seeing but wait let s circle back to that because this is important wait what this are we talking about but also don t forget your day job if you need a breath after that sentence welcome to a monday for anybody working in a school commasfordays and i see it in my leadership the language i use and ways i act that inflate the urgency words like crisis or the incessant response of busy to the question how you doing i d like to meet this busy because they are getting a lot of action swiperight the hesitancy to look up from my computer to be with someone when that dreaded question comes you got a minute the shortness of breath and tightness in my chest and tensing of the shoulders i get when i feel a sense of panic at not being able to accomplish a task it s embarrassing to confess it is just high school mary geez it is not an emergency room it is not the end of the world and what kills me the most is that i see it in our students they live their lives without sleep enslaved to the scores of external exams pressured by family and society rushed from period to period from test to test weilding the weaponized language of mental health lost in their phones isolated from their peers building habits that not only will affect them but our future society see what i did there with that paragraph oooooozing with drama and intensity and urgency all of our ankles are twisted aren t they can we all just calm down i m working on it breath in breath out home for christmas 25 dec 2023 leave a comment by mary in life light love my lasia tags expat family grief holidays nostalgia what is it about christmas music that just in stant ly transports you to a time and place liquid nostalgia pouring into the ears flowing down into heart settling deep into the belly i remember my dad sitting on the faded blue patterned rough textured couch playing his albums then cassettes then cds whistling along singing along a grown man caroling like a child he used to do that with the birds we d go for our walk when i wasn t too much of a self absorbed self important teenager and he d hear them in the trees he d look to find them and then he d speak to them fluent in bird song i do that now too we ve spent the past week at the simmering beach and then in the cooling mountains of malaysia and there wasn t a bird i didn t converse with i d do that now too if i could i d go home to the house that built me and i d get dad out of his bed one of his only places of known comfort as his memory failed him and i d take him for a neighborhood walk we would stroll to the local creak the trees would be barren as it is in winter the sky would be grey as it is in the midwest the cardinals would be calling as they do in nature the time would be precious as it is in grief i d then meet my mom in the kitchen we d make inappropriate jokes and gestures with powder sugared peanut buttered ball snowmen she d settle into her art of reliving her past with words and stories punctuated by cigarette puff periods and west virginian hill exclamation marks and before a time of bitterness and splintering and who knows what else we would all be there it would be loud and chaotic and being the youngest i d be annoyed at having to sit at the kids table of course there would be fighting in that ivy wallpapered kitchen we were family after all but we were together getting drunk on sweet potato gravy and criticizing the yearly dry turkey but at least it was cooked right that kitchen welcomed multiple lovers some that stuck and some that didn t ever widening circles of extended family and in laws kids and more kids and then their kids sometimes we would spread into two rooms there was so much much that kitchen now houses another family i ll be home for christmas but i won t really ever again at least not that home and being literally around the world on the other side i am deeply feeling the nostalgia this christmas morning the loss and longing and love i won t be home for christmas this year not in chicago not in dorchester not in columbia and it hurts i ache to wrap my niece in the most giantest of hugs and unconditional love and shared all the things ness to be my favorite role grauntie to remind them of who i am so far away to catch up on the latest romantic comedies with my sister to sit on my in laws flowered recliner and bundle up in the soft blankets mom makes sure i have on the ready and make fun of dad s westerns in all their sexist glory and watch the bird feeders to feel guilty for those i am not seeing those i have separated from but not really to be delightfully bored and lovingly annoyed and so beautifully irritated in that special way only family can achieve i ll be home for christmas if only in my dreams to my dear family each and every one sending you love from the other side of the world love letter to brasil 23 oct 2023 leave a comment by mary in brazilian wax poetica transitions bom dia bom to the dia it certainly is good in the mornings around here with the sun bellied bem te vi screaming hercules from the white rafters in the student center that create a jungle gym for the rising sun i will miss walking onto this campus the warm secure reliable greetings from the guards bom dia querida bom trabalho bom to the trabalho good is the work of deeper learning shormila s laugh echoing through the halls butler s shooting of the shit on the greens maggie s pgc legacies on the walls the english departments in your end ohs whose end the patriarchy s replies the bush witch and the leaving as good as the coming with bom descanso following the exit beep bom to the descanso in a country where my students still eat dinner at the table with their families albeit after i ve already gone to bed sunday mornings are quiet with deserted streets tucked in last night lovers who make out in public places like middle schoolers bom beijos boa vida boa to the vida a life grande so big the d takes on 2 syllables why can t it sound like it looks a dj sound musical full of bom shows bom passeios on horses in campos do jordao in markets on paulista in shopping in cunha passeios like tickets around the world of brasil bom viagem bom to the viagem it is good to travel the speed bump lined pothole dotted blackie friday snack cart frighteningly frogging the middle of the rodavia bom viagem to see the monkey s pedestrian bridges crazy descending roads amidst the carnage of hubcaps colored favelas governed only by themselves climbing the slopes the cristo s caress of the bay termite hills so monstrous they can be seen from the universe a boa vista boa vista boa to the vista that view that moment the eyes leave the road to see the sea the sharp descent to the glittering home of dolphins whales turtles on boa praia days me with a caipi boa praia boa to the praia it s what brasil does best ve o it is good with its funk that they don t like bumping in 3 conflicting speakers its queijo coalho its cerveja in the most tiny of glasses its ocean vibes converting everyone back into kids waves of laughter drips of sorvete tiny strips of clothing haviana thongs on everyone from swimmers to motoboys to my family back in the states to me next in malaysia bom brasil bom to brasil your spacious landscape sings dances the samba of your encompassing abracoes warm bemvindos loving fique à vontade carnaval of fun vivaciousness the loving everything that is voces that is your heart your big beautiful coração that breaks my heart to leave but also fica in my heart forever boa tchau bom tchau boa corazon obrigada graded obrigada brasil mining the transition 23 oct 2023 leave a comment by mary in leadership my lasia i know that the year of transitioning into an administrative role and out of the classroom is a mine rich for gleaning and i also know that learning doesn t happen in the event it happens only after reflecting on the event so allow me to do some reflective mining photo by vlad chețan on pexels com here s the nuggets that i ve been surfacing lately i take things too personally i make everything about me i forget that people have a world of issues tensions nuances struggles celebrations inquiries that have absolutely nothing to do with me they are a reflection of their own histories and the stories they tell themselves about those histories i act too swiftly in my effort to be action orientated and known as someone who get things done and perhaps maybe even in my desire to save the day i hear a story and then i move forward on that story but every story has multiple narrators and hidden alleys and secret ghosts i am realizing the need to pause and investigate and do so while suspending judgment it s one thing to be a volunteer firefighter in a rural town it s another thing to be the firefighter in a large metropolitan city this metaphor captures a lot of what my transition has been in my past leadership roles i have done a lot of what i m doing now but in isolated bits here and there all the while doing what i love in the classroom and what i know but now whoa there are so many fires on so many levels blazing so quickly so needingly and i have to be everywhere at all times in my best problem solving state the volume the pace the intensity is just at a mind blowing different level difficult conversations are best had immediately and in small digestible bites otherwise they become big scary monsters that just hover and quite frankly intimidate i need to do better at saying what needs to be said in the moment and then working through it this is that courage i knew i was going to need to lean into and the courage i am called to again i am grieving the loss of my teacher identity yep this is a doozy i didn t even realize it til my own coaching conversation i had recently i got it as a teacher i knew how to connect with students my reputation did work behind the scenes for me my sphere of influence was manageable i was trusted i was known and now i am in a new school in a new role in a new country and as with every evolution of the self a part of me has died i know something new and beautiful and glorious is coming to life but without a doubt i am grieving what is gone it s october and it s only october talking with a new dear friend reminded me of this everyone knows october is a hard month in schools period and i ve only been doing this for 3 months i m a baby self compassion softness spaciousness call to me and sooth me i can lose sight of joy i am prone to heaviness criticalness relentless expectations inwardly and outwardly but and yet just this week i got to sit in on a student receiving a prestigious award and the pride on her face it was just everything yesterday i got to see students present their innovative products designed to be circular they were discussing chemistry and business at the highest levels and with wit and humor and they were only freshmen it was spectacular even in detention yesterday i had some tender conversations with students there is so much joy and wonder and light and laughter i embrace that a gr8 start 20 aug 2023 leave a comment by mary in leadership my lasia tags leadership i ve thought a lot about my transition into admin i remember kicking around the idea a couple of times before then backing down now i see how meant to be that was because i was not ready but i m ready now even though it pains me to leave the classroom the connections with students it gifts me i am so excited to do that on a bigger scale now in many ways i have approached my 1st year as an assistant principal in the same way i have always approached my students mindful of relationship with that here are 8 ways i made early deposits into my new colleagues love banks i wrote the hs teachers an open letter introducing myself asked them to do the same i gave them time to do this in a meeting because let s face it they got enough on their plates i have been taking my time working through their responses so that i can remember who is who what is important to them i am actively seeking to know them i showed up on a saturday during an optional set up your room day with snacks because well snacks i am not above bribery i have made sure to address what s been brought to my attention even when it s small requests little things like technology snafus sending that email writing thank yous showing up in a typically deserted hallway circling back to a conversation etc i am visible as much as possible i am trying to get into the hallways into classrooms into the lunch room into pra...