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inable indeed about three years later i left for the us to work with my current employer thus today however outrageous that idea once seemed i am exactly in their shoes having worked for the same laboratory for twenty one years there has been one relocation the one that took me to denmark when my employer decided to go back home but overall i have been educated trained and directed by the same man almost my whole professional life he brought out the hidden talents in me gave me the opportunities to use my imagination and my skills and established an environment for me where i could thrive and flourish excelling in the field of science with an incredible speed and endless success he turned my work into my life and together with his wife the couple became my best friends a substitute family to a young girl far away from home they became people i could and still can today count on one hundred percent to be there for me should i ever need it today i am one of the senior analysts in the lab i know where everything is how everything works as i am partly responsible for the overall running of the place it is to me the young students turn with their troubles and problems i am free to do whatever i like i take days off at my fancy and decide my working hours my work has always been the only constant in my life something safe and secure no matter how much my personal life changed my professional life never did and yet we all know that nothing ever stays the same no matter how much we want or expect it to along the way in life we make decisions that take us on novel paths setting us on journeys that defy our world thus all the choices i made in recent years in my private life slowly caused changes in my line of work as well without me even noticing at the onset they were only ripples on the surface but in time it became painfully apparent to me that the place of my employment the one that has been my secure shelter and a solid anchor my whole adult life has sadly played out its role in two weeks i will start a new job for the first time in two decades the emotion that encompass my being when i think about that fact is a wild mix of joy and fear there are days when i feel excited and happy about the prospect of a new start i will still work in the research field but my long commute will be cut by two hours every day giving my personal life more freedom however the new position comes with responsibilities and a firm promise of hard work i can not even recall any longer how it feels to work for someone else than my friend and my mentor and i wonder all the time whether i will be able to take direct orders from someone new and whether he will find me competent in my skills thus there are days when i wake up with a knot in my stomach riddled with profound fear and anxiety absolutely terrified and full of regrets it feels as if i am to leave home again for the first time since i was twenty leaving my family for good knowing i will miss them terribly i have made many outrageous changes in my life but never before have i been so apprehensive about altering anything as i am today somewhere deep within though in the core of my very being i know that i need to take this step however scary it might seem i need to say my thanks and my farewells and set out sailing anew i expect nothing and am prepared for everything knowing hardship is linked to every change and things might get a lot worse before they get better yet hardship is what makes us grow and flourish experiences have taught me that i believe that worst life is life lived with fear and i refuse to let fear of the unknown prevent me from embracing the very beauty of it i try very hard to remember my own personal belief stating that change is what fuels our reality i hope i will never get too scared to realize that thus i have decided to raise my old anchor the one that is rusty and buried in the depth of the sea not having been moved for a very long time a life time it seems yet the ship is still sail worthy and the ocean is open wide thus lets sail into the unknown one more time i am confident that great adventures await images photobucket posted by zuzana at friday april 19 2013 25 comments labels change contemplation friends reflections sadness science sentimental the future the past work april 13 2013 dawn by iphotography my daily run is slowly becoming a favorite part of my morning not just because i love the exercise but mostly due to the incredible natural beauty that meets my gaze watching a still landscape waking up to a stunning dawn is the most perfect way to start a new day i run with my iphone in the pocket initially this was to check the time and provided me with a sort of security as i venture into deserted fields however it has become a tool to document the enchanted beauty of panoramic views at sunrise sadly my little nikon ceased functioning a couple of months ago thus until i buy a new pocket camera my phone seems to be a suitable substitute considering the quantum leap that technology has taken just in a few decades i view every capture i snap with it as a true marvel ten years ago no one ever thought that a phone would be substituting point and shoot cameras my very first camera was made by kodak and today it would be considered as ancient at the very best but in 1982 it was a modern gadget of course viewed with today s eyes the pictures were of limited quality nevertheless i was fascinated by its simple process and by the sheer possibility of being able to the capture moments in time unfortunately when vacationing in the south of europe one summer i left it on the rooftop of my parents car at a rest stop when i realized this some three hours later i had to accept that it was lost forever since then i have own many cameras some inexpensive some of better quality yet my love for photography only grew almost every day i take pictures of something that entices me either using my beautiful canon or my phone the fact that i can take hundreds of shots and view them instantly will never cease to mesmerize me anyone can be a photographer these days still i can at times get slightly sentimental recollecting the anticipation of the old film processing taking pictures in the past was just like a box of chocolates you never knew what you were going to get below images of an april dawn taken with my iphone during my recent run please click to enlarge and here below a sentimental walk down the memory lane the old add for my first camera posted by zuzana at saturday april 13 2013 21 comments labels childhood dawn exercise nature phone photography sunrise april 05 2013 siberian and sunny snowdrops our first vernal month goes down in history as one of the coldest ever measured air streaming directly from siberia has kept the atmospere frigidly cold and the ground snow covered but our skies have been unusually sunny for weeks at end accounting for a seventy year old record i have mixed feelings about the cold weather indeed it is unbearable when winter is endless yet i rather have cold sunny skies then warm rainy air nevertheless a change of seasons is in the process and spring has gotten one foot in the sun is gaining in strength by each and every day and despite the temperatures hoovering around zero i decided to bundle up and take a walk in our new neighborhood this past weekend we live at the outskirts of the town and thus very quickly i found myself leaving the residential area behind and i begun walking among empty fields despite the flat lands the views came across as absolutely enchanting my gaze tracing an endless horizon as the vital sunshine warmed my face listening to the singing of the lark a bird song so significant of these parts i realized that vernal bloom was covering the surroundings and that unmistakable sense of spring saturated the air that undefinable yet so tangible perception of awakenings at winters end my walk my hour long walk inspired me to take up running something i gave up on last autumn thus just before sunrise every morning this week i set out onto the frost covered ground into siberian conditions to greet a world that was still asleep with the moon setting in the west and the imminent sunrise in the east i ran on a path among barren fields marveling at the natural beauty and as always nature put my mind to ease a lot is occupying my thinking these days some of the thoughts fill me with anxiety somewhere deep within me there is a sadness gaining hold the seasonal shift means that summer is getting closer and so is the departure of the man that i love once again we will be separated for four months and already now this weights heavy on my heart having tried it before is actually not making things any easier oddly enough harder i can only take consolation in my own strength that one that i found last time around and in the profound love that we share thus new projects are being planned in my mind to keep me occupied the spirits up and the sinister thoughts at bay gardening is on top of the list forgotten hyacinths our garden is beautiful but in a simple way and i definitely am not a simple gardener there is a total lack of vernal bloom no spring flowers adorn the flowers beds something i truly miss and yet cleaning our greenhouse the other day i stumbled upon a forgotten pot left behind by the former owners it was full of blue hyacinths the bulbs have survived the winter and were blooming despite the lack of watering i took it as subtle sign that everything will be well i am also planning to undertake a project involving a mural painting there is a spot above the provence inspired stove area in our kitchen in form of a little alcove in the wall it absolutely screams for a tranquil french still life i am indeed excited about the prospect of reviving my old hobby painting right now i am in stages of planning and preparations in search of suitable paint and motif danish passport i have officially become danish and that leaves me with a sense of a bittersweet finale a door is closing upon the first half of my adult reality yet simultaneously another one is opening wide i went to a photographer having a picture taken for my new driving license and passport i had to gasp when the photographer returned the images to me as i met the gaze of a middle aged woman what happened to that young girl that used to smile at me for a decade every time i opened my old swedish passport i guess she is forever gone but maybe that is not such a bad thing aging used to bother me quiet a bit it still does and probably always will yet i have started to slowly surrender myself to time would i like to be twenty again i am not so sure life is short yet the magic lies in its ephemerality i have done exactly what i was suppose to do and what i wanted to do i have no regrets and no need to go back in time ultimately i will happily trade my youth for the privilege of unforgettable experiences and priceless knowledge endless views near our home the same views at dawn the setting moon the same views at dawn the rising sun posted by zuzana at friday april 05 2013 26 comments labels contemplation dawn exercise nature reflections spring sunrise walk march 29 2013 vernal light vernal sunset evocative natural beauty attempting to savor and enjoy its transcending magic i tried to capture and convey my experiences in images rather than words these might in their simplicity and simultaneously their complexity more adequately describe my recent encounters than any lengthy writing sometimes silence is golden thus i present to you my tribute to the returning light and my fascination with the time of vernal twilight the evening sky and the celestial objects adoring my views currently happy easter everyone i shall return with a more profound writing next week until then may these images speak more than words almost full moon moon rise sunset from our garden driving home solar power upon dusk posted by zuzana at friday march 29 2013 23 comments labels moon photography sky solar lamps spring sun sunset twilight march 22 2013 spring snow crossing the vernal equinox this week we have officially entered the second season winter however seems to think otherwise the ice lady never leaves voluntary and fights to the bitter end to remain in reign in my part of the world her wrath is endless and currently absolutely fierce making this march one for the record books as the coldest ever meassured nature and animals yearn for spring and so do we everywhere i look there is a pristine blanket of spring snow and the easterly winds blow arctic air over us keeping the temperatures below freezing the only vernal sign is the light the sun is raising earlier and setting later by each passing day there is something altered about the daylight as well as it slowly turns platinum instead of golden despite the final fury of the winter a point of no return has been reached and that universal feeling of an approaching seasonal shift can clearly be perceived the best time of the year has already begun posted by zuzana at friday march 22 2013 22 comments labels equinox march nature snow spring winter march 15 2013 moody march our fire we are mid march and the subzero temperatures are back the brief taste of spring at this month s onset disappeared as fast as it arrived lady winter is not ready to quit just yet as we all know the first vernal month is capricious and moody it can switch between seasons at its own fancy testing our patience and tolerance in my native language there is a rhyme that describes this third month something like this march lets get back to the fire and that is indeed my favorite spot currently in fact that is where i am sitting right now typing away our house came with a wood burning stove even though it can by no means match the beauty of my old fireplace in the white house on the hill it does what it is suppose to do it creates a cozy warm spot in our living room equipped with a glass door it enables me to watch the fire i love everything about it the scent the sound and the hypnotic dance of the flames that so easily make my mind travel in time and space this feature is one of the reasons why i fell for our house at first sight beam of morning sun there is yet another illumination defining my perception currently the increasing daylight the light whether it is the lack or abundance of it is my infinite fascination with the european north i love the incredible shifts that the seasons here provide the winter and the summer differ about eleven hours when it comes to light and we are only in southern scandinavia our home does not have any spectacular views of either sunrises or sunsets still the bay windows of the north facing kitchen can offer alluring morning views recently during a winter dawn the young sun emitted a beam of light shooting straight up across the purple sky like a solar laser creating an unforgettable moment view into our living room the house is starting to look like a home it ...