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Text of the page (random words):
d thing previous posts learning to breathe again i have for a few weeks didn t this used to be a blog yeah i know hello crazed weasel arrives at spring barelyholy crap w crazed weasel quarterlynot drawn and quartered fire frying pan can i get back to you on that fast forward to the next partwell it s been quite the saga continues and doesn t everyone s so it updateyes yes it s a ridiculous hour of the morn brown it s really happening i m still a bit stun blog oh yeah back again having deleted the too archives 10 01 2005 11 01 2005 01 01 2006 02 01 2006 02 01 2006 03 01 2006 03 01 2006 04 01 2006 04 01 2006 05 01 2006 05 01 2006 06 01 2006 06 01 2006 07 01 2006 07 01 2006 08 01 2006 08 01 2006 09 01 2006 09 01 2006 10 01 2006 10 01 2006 11 01 2006 11 01 2006 12 01 2006 12 01 2006 01 01 2007 01 01 2007 02 01 2007 02 01 2007 03 01 2007 03 01 2007 04 01 2007 04 01 2007 05 01 2007 05 01 2007 06 01 2007 06 01 2007 07 01 2007 07 01 2007 08 01 2007 08 01 2007 09 01 2007 09 01 2007 10 01 2007 10 01 2007 11 01 2007 11 01 2007 12 01 2007 12 01 2007 01 01 2008 01 01 2008 02 01 2008 02 01 2008 03 01 2008 03 01 2008 04 01 2008 04 01 2008 05 01 2008 05 01 2008 06 01 2008 06 01 2008 07 01 2008 07 01 2008 08 01 2008 08 01 2008 09 01 2008 09 01 2008 10 01 2008 10 01 2008 11 01 2008 11 01 2008 12 01 2008 12 01 2008 01 01 2009 01 01 2009 02 01 2009 02 01 2009 03 01 2009 03 01 2009 04 01 2009 04 01 2009 05 01 2009 07 01 2009 08 01 2009 08 01 2009 09 01 2009 09 01 2009 10 01 2009 10 01 2009 11 01 2009 11 01 2009 12 01 2009 12 01 2009 01 01 2010 01 01 2010 02 01 2010 03 01 2010 04 01 2010 04 01 2010 05 01 2010 06 01 2010 07 01 2010 08 01 2010 09 01 2010 09 01 2010 10 01 2010 12 01 2010 01 01 2011 04 01 2011 05 01 2011 11 01 2011 12 01 2011 saturday november 26 2011 learning to breathe again i have for a few weeks now been taking time to breathe finally i had a regular spiritual practice at other times in my life and have been doing some daily meditation i m grateful to have found material to work with that feels true to me here if you re interested it makes sense to me to be aware of and consciously try to work with my own energy and what s not to love about pagan earth based spiritual traditions the turning of the wheel of the year is palpable sometimes and i like acknowledging that hello to the sun and the water and the earth and the wind and here we all are breathing is important sitting quietly now and then is important it has been a long while again since i last posted in that time i thoroughly crashed academically and notice d that the phd program was a struggle that was breaking me i withdrew from it a few months ago so much of my attention went into the whole idea of doing a phd that it s taking me a while to figure out what next i am fortunate in that i don t have to know the answer to that immediately i do still find molecular structure to be fascinating and beautiful we shall see what arises from this particular iteration of phoenix hood i suppose i continue to be thankful for the people in my life past and present today would be my wedding anniversary had s lived i am grateful for the whole journey including finding love again to echo the assured prediction of a friend from some while back there is so much i have gained in strength from the generosity of other people i can still feel i am not broken and that feels like a gift happy thanksgiving everyone posted by liz 12 57 pm 0 comments sunday april 24 2011 didn t this used to be a blog yeah i know hello again wee hours in the middle of anime boston here and life continues to hurtle along just barely within my grasp academics nearly under control ditto emotional life ditto balance etc etc et friggin cetera i m a little annoyed with myself for missing the dr who thing that was broadcast tonight but this is in fact not a very big problem to have is it the personal life has shifted no longer with one of the men which is best for us both and very much with the other one which is also a very very good thing it keeps expanding and extending and other ex words that mean life becoming more than it was before i don t mean to be cryptic but i also try to protect the privacy of the people i love so alas not much detail to be had here it is a non monogamous relationship as mine are have been for a little while now it s also sane nourishing joyous occasionally frustrating and intense to some extent we are in uncharted territory with each other haven t made much progress on the socks i ve been working on but that s okay i m presenting at a conference on gifted education mostly because the organizer is a good friend it should be interesting hopefully for the audience and not just me next weekend better finish my prep for it eh oh yeah i got an honorable mention on the nsf fellowship not tattoo worthy not this year anyway but we shall see what happens next year when i reapply in the meantime whoo hoo posted by liz 2 28 am 0 comments saturday april 02 2011 crazed weasel arrives at spring barely holy crap way too many things have been happening and continue to happen and i m in a constant state of triage with a lot of it to borrow the encapsulation used by k d continues to be a force for happiness in my life my family is having a lot of stuff happening mainly of the not good variety academic life continues to be extraordinarily challenging and i wonder if i m having some kind of brain damage when i can t remember things like what the symptoms of huntington s disease even are and it is less and less often that i take a few minutes to breathe and think so hi thoughts and hello anyone reading this it is already april 2 and time keeps passing with too little to show for it it seems some days other days it feels like a huge amount of things have happened that somehow mark change and growth and oh please greater wisdom the winter went crashing along with epic levels of snow and huge stress and multiple crises and so much insanity that i didn t send holiday greetings to anyone at all which feels weird it is now rather late to do that don t you think um happy winter everyone i m not sure how exactly i got to april without a total meltdown oh wait that did kind of happen right i know i sound not okay but i am i m bemused reasonably peaceful pretty happy overall and in particular and i have a lot of work to do surprise surprise when do i not have a lot of work to do some of which isn t very tangible like finding better balance in my life yes still trying i am beginning to suspect that finding balance means something a bit different from what i think it does and that it is more a journey than a destination welcome spring and the awakening of the earth and the trees and us all peace posted by liz 10 21 am 2 comments monday december 13 2010 crazed weasel quarterly not drawn and quartered either yes i should be studying for quals or sleeping or something but i m not a lot continues to happen and the time stretches and bends it feels like the semester just started and like i ve been doing this forever i can barely remember what it felt like to know nothing about how to work the electrophysiology rig i use it seems flat out impossible that barely 4 months have passed since d i started this thing we re in and beyond weird to think that i first met h about a year ago the work has felt like one long week or two at most i love it and it s wonderful but i really am looking forward to post exams hopefully i ll have done well enough that i don t have to re take anything the relationships have their own textures and yes i am stretched rather thin which i knew would be the case but one cannot know how one will feel until the time passes and here we are so here we are life is still out of balance but getting ever so slightly better i think i hope i have a potential theatre project percolating in my head i have also submitted my nsf national science foundation and if i get the grant i will probably get a tattoo of their logo grant proposal that project is also pretty nifty and there s another project i should be starting the real work on quite soon i still marvel at being able to do stuff it amazes me after all the controls and rigidly structured lab courses and jumping through endless hoops to get into grad school that now i can just do stuff went to cincinnati went to san diego am not going anyplace this winter want to escape at some point though and don t think i ve built in the time to do it road trip to webs in order methinks even if no one actually buys any yarn this would still be a good thing warm dry thoughts to all back to my endless pile of journal articles and book chapters and attempting however futilely to connect everything in my head posted by liz 12 32 am 2 comments sunday september 05 2010 fire frying pan can i get back to you on that i keep telling myself hey this whole scheduling thing is going to settle down any minute now still waiting for that to happen which is not helped by having no time sense whatsoever it is after all labor day weekend which throws off all kinds of things good problems to have in this category too many cookouts to try and go to not so good problem of course is the death of a friend memorial service was today visiting hours yesterday and i desperately needed to not hold it together all the time and i didn t i bugged mary kate s husband to make sure he ate and drank and slept and did you do that today but what i did not have made for a rather long list anything useful to do the capacity to organize anything presence of mind energy i decided that was okay though i am not indispensable and am certainly not the center of everyone else s life and sometimes when it is all one can manage it is enough to just show up the two thoughtful men who ve come to mean a lot to me both helped by being present at different times for me to cry on and hold onto mary kate was adamant about maintaining her privacy and her dignity and i was both afraid to intrude and unable to offer much help anyway i was not terribly close to her generally except for the intense joyous period of time when we worked on the tempest together and one particular conversation that i now believe was our goodbye she d said who can i tell about this really cool laser surgery technique they re going to use on the tumors that have metastasized to my brain oh liz will appreciate this and she was right i did it was a really cool technique it was also the most terrible news imaginable which she also knew i would appreciate when oncologists diagnose melanoma the whole focus of treatment is to avoid metastasis to brain tissue and that she was telling me was what had already happened i said yeah that is really really cool and oh my god mary kate and i looked at her and she looked at me and we held onto each other for a good long time i am fiercely grateful that she held on and stayed alive for as long as she did angry that science could not in the end move fast enough to save her sad and stunned and oddly distanced this is not the grief i ve known it is an echo with the melody of mary kate s voice and the color of her beautiful red hair and the caring capable hands that raised strong brilliant children and made things grow and knitted and clapped in time to music that sometimes only existed because she made it i will miss her keen insight her intentionality her directness and compassion and mischief we drank a last dram to her memory today morgan thank the gods for people who can think of and do these things because i surely couldn t brought sheets of music so that those of us who wanted to sing the toast could so i d better get going on my coursework and do my bit to push the edges of what we know a little further out every now and then that edge s movement pulls a human being out of the part where things are dark and unknown and into a place where we have some idea of what to do i have journal articles to read books to peruse i m grateful for the chance to make this journey and for the company i have on it and you know who you are posted by liz 10 31 pm 9 comments sunday august 22 2010 fast forward to the next part well it s been quite a while the show opened ran and closed selling out both weekends which was awesome grad school stuff starts this week and i m not really ready but it ll still happen i am excited and scared and happy relationship stuff has been interesting still seeing the same guy which is really lovely and seeing another one too who i met doing the show also really lovely it sounds complicated but feels quite simple it also feels nurturing and joyous and good they re two very different men so it s the calm before the storm here i can see a path forward and it feels like a good one posted by liz 7 44 pm 4 comments friday june 04 2010 the saga continues and doesn t everyone s so it s been just over a month again in that time i have graduated from harvard at last bachelor of liberal arts field of study biology cum laude which involved finishing coursework for which i got really good grades hurray this seems miraculous but i suppose i m pretty good at neuroscience after all and then i had a big party and yes still seeing the same guy and nobody else so far and that s fine and about a zillion other things like continuing to get out and play with my friends sometimes and do some knitting and at least think about art making and remember how to do those things and oh yes relax in between being distracted by science and family and life generally speaking of which life generally is good i met some really interesting women at my son s sword fighting class last week and had some neat conversations and then saw an old friend i haven t seen in ages tae kwon do continues to be fun graduation week was a blur of grand spectacle first there was a reception with the administration of the school then there was a banquet then a flurry of activity getting ready for graduation itself graduation day started with a catered breakfast at 7 a m then everybody lined up and continued to do that for a good long while it was far too early and i had far too little coffee but what we were in was a procession and assembly of all 16 000 people getting degrees of any kind that s the grand spectacle part huge crowd and speeches and honorary degrees by the time david souter spoke i was too tired to focus so i m glad there s video online the weather was wonderful interleaved with graduation festivities were two birthdays my wonderful oldest and youngest children are now officially a bit older there s a two man team struggling to install a dishwasher right now in the creaking old kitchen here they re pretty funny together done i have shiny new functioning dishwasher it s been a strange week intensely non intense if that makes any sense last week felt like it lasted several weeks and like it must have been several weeks ago i can not fathom finals finishing barely 3 weeks ago or the end of my time as a harvard student all that s just so crazy i don t ...