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boys b the 3 year old and d the 5 year old went for a walk next to the virgin river in st george near the river is a bike walk path that had two very steep hills before we got out of the car i warned the boys that the hill was steep and told them not to ride their scooters until we got to the flat part near the river b immediately got on his scooter taking off quickly down the hill as i yelled stop running after him he jumped from his scooter landed on loose dirt and fell hard right before the more dangerous drop off the art of falling 3 by nathalie labaki as i helped b from his fall and again warned him not to continue down the next really steep hill d told me he used his break proud of himself for managing the first hill as i examined b for any blood breaks sprains etc d took off down the next dangerous hill i remember turning my head just as his body launched off the scooter watching him roll 3 times skidding to an immediate halt it all happened so quickly i yelled swore and ran down the hill praying that b wouldn t jump on his scooter while my back was turned d was a champ hurt absolutely but a champ nonetheless several onlookers watched as i examined him among the commotion i hear on your left as d s incredibly audible sobs echoed under the bridge i didn t dare move him until i knew his body was in tact and the jerk face biker had the audacity to keep his pace while passing us i digress forgive my humanity one sweet angel woman came and gave us water to help clean his wounds asking what my next step was i thought about what i was going to do i wasn t sure i thanked her as she left d was in pain his wounds needed cleaning and it was an uphill climb to the car he sat next to me shaking and uncontrollably crying it was hard seeing him hurt so badly it was also hard for me not to be slightly angry that this could have been prevented if only he had listened the first time against my nature and thankfully i didn t try to fix or mend immediately i also didn t get upset with him or tell him he should have listened to his mom i sat next to him i don t remember offering him words i felt in the moment that he needed to be in his pain and that talking to him would only exacerbate the situation i watched him as he went through the broad range of emotion every time he looked at his bleeding wounds he cried louder he went from shock and fear to hurt and pain and back again after a couple of minutes while b scampered off to throw rocks in the river i finally spoke to him d what do you want to do we can go home and wash your owies and watch some movies and relax or we can stay and throw rocks in the river he cried out he was so excited about throwing rocks in the river earlier this decision seemed to create more pain for him but i waited for his answer through his tears he said let me see if i can hold a rock he picked up a rock and said oh that s not so bad immediately he stopped crying got up from where we were sitting and said i want to stay and throw rocks we ended up throwing rocks in the river for 2 hours when we decided to cross the bridge to the other side i ran into an angel friend from my past we ended up catching up on life and in the process of our updates i asked her what she does to help her child with resilience where does she step in where does she allow a fall she was exactly the person i needed to speak to at that moment to help me process everything that happened it is hard to see my children fall physically emotionally spiritually but my friend reminded me to look at how much they learn when they do just like me right obviously i want to protect my kids from doing something dangerous but also allowing falling to happen i see hear this analogy a lot when people compare the falls in life to watching toddlers learn how to walk there is so much strength in that metaphor some things i can tell you about this incident that took me by a welcome surprise while my initial reaction to d falling felt uncontrolled my immediate gut reaction i was impressed with myself for how i handled what happened after my gut reaction like i said earlier it is not in my typical nature to wait and see i typically try fix or mend it but instead i waited until d was ready to tell me what he wanted to do it was amazing to see d move through his varying stages until he was ready to make a choice i have been worried about him for a long time his adaptability his beautiful and sensitive heart how he feels about himself how hard he is on himself already as a 5 year old watching him move through pain which was also painful for me allowed me to see his beauty his emotional heart his problem solving skills his resilience and his ability to seek joy after all of it i cried to see this incredible young man this moment was truly a gift from god it was one of the first times i have seen d through heavenly eyes oh to see who this young man will become this experience makes me wonder if this is how our heavenly parents work they watch us fall help dust us off wait for us to respond until we are ready and then ask us what we want to do now seeing our magnificence in our response whatever that is posted by unstoppable lindsey at 8 57 pm no comments monday may 3 2021 mommy tales stop crying and other lies i told myself about child emotions saturday dean was crying a lot it is actually quite typical i get it i am emotional i remember being young and my dad saying stop crying i was often called cry baby by family and peers it wasn t until the last couple of years that i have really embraced this about myself now crying is a gift it is something i am proud of my dad once shared a seminary lesson he taught where at the time people carried vials around their necks to collect their tears because those tears were considered more than gold and were also thought to have healing powers i just did some research on this and even though there is historical debunking of this happening right now i like it anyway if you are interested in knowing more about these tear bottles read this article about lachrymatory tear bottles this story was important to me at the time because instead of apologizing for crying i gave myself permission to embrace it embracing this emotion has been so powerful for me to feel deeply and love that about myself whenever i am with students i also give them permission to cry and share that story my dad shared with me i want to create that safe space for them crying is freeing and healing so then why on this good earth would i become one of those parents constantly trying to check dean s emotions at the door why did i become one of those parents to shout stop crying it was easy to justify i would tell myself it isn t that he is crying it is the volume of his crying so i tried to tell him to limit the volume i have also asked him to go to the other room so that way he could be as loud as he wanted as long as it wasn t in front of me or others i also thought but his crying is so much he cries over everything especially when he gets wet with drinking water he has no problem jumping in a river or lake with all his clothes but the minute he spills game over i have had well intentioned moms talk to me about raising brave and courageous kids and who have recommended books for me to read to be better at rearing emotional children all of this while trying to comfort and soothe a crying child but while dean was again crying for the 4th time in an hour at a birthday party i decided i wasn t going to say or do anything i got into the headspace of trying to help him through his emotions based on all those parenting books and things that i saw other moms doing and you know what that is a crummy space to be to be in my kids space all the time trying to tell him how to live sure there are times for interference and teaching moments but wow i became a micromanager mom in order to somehow understand how to parent i thought if i could know different techniques for parenting or learn how others do it i would be better he would be better i would say the right things and raise amazing properly emotioned kids but you know something my kids are freaking amazing they came that way you know something else i am freaking amazing too so here is what i am going to do realize i am doing my best and my best is good enough for my kids embrace that i am emotional and that doesn t make me weak therefore my children are emotional and that doesn t make them weak re evaluate that i don t care if others see my kids as cry babies i will not view them that way and teach them the beauty in this form of expression recognize that people are all well intentioned and that is ok i will be choosy with which advice to take and not fault others for wanting to be helpful check in with god on a regular basis to make sure i am understanding where i need to teach and where to step back demonstrate love to my kids instead of micromanaging them maintain a realistic perspective that even though i have embraced these thoughts recognize that i am human and will still probably say stop crying but not beat myself up if i mess up ask my kids more about why they are feeling those feels in order to help them communicate why they are feeling these deep emotions because communication is beautiful stop falling in the trap of teaching my kids to not have and or express emotion be better at asking what do you need mommy to do when they come to me in safety and let them take the lead on my involvement teach where i need to but not make it my life s mission to make every moment a teaching moment posted by unstoppable lindsey at 12 43 pm 2 comments tuesday april 20 2021 single mom journal they made the beds yesterday i walked in my home and smelled the lemon burst of my swiffer cleaning wipes i walked around my home a place i typically dread coming home to because it stresses me out with an overwhelming sense of peace i noticed little things my computer in a different location the small used rags gone off the counter top the toys picked up and put in the bin on our main floor then i walked upstairs the laundry i had put out for folding was folded so beautifully and neatly but as i rounded the corner i saw that my boys beds had been beautifully made in a clean crisp room that is when i fell to my knees and cried i cried loudly it was the kind of crying that is beautiful and deep my reaction was unanticipated i knew i would be grateful yes but not like this the sound came from my stomach and filled the room with moaning that could have been mistaken for pain and it was somewhat while another person may have stifled their cries i did not hold back i let it out it was freeing as if i had been holding my emotion captive it was messy it was raw it was real i was letting go of a pain that only i and jesus could understand being a single mom is hard i don t say this for sympathy i am saying it because it is true i knew it would be hard but i didn t know how it would be hard i feel like i am constantly battling time i work 3 jobs and get to spend 3 waking hours sometimes 4 if i let the littles stay up with my kids and when i am with them i am making dinner giving baths and i often feel like i have very little time to connect they feel it i feel it then i find when i do have more time with them i don t know what to do it has been very difficult for me to shove aside the guilt that comes from my decisions all the time but i do my best to shove this away give it to god process my role s all the things and so i am spinning a lot of plates taken from an analogy that elder bednar gave once i constantly prioritize and re prioritize some days there are certain things activities motivations that lead out and sometimes there are others it doesn t look the same day to day i have gracious and well intended people tell me that i can leave dishes in the sink or not clean my house or put off those things that aren t priorities and while i know they mean well i hate going home when i follow that advice you see all those things that i would put off still pile and pile and pile on top of each other and while it may have meant that i spent more connected time with my kids instead of cleaning my house i get cranky because now i have to spend an entire saturday and sunday cleaning then i think little bits at a time right but those little bits don t happen in a lively household either overall my littles don t have my full attention because my list in my head would grow and grow of all the things i had to do putting it off has the opposite effect for me i was thinking about posting on social media about needing help cleaning my house but i found every reason not to it is covid who wants to expose themselves to our germs it isn t right to ask so much of someone i should pay them but i just quit job 2 and job 3 so i wouldn t have that stress how will i pay them how much should i pay them should this be service no it is too much for it to be service i am tired of being the person that everyone else is serving all the time when can i pitch in to serve them who do i trust in this very intimate and safe place i have tried to create for my little family i can do it i just need to schedule the time instead of binging netflix after my kids go down after 10 p m every night even though my job 2 and 3 are supposed to happen during those hours i can clean when their dad has them instead of doing the self care that i really don t need right the battle is hard and real so much so that i end up feeling defeated in my thoughts and never follow through with it i never really pray about it either i don t feel like i should it is just so silly not being able to manage a home that isn t very self reliant i thought about the secret and thought i would tell some people about how i was feeling just to open it up to the universe and while well intentioned i stumbled on advice giving but found that what i need is someone in my life to take action because i often can t muster it the battle with myself leaves me so wounded without a lot to keep me going in some silly way i felt the responses were the universe s way of telling me i was asking too much so i stopped asking but then i mentioned something last week to a good friend this friend had the drive and initiative to figure out all the details for me and arranged to have the service missionaries come twice a week to help me all i had to do was leave minimal instruction the note i found on my counter went something like thank you for letting us come to clean your beautiful home we hope you have what you need to relax and be with your family we will back on friday i am still tearing up thinking about how having this relief has meant the world to me i am so grateful i know i have a lot to work on with self compassion but while i am battling that it has been so amazing to me to see all the people in my corner people are amazing and god is so so so good posted by unstoppable lindsey at 11 18 am no comments friday november ...