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Text of the page (random words):
ot have thought i used to scrapbook all the time my camera or phone would catch a lot of moments now i truly love first being in the moment and then choose sometimes to take a picture three tags for today it is a start to catalogue everything from the last several years one day at a time love and light to any readers out there i humbly say thank you for visiting my little place take care of yourself remember you are worth it lagt inn av linn kl 20 54 1 kommentar send dette via e post blogg dette del på x del på facebook del på pinterest etiketter art and thoughts tags 8 mars 2019 if we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding shame can t survive brené brown hi again this blog has gotten so dusty the last two years i have just not felt like sharing anything i have been very much in myself reflecting meditating reading a lot after some tough years i have needed to center myself find out what my needs are how to get those needs met and finding a balance we have moved to a wonderful place where everything is on one level so both my daughter and i can use more of the house we live in nature now the one thing our daughter has wanted for years when we drove up to see the house she made the most sweet sounds of joy when she got out of the car she took the longest breathe like she inhaled the whole essence of the place when she exhaled she just sighed and said this is home mom i can smell nature mom smell the trees mom you know i am a nature kid i said i know darling please mom can we pleeease move here so we have lived here now for over a year it is an old house with a lot of soul it feels like there has lived very kind people here daily we can hear or see animals moose hawks birds deer otter yep he ran over the road i even saw a raven one night oh my it was amazing it was chasing some seagulls on our rooftop it was so close to me like a couple of car lengths away we have a lot of birds and so much more our dog loooves living here he is a lover not a fighter mooses comes all the way up to our porch and he just sits there tilting his head one day when we were outside we did not see that there was laying a moose between some trees by our lawn suddenly we could see a moose jumping over our dog theo he just stood still and let her jump right over him my sweetheart hubby loves it here too he gets to see us so much more no more stairs that stops us from being together we love to snuggle up by the fireplace and just be together we live a very quiet and peaceful life we would of course love it to entail much more experiences but being really ill makes it more difficult so a thing like sitting on the porch and feeling nature is a very strong and wonderful experience nothing gets taken for granted nothing my need to be so quiet has also been because of my daughters and my own health finding the balance after the big turn when she got sick it has taken me some time to find some normalcy in it especially with an illness like m e with so little treatments and knowledge but i think right now we all know how to cope deal as best as we can so i feel i can start being creative again i have tried now and again but i have always been to enthusiastic and bit over too much or i have felt guilt for using my energy on only myself now i have learnt how to balance out the days before i could make an art journal page in one sitting now i have to pace myself and do it over maybe ten sittings or even more it can even take me a month for one art journal but that is ok it is not about the result it is about enjoying being creative again giving up has never been an option i do not really understand giving up then you have to start all over again taking a time out to regroup is fine but there is always a way also i truly believe suffering and hardship teaches us to process grief and loss in a very real way there is no where to run or hide if you try to run or not deal it will just hit even harder so what i have learnt most is how important it is to accept what is what is alive in us accept what is happening right here and right now and taking mindful choices through that acceptance also knowing that life is not perfect permanent or that we can control everything living in the rich part of the world we experience tons of privilege that can fool us into believing that we are the masters of everything i believe that is why we are missing a lot of language when someone gets sick we are supposed to win over for example cancer but it has nothing to do with winning but that is the narrative we have been used to it is so much scarier to take in the whole situation or when someone is sick and it is chronic how do we communicate with that person do we have the patience to keep being a friend when the person changes or does it get so scary so we retreat and feel we are just bothering the person my hubby s best friend died a few years ago he expressed such gratitude for my hubby still coming around he said most friends disappeared when he got really ill he could see their fear their insecurities i do not believe people stop caring but i believe it is about not being able to relate to the person who is really sick i have seen many of those scared faces myself especially when my daughter got sick in a millisecond i could register fear on their faces every mom has this as her nightmare ones child gets really sick there is no treatment that works what then so when my daughter just got worse i did not have the language or capability to express that fear or grief to friends and family i instead started comforting and trying to ease their fears instead of saying what i needed i just retreated to making sure my daughter got the best care we could get her and stabilizing her life as good as we could also taking care of our own mental and physical health so we could be there for our daughter it is okay to not be okay i was afraid if i seemed insecure and fearful then my daughter would not get the best care i know that sounds weird but it is about seeing to that my daughter gets what she needs it is about her not about me if that makes sense when your child is diagnosed with an illness that carries so much stigma it hits even harder the uncertainty the not knowing the feeling of not having sufficient healthcare for ones child is i still do not have the words for it that means i really have to have my own stuff together it is about being responsible and being very truthful about what is alive in me and what my needs are so i see to that my daughter gets what she needs if i don t deal than that will be put on her shoulders that i will not do right now while i am writing i hear her giggling to an episode of friends hearing her enjoying the moment just fills me with so much gratitude she knows how to be present and enjoy the here and now she has such compassion empathy knowledge and patience that she takes my breath away i tell her every day that she enough that i love every minute with her she is so funny to she can make me laugh so hard sigh so suffering illness and challenges are what they are how we choose to deal with them well that will either bring some kind of calmness or it can bring more suffering i think we as a family has the last 6 years learnt a lot about how to mindfully accept what comes our way and that i am grateful for love and light to you all lagt inn av linn kl 00 10 ingen kommentarer send dette via e post blogg dette del på x del på facebook del på pinterest etiketter art and thoughts art journal 24 september 2016 art enables us to find ourselves to loose ourselves at the same time thomas merton hello again as i wrote last time i still have some stuff to share in my blog nothing new really but new on my blog today i want to share some atc s and tag s from a wonderful challenge group on facebook called arjo s tag og atc kos every month they put up a challenge to keep the creative juices flowing not everyone has so much time to be creative but to make 3 atc s or a tag most of us can manage since my illness is kinda greedy at times p and takes most of my energy this challenge group is perfect for me i can create some minutes here and there so i can feel a little tingle of creativity at least once in a while the girl s arnlaug and jorunn who run it are amazing and make s everyone feel so welcome and at ease it is now an international group they also have guest designers giving us a monthly challenge last month riikka kovasin was the guest designer i got so inspired that i went all in just ask my best friend jorunn how much i love riikka s art and creations i noticed her because another good friend of mine told me to check out her blog i bet riikka has inspired so many creative people well enough chit chat lol here are what i have made of atc s and tags in this group so fun to make them all this atc challenge was a step by step it was so fun these in black i made for riikka s challenge the tags were wonderful to create remember these three got my mojo for creating back after not visiting my creative space in a long time no wonder i love this group i had so much to say last time so this time i am more to the point lol but be warned next time there will be a hearty blog post i am going to write about kindness i had to make a simple art journal about it i like to write down my thoughts and feelings and then paint over it kinda like getting it out and transforming it to something with hope and tranquility hope you all are safe and having a good weekend in every way now i am going to paint a little bit before it is nighty night take care more rambling and sharing to come lagt inn av linn kl 22 38 5 kommentarer send dette via e post blogg dette del på x del på facebook del på pinterest etiketter atc tags utfordring 21 september 2016 with empathy i m fully with them and not full of them that s sympathy marshall rosenberg hi again long time no see well better than the last gap in my blogging i have been thinking a lot the last couple of months there has been hard hits in my private life for 3 years it got to a point were i had to strip down everything to find my needs when life gives you a busload of lemon s you gotta deal i had to sort out so many feelings and find the needs that were not met i am not afraid of feelings thankfully i know they have some message or something i need to deal with without spilling my guts out i can say this i had to accept that i could not control being sick or my daughter being sick i only can do my best as a woman i am the type that blames myself one innocent example when i went to a doctor several years ago the doctor well hmmm i want to express this without judgement he just was not in a place of non judgement himself d he did not have the time to listen and his reluctance to listen made me feel ashamed that it was probably because i said something wrong or i even gave him a pass that he probably had a hard day it was an innocent example but when you start giving freebies were your own boundaries are being violated i had to deal with who or why is not important but i needed to say no thank you i do not want this i have always felt shame if i was not the nice and good girl i bet alooot of girls know this feeling we are supposed to be soft kind generous unselfish and give up our own needs for those we love in brene browns book on empathy i read with such a reverberation she was writing about me in men shame is triggered often by feeling weak or not successful enough i feel my life has had a big change when our daughter got sick it is like our life before she got sick and the life after no one is prepared for such a situation also when the illness has no clear treatment and the expertise in the health profession is slim it is a rare illness which means so few understands i get that i understand that but it is hard at times it s a very lonely path scrapbooking became something foreign and so painful it was hard to scrapbook pictures from when she was healthy and active it was hard to allow myself to think about anything but just right now but isn t that how we are in crises we try to survive the best we can we do not know when she will be cured or get better but i do believe it is important to enjoy every moment what ever the challenges are if we would focus on what should have been instead of focusing on what is right here right now we would miss precious moments and important lessons putting premises on life does not work in the long run it just creates a lot of suffering everyone has value even though they are sick they are still them but our society is so focused on what we do were we are supposed to go in life so we do not have any practice in how to deal with illness or the not mainstream it is not that people don t care they just do not know how to deal with it i get that with such empathy i have seen others fear or insecurity when they have talked to me about our daughter being sick they are so scared of saying something wrong i so want to just hug them and say it t ok i see you are trying your best to contribute in some way what are you going to be when you grow up is a regular question to kids and young people get i have said many times i am going to be thankful for life grateful for what life brings and i am going to be me life is so precious it is so variable there will be hard times there will be nice times nothing is permanent i really love everyday life with routines chores and other activities that is living contributing and engagement so you healthy people enjoy even the struggle to get the schedule to go up or driving your kid to practice or so on it will bring precious memories later so i am trying my voice again i am in a place were i accept what is right now i accept what i can do something about and what i have to remember patience with i think fear and the heaviness of our situation has made me just freeze up but better to work on what is alive in me than to run away from it or ignore it right it is ok not to be ok all the time too right i have been a little creative from time to time did you see the images lol the clean and simple card was for my goddaughtes confirmation using the amazing products from papirdesign the canvas i just played around with a rhubarb leaf and brusho water let it dry then i stamped with paint using the same rhubarb leaf the last finishing touch was silver leafing thank s for stopping by and also for you guys who read my rambling i just had to express it in my blog because life happens nothing to be ashamed about nothing to create drama out of either but acceptance with a good dose of empathy for one self and our loved ones it helps a lot believe it or not there will be more postings maybe even next week wow right hahaha i have some stuff that could be added here to my creative blog so maybe i will get around to it next week fingers crossed lol hope you all have a great day where ever you are and what ever you do one love be kind to yourself and others e...