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lostcompanion alcoholism lostcompanion alcoholism skip to content home who is lost companion older posts last post posted on april 10 2014 by lostcompanion thank you for reading thank you for being here and walking with me i will continue to work and give i love people and want peace i have hope we are hope and i try to live hope peace be with you and i wish you joy and love posted in abuse addiction alcohol alcoholism child abuse childabuse college dad death forgivness happy hope ife laugh life loss love sadness sexual abuse spirituality uncategorized 9 comments if i can be an example of getting sober then i can be an example of starting over posted on april 9 2014 by lostcompanion i m three years sober today this morning was the first day in a while that i felt pure joy i called those close to me and thanked them i celebrated i feel proud that i made it this far when i was working the aa program i was told that it can take a year and a half for liquor to fully get out of your system and three years of sobriety is when you can think clearly i am here i am listening i am close to my god i was made to drink by my step father for five years from the age of 7 to 12 my first adult drunk was 16 i started drinking alcoholically when i was 21 i drank hard until i was 28 i learned quickly in aa and ran with it i saw the possibilities in sobriety but knew it was going to be hard three years ago last night i tried to kill myself with xanax and tequila i survived and detoxed in my grandparents basement embracing aa with everything i had i stayed completely clean for 9 months started smoking weed that s my story i am sober and proud i have made it this far one day at a time on my one year of sobriety i got a tattoo do not fear i am proud of my tattoo it s a daily affirmation will i regret it someday i hope not it s my one year chip i didn t want to wear the coin around my neck all the time not everyone needs to know i am in recovery it s personal and i share it with those it may help i try to just be an example my tattoo has helped me it has also been an aid in changing others views on the idea a tattoo can have meaning mine does my good friend did it a true artist my sweet phin i chose do not fear for many reasons all the good leaders spoke of not being afraid fear separates us from love fear is blinding fear leads to a mental break down i also didn t think i was going to survive a year of not drinking and i always wanted a tattoo the first year of sobriety i thought about what it was that drinking did for me and it was cover up the fear i drank out of fear three years is a long time without a drink i wanted to drink recently but i didn t i am still an alcoholic and live with that daily but everyday it gets less intense i am strong i was given a lot of good tools in life to cope i may go to a meeting to pic up a three year chip we shall see i am celebrating with a lovely meal and my golden gal if i can be an example of getting sober then i can be an example of starting over posted in abuse addiction alcohol alcoholism child abuse childabuse college dad death forgivness happy hope ife laugh life loss love sadness sexual abuse spirituality uncategorized 27 comments not me posted on april 8 2014 by lostcompanion i m going to get a crappy car and i m excited i am ready to let this car and all that comes with it go this car reminds me of my marriage i was a different person then i drank and smoked in it i had sex in it i cried a lot in it it brought me to the south i love that car my cube i m ready to let it go it s not me anymore if i sold the car myself i could get a few grand more but i m not in a mental place to deal with random strangers like that i still have issues i need to work on and opening the door of my car to a stranger who found me on craigslist does not seem like a healthy option for my anxiety i can cut my losses and choose the wiser life is different out here i like it but it s a different world posted in abuse addiction alcohol alcoholism child abuse childabuse college dad death forgivness happy hope ife laugh life loss love sadness sexual abuse spirituality uncategorized leave a comment new med posted on april 8 2014 by lostcompanion time is an amazing thing it s been nearly three weeks since the ward stay and i m living the life i always wanted i m on my own and getting rid of my car downgrading i m a student i have a great dog i m on the right medication i m sober i am an artist i have a good support system i am eating healthy i am vary blessed yet it s an interesting phenomena how not living with the highs and lows can feel like a loss i feel like a part of my personality has died i don t read people like i use to but i feel less anger and fear i know i m still me and can attach and detach as good as i could before my sleeping is completely off kilter so it s hard to rate my agitation the paranoid feelings i had have almost completely dissipated moving to a better neighborhood has helped my anxiety is much more under control but i can still have an anxiety attack at the drop of a hat i still see auras around people which is comforting i still believe i have gifts that are god given but they are not as intense anymore i don t pick up on others emotions and carry them with me like i use to i really don t care what most people think about me but the greatest thing of all is i am still an artist and the medication helps me focus as for a job i know i m not anywhere close to working i m still very fragile i know the ra attack i just got over does not help it can take a few days for me to recover when i have a bad attack this last one was not too bad the ra also hinders my sleep i decided to keep a log everyday i m tracking on a scale from one to five one being lowest or worst and five being highest or best i track where i m at for the day with the ra agitation sex drive hours slept napping hours mental energy and anxiety i have an appointment mid may to see a therapist and i want to bring as much about me as i can to get the best help possible plus this information can help me better understand myself it s been nearly four weeks on the medication and it s helping i m grateful posted in abuse addiction alcohol alcoholism child abuse childabuse college dad death forgivness happy hope ife laugh life loss love sadness sexual abuse spirituality uncategorized leave a comment free posted on april 7 2014 by lostcompanion i accomplished great things today i feel free posted in abuse addiction alcohol alcoholism child abuse childabuse college dad death forgivness happy hope ife laugh life loss love sadness sexual abuse spirituality uncategorized 2 comments ra posted on april 7 2014 by lostcompanion the ra is bad tonight we are getting hit with a hard rain so i am sleeping over at the golden gals place due to flashflood warnings my hands are so swollen i can hardly make a fist so i write writing helps me move my hands even if it s slowly i love the quote a body in motion stays in motion posted in uncategorized 2 comments thank you posted on april 7 2014 by lostcompanion this blog has walked with me through a lot in my life at times it was my best friend and more times than not my only friend i have been able to write freely with no worry of judgment i have blogged about the most petty of things while diving deep in my soul i shared about aa detoxing bipolar death redemption parents pets addiction my thoughts on abortion my sexual abuse torture and the list goes on this has been my confidant and truth a blessing and once a curse it will forever be my true lost companion i started writing when i was going through withdrawals just starting aa and facing a sober life living with my grandparents in co working a job i would soon lose because i was a drunk screwed financially but ready to fight for my life since then i live in the south on track mentally worked on my credit and got mostly out of debt i m a student with strait a s and just for today living on my own most importantly i have stayed sober i ve moved states in hope for a better future this blog was there i am thankful for my testimony i am thankful for the readers and those who speak the truth the comments i have received over the last three years have given me strength beyond belief thank you friends posted in uncategorized 11 comments aa posted on april 6 2014 by lostcompanion aa helped me in many ways in my life throughout all the years of therapy i never told my therapists that i smoked weed i didn t tell my first sponsor but by the time i got serious with aa and had some sobriety i told my second sponsor i was so serious about the program and i worked it seriously posted in uncategorized 3 comments my mind posted on april 5 2014 by lostcompanion i am amazed at the kindness of others i am so blessed to have my stepmom stepdad and friend golden gal that love me i am a very blessed woman and thankful for the wisdom and compassion they show me my mind is weak today perhaps it s the anxiety of a job i had to amend my taxes and will receive some more money it s not a lot but enough for a few months i am not ready to work and i need to admit that to myself i am not one that wants to use or abuse anyone or the system i really need to take this time to mentally get strong my sleeping is off because i can not afford my night medication i know bad days come between a one and four i m a two which is good it s amazing to have bad days and still know i am okay it s amazing not having extreme highs and lows like i did it s a whole new way to live and takes adjustment i can see where some like my father hated being on meds given the stability effect i chose like not drinking alcohol to stay on my meds and be stable for me it is a no brainer why would anyone not want to better themselves and be the best that they could be i always want to do the right thing and be the best i can be it is my life goal i am strong posted in uncategorized leave a comment thankful posted on april 5 2014 by lostcompanion i have got an amazing support group my life is balanced again i am thankful for that the medication i am on is working well slowing my thoughts enough for me to concentrate my heart is filled with the love of a beautiful dog pepper i have some very amazing friends who know me and know my intent my sleeping is somewhat balanced and my apatite is healthy again i sent out dozens of resumes today and already heard back from some i am very blessed and thankful for my life posted in uncategorized 4 comments older posts lostcompanion lostcompanion archives archives select month april 2014 march 2014 february 2014 november 2013 october 2013 august 2013 july 2013 may 2013 april 2013 march 2013 february 2013 january 2013 december 2012 november 2012 october 2012 september 2012 august 2012 july 2012 june 2012 may 2012 april 2012 march 2012 february 2012 january 2012 december 2011 november 2011 october 2011 september 2011 august 2011 july 2011 june 2011 may 2011 april 2011 follow blog via email enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address follow search for recent posts last post if i can be an example of getting sober then i can be an example of starting over not me new med free archives april 2014 march 2014 february 2014 november 2013 october 2013 august 2013 july 2013 may 2013 april 2013 march 2013 february 2013 january 2013 december 2012 november 2012 october 2012 september 2012 august 2012 july 2012 june 2012 may 2012 april 2012 march 2012 february 2012 january 2012 december 2011 november 2011 october 2011 september 2011 august 2011 july 2011 june 2011 may 2011 april 2011 categories abuse addiction alcohol alcoholism child abuse childabuse college dad death forgivness happy hope ife laugh life loss love sadness sexual abuse spirituality uncategorized meta create account log in entries feed comments feed wordpress com lostcompanion create a free website or blog at 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