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Text of the page (random words):
y the tears on his cheeks by the feeling of his arms drawing me close into him and i knew by the way we stood together and wept for the son of our heart my mama heart ached with a dull longing of disbelief and shock the day unfolded into a rocking back and forth between grief and shock i could see your face i could hear your voice i saw all the promise within you you grand potential spilling out everywhere i could still see all that you had become in you short 19 years and i longed to tell you one more time how proud i was of you how much i loved you all the amazing wonder filled things that i saw in you and so i did as the waves of grief crashed over me again and again we spoke you and i a sacred story told between elder and youngblood and you knew and i knew that this was your time sadness sat in my throat and we grieved you as a family we each had our own stories and this became a shining gift in an other wise dark time after a tear soaked day i fell into bed with emotional exhaustion at my side and with tears on my pillow and an ache in my being sleep took me deep into a place of rest and stillness and there i found relief until the darkness before the dawn and for a small handful of seconds i lived in the freedom of not remembering the day before and then it came bulldozing back you were no longer walking this earth mama ocean had taken your last breath and the pain of sorrow once again rumbled throughout my body and all i could do was sob and pray that sleep would return that s when she came to me she wrapped herself gently around me like a soft familiar blanket holding me softly as i wept and she said let me hold you catherine let me be your place of comfort i will hold this sadness your tears your broken mama heart i will walk this out with you you will not be alone in your sorrow and because i knew her and i trusted her i said yes as i release myself to grief s waiting bosom and i let her hold me as i drifted back to the stillness of deep sleep and the tears dried on my skin the deep sadness of my heart and the pain in my throat surrendered to grief and with the initial shock and disbelief fading into knowing the truth of your passing solidified and grief held me just that much closer as time and life continued to move forward i felt my heavy sadness turn fully over to grief and sink into the marrow of my bones and i welcomed it as much as i loved you so will i grieve this was my promise to you and to my self i would not apologize for nor would i hide my grief for i loved you and forever will as if you were one on my own flesh of my flesh blood of my blood bone of my bone my son of my heart that is what you were and always will be to me to us i find myself standing at the door to the room of many those who have buried their children i am not quite in the room with them for you were not fully mine but i stand at the threshold of this place feeling the grief of unexplainable loss and i shall grieve you until i have grieved enough i know much of this process can not fully be walked out until i return to your home until i hold your mother close and together we weep together we will shake in our emotions and together we will know each others suffering without saying a word i will go to your grave and feel all it is i need to feel i will soak the earth with my tears my mama heart will break all over again and i will feel no shame as i lay flowers on your grave for i loved you and always will and the world will know of my love all who see and know me will know of my deep love for you the son of my heart and every time i return i will forever feel the slight sting of not seeing your face not hearing your voice not being able to watch you grow into the amazing man you were meant to be and then in the quiet of my sadness grief will remind me that i already witnessed all that i already saw the amazing man you were meant to be till these days come to pass till the time comes that i can return my grief will reside in my bones some days it will be heavy and i will feel its weight in my being while other days i will barely even notice it s presence as it is with grief a necessary ebb and flow a part of this human experience one i choose to embrace and breathe along with as deeply as i have loved so even deeper shall i grieve andi will grieve until i have grieved enough estiven castano was born september 4th 1997 he was the only child to his mother and father he grew up in the ghetto of nativity hill medellin colombia in home made of old plywood bricks and hillside he knew much about gangs violence poverty and the desire to change his story when estiven was 10 his dad died in a motorcycle accident this rocked his young life in a way that propelled him to even strive higher i had the enormous blessing of meeting and connecting with estiven on my first trip down to medellin in 2008 my oldest son was with me and he too formed a bond with estiven a brotherhood bond that remained steadfast on my last pilgrimage this year to medellin the rest of my family joined me for the first time i will forever be grateful to the powers that be that my youngest son and my man had that opportunity to meet this amazing young man and that they too felt a connection and felt family with estiven it was during this trip that estiven shared with me his plans for the future he shared with me how he was changing his story creating a new story for his family blood line he told me how he felt he lived two worlds one world was at the center where he lived from his heart the other was out on the streets where he lived from his mind he had graduated high school a huge feat for kids of this neighbourhood and was attending electrical trade school estiven had lived so many lives in his short 19 years he had faced adversity beyond my own understanding and had so many factors stacked against him but he was determined to make for himself a better life a life of freedom and he utilized all that was offered him for his higher good on june 5th 2016 we received the shattering news that estiven had been killed in a drowning accident during a weekend group trip to the coast his body was recovered and brought to the solahis community center where hundreds of people from the community came to pay their respects to this greatly loved young man and his grieving mother on tuesday june 7th his young body was laid to rest as his spirit soared free he is greatly missed posted by cat at 11 21 19 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels estiven castano grief holy grief honouring medellin seeds of love and hope international society son of my heart thursday 2 june 2016 the rising revolution of medellin colombia casa de hip hop kolacho casakolacho casa de hip hop kolacho is an art school in comuna 13 san javier medellin colombia this is the comuna that we live in when we come to volunteer the center is an hour away on the other side of the city it was initiated in 2013 as a way of keeping the memory of hector enrique pacheco marmolejo alive kolacho was a member of a hip hop group known as c215 and was assassinated in 2009 near his home after his death this movement came to life offering the young people of this comune a place to use music and graffiti as tools to claim their rights denounce the violence in their community and generate the space for training the youth up in these mediums and expression instead of loosing them to the gang life style that is ever prevalent each painting holds a story one of the walls contains a series of different animals each a representation of something an hawk for freedom an owl for knowledge elephants for family and remembrance and a panda to remember the children who were lost in the violence between the military guerrillas gangs and even a makeshift military organized by the people who lived within the comuna each is holding a white flag when the violence and killing had grown too strong in the neighborhood one brave woman exited her house waving a white shirt and shouting for the violence to stop she was shortly followed by thousands more and the entire hillside turned white with people calling for an end to the bloodshed candace and i had the absolute pleasure of taking one of their walking tours to view the graffiti art work of the community we were lead by judah one of the members of casa kolacho who gave us an in depth view of what the comuna went through during the times of uprising to see these young people bring in peace and a fighting in a different kind of way was so inspiring to me they have lived lives that most of our children could never even imagine and though their historic stories are riddle with death and suffering they still stand up to make the change that they want to see each painting holds a different story of freedom and revival this day stays with me their message is simple love is the only way to freedom for all for more info on this amazing movement please watch the short video below love and light and revolution posted by cat at 15 41 5 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels casakolacho comuna13 colombia a new generation hope rising medellin seeds of love and hope international society older posts home subscribe to posts atom going deeper a little about me cat mother to the young blood and nuclear banana friend to an exceptional husband creator s child medicine woman spiritual feminist holder of sacred space freedom warrior wild woman dissident daughter soul fire messenger story teller keeper of the staff and lantern knower that what we do here matters view my complete profile shaenalach healing and retreats a place of listening learning and healing for more info click here rewilding retreats the place for rebirth for more info click here soul quest workshops and retreats for more info click here the photo shop for more info click here quotes that resonate the world will know and understand me someday but if that day does not arrive it does not greatly matter i shall have opened the way for other women george sands i have a new command for you as i have loved you so you must love others jesus you don t have a soul you are a soul you have a heart c s lewis humankind has not woven the web of life we are but one thread within it whatever we do to the web we do to ourselves all things are bound together all things connected chief seattle 1854 if ever there comes a time when the women of the world come together purely and simply for the benefit of mankind it will be a force such as the world has never known matthew arnold do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations but after observation and analysis when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all then accept it and live up to it buddha the world will be saved by the western woman some people will call me a feminist but we need more effort to promote basic human values human compassion human affection and in that respect females have more sensitivity for others pain and suffering dalai lama all changes even the most longed for have their melancholy for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves we must die to one life before we can enter another anatole france out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a feild i ll meet you there rumi those who seem to know more truth than you simply reflect the part of you that has forgotten they are your touchstones to remember alan cohen we do not grow absolutely chronologically we grow sometimes in one dimension and not in another unevenly we grow partially we are relative we are mature in one realm childish in another the past resent and the future mingle and pull us backward forward or fix us in the present we are made up of layers cells constellations anais nin process is more important than outcome when the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we ve already been if process drives outcome we may not know where we re going but we will know we want to be there bruce mau where i have been 2017 1 january 1 the time has come 2016 7 july 1 june 2 march 1 february 1 january 2 2015 17 december 2 november 1 september 2 august 1 june 3 may 1 april 3 march 2 february 1 january 1 2014 31 december 1 november 2 october 3 september 1 august 3 july 3 june 4 may 2 april 4 march 2 february 2 january 4 2013 90 december 4 november 5 october 8 september 7 july 6 june 14 may 9 april 10 march 6 february 10 january 11 2012 167 december 10 november 10 october 14 september 12 august 10 july 16 june 15 may 18 april 15 march 19 february 15 january 13 2011 45 december 13 november 14 october 12 september 6 lovelies whom i learn from windrock studio new work and more play 3 months ago a story nonetheless this is what recovery looks like 3 months ago paisleyjade merry christmas 4 months ago the life and times of the plume sheep coming through 3 years ago in search of dessert kheer patishapta pitha 3 years ago greatfun4kids reconstructing 3 years ago mysticmoments a few thoughts for today by sanghamitra nath 6 years ago potma s on a mission halloween howls 2019 6 years ago musings of a melancholic best of 2018 music for writing 7 years ago wander wonder discover gratitude is not a consolation prize 7 years ago rosy revolver a newfangled rhetoric a basic bezel 7 years ago galia alena painting loose free 7 years ago prairie girl it s like i m in a snow globe 8 years ago dandelion seeds and dreams for the horses heartfull living self care adventure 8 years ago finding my bliss hello 8 years ago mnm s niagara falls a place like no other on earth 8 years ago catalina s cottage i am ready for autumn and winter 9 years ago sixpence a blue moon fun decor 9 years ago blog umberdove a manifesto of sorts 9 years ago daily pops post holiday traffic blues 9 years ago doorways traveler same but different 9 years ago bohemian twilight scorpio new moon 9 years ago luminous muse healing blog simplifying hormones 9 years ago herb mother poppy roots 9 years ago amyscroggs com these calm waters 9 years ago spirit moving narrative consulting blog a season of song 9 years ago welcome soul craft the eyes of waning summer 9 years ago all my posts a new beginning let the summer begin 9 years ago little gumnut 18 model baju pria kemeja lengan panjang keren casual 2019 9 years ago earth sky and everything between them dear shadow 10 years ago the simple life good comes 10 years ago sunny rising leather chasing the sunset 10 years ago blog akasha yoga ayurveda 5 ayurveda tips on how to stay balanced during the holiday season 10 years ago ink chai slowliving restarted 10 ye...