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loving anthony alan skip to main skip to sidebar loving anthony alan monday april 18 2011 its been too long anthony has a baby brother william is here it has been a long journey through ivf bedrest gestational diabetes snd lastly an emergency c section william aaron entered the world april 7 he is beautiful i may be biased i am his mom i have been experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions happiness confusion anger i am happy my baby is safe i am confused because of all of these conflicting emotions angry that i can t have my anthony here but if he was here william would not be i feel like because my body failed anthony had it not we would not have known what to do with william i am greatful through it all because god continues to show me i am blessed hopefully this is not my last post for so long i will keep this blog and not create another i owe it to myself and anthony who watched over his brother till he made it here i will post a picture later william weighed 8lbs 4oz at birth and was 20 4 inches long with long fingers and toes like his big brother looking at him makes me wonder what anthony would have looked like at a later gestation i don t know but im greatful got to hold him before he lost his heartbeat thats all for now posted by renfo82 at 10 12 am 1 comment thursday august 19 2010 lori does maryland clubs you are welcome to drive to um and come and be a guest in my kindergarten classroom if you miss it that much this year the hustle and bustle of a new classroom is bittersweet becase anthony should have just arrived i should no to have to think is that too heavy i dont want anything to happen to this baby all i could think about today at the k walkthrogh was how long will it be before they say i may have to leave i have not even met this new group yet and already i am concerned about their well being and education tis the joy of the life of an educator enjoy your well deserved break you have a more important job title right now posted by renfo82 at 8 59 pm 1 comment monday august 9 2010 getting anxious well there are a few more days until my first beta it is driving me crazy i truly beleive that i will have good numbers but i am nervous i am really tempted to take a hpt but i am trying to wait until friday at 8 30 and then to hear crystal call me all excited and say talisa your numbers are __________ thats so great i am also trying not to put myself in a place where i will be easily dissappointed what will the next few days bring what can i do to keep myself busy and my mind clear i don t know yet but i will think of something posted by renfo82 at 10 12 pm 1 comment monday august 2 2010 happy anniversary i know he doesnt read this but today is a special day for my hunny bunny and i today is our 2nd wedding anniversary today is a little bittersweet as we thought anthony would be with us but the sweet piece is that prayerfully in two short weeks we will get our bfp hopefully anthony is telling his sibling to stick after the embryo transfer on saturday tomorrow our vacation begins so i can relax two years ago at this time i was getting ready i was home from the hairdresser getting upset because all of the girls were not at the house the wedding was supposed to start in three hours but the day was perfect i married my best friend my life partner who would have thought that less than 2 years later we would have one of the most difficult experiences of out lives we stuck through it and brought each other through now we are prayerfully on the journey to parenthood with gods help i know we will get there pray for our safe travel and return posted by renfo82 at 1 55 pm 3 comments friday july 30 2010 tomorrow again today was supposed to be my due date i am greatful that i am feeling very peaceful i even went and got a pedicure needed that so bad well tomorrow is my embryo transfer i am optimistic and prayerful about what god has in store for us there are 23 little possibilities that are waiting for their mommy tomorrow i am sure that we will choose the absolute best one regardless of the outcome i will continue to praise god for my life and health if i could speak to my son this is what i would say hey anthony mommy wants you to know that you are always thought of and forever in her heart your daddy and i thought that we would possibly be meeting you today but our heavenly father had other plans he gave us you so that one day your brothers and sisters will make it safely here without you mommy would have never known that ther was a problem with her cervix without you mommy and daddy would have never known how truly strong their relationship is and will continue to be without you we would not have been parents while you only grew in me almost 19 short weeks you were very much loved since before you were conceived let me tell you a secret mommy was told that she would not have it easy having children boy did they hit the nail on the head that is ok the experiences that i ve had make me cherish each and every child more and more sometimes i think that i cherish my students more than there own parents because i know how extremely precious bringing a child into this world can be i am so happy that you are at grandma s house where i can see you whenever i go over i know its not often enough but that is because i know that your body was just a mere vessel that your spirit was inside you had a job to do and you fulfilled your mission while i wanted you here god needed you more i love you always little boy today tomorrow and always posted by renfo82 at 2 47 pm 1 comment sunday july 25 2010 tomorrow is the day tomorrow morning is what we have been waiting for all summer we started this ivf journey back in may when we got the green light to try again tomorrow we go in for egg retrieval i am scared and excited at the same time i know that god truly has my back i am going to trust and believe in his promises appointment is at 10 15 we go in at 8 45 i will solicit your prayers that all goes well i thank you in advance talisa posted by renfo82 at 7 44 pm 2 comments wednesday july 21 2010 stim day 7 today is stim day 7 for me my levels are rapidly rising estrogen was in the 600 s yesterday and today was over 1000 my doctor thought i was a high responder and he was right they are monitoring me closely so i am praying that all goes well i am excited to hear that i may trigger on saturday or sunday that means egg retrieval is next week i am praying for a good outcome out of this whole thing i am making sure to protect my heart there are so many success stories lori from lori does maryland and my friend eve i know that god has a lot in store for me so i am being patient to see what the end result will be i am giving it all to him he is truly the author and finisher of my faith i will be blessed regardless i pray for continued peace and blessings to each and every one of you posted by renfo82 at 4 34 pm 3 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom my honey bunny and me my first mother s day card i love getting flowers gods beauty is awesome anthonys name in blocks you never cease to amaze me my carebear thanks ann my journey followers blog archive 2011 1 april 1 its been too long anthony has a baby brother wi 2010 18 august 3 july 5 june 10 about me renfo82 i am a sometimes shy person who loves to help other people i beleive this is why i went into teaching i love to laugh and show those i care about how much i love them i am a wife daughter sister and friend i would like to share me infertility story and my son anthony most importantly i am a child of god view my complete profile my story my journey began november 9 2010 when my little anthony first entered my life was he born no but in a few short weeks i knew that i would be a mommy will and i were so excited we had been through so much our first iui and our dream had come true our union had created someone new eighteen weeks passed a little bit of nausea my belly beginning to swell great prenatal visits and then a bomb dropped right in our laps i felt something it wasnt right it felt a little rubbery all those years watching discovery channel were about to payoff was it my amniotic sac one long trip to l d and my suspensions are not laid to rest my cervix had dialated and my bag was bulging three days i lay in that l d bed iv s and antibiotics one bad sneeze one infection a broken water bag and at 4 22 pm my perfect angel entered the world after a few pushes he was perfect in every way two words caused my world as i new it to end incompetent cervix i wish i could share my sweet baby with you but out of respect of my husband i will not i made a vow not to let my baby die in vain but to help others who share in this journey my desire is to share my journey and i pray that it will lift up and edify all who read it