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Text of the page (random words):
hor used to describe this community situation we are all in the same boat are we really for me it feels as though we are in the same storm but isolated on different types of boats i am bobbing up and down on a vicious ocean ride and so are you when i look across the choppy waters i see each of you for miles i can make out different types of boats each with their own purpose and strength i see cruise ships yachts houseboats battleships speedboats canoes gondolas ferries and hovercrafts my foggy view of your boat results in vast assumptions about the way that you are coping with the dark skies harsh winds and loud thunder in my mind yachts must be gliding through the crisis with comfort and confidence hovercrafts must be working hard and coming to the rescue of specific people battleships must be powerful and won t allow trials to define their success canoes must be vulnerable and need immediate help because i can only see your boat from a distance i don t know what s going on inside it although your home is a spectacular cruise ship i can t see the teeny tiny hole that leaks water you may not know it s there either its size grows each week and the water gushes inside your boat is sure to sink if you don t get help i don t come to your rescue because your boat is not showing external warning signs and from your line of sight you can t see the microburst that damages my ferry and we both don t know that the simple canoe has navigated many life storms because of its solid build and experience the canoe may best navigate the monsoon sometimes i feel that i m on the vulnerable canoe for me times of unchosen isolation trigger memories of my daughter s battle with cancer i was sequestered in my home with her for several months at a time my contact with other people during her illness was very minimal the present shelter brings back familiar thoughts and feelings other times i m the battleship ready to fight hard and sacrifice for the people who i love each of us has built different sailing muscles to deal with life challenges let s keep in mind that during a storm it is hard to see clearly before judging ourselves and others let s start by seeking more information sample questions am i seeing people around me clearly if not how can i ask good questions to help them trust me with their thoughts feelings and needs how is this crisis affecting others are my assumptions based on an external view only on which type of boats are my family members friends and co workers go even deeper a personal reflection challenge what type of boat am i on during this oceanic whirlwind what strength do i offer the people near me is my vision today influenced by past storms if so what is the impact on me and others if we take time to pause and assess where we are we ll surely conquer the rough waves photo courtesy pixaby for you have been a stronghold to the poor a stronghold to the needy in his distress a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat isaiah 25 4 esv if you find this reflection helpful please subscribe to this blog and you ll receive email updates when i share new posts thank you share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading permalink march 20 2020 by marie e guthrie 5 comments building your heart muscle in a crisis a well toned muscular body is an accomplishment we want bodies that are powerful but they don t miraculously appear many of us dread the workouts to get the strong body don t we lifting weights on our arms legs and abs produces tension it s fascinating the way that the muscle building process includes tearing down breaking repairing our heart is a super sophisticated muscle that consists of tissue pumping blood through our bodies how do we grow a strong resilient heart we can walk run cycle and do all types of strengthening exercises what about the building of our spiritual hearts as i experience the covid 19 crisis i can t help but think about the only other time in my life when i experienced an even greater level of anxiety uncertainty and some isolation seven years ago this month my daughter leah was in the early stages of a horrific battle with cancer this month seven years ago she just had her second emergency surgery my heart muscle pulled by summer she went through vigorous chemo treatments my heart muscle twisted mid summer she had targeted radiation my heart muscle stretched in the fall the cancer almost disappeared my heart muscle rested then a few months later after 14 months in total the cancer overwhelmed leah s body and she died my heart muscle completely ripped the ache and pain were indescribable this tragic loss impacted me profoundly my heart formed a new shape the crisis sculpted my heart muscle the covid 19 crisis places incredible weight on each of our hearts it s pulling and tearing our hearts just as lifting heavy free weights puts pressure on our arms when we plan our physical workouts we select the amount of pounds that we will lift or maybe our coach does in a crisis situation we don t choose the weight placed on our shoulders it s placed there unexpectedly we haven t worked up to the physical ability to handle it how do we withstand it throughout history people have been tested and refined by the tension of sudden crises i think of my father living through the great depression and serving the us army air force in world war ii if he were alive today i can hear him say about covid 19 ah we got this perseverance and unrelenting commitment are two reasons his generation is called america s greatest generation our human wills are designed to conquer challenges and thrive many of us have been through deep emergencies either personal or community wide we bring our life experience to this situation for others this covid 19 outbreak may be one of your first large scale challenges please remember god created our bodies to be pliable he gave us resilient spirits to date my worst trial gave me hope my faith rested in god s ultimate goodness and love community friends and family held me up prayed and provided resources for my family purpose when i thought i couldn t go on my prayer was that my daughter saw jesus in me remembering leah s illness i can t believe that i survived it i m not the same person i m different hopefully better and tougher my hope for all of us is that when our crisis muscle fibers break they fuse together heal grow to be vigorous and unyielding let s use this time of collective suffering to grow in compassion patience kindness endurance understanding faith and love please share in the comments the ways that your our current situation is either 1 stretching and strengthening you or 2 how your past learning trial is helping you through this experience if this message is meaningful please sign up to receive email alerts when i share a new blog post follow me on instagram heartsformarie peace photo courtesy of pixaby not only that but we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame because god s love has been poured into our hearts through the holy spirit who has been given to us romans 5 3 4 and the peace of god which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in christ jesus philippians 4 7 share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading permalink january 17 2020 by marie e guthrie 5 comments where are you many days you feel so far away things are different between us there s a misty cloud separating my heart from yours i don t like it it s heavy it keeps me from connecting to you maybe it good that this void feeling is uncomfortable it s a blinking warning light telling me that my soul needs attention this distance between us it s not your fault some days i feel like the teenager who goes into her room puts in her earpods and shuts the door shutting you and everyone else out angry sad hurt hiding my agony some days i crack open the door and peak out looking to see if you are standing there waiting for me occasionally i jump up and run out of my private space i feel a surge of energy a fresh wind do these moments of freedom bring you joy you wait for me patient kind and loving you gently place your arms around my sorrow you see beauty in every one of my tears your gifts comfort me yet they don t erase my pain on very bad days the trauma resurfaces its ugly and horrifying head and i am alone with all my memories both good and bad when i tell you that i ll never heal do you judge me are you frustrated with me how i long for the day that anguish is no longer part of me a day when i approach you with an unbroken heart until then i ll keep calling your name even when you feel far away ___________________________________________________________________________________________ note trauma changes us it changes our life experience trauma changes the way that we interact with others when you read this blog who do you think i wrote it to who would you hand these words to maybe your spouse parent child friend loved one who died this letter is from me to god for me it s been a long time coming losing my daughter to a monstrous cancer was and is traumatic it is an unspeakable and cruel life experience to carry trauma just doesn t go away our stories aren t always happy and jolly and they need to be told and shared i encourage you to speak or write down words of truth to the one in your life who needs to hear it most if this writing touched you please subscribe to my blog and you ll receive email updates when i post thank you photo courtesy of pixabay share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading permalink november 5 2019 by marie e guthrie 7 comments the great collision sadness the holidays heartache and thanksgiving grief and christmas depression and new year s eve tricky combinations for me mixing these painful emotions and holiday celebrations feels like a collision of two realities three separate times i was behind the wheel and without warning i was rear ended at a red light each time an angry vehicle crashed into me with such force that my head whipped forward and hit the visor my back immediately ached and each time i was startled confused scared angry and frustrated at the same time joy and thanksgiving surfaced i was hurt and needed attention yet grateful to be alive and not paralyzed tragically many people lose their lives in these scenarios the jolting impact of my daughter leah s terminal illness and death created similar painful emotions to an accident shock confusion fear frustration etc but magnified by at least 1000 times since leah passed away five years ago living without her during the holidays is disorienting i have good things faith family friends and other blessings to celebrate and for which i m grateful yet nothing erases or takes away the crushing impact of her absence here are things that i do and have done to be on the offense around the holidays seek care i get medical treatment when i m physically hurt i m purposeful in getting emotional and spiritual attention as i cope with grief and loss this care can look like seeing a counselor spending time with parents who have lost their children praying writing about my daughter or talking about her with my husband son or trusted friend go slow around the holidays i didn t make too many commitments the first couple of years following leah s death just as i allowed for healing and avoided strain after a car accident i didn t host holiday events right after leah died i gave myself permission to arrive late leave early or skip the jolly parties see the good a majority of time when people offer help i accept just as i wouldn t stop an ambulance from taking me to the hospital after my car accidents i know that i needed and still need help coping with the holidays move again the holidays trigger lots of conflicting memories but i make a conscious effort to focus on my son husband and people who i love i know leah would want this attitude from me driving after being rear ended is scary eventually i had to get back in the car and behind the wheel i surely look in the rear view mirror more frequently there are times i am anxious about the future and isolate but these times are fewer and farer between remember and honor leah s illness was not my fault just as being rear ended wasn t my fault in addition to feeling sorrow i m grateful leah was part of my life she loved the holidays and brought me great joy the 15 years that i had her in my life i miss her and honor her by putting up a white christmas stocking in her memory our family creates fun activities to honor her such as cupcake decorating or doing a fun craft in her memory sometimes my remembrances are on my own other times i invite others to join me collisions are two energies coming together mixing pain and joy creates something entirely new if you face the collision of sadness and the holidays you are not alone please know that you are stronger than you may think you ll get through the season and may have moments of joy along the way best always marie if this blog post touched you please sign up to receive my posts via email feel free to share with other people who need encouragement note hopefully you haven t been rear ended but you may have been in a bumper car when you suddenly were jolted by another bumper car friendly or not it s stunning to the senses share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print like loading permalink august 27 2019 by marie e guthrie 243 comments losing a child is not like a daughter or son dying is not similar to a child leaving for college a child running away a child moving far away a parent s failing health a parent or spouse dying a spouse cheating a marriage ending a severe medical diagnosis a dog cat or other pet dying a friendship or job ending these life events are all hurtful tragic sad and life altering yet a child dying is nothing like any of these losses while each of them is heartbreaking there is nothing similar to standing at a gravesite and watching your child lowered into t...