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ple were priceless i am sure we looked like kidnappers looks of confusion all around some old lady told me i looked fantastic for just giving birth and i kind of just stared back wondering how she thought i had given birth to this dark baby with a head full of dark hair mark was on the phone trying to get antibiotics because he had a sinus infection because why not add that into the mix all the while i just stood holding and snuggling this beautiful beautiful sweet baby when we got back to the car she had messed her shorts and was screaming about it blowout number one it was a great initiation moment and here i thought we had made a scene in the store changing a screaming newborn in the trunk of your car gets way more stares poop was everywhere and it was awesome mark got us an awesome room at a residence inn it was literally brand new it had a living room kitchen huge bedroom and bathroom it was like our own little apartment and it was perfect having a newborn we immediately got to bottle making which brought back memories of our first moments alone with paige at least this time i had kind of a clue as to what to do but we had no idea if the little one would take it she had been breastfeeding for a week kim was worried about the transition and even offered to pump for us but we didn t want her to have to do that baby was a champ and took the bottle right away what a relief that was when we got ourselves situated we facetimed paige and let her see the baby for the first time it was one of my favorite moments of the entire process i was able to snap a picture of paige s reaction and like they say it literally said a thousand words we gave the baby a much needed first bath in a very pretty very contemporary sink and let me tell you it was no easy task i remember holding her and looking at her sweet little face and telling mark i know the agency will rematch us if this doesn t work out but i don t want them to i want this baby i love this baby you could just feel her sweetness she was special i hardly got to hold her because mark was intent on hogging her i was so scared i loved her so much and it was beyond scary we were just at the beginning of a long journey and i knew that at any moment kim and mitrail could change their minds all it would take was a phone call it felt so heavy but there were moments were i felt much peace and confidence kim had this baby for a week breastfed this baby but she was mindful the entire time about what she was doing and thinking of the future she is amazing there are no enough words to describe how incredible and strong she is how much love she has for her family and her children love at first sight mark holding her for the first time at their apartment she literally just stared up at him the entire time she seemed so tiny and that unwashed hat hair haha bonding on our car ride to target she liked binkies right away taking her first bottle like a champ both of us were feeling very tired the plan was to get a bath first thing but we decided to do this for awhile instead getting ready for her first bath she had so much beautiful hair fresh out of the tub oh my goodness i loved how alert she was her big eyes just stole your heart and i loved playing with her hair showing her off to paige you guys i had tears technology is amazing and i loved paige s sweet reaction paige was so happy i was afraid to break her heart but i am glad in hindsight we let paige be a part start to finish i would have regretted not having these moments part 3 to come sorry this is turning into a book this is mostly for me and making sure i have this all down but maybe some of you are entertained as well posted by markandjenny at 10 27 pm 0 comments monday february 22 2016 the miracle of maci part 1 july 2016 i am not sure i can give this story justice the lessons i learned last summer about prayers miracles and the love of our heavenly father are too numerous to count at the time the whole thing seemed entirely unexpected in hindsight i could see how we were being prepared let me explain first our most recent failed adoption the baby girl was expected in june and she was biracial before this the idea of a trans racial adoption was something we were open to but we were still nervous when placed with an actual situation we took the leap we moved forward after much fasting and prayer and wavering i had a vivid image while dressing paige for church one sunday that i was dressing another little girl a little girl with cute brown legs i was putting tights over at the time it made sense we were to move ahead it was one reason that when it failed it was so confusing see june s post for more info i felt like i had had a serious experience that answered a prayer i did i just didn t understand it yet also the fact that mark moved ahead and truly opened his heart to the idea of trans racial adoption was a big deal and something that needed to happen so while it hurt i suppose the lessons learned from that failed adoption were lessons we needed to learn second while i was at soccer camp a friend helped with paige while mark was working this friend had recently had a baby girl in fact this friend had a niece that was in a position that adoption was maybe an option for her my friend and i had a lot of conversations about adoption and babies and a part of me hoped that this connection was going to be something that would work out for us at any rate she was fully aware of all the craziness that was currently going on in my world and the extreme loss i felt she watched as i held her baby with tears in my eyes at camp i got a text from her that while watching the new baby paige proclaimed i am getting a baby sister soon my friend had to reinforce that the baby was no longer coming i think now that paige had more faith than i did that something would happen and hope was still something to maintain we updated our home study we decided we would no longer work so hard to network ourselves but we needed to keep our home study current it expired july 29th so we got everything done in june and it was sent off by the time july came around we were only waiting to hear back from the state that our study was approved over the three years of our adoption journey i had become fairly adept at networking facebook and other social media outlets scouring adoption opportunities we had our profile up on parent profiles which is run by adoption com a good family friend mindy worked with adoption com and had told me that her company was going to be opening an adoption agency soon and would have an office in idaho yay finally resources in idaho the first office opened in utah and i started following their social media accounts we were still hesitant to sign up with an agency and pay any upfront costs especially after our recent heavy financial loss a lot of our money was tied up with our failed adoption and the referral service was supposed to be working on re matching us but why do that when you can get new clients and more money i tried to keep working with the kansas agency but none of her situations felt right on july 9th i saw social media post from adoption org the new agency about a new situation it was a baby girl due in september in utah it sounded perfect no drama no drugs and truly a breath of fresh air after all the crazy situations we had had and had been presented with it was out of our price range but i didn t care anymore the trade offs were worth it the problem was they wanted a utah family i inquired anyway and convinced them we were close enough and that our current open adoption was out of utah being a new agency they didn t have any families signed on yet and they needed families so there was no cost to present to a situation only if matched it felt like we had nothing to lose and we presented right away i had our profile background checks and paperwork ready to go and emailed it over the birth mother coordinator liz was impressed i had things so organized i told her by this time i was professional a week went by and i hadn t heard anything i didn t think any thing of it because that isn t entirely unusual also mark and i had agreed that we wouldn t over extend ourselves and let things happen if they were meant to happen it finally had become a lot easier not to get to attached or excited about things that weekend we were making arrangements to head to boise for mark s nephew s missionary homecoming it was friday the 17th and i was busy packing bags and cleaning house i checked my email and had an update from liz she asked if we were going to be around pioneer weekend because the birth mother due in september was going to have work off she hadn t made any decisions yet but hoped to have some profiles narrowed down and couples she could meet with while she had work off what seemed like an afterthought was a blurp about california liz said that she should hear about california soon and would let us know when she did i honestly had no idea what she was talking about i felt nervous to ask because i didn t know if i hadn t read something close or if i had missed something important that i should have known i wrote back and implied i was confused but we were open and ready for anything in the meantime i checked an adoption facebook group because i religiously scanned the groups for situations and such i noticed that liz s co worker josh had posted a question regarding support groups in the bay area because he was working with a possible birth mom i emailed liz back and asked if this was the california situation she referred to and that i wasn t sure what was going on but we really were open to anything and ready to go at a moments notice not ten minutes later liz called me a bit frantic and started telling me about this healthy 5 day old mixed race baby girl she said the birth parents were very sweet the birth mother had contacted the agency on wednesday after googling adoption they had talked with her over the course of two days and she seemed pretty serious about placing no drugs or alcohol were involved and she seemed really put together it all sounded pretty good and i told her great can we present i explained that mark traveled to the bay area all the time for work and really tried to talk us up to encourage her to present us that is when liz informed me we had already been presented and that we were one of four families being considered i asked how and she told me mindy had submitted our profile and that the agency thought we knew that that we told her to present us i said i had no idea but that i was thrilled and that it sounded like i owed mindy a big thank you liz told us that they hoped to know really soon what the birth mother was going to do and she would let us know when she heard something little did i know that at the time of this phone call that k was already leaning towards our family hence liz freaking out a bit that we didn t even know a thing about it i proceeded to get ready and mark came in to see why i was being so slow because we needed to be out the door and i wasn t even showered yet i explained what was going on and that i had very little info really but that it sounded good he told me he had a trip to san francisco scheduled for monday i was floored and immediately texted liz to tell her that mark was headed that direction and how crazy that seemed i texted mindy a thank you she apologized 20 times for presenting us without asking first but that when she heard about the situation she just had to i told her we were thrilled it was so hard not getting our hopes up but since i hardly knew what was going on it all felt like a long shot but one that would work so perfectly i went out to the living room and saw paige playing with some toys i told her we should pray she said ok and told me she would say it during the prayer she prayed that a baby would come to our house and that she would be the right size i swear she knew something we didn t we decided to still go to boise because we knew better than to think anything would happen and you really can t plan or change your life so onward ho on our way out of town we needed gas so we stopped at a gas station we never use and guess who we see mindy and courtney they seemed a bit excited and a little awkward i didn t know if i should say something if things were a secret if courtney knew what was going on what in the world was happening at the end of our conversation mindy motioned for me to call her on the road i called mindy and she explained a little more about what happened since the baby was already born the birth mother was anxious to see profiles and the agency really didn t have many they were scrambling a bit the agency office was in utah but main head quarters were in rexburg and shared an office with adoption com where mindy and courtney worked melissa the director had come upstairs all excited that the agency might have their first placement she told courtney and mindy about the situation and then headed back to her office to pack things up for the evening courtney and mindy looked at each other and immediately thought of us mindy raced downstairs as melissa was heading out the door and talking on the phone to liz about possible families mindy told melissa she had to present the steiner s liz overheard and said hey i know them and i have all their stuff because i had sent it all so fast for the birth mother due in september melissa said if they had our stuff to go ahead and send it to k they were only supposed to present utah families for legal reasons but in the hubub no one bothered to see or check where we were from and we kind of slipped in there under the radar we only learned this fact later after talking to mindy about this i got excited i couldn t help it we were almost to pocatello and i had this overwhelming feeling that i wanted this to happen i was in tears and i told mark i wanted it i wanted it bad sometimes it was easy to talk yourself out of situations because you didn t know enough and it was scary a huge life changing event that would happen so fast life was easy with paige did i really want to do baby stage again but this time i did i wanted to be all in and it scared me i asked mark how do you pray for his will to be done but also pray that things would work out the way you wanted them to i uttered a silent prayer and basically said that i was ready i was all in i was ready to jump and then we continued on and really tried to relax but thinking of very little else meanwhile everyone at the agency including mindy knew that things were close and we were front runners mindy kept telling josh liz and melissa that we needed to know something because we were on our way to boise they couldn t say anything because they really didn t know what k was going to do for sure and didn t want to get our hopes up just after pocatello liz texted us and said fyi no final decision yet mark by this time was getting as anxious as i was he told paige we needed...