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been taught that silence is golden but if we remain silent the cycle of dysfunction will remain in fact it will only get worse i m a living witness of the power of god i could ve given up on life long ago but today i understand that i m here to encourage others and to give them hope i found my purpose brother marko celebrating my 35th birthday january 30 2017 january 30 2017 marko hamlin leave a comment on january 29th 1982 i was born into a world where i would have to undergo many storms i am grateful to god for allowing me to see another year but also for giving me the strength to keep pressing on many victims of childhood sexual abuse are no longer here many have committed suicide and many have lost their minds as i continue to go through my healing process i will continue to fight for those people who are living in silence i vow to never give up despite how hard it gets i will continue to be a vessel for those who are bound by mental illnesses and those who are living in the grips of depression we are more than conquerors we are no longer survivors we are now overcomers happy birthday to me brother marko hidden anger can mean danger january 4 2017 january 30 2017 marko hamlin leave a comment i never claimed to be the toughest dude or as we say it around my way the most thoroughest if that makes any sense at all those who know me would tell you that i was a tall slender goofy dude that always had people cracking up i loved to make others laugh but deep down inside i was holding onto some deep emotional scars i was holding onto some deep and dark secrets secrets that could potentially put my life and the lives of others in jeopardy because i was a victim of sexual physical and mental abuse at such an early age i had some serious trust issues so i carried that baggage into adulthood when i became a man i vowed never to let anyone ever harm me again i also never wanted to harm anyone else intentionally but to ensure that i protected myself i began to carry a pistol my first gun was a black p95 manufactured by ruger so here i am a young man enlisted in the army i was lost and deeply wounded carrying a loaded weapon for protection i was never afraid to use my hands to fight but because of the childhood trauma i endured i promised never to let anyone put their hands on me ever again i can recall a few instances where i let anger get the best of me and because of god s grace i didn t harm myself or anyone else anger can be vicious if not channeled properly many men don t know how to deal with anger that s why many are locked up behind bars and our prison system is overcrowded a bunch of angry men who acted out of frustration and landed themselves behind those prison walls i can t knock them at all because i have done some things that could have landed me in prison also after i left the army i went to college in hagerstown maryland to play basketball while there i can remember a time when one of my teammates got into it with some of the locals at a community day event i was just chilling around the house when i received a call from my point guard he was surrounded by a group of locals and needed some help i remember grabbing my pistol and running full speed to his location i know i looked like a mad man running through the streets with a loaded pistol in my hands ready to let bullets fly without asking any questions at all now please know that i m not sharing this to glorify that lifestyle at all i just want to give you an idea of how unresolved anger can destroy your life at that moment all i was thinking about was saving the starting point guard on my basketball team but in all actuality it was much deeper than that i wanted to be his protector because as a child no one was there to protect me there was another instance where i was playing in a men s league with a few co workers we were beating this team pretty badly the referees lost control of the game and our opponents began to take out their frustrations on a few of my teammates they were fouling us pretty hard i mean literally throwing ferocious elbows i can remember getting so upset and screaming at the refs to end the game before someone got hurt one of their players fouled my teammate so hard and i came to his defense and pushed him off of him once again the protector in me came out as soon as that happened another one of their teammates stepped up and started running his mouth about what he was going to do to me all i heard was blah blah blah and immediately anger began to rise up and i thought about my childhood experiences i had flashbacks of being violated as a little boy and i wasn t going to allow anyone to hurt me ever again all i could think about was killing him so i began to break out into a full sprint to my truck to grab my pistol i was about to to shoot this dude because i didn t know how to control my emotions sorry to do this to you but you have to purchase my memoir to get the rest of the story i plan on releasing it in the summer of 2017 anger can be deadly i thank god for how much i have grown over the years i m at a much better place today instead of allowing my childhood to destroy me i first had to go back and address those issues i went back after three decades of silence to began to heal that little boy inside of me many men don t know how to be men because the little boy inside of them needs to be healed i had to forgive those who wronged me and i was then able to move forward god had to take me back to a hurtful and traumatic place so he could began a good work in me i wish i could tell you that it was an easy process but i can assure you that it was worth it i now use my past to help others heal and to move forward past childhood sexual trauma i still have some issues stemming from my past but i don t have to fight those issues alone because his strength christ is made perfect in every one of my weaknesses different stages may 22 2016 february 21 2019 marko hamlin 1 comment the first picture was of me at the age of five don t be fooled by the smile i was in the foster care system i had been removed from the care of my mother and split up from my siblings who were in another home my mother struggled with alcoholism which caused her to lose custody of her children while in foster care i was given shots of liquor i was being sexually abused by two teenage family members i was beaten continuously and forced to fight children and adults on a daily basis the next picture is of me at about the age of 25 i was a military veteran and battling severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder i was lost and on the verge of ending it all by making careless decisions while in the army i was in a fatal car accident where i witnessed the horrific death of two people i was at one of the lowest points of my life i would drown myself in alcohol and to ease my pain i would sleep with different women i was trying to fill a void that only jesus could fill the next picture is my mother and i getting baptized at the first baptist church of glenarden i was tired of running and realized that i couldn t fight this fight alone so i decided to give my life to christ and she did the same god is a god of reconciliation not only did god give me a heart to forgive my mother for her shortcomings but those that stole my innocence as a young child also the last picture is me sharing my story of overcoming my challenges right before i graduated from college in 2013 god had a plan for my life and through all of my pain and sorrow god has kept me i am now using my life s experiences to help other victims those who are living in the grips of depression although god didn t cause those things to happen to me as a child i can assure you that it all worked out for my good and for his glory please feel free to share this blog because it will encourage someone we never know what people are dealing with internally marko hamlin overcoming childhood molestation april 20 2016 marko hamlin leave a comment for many years i lived in a dark place because of the childhood trauma i experienced at such a young age although my innocence was stolen from me i ve decided to become an advocate to ensure that other children would not have to suffer like myself childhood sexual abuse is a taboo subject that not many people are willing to address but i refuse to be silent i lived in silence for almost three decades but by god s grace and mercy i am now free i m no longer living in bondage through my relationship with jesus christ i ve learned to forgive the three individuals who molested me i ve forgiven the foster care system for placing me into a abusive home i ve forgiven my parents for neglecting me and today i m still going through my healing journey forgiveness has allowed me to began to heal and as i continue to move forward i want to encourage other victims of childhood sexual trauma to do the same it is a difficult process but it can be done i m a living witness as i write this blog my heart aches for those men and women who were sexually abused as children those that are currently living in silence i want you to know that you are not alone i know what it feels like to be defeated and not want to live anymore i know the feeling of living a life of shame and feeling as if it was my fault i want to encourage you never to give up keep pressing on the only reason i m still here today is because god had a purpose for me and through all of the heartache and pain all things work together for the good to those that love god to those who are called according to his purpose romans 8 28 although god didn t cause those horrific incidents that occurred early on he used those traumatic experiences to bring me closer to him and to use me as an instrument in order for other s to see his power the month of april is national child abuse awareness month please talk to your children about childhood abuse we cannot turn a blind eye to this issue because it is happening and i will not allow people to continue to sweep it under the rug i want to thank you for reading this blog feel free to share we never know who it may encourage marko hamlin revisiting my past and smiling january 6 2016 may 10 2023 marko hamlin leave a comment this photo was taken on my birthday a few years ago i sometimes revisit my past because it is a constant reminder of how far i ve come god had his hand on me since i was a little boy and i am forever grateful if the walls of this home could speak you d be surprised to hear some of the things that went on in this place the foster care system can be brutal in fact the state removed me from my mother s care because of her addiction to alcohol and placed me in a place where i was tormented by people who were supposed to help me i was a little boy who wanted to be loved but was violated in some of the worst ways possible i was an innocent child who just wanted to be loved if these walls could talk they would tell you about the time when i was in kindergarten and i was given alcohol and told to fight a woman who was mentally challenged if these walls could talk they would snitch on my foster cousin who took advantage of me while i was sleeping these walls would tell you how i was introduced to sex by my foster sister at the age of 5 and it was swept under the rug like it never happened silence can be deadly as a male who overcame childhood sexual trauma and lived in silence for many years i can assure you that silence can kill you most victims go to their graves without telling a soul that they were sexual abused i m glad that i have found my voice and can give other victims hope it s only by the grace of god that i m here today and i m thankful to be in my right mind in the year 2016 although i ve gone through so much throughout my life in the words of pastor keith battle my misery is now my ministry and god is being glorified throughout my healing journey i share my life with you all because many of you are broken and living a life of shame because of past hurts i m a living testimony of what god can do if you let him begin a good work in you as i pen this blog i am excited because my story could ve had a tragic ending but god had a greater plan although my life started off a little rocky my latter days are greater and i m well on my way to be all that god called me to be i have forgiven all who harmed me as a young child and was able to move forward i don t live with a victim s mentality but i now walk with my head held high because i am an overcomer be forever encouraged and never give up i m a living testimony of what god can do brother marko there s a giant in you december 16 2015 july 5 2017 marko hamlin leave a comment it wasn t until i forgave those who harmed me as a young child that i was able to start the healing process in 2008 after my father had died and my daughter was born with some complications i finally realized that i couldn t do this life thing on my own i had been fighting in my own strength for many years and was overwhelmed and grew weary i didn t have the desire to live but i didn t want to kill myself either so suicide wasn t an option i was tired of hiding i was tired of battling depression on my own so i cried out to my lord and savior jesus christ and he saved me i began to trust in jesus and not focus on my past but i must say it was still a struggle as i continue on this journey of recovery i m learning so much and have grown tremendously i really enjoy helping victims of abuse heal i want people to know that healing is a process and it doesn t happen overnight god used a brother named carl butler to speak a word into my life years ago and it stuck with me words can be used to build a person up or tear them down my brother carl didn t know about my past hurts at the time he didn t know that i was struggling internally and needed to be delivered from childhood abuse brother carl looked me in the eyes as i towered over him and told me that i was a giant not because i stood at 6 7 in height but because god was going to use me mightily it didn t stop there either he took me under his wing and discipled me brother carl taught me how to love people as jesus loves and i followed him as he followed christ if you want to grow in different areas in your life you need to surround yourself around people who are going places carl was an instrument god used him to help me grow and move to the next level i wouldn t call carl a prophet but as he spoke life into me one evening over the next few years i would not look back he planted a seed and that seed grew today i m able to minister more effectively and raise up other giants in christ by sharing my testimony i created this blog to give other victims of childhood sexual abuse hope and to raise awareness also i want to see other people delivered from the grips of depression and other mental illnesses stemming from abuse i know many victims can t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now but i m here to let you kn...