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sde la premisa que nosotros y ellos nuestros hijos saben cuando tienen hambre que tienen ganas de comer y cuando están llenos la cosa cambia pero qué difícil que es sobre todo porque implica decir que nosotros no sabemos lo que es mejor que coman que ellos lo que me daba miedo es que no coma suficiente porque la verdad que r no comía casi nada prefería teta hasta pasado el primer año y aunque al principio lo decía después empecé a cuidarme de decir algo como ella no come nada y mas bien ante la eterna pregunta de cómo está comiendo empecé a decir come lo que necesita o de cuidarme de no parecer preocupada o frustrada cuando por enésima vez cocinas y no come nada y lo tira todo al piso y a veces me salía mejor que otras ahora ya come más y a aunque es poco comparado con otros chicos ya no me preocupa tanto sé que tiene fases de tipos de comidas que tiene ganas o que a veces sobre todo si esta con los dientes o resfriada no come nada pero obviamente come lo que necesita porque está bien y ahora que se extendió su conciencia y repertorio bah se da cuenta si estas comiendo otra cosa y siempre quiere probar empiezan otros temas a mí me da miedo supongo que por extensión de lo que tengo miedo de mi misma es que si le dejo comer cualquier cosa va a comer helado galletitas y chocolate todo el día pero habiendo empezado a comprar las cosas que me gustan y dándome permiso para comer cuando y cuanto quiera me está mostrando que no que si sé que es legal y que hay y está disponible no me como todo como más cuando tengo ganas y paro cuando ya estoy llena o al menos estoy en camino a eso y tendré que encontrar maneras de hacer esto con r nosotros por ejemplo decidimos que siguiendo las pautas locales no íbamos a darle comida con sal o azúcar al menos hasta el primer año y hasta el momento en que se empezó a dar cuenta tratar de evitar cosas procesadas o muy dulces la idea aparte de un tema de salud con la sal era exponerla a muchas comidas antes de que se reduzcan porque parece que es normal que en el segundo año empiecen a ser un poco más limitados en lo que quieren comer también pensamos que tiene toda la vida para probar todo que si nunca comió nada no le iba a hacer mal no comer ciertas cosas por cierto tiempo y que hacia demasiadas cosas ricas naturales antes de exponerla a cosas más procesadas y con químicos que por ahí es un poco controlador pero pensamos que hay tiempo para cada cosa de más está decir que ya descubrió cuanto le gustan los helados y las galletitas y que me da miedo que solo quiera eso y a la vez no quiero hacer un gran tema de estas comidas creo también que hay que poner algunos límites dado que los adultos somos nosotros pero es difícil el balance y el confiar una cosa que encontré útil es un libro de ellyn satter aunque también hay cosas con las que no estoy tan de acuerdo pero como siempre hay que sacar lo útil para nosotros y descartar lo que no nos sirve básicamente lo que propone es una división de responsabilidades los adultos padres están a cargo de decidir que se come y cuando mientras que los chicos deciden si quieren comer qué quieren comer dentro de esto y cuánto y esto quiere decir que por ejemplo intentar que coman más es cruzar esa división de responsabilidades dentro de esto es también flexible en tanto que el qué se come esta también marcado por el gusto de los chicos pero no necesariamente en su totalidad por ejemplo y propone cosas para lidiar con por ejemplo esas cosas que me preocupan a mí como son los dulces galletitas chocolates jugos cosas procesadas que llenan pero no son tan nutritivos si sólo comen eso sobre todo cuando todavía no pueden entender la relación causa y efecto por ejemplo si comes un montón de chocolate después te duele la panza pero que tampoco quiero prohibir y crear una dinámica de deseo la idea es encontrar la forma de darles lugar y tiempo para que coman todo lo que quieran por ejemplo que la merienda un dia sea de galletitas de chocolate y dejarlos que coman las que quieran que sepan que no están prohibidas que pueden comer la cantidad que desean pero que a la vez no interfiere con otras comidas como puede ser la cena o almuerzo en donde hay otras cosas para comer me parecen ideas útiles y las adaptamos como nos parece y las cambiamos también cuando vemos que no estamos cómodos o no funcionan pero así es todo en fin quería acá poner el tema sobre la mesa porque es uno de los temas para mí al menos importantes y difíciles como madre y como feminista lucila 2 comments posted in body image imagen corporal feminism feminist mothering food intuitive eating the first year toddlers weaning tagged comer intuitivamente comida expectations posted on april 6 2011 leave a comment one of the things that i think has played a major role in how i felt as a mother is the kind of expectations i harboured these expectations were sometimes based on observations many created while reading i am also a member of the you read too much club other were naive ideas or assumptions that i had not questioned or even realised i had until closer examination and also my lack of ideas on what to expect but all of these were important in constructing my experience as a mother and of many of the mothers i know for instance i think i have read mr bump too many times i am even copying its style sleep baby sleeping patterns or the art of not sleeping i am a person that needs loads of sleep before having r unless i had 10 12 hours sleep i was not in the best of moods however for some reason which now i don t remember might be because of my lack of sleep i psyched myself thinking that we would probably not sleep much the first year this was very important and it helped immensely even though i erred in my predictions and we are still not sleeping through the night she is almost two and a half many of my friends expected that their babies would sleep better after a few weeks and many of those suffered while some lucky ones did actually get the sleep they expected co sleeping before having r i used to think that i did to want to co sleep at all when she was born the only way she would sleep was on me my midwife different people and books i ve read made me feel guilty and afraid of doing this but reading a bit more or shall i say different books and the everyday the practise made me more confident about doing it and enjoying it if there is a next one this is going to be the plan for the start no question routine oh how i fell for this one i was given a book before r was born which charted how babies would work in terms of routine which went something like this feed awake for a few hours sleep and so on every three hours and then after three or four months every four if this did not happen naturally i was to stretch it myself r was born early three weeks early and she was tiny her pattern was more like feed sleep every two hours almost no awake time it made me worry that she was not awake but for her feeding time which was say an hour writing this makes me laugh now at my innocence in a way but it wasn t so funny then when she was a three months she did not do the switch at all to longer time between feedings and i could not do dreamfeeds and i could go on on all the ways that neither r nor i fitted the pattern set in the book and stupidly it made my question myself feel guilty get frustrated and flustered if i attempted to do what the book suggested it was very unhelpful i eventually found other books that confirmed what i was doing and made me chuck the other ones as well as release the guilt confidence in myself slowly grew too but this was not instant and not without that permanent questioning breastfeeding pain i knew breastfeeding could hurt because my mum had a rough time and my sister in law and many other close friends although books say it is not supposed to hurt if the latch is right i think that is actually quite a crap thing to say i think this is done to not put women off breastfeeding but really it is unhelpful for those of us who do get blood sweat and tears over breastfeeding one of the things that kept me going was actually reading that it took different women weeks even six weeks for it to pass even though breastfeeding was torture at the beginning i dreaded the moment and the ever present comment whenever she cried i think she is hungry thrush did not make matters easier or having breastfeeding ignorant gps but knowing that it would hurt and that it might take time pull me through and well my stubborn streak helped here too probably frequency i kind of expected that after six months breastfeeding would tail off while her food intake grew as the standard advice seems to go this never happened at least not at six months maybe more like 18 months r did follow my expectations of feeding every couple of hours for the first months but at six months and onwards she seemed to start breastfeeding more frequently rather than less though much less time each time and this carried on and even increased after her first year it was almost every time i sat down to give you an idea booby is her second name at home everyone around me seemed to follow the other pattern the books one but me and the weaning questions started to come my expectations as well as what if felt the rest of the world differed from what was happening and it made me feel that i was doing something wrong was the food i cooked bad was i doing things wrong with my approach to food coming next should i put limits on breastfeeding fortunately the internet exists and forums and books and i found a book on extended breastfeeding which put me at ease it seems that her feeding frequently was quite normal and that there were many benefits to extended breastfeeding ahhh i relaxed and it stopped being uncomfortable and frustrating and it started to feel good and what it was joyful well not always but most of the times it feels strange that i needed this external corroboration but it helped it helps to find your pack it helps to find you are not so weird or that you are but in good company food baby led weaning when the time came to start thinking about feeding her food rather than breast milk at six months i rather liked the idea of what is called baby led weaning blw i am glad i did because no spoon would cross her lips i had a very skilled spoon avoiding baby but i did not care so much because i had another option blw implies feeding babies what you eat and giving them finger foods instead of purees and letting them feed themselves from the very beginning at the same time breastfeeding in my case bottle feeding instead is kept up on demand what i had not realised is that sometimes blw comes with small print some babies do not eat and just prefer to toss all the food away after playing with it and just go for the good old boobs when talking business and not for the expected first months but for much longer and this happened until well she was more than a year old not that she did not eat at all but very little she still does eat little but she has always been fine somehow and i had to adjust my expectations once again once i did i again relaxed and after this one is harder because i cannot benefit from hindsight for me the natural step after blw is intuitive eating but i am still working at it and get confused on the how to and tinker with it what i am trying to avoid is the struggle over eating and the bribery and negotiations the categories of good and bad foods that are so common but not sure how this will pan out yet as i still need adjustment myself i find it hard though as she eats little and sometimes does not eat her meal but does eat heartily her ice cream and i feel the questions coming from within and from outside though many times she eats both at the same time and it is not so normal this rambling post had at some point a purpose hmmm maybe that expectations matter and adjusting them is painful but powerful and that there is no other way at least for me but to be attentive to change to be flexible to read to find my pack this in hindsight is called to trust your instincts but somehow it feels more complicated than that and more of a process of knowing what your instincts are in the first place lucila leave a comment posted in breastfeeding doing your thing expectations food instincts judgement mothering research the first year toddlers tagged advice sleeping of sweets englishness and campaigns posted on march 31 2011 2 comments i was thinking of what to write yesterday while i was at the supermarket when my muse came to visit in the shape of a tantrum what i find almost inevitable at the supermarket is that it takes always a little bit more time than what i expect and it usually means that some kind of meal or snack time is looming so here we are it is elevenses as the english call it and the time that r likes to have a snack or even lunch we are at the supermarket rushing to get all the stuff i can in the least possible time pushing the buggy with one hand the basket dangerously balanced inside the buggy with more stuff than it is probably meant to take and r on my other arm or alternatively running away we finally get to the till and the inevitable happens r spots the sweets that are packaged and placed strategically so adults and children get tempted at the last minute while they wait i am not against eating chocolates and sweets at all but i do prefer to have some say over when and what it is while i can that is that s not the case here and frequently when she realises that we can t buy all the bunnies coloured eggs marshmellows the inevitable happens tantrum at the till so what s new you are entitled to say well i say nothing but that is the problem people around me don t really appreciate it and i think it rather spoils it too i would rather go without the sweating and flustered movements that come with this moment so even if people are understanding most would agree that it would be better if they didn t have a screaming angry toddler in their face so the problem here could be easily avoided if these sweets crisps etc could be moved somewhere else as we are in england and one thing that always strikes me and yes i find it sometimes hilarious is that they have a society for everything so i looked online and voila a campaign to chuck snacks of the checkout i quite like the excuses that supermarkets used to avoid doing this the campaign comes framed with a lot of concern for healthy eating and such but well i think we can talk about that another time for now let s focus on the important no screaming less spending less sweating less clothes washing ta da i am well inspired today i say fight the good fight 2 comments posted in consumerism tantrums toddlers tagged supermarkets childcare and the time for separation posted on march 16 2011 6 comments we are in the midst of big changes around here we are moving house city jobs in a few months as my partner has a new job this is a huge move in all senses for us it implies sellin...