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1 comments tuesday june 10 2014 the agony of defeat through the years of my writing this blog i ve shared some painful experiences not all were painful but some were very much so i found that putting things in writing were very healing to me and i got a sense of peace about issues that i didn t expect to otherwise have so with that in mind i d like to share once again the issue is trivial at best in the grand scheme of things i know that and i realize that there are people that wake up everyday and have real battles to fight some fight cancer sickness poverty loss of limb loss of mind or loss of loved ones and while we re talking about it loss of spirit is no walk in the part either so with that in mind indulge me if you will with my sad song about a year ago i set out to walk a marathon for those who may not know that is a distance of 26 2 miles i have for years dreamed of going to new orleans and completing the new orleans rock and roll marathon in 2010 my daughter and son in law completed this race in my honor and i wanted to reciprocate in my mind it was also a way for me to claim a final victory over all the negative things that had ever happened there from my childhood so about last april my husband and i began a journey that would culminate on a cold rainy foggy sunday morning in new orleans february of this year after months and months of walking walking in the heat walking in the rain walking in the cold the day had finally arrived the goal was very realistic walk 26 2 miles in 7 hours in the marathon world that is at a snails pace thankfully my daughter was there to walk with me as i knew she would keep me on pace i also knew that my husband at some point would walk ahead of me as he is faster things started out pretty well as best as can be expected i guess no lofty goals for me except to finish the temperature went from cold to hot pretty quickly it tends to do that when your in constant movement well somewhere between mile 4 and 5 things went south big time south simply put i started pooping in my pants and could not stop pooping sorry there s no other way to explain i could have handled one accident or even two but this was an accident of volcanic proportions the likes of which i have never experienced by mile 10 my continual accidents had made it into my shoes my pretty hot pink special race day shoes thankfully i was wearing long black pants at that point i sat down on the curb of the street i was done i asked my daughter to see if she could get us a taxi back to the hotel she could not all the streets were closed on the race route it was 4 miles back to the hotel and 3 miles to the half marathon finish line i didn t want to do a half marathon that wasn t the plan i had already done a half marathon and was here for a full marathon without much choice and with my daughter s encouragement i got up and started walking toward the half marathon finish line who knows it might stop right wrong the accidents continued and continued at about mile eleven i decided that if we could just find a water hose my daughter could just hose me down i would dry off from the heat of the day and still have a chance at completing the marathon we happened upon a service station but as luck would have it they did not have a water hose but they did have gallon jugs of water yep we stood right there in that service station parking lot and my daughter poured 3 gallons of water down my pants right there in front of our good lord and everyone what a sight we must have been to behold my daughter said it was a real steel magnolia moment i wished i could say at this point things got better but they didn t the water made things messier and more uncomfortable than they already were under my clothes if you know what i mean and to top it all i kept right on going in my britches mile 12 i knew there was no going on to finish a full marathon i hated it because i knew my daughter wanted me to continue i knew my husband and other children would want me to continue and most of all i wanted to continue but i could not not on this day this day would be the day i finished a half marathon 13 1 miles covered in poop from waist down at 4 hours 12 minutes and 7 seconds and that dear friends was the agony of my defeat ps my husband went on to complete the full marathon in 7 hours and 29 minutes far better is it to dare mighty things to win glorious triumphs even though checked by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat theodore roosevelt posted by debra at 1 12 am 6 comments sunday may 11 2014 10 things about my mother she liked to color her hair red i don t remember a time her hair was not auburn or red except for maybe the brief period of time she wore a platinum blonde wig she had bought a mink coat to go with it apparently daddy s credit was still good at d h holmes department store she had pretty green eyes when she cried they became a bright emerald colored green my mama had an affinity for flawed people apparently that is a trait that is passed on in dna with mama it was a social thing i made it an occupation mama used to gather up all our old clothes when we would go visit my granny in monroeville alabama she would take them to maebell my granny s long time colored maid who had at least 10 children mama liked maebell and would stay and visit with her for what seemed like hours on end sometimes i went with mama down to maebell s tiny shack i can still see her sitting on one end of maebell s bed maebell on the other end nursing her newborn them laughing talking and carrying on just like they were best friends it was the first time i ever seen someone nurse a baby it seemed weird to me at the time another time while visiting granny i had two baby teeth pulled right before the trip to her house after arriving my gums began to bleed and would not stop my dad and grandmother were very nonchalant about it but i kept bleeding and bleeding mind you my grandmother lived in a very rural area and who knows where a dentist might be well my mama put me in the car by herself rushed me through those red dirt back roads into monroeville found a dentist at a baseball game who rushed me to his office and finally got the bleeding to stop the dentist thought at the time i might be a free bleeder as it turns out i was not as i never had a bleeding episode like that again one year mama got everyone socks and underwear for christmas she passed on to me the same knack for gift giving mama like to play poker she had a little red coin purse sometimes that little purse would be bulging with money other times it would be empty such is the life sigh my daughter says one time grandma was babysitting her and asked her if she wanted to play 52 pick up grandma was shuffling a deck a cards my daughter 5 years old says sure next thing she knows the cards are scattered all over the floor and room grandma laughed and said there they are now pick them up in 1966 mama bought a 1952 aqua blue cadillac i don t think we ever went anywhere in it it broke down soon after she bought it it stayed parked in front if our house and became a great place for me and my friends to sit and have long talks in my mama is in heaven now i didn t know how much i loved her how could i have not known for so long i love you mama happy mother s day in heaven above all love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins 1 peter 4 8 posted by debra at 2 36 am 2 comments tuesday december 24 2013 silent night it is the wee hours of christmas eve morning here i notice the silence of this cold dark night most especially this morning the silence seems to bring back memories it calls me way back to a christmas past one of the sweetest christmas eve memories i hold is singing that precious song silent night i was just a third grader and my cousin had come to spend the night with me we lived in one of those very large shot gun houses in new orleans coincidentally at the time we lived on music street my grandmother had bedded the two of us together in one twin bed as she was to sleep in the other twin bed in this room was a big old television early 1960 s style on top the tv was a small aluminum christmas tree quite popular of that day and time i thought that was just the most beautiful tree in the world so here it was christmas eve and my cousin and i snuggled into bed all warm and cozy we were excited it was christmas eve and excited and happy to be spending the night together we had a perfect view of the christmas tree granma had turned the lights off and that tree just glowed and sparkled in the dark with the blue red gold and white rotating flood light shinning upon it we could not contain our joy and we broke out singing christmas carols as we lay there after awhile we started singing silent night we sang it over and over again it was as if we could not stop silent night holy night all is calm all is bright in that childhood moment i felt such peace happiness calmness and security feelings that were foreign to my little troubled heart and home life there is not a time that i sing silent night even now after all these many years that it does not take me back to that particular time and place it never fails to put a lump in my throat and brings tears to my eyes silent night holy night all is calm all is bright christ the saviour is born merry christmas everyone my christmas wish for you is that you may have the peace happiness calmness and security that only christ our lord can give the words to silent night were composed by a catholic priest by the name of joseph mohr posted by debra at 3 15 am 3 comments saturday december 14 2013 while i was gone it s hard to believe that it has been nearly a year since i wrote anything on this blog it wasn t planned to take a break but one day the words stopped coming even now it is still difficult but in my spirit i feel it is time to at least try and so i will much has changed in the past year and yet much remains the same quite frankly i don t know where the time went seems it just flew by time what a precious commodity that is my children don t like for me to say this but i will i have more days behind me that i have before me but i hope to be a good steward of how ever many days the lord has left for me i hope i can at least do that earlier this year my precious son in law lost his mother and her presence has been and will be sorely missed this holiday season there have been others that have gone on before her my own mom and dad grandmothers and grandfathers aunts uncles cousins and friends i can only imagine what a wonderful time they must be having in heaven i miss them all so very much but when i think of them all together in gloryland it causes my heart to leap for joy and brings tears to my eyes because i know let me repeat this i know that this life is not the end of our story there will be a great reunion day someday and as the song says what a great day that will be blessings of peace all that is good merry christmas everyone gone from my sight by henry van dyke i am standing upon the seashore a ship at my side spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean she is an object of beauty and strength i stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other then someone at my side says there she is gone gone where gone from my sight that is all she is just as large in mast hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port her diminished size is in me not in her and just at the moment when someone says there she is gone there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout here she comes posted by debra at 2 37 am 3 comments friday december 28 2012 in the midst of winter i finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer albert camus it is a clear day and it s true you can very well nearly see forever the sky and ocean are the same hue of deep aqua marine blue the only degree of separation being the thousands of watery diamonds that reflect a bright white sun there is a point as one looks over the vast horizon where you simply cannot define where the sea ends and the sky begins it is very cold forty four degrees at high noon the snow birds might say that is not cold but for one that has been born and bred on the south shores of louisiana and mississippi it s cold the seagulls are amazingly graceful creatures if by some strange stretch of the imagination i could not be a human i think i would like to be a seagull the sheer elegant fashion in which they fly and go about their daily business intrigues and fascinates me for hours on end the rhythmic sound of the waves breaking gently on the shores are calming and the sea spray is like some sort of magical healing medicine my husband and i have been visiting this tiny south alabama town with its beautiful sea shores for some forty years now we have both acknowledged and agreed it is our favorite place to visit we brought our children here in the summer time the summer of our lives and journey together we re likened to the snow birds now flocking here in the dead of winter standing on the precipice of the winter of our own lives and journey here i am not afraid though i promise i am not i used to say when i was younger that i would grow old gracefully now that i m just about there i have no idea what that looks like or even what that is suppose to mean can anyone make wrinkles go away forever skin not sag and hair no longer be gray no matter how much dye you have used to cover it up i could go off on a tangent here but i would digress my family and i had a wonderful christmas together we celebrated a few days early i finally waved the white flag on trying to have everyone gather on the 24th or 25th it was getting a little crazy to accommodate everyones schedules in that short of time span so we celebrated on december 22nd my family has multiplied and grown and with growth there is always change the good news is change brings blessings as well i did so enjoy having everyone together there s a certain peacefulness i feel in my heart when we re all under one roof despite the noise and chaos that comes with it it s a package deal i would take any day of the week or month of the year to me it s always christmas when we are all together i am looking forward to the new year regardless of washington dc fiscal cliffs bad politicians and other calamities that may await us some may call me naive but i can t help but to believe that everything is going to be alright i ve read the book of job and my particular understanding of that book of the bible is that even if everything is wrong it s alright naive and simplistic too i guess one thing is certain though i confidently step into the ...