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ddy boy off to work and got to mashin at first lily was quite upset that we were mashing the strawberries perhaps the thought of pulverizing something so perfect as a red ripe strawberry was a little horrifying to her but i think the lure of messy destruction won out in the end there were many strawberries that never made it to the jam state mouth full of strawberry today she kissed me on both cheeks then smiled this very smile and said i so cute i d have to agree i am so in love with this little girl posted by michelle at 4 54 pm no comments when you give a husband some kids when you give a husband some kids while you go running you ll probably come home to this rowy lost his mustache due to over slobbering posted by michelle at 4 38 pm no comments wednesday march 13 2013 i have heard thy prayer i have seen thy tears behold i will heal thee 2 kings 20 5 i have been excited and intimidated to write about this experience as i sit here my heart is so very full i am in awe and overwhelmed with gratitude that i get to write about what i get to write about today a miraculous event took place in our lives on friday august 24th 2012 we brought another life into this world rowan asher brooks was born his birth was beautiful for so many reasons obviously the act of bringing a child into this world in and of itself is incredible being able to get pregnant and carry a child complication free for 9 months is miraculous i am so thankful that my body is able to do that this pregnancy however was accompanied by quite a bit of anxiety over my body s ability to bring this baby into the world the way i hoped and prayed and dreamed for for whatever reason the lord saw fit to allow my dreams to come true for me the birth of rowan was an immensely spiritual event one that filled me with sweet healing my first attempt at labor with miss lily jane was traumatic and left me disappointed and confused it left a gaping hole of uncertainty about what i felt my body was made to do and evidently couldn t i was told after hours of labor and no dilation and an eventual c section that i would probably never be able to vbac honestly when my surgeon told me that i was angry at her more than at her words i felt that she was attempting to limit my potential abilities and smother my dreams and i felt she had no right to stick her nose into my future and try to dirty it unfortunately she did succeed in planting some doubt in my mind fortunately however i already knew that there was no way i wouldn t be trying again for a natural vaginal delivery with our next one regardless of what anyone said and yes even regardless of whether or not that someone happened to get a better look at my pelvis than i have ever had with lisa s wedding coming up scheduled for 6 days after my due date and school starting a week after i was due we were in a hurry to meet this little boy we went on nightly walks most of the time incorporating plenty of curb walking one foot on the curb one foot off not comfortable fyi i was taking evening primrose oil and red raspberry leaf tea we even went on some rigorous hikes up rock canyon before one such hike the day after my due date my mucus plug fell out in the lovely public restroom at the foot of the trail i sure didn t care where it was at the point i was just excited that something was happening even if i knew it could be days before the actual event turns out it was several days before labor started he came 6 days after actually it was a long week of anticipation but unlike my first pregnancy labor did start and here i am very pregnant few days before labor with lisa my rock star niece my wonderful mama and my lil at 2 am on thursday august 23rd i woke up to a mild contraction this was not a big deal seeing as how i had been experiencing irregular contractions for the previous 3 weeks when i woke up every 10 minutes to another it still didn t get me excited this little man had been all about false starts so i just tried to get some sleep i was coming up on 41 weeks and i was fairly certain he was making camp in there darin joked that by the time he decided to come he would be ready for solids or darin would have to teach him to shave already we were a bit impatient when i woke up in the morning darin and i decided to go take a walk with lily and see if the contractions would get any stronger we walked north and took a loop around the lovely path next to the creek at the south end of campus it was nice to be out and distracted more than anything contractions stayed 10 minutes apart but were very mild and i still wasn t thinking anything of them yet we came home and decided to go grab some lunch we went to terzi s a new pizza place close to campus when we walked in to order i felt like i was peeing my pants only i couldn t control it i went to the bathroom and realized i was only slightly wet i didn t really think it could be my water breaking but it became evident over the next 20 minutes that my water bag had indeed ruptured when i stood up after eating i asked darin if you could tell i was wet from behind he looked and said no yes as he was looking i started leaking a goooood amount what a weird feeling there was no stopping it when we got to the car my pants were soaked all we had were a few extra diapers of lil s in the trunk we opened them up and placed them in my seat and headed home finally we knew labor was starting darin and i put lily down for her nap and tried to get a nap of our own after a little sleep i awoke to some harder contractions they were getting more intense but i could easily breath through them lisa was going to be getting married that weekend and we had planned a little bachelorette party baby shower with the girls in my family for that night we were going to go up to jacqui s house in sandy but that plan was obviously scratched since labor was still in its early stages and i could easily cope with my contractions my lovely sisters sisters in law and mom came to us to have the baby shower love those ladies i opened presents and paused every now and then to breath through a contraction we chatted ate creamies and had a good time it was quite obvious at this point that darin and i would not get to participate in any of the wedding festivities nor would i be able to be with lisa when she and her now husband jesus went through the temple for the first time the following day for that reason it meant the world that these girls went out of the way to bring the party to us li and i were able to have a good heart to heart and share some sisterly love wishing each other luck for the major life events we were both on the verge of experiencing it was good to have that time the party ended though when contractions were getting stronger and requiring more of my focus at the impromptu baby shower and in labor darin s mom arrived not long after since my whole family would be wrapped up in wedding stuff lynn was able to come and stay with lily i am so thankful she was there and lily was able to spend time with someone she loves so much as we packed up our things for the hospital i started to have to stop everything i was doing for each contraction i typically fell to my knees on the floor leaned over the couch or buried my face in our bed as i tried to relax until they passed they were about 4 minutes apart and even though they were getting stronger and more painful i was still so excited that labor started in the first place and was actually happening i never really had that with lily i never really went through the whole laboring process with her in a lot of ways this felt like my first baby i had never experienced all of these things i never had to handle contractions like these with lily i had really bad back labor which was not the case for rowan so that too was very different so when i was trying to figure out when to go to the hospital i had a hard time judging when to go in our friend and neighbor dallan came over to help darin give me a priesthood blessing it was a very sweet blessing that calmed me and gave me needed confidence darin blessed me that i would have the strength and peace that i needed and that i would be able to have the natural vaginal delivery that i had prayed for i felt strong and very excited to bring our little boy into the world at about 10 pm we got in the car and headed to the hospital the car ride was very uncomfortable the drive was about 25 minutes up to american fork hospital contractions had been 4 minutes apart at home in the car they began to be 3 minutes and then 2 minutes apart i was shaking like crazy darin thought this was a sign of transition and started to get nervous that i was going to have the baby in the car i knew that there was no way i was in transition it couldn t be that easy and it wasn t we realized pulling in to the hospital that we had no idea where labor and delivery was it also was not marked on any of the signs we saw haha we were super prepared it s a good thing i wasn t in transition because after circling the parking lot several times and being completely lost we sure could have had a car delivery had that been the case finally someone in scrubs came out of the emergency entrance and asked what we needed i was breathing through a contraction she was at my window darin said labor and delivery and she went running for a wheel chair like my life depended on it i told her that there was no rush i was not having this baby in the car a security guard must have felt left out as he moseyed over to see what all the hullabaloo was about he wisely explained that they like babies born in the hospital better than in the parking lot so i let the frantic employee in scrubs wheel me in in a very dramatic rush she got me in the elevator and seemed to be nervously asking me questions to check that i was still conscious or something i found out that she was a house keeper i had to smile and let her revel in the drama of rushing a laboring woman in a wheel chair up to labor and delivery it had to have been exciting for her of course once i got to triage my contractions started to slow and space out again darin came up from parking the car and our friend and bradley birth instructor katie aston arrived a few minutes later she offered to attend our birth as a doula i cannot express how thankful i was to have her there for the entire labor and delivery of rowan i just fell in love with her she was an absolute angel she stayed up all night and didn t rest for a moment she was entirely devoted to making me comfortable and helping me relax and she worked hard the entire time i worked hard the first thing i would suggest for those wanting a natural birth is to educate yourself as much as possible know your options understand common procedures read do your research do practices be prepared the second thing i would recommend is hiring a doula darin and i had planned to have it be just the two of us we felt prepared and we wanted an intimate experience but i had read too much on doulas and the positive outcomes as far as fewer c sections and fewer interventions in general so when katie offered we whole heartedly agreed it was what we wanted how very very grateful i am that we had her i worked through a few contractions kneeling on the hospital bed and leaning over the back of it in the upright position it was a good position for me i was checked and was super bummed to hear i was only at 3 1 2 centimeters i totally jumped the gun especially since contractions had spaced out since the car ride they were now about 4 5 minutes apart when we got to our room and immediately i was hooked up in all sorts of ways when trying for a vbac the hospital requires you to have continuous fetal monitoring as well as an iv port in and ready for any fluids they think you ll need my contractions were measured by a probe they stuck up my vagina and not long after getting settled they gave me an iv with some sweet stuff to get more of a response from rowan being hooked up to all sorts of wires and tubes was so uncomfortable it really made me wish i had not come in to the hospital so soon as labor progressed i just tried to forget about it and focus on what my body was doing my body was working i am so glad it was it felt so different from lily s labor just getting to this point in labor eliminated some anxiety i was able to focus and relax and not think about the possibility of a repeat c section because this was real labor so i was a little confused when my midwife suggested giving me pitocin she was the one who during our prenatal checkup told me that they would do everything to avoid intervention she tried to explain using charts that i didn t know how to read and didn t know the meaning of that my contractions needed to be at a certain line or level and rowan needed to be exhibiting this pattern in his heart rate and here is the doctor who is on site in case you need to have a c section and we don t want that so we need to be at this point just so later on we don t have to intervene more i asked to try other methods first we did some nipple stimulation rocking back and forth in semi squats using essential oils just letting some time pass i felt like i was laboring just fine and it is a little hazy now when i try to think of why that apparently wasn t enough i was given the lowest dosage of pitocin if there is ever a situation where a woman is most vulnerable it is when she is in labor i felt scared by the possibility of another c section so i ultimately agreed to an intervention i was totally opposed to it is the only regret i have and i honestly couldn t tell the difference with pitocin and without contractions are intense and powerful it took a lot of work either way to relax through them after a while we ended up unplugging the pit and not turning it back on my body knew what to do anyway the rest of the night was very hazy to me i started to make a little noise during contractions when i felt one coming on i made a low moaning sound eventually it became what i naturally did every time and it became my method of coping when i started moaning or singing as katie called it i thought of nothing else i went to this place where i saw nothing and felt nothing and the only thing i was experiencing was the sound of my voice which really didn t sound like my voice at all but more like something coming from outside of me it was really trippy i have heard that the body comes up with its own drugs during labor and now i can see where they get that it was so bizarre i was very unaware of things that were happening around me i kept my eyes closed most of the time i lost myself in each contraction and came back when it was over i had katie and darin reminding me to keep my voice low to release the tension in my hands forehead shoulders etc they massaged me and gave counter pressure they wiped me with cool wash cloths and fanned me they gave me something to drink as often as i requested it i was parched the entire t...