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he s going to get a shock when i show her a picture of flash ii posted by mitzi at 20 12 8 comments saturday 7 february 2026 the log whisperer i ve been on a quest to find myself a new hobby i m not into jigsaw puzzles a friend of mine offered to teach me to knit seriously i m far too young and vibrant to do such a thing can you imagine my next door neighbour was having work done to her garden in the mid bleak winter because it s cheaper when they had finished they d left a thick branch in my garden i was about to hurl it through my neighbours window when i heard the echoes of my inner voice reminding me i need a hobby and then it hit me whittling i wonder if i could make something beautiful from it an ornament or a bowl perhaps for the maid s birthday with the help of a youtube video i whittled a spoon sat in the garden i felt like budget barbara hepworth minus the headscarf i was in my element here it is well at least it s spoon shaped and those splodges are my blood stains after an hour my whittling skills improved and the spoon began to take shape i also learnt if you cut against the grain you get splinters that pierces the skin and i stabbed myself with the knife a few times too nothing superglue can t fix sadly i gouged a bit too deep into the bowl of the spoon and came out the other side and ruined it posted by mitzi at 20 47 17 comments friday 26 december 2025 christmas day washout i should have stayed at home i should have stayed at home that was the mantra going through my my mind on christmas day i hear what you re saying moaning cow i should have known better when the maid suggested going away for christmas and new year to escape from the rabble instead i m marooned here with the very definition of it the weather has been crap christmas day was spent in the hotel room couldn t go out not without an umbrella i ended up watching spanish television so my grandma s a lesbian with english subtitles yes that is an actual film and vera dubbed in spanish i couldn t watch the english channels as the bad weather kept interfering with the signal it kept pixellating and losing sound the maid is online booking flights home there s no way i m staying here for a month hope you had a better christmas posted by mitzi at 18 15 16 comments friday 12 december 2025 the forgotten attic sifting through my search posts i noticed i had rather a lot of drafts half finished half arsed unpublished posts that never made the cut 44 of them to be exact here s just 4 of them exclusive yarns a drama set in a wool shop in tumbridge wells w ith maureen lipman lesley joseph patricia hodge and sue devaney it s camper than hilda bracket s pisspot portrait of a scrubber by miss flange i don t know who she is she has been pending since april 2022 no story attached just the picture you ll be relieved to know it s not a self portrait buying christmas presents elderly relatives can be a challenge it doesn t matter what you get them they always end up saving it for best and it ends up in a cupboard forgotten old people love to knit covers for things i had a little pouch great aunt alice had knitted for the tv remote control she also knitted a cover for the toaster in serge green so with that in mind what old person wouldn t love this exquisite toilet and cistern cover edged with a delicate lace trim it will remind them of christmas day every time they dump a video from the 1960s the honeycombs have i the right posted by mitzi at 21 26 6 comments friday 5 december 2025 the great christmas cake heist i applaud waitrose for using the word christmas in their packaging i was in waitrose at the weekend gliding through the aisles with gay abandon the maid was at home waiting in for a delivery which was a good thing i didn t want her breathing down my neck tutting at the price of champagne i stopped at a display of christmas cakes i found one i liked the look of it was small and unfussy but as i reached out to take it another hand was quicker that hand belonged to a no nonsense type of woman she was wearing a trilby hat and a green wax jacket she probably has a career managing farmhands because it was the last of that cake i asked a passing menial if she had another in the back she took something out of her pocket and began to type and then apologised for not having any more in until monday as i rounded the corner i saw her again the trilby woman deliberating over a selection of cheeses at the deli counter her trolley left unattended besides the artisan breads and there inside the trolley was the cake it didn t look anything special on the shelf but seeing it in that woman s trolley it took on a rosy glow i had to have it a quick furtive glance in her direction and the cake and i hot footed it to the tills chuckling all the way i was told via text message by a know it all friend of mine that you don t cut christmas cake like that but he didn t explain why to be honest i couldn t care less because waitrose is considered to be a better class supermarket i call the shop assistants who work there menials it keeps them grounded and stops them from getting ideas above their station posted by mitzi at 18 16 19 comments monday 1 december 2025 for your festive viewing pleasure i ll be back later on in the week to tell you what i did on sunday in waitrose oh the shame posted by mitzi at 22 43 7 comments tuesday 7 october 2025 hotel chic hotel subur sitges with it s exuberant passion for raffia mat wall hangings we usually stay at the plaja d or not this time it was fully booked as was the calipolis the subur was the only available hotel we took the risk and booked it thinking of decorating looking for home decor ideas for inspiration look no further than the exquisite interior of the surbur hotel in sitges that offers an insight into the lives of bill sykes and nancy we took it in turns to sit in that chair it was the only place in the room that picked up the internet room with a view i didn t mind slumming it for a few days until the new upgraded room became available after 4 days we were able to move to a sea view room only 2 raffia mats in this room goes together well with the tropical bamboo mirror frames bed for communal fu sleeping close up view of that wall mounted mat from the old room on loan from the pompidou in paris nothing riles me more than seeing dried flower arrangements in hotel rooms absolutely fine in your own home if you re that way inclined but what purpose do they serve other than taking up valuable table space where am i supposed to recharge my ipad with that clunky thing in the way this is the breakfast room of the 3 subur hotel in sitges this is what i had to endure for the past 14 days here i would sit and gaze wistfully at the ceiling in a pose of a pre raphaelite muse the lady of shallot the hotel s party line oh the things you hear through the bathroom air vents makes me blush just thinking about it what do you do with your old raffia table mats make an interesting wall feature of them of course nice views with a wrap around balcony raffia pineapple from hotel chic to satin chic posted by mitzi at 18 29 23 comments wednesday 1 october 2025 current location posted by mitzi at 19 54 10 comments wednesday 14 may 2025 for your viewing pleasure don t you just love a street brawl yes that is a young janice from benidorm how northern but can you still eat the chips posted by mitzi at 20 34 14 comments friday 25 april 2025 taking the strain take any bog standard yoghurt the cheaper the better and turn it into a thick luxury greek yoghurt that could rival fage pronounced fa yeh if you re that way inclined i used lancashire farm i paid 1 15 for 1kg from herons i chose the fat free one deliberately knowing it ll be like piss take a muslin cloth or if you re cheap like me use a double layer dish cloth clean of course straight out of it s packet and place it inside a sieve tip the yoghurt into the cloth lined sieve and rest it on a bowl large enough to allow the yoghurt to drain and then just leave it in the fridge over night in the morning you ll have yoghurt precum doesn t it look vile it looks yellow in the photograph but it was green proves that the cows are grass fed the end result so thick you can cut it with a knife posted by mitzi at 20 58 10 comments monday 21 april 2025 as plain as a digestive biscuit my morning cup of tea went missing this morning it s true yorkshire tea precisely three minutes seeped gone i hunted high and low for it with no joy i even convinced myself that the house is haunted a ghost with a penchant for tea the thieving spectral bastard i thought to myself what would the late clodagh rodgers have done in a situation like this then i remembered a poem about saint anthony the patron saint of lost things something s lost and can t be found please st anthony look around still no joy i had a dental appointment to attend i left the maid at home mowing the grass after my check up i decided to do a bit of shopping on the high street and then i popped into a cafe for a toasted tea cake and a diet coke i love people watching it didn t take me long to scan the room and focus my beady eye on someone a big lass with a bow in her hair see the man in the distance when she upped and left he kept giving me the glad eye time to leave i didn t see what she looked like from the front until she got up to pay i was expecting her to have a septum piercing or a tattooed neck something to give her an edgy look but there was nothing she wore a blue pleated skirt to match the bow in her hair white socks and a pair of plain black court shoes as she walked past my table a little acid reflux crept into my throat causing a burning sensation i blamed the diet coke i ve seen make up free women before of course so i wasn t totally catatonic with shock when i saw her face however seeing someone so ordinary a genuine plain jane unsettled me somewhat i m sad to say it but looking like that she is destined to be a spinster after finishing my tea cake and looking round to see who else i could inwardly slag off i received a message from carmen with an attached picture she had found my cup of tea posted by mitzi at 19 12 12 comments thursday 17 april 2025 homemade bounty bars what can you make with half a packet of desiccated coconut that s been hidden in the depths of the food cupboard for ages and is nearing it best before date make bounty bars of course i made the mistake of plumping up the coconut by soaking it in milk for about an hour it fell apart when i tried to form mounds so i put the mush in a muslin cloth gathered in the edges and squeezed the milk out of it that did the trick i added a few chopped glace cherries bought during the reign of queen elizabeth ii and enough condensed milk to sweeten and bind it all together i hadn t any chocolate to coat them with so i sacrificed carmen s easter egg a half eaten lindt monstrosity i smashed the remainder of it to bits and melted it in the microwave made 4 yes that really is condensed milk a culinary triumph served on a poole pottery plate a little hint as to where i ll be moving too it was actually a dish cloth a clean one of course i have since bought her a replacement easter egg it cost a staggering 12 from meg morrison s bleeding rob dogs posted by mitzi at 21 01 13 comments monday 14 april 2025 hot cross buns and dog shit if you find yourself in gail s bakery in stratford upon avon fancying one of their over priced hot cross buns make sure you get there at a reasonable time because they stop toasting after 3pm if i hear someone say something noteworthy i try to remember it or better still make a note of it on my iphone i overhead a portly man in a tweed jacket talking to his wife about canine defecation habits this is in the same cafe where carmen was tucking into a hot cross bun with gusto i was eavesdropping shamelessly on the couple he was telling her that dogs only shit facing north or south never east or west that why you often see them spin around and around they are finding their magnetic bearings before dropping their foulage i don t know if this is true or not perhaps scarlet or mrdevice could devote themselves to the study of canine jobbie orientation armed with a compass and some dog biscuits i for one would be very interested in their findings just look at the contented look on his face posted by mitzi at 20 55 14 comments older posts home subscribe to comments atom about me mitzi enter the world of mitzi miss benidorm 2008 she s a 30 38 year old drag queen from the uk sun worshipper shoplifter cock sucker extraordinaire whore of babylis those in search of a good time are all welcome twit twoo twit twoo listen can you hear the wise old owl in the oak tree he s hooting to tell you to take a look at my blog quarkk thurkk now he s hacking up a load of mouse bones view my complete profile give em the old razzle dazzle the nonce cinematic universe the new michael jackson film is the first instalment of an interconnected cinematic universe of celebrity sex offenders its producers have announced as 1 day ago 63 mago sunday music on tuesday s i finally start recovering at least i could sleep nearly undisturbed last night the cough finally looses ha i am soldering on the aim is next week s 2 days ago wonky words sulking apologies i am sulking i ran out of heating oil last monday so my time has been taken by stoking the wood burning stove and glowering at news articles f 4 days ago wonky words spring a couple of photos for my post on blogger 4 days ago inexplicable device new arrivals there may have been orange tip butterflies in the gardens of hexenhäusli device earlier this year but this one is the first i ve seen i ve seen severa 5 days ago mrpeenee in which we are lost is that stupid mercury back in retrograde again because i am in the midst of a string of small time disasters last week i was on my way to the chi 5 days ago steve because steve is almost as nice a name as paul was milton freewater after dark this random shots what i saved seen here better keep that problem weenis under control ya perv behold the jack links bigfoot a sexy beast 1 week ago infomaniac it was 20 years ago today it was twenty years ago today infomaniac came out to play please join the mistress in celebrating twenty years of infomaniac i couldn t have 4 weeks ago hattatt the heart of the home at the risk of appearing controversial which is certainly not our intention we have never regarded the kitchen as the heart of the home nor as somewhe 4 months ago moreidlethoughts i have moved you re currently a free subscriber upgrade your subscription to get access to the rest of this post and other paid subscriber only content upgrade sub 11 months ago mrpeenee in which my blog fights back i don t know what is going on with wordpress the application which publishes my fabulous blog i scraped together a post on friday afternoon hit the publ 2 years ago lx entropy a time to go ecclesiastes 3 1 8 in the spring of 1970 i wa...