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osted in depression tagged cats depression medication 4 comments cat from hell posted on august 10 2018 by momof3isnuts i seriously don t do much inspiration and motivation have been lacking but i am trying to do something about it when i do plan an adventure there are all kinds of mishaps and challenges to my anxiety disorder get your coffee sit back and enjoy my little novella if you are so inclined this weekend i offered to stay in the city to take care of my grand kitties while our son was away our oldest son has a cat i absolutely adore he has a huge personality and also has lymphoma i didn t want my son to bring him to our house because dogs stress for all parties involved recently my son s girlfriend moved in with with our son along with her cat they are still in the phase of introducing the cats in order to live in harmony the new cat is ginormous part maine coon and about 18 pounds he hates me the crazy cat lady he hates me they keep him in the bathroom when they aren t home and he is fed in there because just like at my house the three of them have separate diets but let s start at the beginning or is it the middle that fear of driving on the atlanta freeways is still a very major fear so my husband was kind enough to take me and he s actually spending the night with me his commute from our son s apartment was only 10 minutes compared to the hour commute from our house anyway we decided to drive my mini because it s small and makes it easier to navigate city type driving my husband didn t think we could get all the necessities i had to take in the back of the mini but i know how to pack one it all fit perfectly we had to pull over and have a bite to eat because a huge thunderstorm was coming in the kind of storm that knocked out street lights during rush hour we finally made it to the freeway and thought we had smooth sailing from there the traffic wasn t too bad because we were going into the city most were heading out my car began to make all kinds of musical alarms it s two years old and only has about 2500 miles on it we had it serviced recently and i thought i would be good to go for another 2500 miles or however long a car should have the same oil and such sitting in it before changing the car was overheating and my husband was not able to accelerate on the interstate where the typical speed is equal to the speed of light traveling alongside trucks 100 times bigger than my mini we made it to the shoulder and took the exit we were near as we were doing this our two brains together believed it would have something to do with the air conditioning so i turned that off the windows started fogging because we live in a huge sauna you know for the life of me i couldn t figure out how to get the defogger to work on the windshield so i had to wipe the condensation off with my hand we found a place to pull over and my husband popped the hood open there sitting on the top of the engine was the lid to the coolant tank you know the stuff that moves through the engine to keep it cool while running we could see where the coolant had splashed on the engine and that the tank was empty someone at the mini service center didn t do their job well we gimped along to an auto repair shop yes they could help us until my husband told them it was a mini cooper minis are special you know americans are afraid of them the guy suggested we try and make it a couple miles down the road to another place oh my um gosh talk about high anxiety we decided to pull over and my husband would walk the couple of miles in the rain and see if he could find some coolant while walking he decided to call the mini dealer we purchased and had the car serviced my husband is a cool one and when irked has a way with words that gets things done all the while i was sitting in the mini in an area where people get shot at the mall and i was on high anxiety alert already after talking to my husband a mini salesman hopped in his car and drove the 40 minutes to where we were pulled over he had a tow truck take our car to the dealership and gave us a loaner to drive we were on our way by this time i had no clue how much time had passed but it was long you see we haven t been here before and it was dark when we finally found the entrance to the parking garage of the apartment building our son lives in we pulled into what we hoped were visitor stalls we knew our son lived on the second floor and finally we found his actual apartment but we had to make another trip to the car for the rest of my necessities we got stinking lost in the huge building our son lives in for the life of us we couldn t find the parking garage again i was trying to get my son on the phone and he wasn t picking up well duh the two people with half a brain combined at this point discovered the elevator had buttons marked with a p for parking level and r for residences oh by this time i had long ago taken that xanax that i couldn t put of taking any longer all we needed was a full on panic attack to deal with i was getting to a point of okay we re here lets set up our bed air mattress and go to bed back to huge cat huge cat was in the bathroom and i had to use the facilities i m not afraid of cats i love them all huge cat was sitting on the counter kind of growling at me and snorting a bit i went to flush the toilet sorry a little too much info and huge cat came after me i was in the bathroom yelling for help i got out of there without any wounds the wound came in the middle of the night huge cat didn t want to stay in the bathroom and scratched and meowed until we let him out i mean how bad could it be he annoyed the other cats so we tried to get him back into the bathroom that s when i received my first wound a bad wound we gave up trying to make him go back into the bathroom this morning s feeding was a little bit of a challenge because huge cat would not go back into the bathroom so i had to sit with the other two cats to make sure huge cat didn t bully them and steal their food every time i walk by huge cat i use an overnight bag for a shield i finally tricked huge cat back into the bathroom and closed the door but now i have to use the facilities i m afraid very afraid as a side note or a foot note whatever our son has one pot and one skillet one coffee cup thankfully i brought my own coffee and a way to make a single serving however he had a refrigerator full of all types of beer share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook more print opens in new window print like loading posted in generalized anxiety disorder tagged anxiety 14 comments pants on fire posted on august 6 2018 by momof3isnuts the term that depression is a liar has always made me think psssshhht duh it s not that a depressed person will necessary lie to others except when it comes to hiding just how depressed they are it s about hiding true thoughts while running through any memorized small talk while conversing with others fake smiles simply existing however the lies do come from within we become experts at telling ourselves that we aren t worthy we have nothing to offer society our physical appearance is abhorrent we can t do anything right blah blah blah we believe what we tell ourselves over and over it works well so i believe that reversing those thoughts can have positive outcomes it s a matter of getting to a mind state to change those thoughts as anybody who has tried to break an annoying habit it s very difficult believing any information has become a huge road block for me repetitive disinformation doubt in an enemy of mine i used to believe that most people tell the truth other than little white lies everybody pretty much spoke their truth i have been discovering over and over that more than white lies are being told to me by people i know trying to believe in myself by ridding my mind of untruths is difficult when others feed it with doubt i m pretty sure i will find a way to mentally deal with this but it s distressing when it comes to believing what any doctor tells me thoughts of where they went to college how much they learned while in school and other criteria required to become a doctor all seem normal to think about but i obsess over it i could probably have ten doctors tell me the same thing and not believe any of them many people can tell me particular pleasant things about how they view me but i m filled with a huge amount of doubt the personal eye rolling statement about depression being a liar is near correct depression does trigger false truths about ourselves our mind is doing it we become what we think however i believe i am more than my depression i just have to dig out of it and remove its control over me will i be plagued with this for the rest of my life oh i hope that s a lie however all the outside lies make it so exhausting to fight against the lies i tell myself share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook more print opens in new window print like loading posted in depression tagged depression depression recovery doubt lies 13 comments the weather coming in posted on august 4 2018 by momof3isnuts dreams have always fascinated me i always have to look up repetitive dreams i have because memory recently i had a dream that i was working with some at risk teens i challenged them to do one kind thing to share their skills by the end of the dream i had tears of joy as their kindness went beyond what i had expected they changed they changed the world of others i woke up with tears in my eyes happy tears the kind i haven t had in quite some time i told my husband i felt a change brewing in my mind something that will reach my soul and it feels good dreaming i have patience would be good right about now share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook more print opens in new window print like loading posted in depression tagged depression depression recovery 8 comments drudgery can be beneficial posted on july 31 2018 by momof3isnuts awhile back about 5 years ago to be closer to exact i began my medication roller coaster i was tested by a neuropsychologist i couldn t remember why so i had a copy of my results sent to me oh it all comes back to me now my ginormous problem of staying on task and organization the part of my life that kept me running on the hamster wheel the therapist i was seeing at the time suggested it might help if we could pinpoint any cognitive disabilities not caused by major depression the results were major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder creative chaos monsters of the mind the world inside my mind and home was super chaotic hair pulling chaotic the sad thing is i didn t have to drive kids here or there concerts to attend meetings to plan it was me and my animals for the majority of a day how could i create chaos from nothing in particular after saying no more to my pill pusher i have stayed on the same medication for many months now by the way i m seriously looking forward to meeting a new pill pusher life really sucks but i know what kind of suckiness to expect at this point if i can improve that with a better medication cocktail i will be forever grateful if that cocktail tasted of a good gin and tonic i would be super grateful you know the encouragements suggested to a person suffering from depression just do one little thing like straying outside your comfort zone and volunteer take a walk blah blah blah oh the best one start exercising pbbbbbbt my personal growth began with building a daily routine a very loose routine but i strive to check off items from my to do list at the end of the day i acknowledge what i accomplished and give myself a pat on the back i can honestly say that my mind wanders to thoughts of how many times have i cleaned this particular spot how many times in the last 12 years have i cleaned the same floors the same dishes the same counters we have many unfinished home improvement projects and deep cleaning that has been avoided for so long while i wallowed in my self pity i began to step up by taking one project breaking it down to little projects and i m chipping away until finished those are my little encouragements the tasks that mostly keep me focused on the moment sure most of it is drudgery but the results are helping me build confidence i don t want to go out for a walk maybe i will see someone and will be required to talk i don t want to talk to anyone so talking to others might help my recovery but i have to have a peaceful environment a world with less chaos a starting point when i achieve that i will do all the other things that will help with recovery i don t have any attention deficits just stinkin depression gotta go i have a routine to manage share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook more print opens in new window print like loading posted in depression tagged chaos depression depression recovery routines 11 comments again not the purple ones posted on july 29 2018 by momof3isnuts some may know that i love spice drops a gumdrop with a kick however i don t like the taste of the purple ones when i m not paying attention one will find its way into my mouth followed by a bunch more of my favorites to wash away the taste this past year has been an odd one actually the last five years has been a complete suck my brain and emotions through my ears experience at least what i can recall one thing i really hate about my personal experience with depression is loss of memory sort term long term all term hopefully another medication adjustment will help with that our youngest son moved to seattle and back to atlanta he has set up shop as the vampire in the basement again he is accompanied by sensible girlfriend and my two grandpuppies let me tell you my cat posse isn t too happy speaking of the cat posse i lost one recently the chronic snot nosed old lady cat she was 19 and we had some very beautiful years together i now have two cats greeting me with impatient meows each morning i turned 59 in april oh wait allow me let that sink in yes it s a number i m proud of inside my mind my humor is that of a 10 year old and i don t think i remember the years between 10 and 58 so that would make me an 11 year old in a 59 year old body my husband had to have cervical spine surgery in may so our 30th wedding anniversary was celebrated over a tray of yummy hospital food i had to step up and become the adult the rock for my husband the muscles that he hasn t been able to use until being released by his surgeon i d like to say that i created some new muscles but all i did was find creative ways to move heavy stuff around recently i looked in the mirror and saw a face not just an eye or a nose but the entire face oh my depression has really done a number on my face i m looking for the miracle creams to remove the look of depression off my face i know i wi...