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Text of the page (random words):
me i need to stop but i figure they are falling out anyway might as well shorten the awkward thinning stage i don t think i look nearly as pretty when they are short though i can t wait to get them back oh and speaking of eye lashes my mom has been using a product like the ones advertised on tv called la lash and it is freaking amazing she looks like a disney princess with her lashes that get caught in her bangs she is asked all the time if she gets the lash extensions and she says nope they are all mine she may or may not tell that they are enhanced sheesh it s not fair she told me i should do it too but at 75 a tube and that is the stylists price i don t know if its worth it well except that she has been using it for more than 3 months maybe it is maybe i can talk her into buying me one love you mom i mentioned to a friend at work today that i had never had stitches then i realized that that is a completely false statement i have had lots of stitches just none from injuries when i had my gallbladder out 2 years ago like next week i was so sad that i was going to have noticeable scars and that i could no longer say that i had never had stitches then the scars were small and covered by my shirt like 99 9 of the time so i got over it quickly then about a month later i was diagnosed with cancer and less than two weeks after that had a surgical biopsy then the next week another one then a week later had a port put in then taken out 6 months later i don t even know how many stitches i have had and i am no longer worried about my visible gallbladder scars my largest scar is just enough over my shirts neckline that it is almost never hidden i don t really think about it anymore but since i was working while it was still red and raw i got in the habit of holding my hand over my bare neck and collar bone to hide it a habit i still have i will catch myself doing it when i don t feel comfortable where i am or if i am upset about something like playing with a strand of hair or chewing on your tongue this might be a little tmi considering i am pretty sure you don t really care what s going on now that i am out of harms way but i am still having digestive problems its hit and miss with what happens but i can t get a schedule figured out changing my birth control helped but it wasn t a solution my doctor even thought i might have celiac s because of all my issues luckily that came back negative if anyone has any suggestions on getting this taken care of i am open thanks for stopping by posted by wonderkitty at 6 58 pm 3 comments saturday november 20 2010 another scan i don t know who all reads this anymore but i m still here and i still have scans the next one is on monday yay october 26th was the one year anniversary of my last treatment and the 24 of november will be the one year anniversary of having my port out in fact thanksgiving week will forever remind me of all this cancer stuff but being done with all this cancer stuff i had my your done with treatment scan and had my port out and all this stuff this week so i will be reliving it all in the upcoming days thank you to everyone who went through this with me and to everyone who met me afterwards and don t remember me as ever having cancer i love being both of those people and i look forward to being many more people in the future posted by wonderkitty at 8 11 am 2 comments monday october 25 2010 eyelash update tomorrow marks one year since my last treatment i am excited to be going to a birthday party tonight to celebrate again that i am all done that i made it through something i thought would never happen to me and here i am on the other side good as new or close one year later but the reason for this update is to tell you about my eyelashes most of you will remember that along with all my hair i also lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows that was the hardest part being bald was something i could handle i liked the scarves and aside from it being pretty cold in the winter i could have dealt with that for a lot longer if i would have had my eyelashes they made me feel human without them and without makeup i looked like an alien pretending to be a woman i was more excited about their return than about anything else and when they were back in full force and i had long beautiful lashes again it didn t matter that my hair was only an inch long or that it was not coming back red none of that was an issue because look how pretty i am and then they all fell out again at first i was heart broken why all at once everyone looses lashes but usually one or two at a time and it is a continuous process of loosing and growing all your life i had the unusual experience of having my lashes all fall out at the same time and then all grow in at the same time so now when they start to go i know that they will all go eventually i was getting a little tired of this process repeating itself every 3 months or so but i was resigned when it happened this time but progress this time they fell out more slowly so by the time i was loosing clumps of lashes i had new ones already coming in so now about 90 of my long lashes are gone but i also have about 90 new little lashes ready to take their place it makes me feel like fewer people will notice my thinning lashes with these little ones coming in full and thick and in a couple weeks when they are all long and beautiful again i would not turn away a couple of well placed compliments posted by wonderkitty at 8 45 am 1 comment thursday september 2 2010 another follow up i had another follow up appointment last week and everything is good this was not a scan that will be in november he told me that i will continue with this scan and follow up schedule for the next 5 years wait now when i started this it was 2 years now its five but you told me that i had to wait 2 years to start having kids i assumed it was because i had a scan every 6 months and i can t be pregnant when i have a scan and now you say 5 years yep five years the catch or anti catch is that after 2 years when the chance of the cancer coming back is the highest we can start trying and if we are trying when it comes time for a scan they do a pregnancy test and if i am pregnant no scan if not scan s a go so there you go now mom this does not mean that i will be getting pregnant asap sorry but at least i know that it is up to me i can do it or not do it hehe to my hearts desire that makes me feel good also my thyroid is fine the meds are working great and my dosage did not change yay for levothyroxin posted by wonderkitty at 9 16 pm 5 comments thursday july 22 2010 reality my friend valeri at loveval com posted an opera video called crazy sexy cancer and it inspired me to write a post about how having cancer has effected my life so here it goes being diagnosed with cancer is exactly like you think its going to be and completely different you want to laugh cause of course this would happen you want to cry it is cancer after all you think that there is no way it can be as bad as all the rumors or even as bad as they tell you its going to be but in the back of your head you know it will be bad you lose all hope that you will ever have a normal life and you think you have complete confidence that if you make it out the other side you never want that normal life again many people have told me that i am strong i m not sure i agree but then i don t know what it means to be strong i feel like i dealt with my life as it was given to me what other choice did i have and there you go this time last year i was half way through my 6 month treatment it was such a mile stone to think that i had less treatments left to do than i had already endured it was the light at the end of the tunnel now it seems like 2 life times ago i have seen and done and been through and seen others go through and wanted to do so many other things in the last 12 months that i almost forget sometimes that it was such a reality a very short time ago one thing i have figured out is that i am much more bitter about having cancer now than i was 16 months ago then i think the end was always the completion of treatment then it would be over two years til kids whatever two years of scans and appointments followed by and undetermined number of appointments and scans who cares but now that i am done with the heavy stuff all those appointments and scans seem to be preventing me from doing anything i spend a lot of empty brain space thinking about when my next scan is and then i end up needing a root canal maybe because of what chemo did to my teeth and i am on lifetime medication for my thyroid for the same reason and why why me what did i do to deserve all this trouble and why should i have to pay for it i had to loose so many hours of work for treatment and now i have to pay for a bunch of health problems when i thought the treatment was supposed to make me better and every time they find something else wrong and give me a pill someone says well at least you will feel better now really cause i didn t know i was feeling bad but i know there is nothing i can do about it and i don t get all woe is me very often but i can t help it some times and i know that is normal every now and again i get a small taste of something i went through a lot last summer and it makes me scared a little chest pain the smell of the swamp cooler the taste of the tooth paste after eating cold cereal it doesn t take much and i am right back there i get a little weak and have to remember that i am not there anymore i am better now i kind of hate thinking of myself as a survivor to me a survivor battles something for years or lifetimes and makes it out with all their hair thats not me i battled for less than a year as it stands now it will barely be a lost summer by the time i m 35 and my nieces and nephews only 3 of them have a chance of remembering anything about it and how do i tell my kids and does it matter only a hand full of pictures will show that i didn t have any hair maybe it was just a fashion statement the thing that i think is most distracting right now is the kids thing no trying for kids for 2 years ok fine the problem is that i feel like that should be hard like i should be pining for kids and counting down the days till we can have them but i m not in fact some times i wonder if i really want them for a number of reason i feel like i would be a horrible mom and my anxiety makes me physically afraid of ever becoming one when i think about it i wonder if this is heavenly father s way of telling me that it is not time for me to become a mom that it is ok to wait cause if i wanted kids more than anything right now i would be in hell i have several friends who are going through just that and i can t even imagine it i will probably spend my whole life trying to find a suitable way to explain how i felt at diagnosis and during treatment i may never truly convey how it was and that is just fine everyone who knew me went through it to a different degree and i will never know how that is either hopefully i am more than happy to answer questions for friends and family but i don t like to dwell on it if i don t have too i m sure you understand posted by wonderkitty at 6 30 pm 4 comments tuesday july 13 2010 it s been a while so those of you who read my other blog you already know whats going on with my thyroid but for you cancer blog purists here it is i have hypothyroidism i am low on thyroid which seems funny cause it was an enlarged thyroid that got us here in the first place the blood test confirmed that i am low but the ultra sound came back clear so no other problems good i have been on the hormone levothyroxin for about a month now and honestly not much has changed i have noticed a little more energy during the day at work meaning i am not falling asleep at my computer all day other than that i just feel good which i will take the doctor wants me to get my blood drawn again to make sure the levels are good they don t want to be giving me too much of the hormone either and i think i will do that thursday when they called to tell me the results of that first blood test they assured me that this was normal and something they saw a lot in younger hodgekins disease patients so there was nothing to worry about just medication for the rest of my life i was a little bummed by this at first but now it seems like every other person i talk to has the same thing some people have been on the same meds for like 25 years and the prescription is only 4 so i can t really complain well that is the update thanks for coming by every now and again to check up on me if you have any questions or you just want to talk i am always up for the spontaneous phone call or email posted by wonderkitty at 10 02 pm 2 comments friday june 4 2010 i m sorry what i had a follow up appointment to go over my latest scan the other day mostly it went well the mass in my chest which by the way i didn t know was even still there is getting smaller which is good and the scan didn t show anything abnormal in fact the technician actually said in the summary that everything showed good improvement for my type of cancer that is good i am happy at the very beginning of the physical portion of the appointment my doctor says have we talked about your thyroid being enlarged um no ok well your thyroid is enlarged yeah i think i got that what does that mean could be nothing we will run your levels to see now my mom has an enlarged thyroid that is nothing my aunt had hers out and it turned out to be nothing i have heard of several family instances of this i am not really worried but at the same time i am cause that s what i do i worry plus i have seen the scars that result from having this removed you look like frankenstein s monster just add the bolts on the side of your neck i should not be worried about scars anymore i have enough of them and that is really only half of it what if there is really a problem with my thyroid and i have to do treatment again it makes me sick just to think about it and scared i think i am more scared of this being something big than i was after my first scan i can see this coming and do lots of worrying how about someone worry for me so i can take a break for a while it should be mentioned that i got a call from dr harker the oncologist yesterday night and he did it again did we talk about doing an ultrasound on your thyroid pause no ok i would like to have that done at your convenience great someone from the office should call you tomorrow to schedule that and no one did and no one will till monday more time for lena to worry oh and i have low potassium which is why i have been getting severe cramps in my feet when i stretch the wrong way bring on the bananas and as grandpa told me the avocados which have like 3x as much potassium as bananas i may just get an over the counter supplement i suck with adding stuff to my diet ok there it is nothing yet but potentially well nothing but ...