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nd my reactions to her ministrations she decided then that it was time to switch things up again part 2 in a few days markings hogtie clothespins subspace kissing and more courtesy of the heart s dark desires we ve been a social media hiatus as you have likely noticed please accept our apologies if you ve left comments or reached out to us i ll try to catch up over the next few weeks i ll also try to clean up the links a big thanks to ferns for the warm feeling she gave goddess selena and me recently in a short exchange of tweets a few days ago she mentioned that we had been super quiet all over the place we re sad that it has been indeed the case but it s feels nice that someone noticed goddess selena had left the handcuffs on overnight and while she was still sleeping i wrote most of this post and began my morning activities with my wrists still bound i was quickly reminded how awkward typing is in handcuffs and how dangerous simple activities like pouring cereal and having breakfast become and yet it brought back some of the d s tension from the evening before if only by proxy posted by selena and dymion at 5 47 am no comments labels bondage cane caning domination helplessness mood pain playtime subspace teasing wax play sunday february 16 2014 longevity in d s relationships cross post e from mistresses and their captured men via strawberry mistress seems inactive at the moment hidden away from the world in the little bubble of d s bliss goddess selena and i live in my mind drifting catching up on domestic duties while collared leashed and partially bound with some occasional rituals serving goddess selena as the only interruptions my thoughts kept gravitating around the concept of the growth and maturing of relationships that are heavily flavored by the d s lifestyle and bdsm power exchange bdsm and d s literature and social media are overwhelmingly focused on definitions and categories meeting like minded kinksters transforming present relationships into kinky ones how tos finding solidarity in fetishes and sharing kinky playtime and all of those are cool been there done that a lot but there is not that much written or discussed on the long term growth and maturation of d s or bdsm lifestyle relationships and i wondered why one would think the challenges of the lifestyle in terms of added layers of interests matching or not communications and the needs of relational dynamics that tend to be particularly demanding would present much to explore discuss and share i shared these thoughts with one of bloggers and kindred spirit i respect the most hmp and we conspired to respectively produce posts that would discuss this issue after a few exchanges hmp was first off the blogging starting line back on thursday and i took advantage of his insightful reflections to write this present post undoubtedly the longest ever on this blog so go to the bathroom get a drink and have a seat this will take a while hmp s original post can be found here and the parts that i copied all but the valentine s day wish to all at the end appear below in bold and italics and keep in mind that both voices belong to submissive males my friend and fellow blogger dymion recently pointed out the lack of information available on achieving longevity in d s relationships there is plenty out there on ways to find a partner but precious little advice on how to make a relationship last every person and every relationship is unique d s relationships are by definition more complicated than vanilla relationships what has worked for her majesty and i over the past 27 years would not work for everyone that said i believe d s can help keep the romance in a relationship fresh exciting and vibrant the key is making sure your relationship is based on a firm foundation of love and trust what follows are a few suggestions based on personal experience 1 establish compatibility before tying the knot establishing kink compatibility is not a guarantee for future success but it should be considered a necessary condition for achieving it your partner does not have to like all of the same things you like but she should be open minded about kink accept you for who you are and be willing to explore as the celebrated mathematical expression goes a necessary but not sufficient condition the instances of transforming someone into the scene are rare and not often long lasting the presence of some kind of d s spark or magic from the start is important a sense of exploration is essential and acceptance is non negotiable 2 practice open and honest communication your relationship will not reach its full potential without honest communication nor can you hope to solve the problems that will inevitably come up if you can t talk about them honestly open and honest communication is critically important in every intimate relationship and all the more so in a relationship where d s or bdsm plays a key role the additional layers of depths of such relationships with the possibilities of greater convergence or difference between the individuals make the need to communicate even greater ear explore acknowledge respond listening should be practiced on both sides with a sincere intention to understand and find win win scenarios 3 nobody has it all we rarely possess everything we desire in life or balance everything in our lives successfully try to be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can reasonably expect from a d s relationship the intensity and thrills of d s interactions impact the reward area of our brains in an incredibly powerful way especially on the submissive side they are addictive and there is often a sense of never having enough but without balance the unfettered raging of d s and bdsm oriented desires is self destructive and through resentment for the one not meeting for those needs and desires the lives of our partners balance grounding a real sense of how this can work within the relationship and strong communications are the foundation 4 no fault assurance the blame game is self defeating when you point the finger at your partner you should see two fingers pointing back at yourself you are in this thing together never let petty resentments or a festering grudge divide you the space between acceptance and resentment is often not very large and disappointment makes the defining lines blurry but blaming the other and or blaming ourselves leads nowhere if the relationship is based on common interests good communications and a sincere sense of exploration then emotionally investing into addressing issues realigning wants needs desires and finding win win scenarios is part of the game 5 every minute can t be play time if you think it through you will realize this fantasy is not only impossible but probably not even desirable in any case it won t happen so best to know that up front wait what it can t well maybe there is a submissive somewhere that is living out the beauty trilogy but for the overwhelming majority of us the fantasy is ultimately not realistic in terms of maslow s hierarchy of needs which will eventually catch up nor does it address the demands of the real world and there are consequences to this again balance and communications are essential 6 practice flexibility in d s roles sometimes it doesn t work to filter everything through a predefined set of protocols even if she is naturally dominant there will be times when your lady needs you to take charge she may need a strong protective arm around her or a shoulder to cry on there may be times when your ideas are beneficial to the relationship and should be heard regardless of who is dominant or submissive wear your d s role like a loose garment rather than an impenetrable suit of armor d s dynamics will be sliding across several spectrums relative to the different areas of the relationship serving also means being strong for the other when the need arises and sometimes even taking the lead for the benefit of the one being served and the needs of the relationship rules and protocols are there for a reason but underlying purpose and arising circumstantial needs require a deeper interpretation of those rules and protocols 7 accept downtime and appreciate the little things there will be times when unforeseen circumstances will mean taking a break from d s activities for a period of time the key to survival is acceptance during times of inactivity take comfort in the little things that reinforce your d s romance a tender foot massage or a furtive kiss on her booted toe economic and financial issues geographic relocation changes in employment significant health issues major stress at work family issues life happens sometimes things aren t perfect because of external factors that are way outside our abilities to control or influence them it s acceptable that the normal flow of things may be interrupted communications will play an especially important role at this point and keeping the d s pilot light on through minor rituals and random acts of submissiveness will go a long way toward being able to bring the heat back up when the time is right 8 practice flexibility in play be open to trying new things and changing your routine play style is bound to evolve over time be open to change and go with what works not just for you but for your partner change is inevitable growth is intentional glenda cloud a strong sense of curiosity a willingness or need to learn and a thirst for exploring new things and experiences are all part of how we grow the momentum of the new discoveries and new experiences must be allowed to overcome the inertia of routine and comfort and above all awareness of the natural process of change overtime in all facets of our lives allows us to become active participants in that process 9 many subs lack a dominant woman in their lives to serve and play with who loves them for who they are if you are one of the fortunate few never forget to count your blessings and show your lady how much she means to you both in word and in deed a little gratitude goes a long way there are few needs as powerful as the need to belong to be part of something beyond ourselves and to be appreciated in some kind of way by others being appreciated respected and loved as we are and for whom we are is an incredible gift in any kind of intimate relationship a little gratitude goes a long way and a lot of gratitude might even bring everyone into a d s frame of mind a little more often and finally i would like to add one more point 10 there are few influences forces and drives that impact us more in our lives than habits when active decision making is replaced with habit dynamics get reinforced and nervous system wiring gets stronger but if a conscious decision is made to reinforce d s dynamics hopefully without expecting immediate gratification and acted upon through little not so random little acts of submission or dominance and through daily or weekly rituals that wonderful d s tension remains ever present especially in such an intense rewards based behavior and opportunities for d s fulfillment increase it s difficult to go from zero to sixty but if the car never comes to a halt then anything is possible if you believe you can change if you make it a habit the change becomes real charles duhigg hmp and i would be delighted to hear from anyone who would like to add to this topic or disagree or contribute we know there is much more wisdom out there and more experiences to be shared and to build on please don t hesitate to get in touch with either one of us if you would like to take part from slaves of the goddess seems inactive at the moment posted by selena and dymion at 9 49 am 3 comments labels communications d s dynamics daily routine desires dialogue intimacy lifestyle protocols reflections relational needs relationships rituals social media sunday january 26 2014 what i love the most about being goddess selena s submissive e artwork courtesy of freya s fancy found on girls rule subs drool i m not a huge fan of fetlife several years ago i eventually became a little tired perhaps even irritated with it too many discussions focusing on definitions again and again too many threads started with an agenda of provocation too many posts that read like fake and or bad wank fodder but i occasionally return to see what s going even if it may be several months between visits despite my complaints it is certainly unparalleled in scale as a bdsm social network and resource yesterday morning on one of these occasional visits a post in one of the well moderated discussion groups i tend to favor submissive men and women who love them struck my fancy the op asked tell me what you love the most about being a dominant woman s sub i smiled and began giving a bit of thought to the question and then i reflected on what i love the most about goddess selena s submissive today in contrast to what i loved in our earlier days the evolution of our relationship and how our relational dynamics and our activities have evolved over time because so much has happened over the time we ve been together impacting so many facets of our lives the nation s economic downturn geographic relocation changes in employment the significant time demands of our jobs significant health issues and i decided that i loved the stability and centering that our d s relationship has given us while the frequency and duration of our formal playtime and bdsm games have always been susceptible to the overall time we have together and the energy we have at those moments i feel that the spirit of the commitment we made to each other at the time of goddess selena collaring me has never wavered i n part because of our caring and love for each other both through our respective d s roles and regardless of those roles and i n part because of the daily rituals and their related activities we have come to cherish so much to quote one of my favorite ferns expressions these rituals and activities have been continually close making artwork courtesy of jlb found on dommes and subs and switches oh my so this post gave me a warm feeling over the course of a few minutes of introspection and it reminded me of the glenda cloud quote change is inevitable growth is intentional and as to the original fetlife post with much satisfaction i replied what i love the most about being goddess selena s submissive i can t really bring myself to give just one thing it wouldn t do justice to what makes me so happy about being her submissive with that disclaimer out of the way 1 being the focus of attention of a beautiful sexy smart and dominant woman 2 making the life of someone i love and serve better 3 belonging to her the warm feeling of being her boy pet play toy 4 the nature of the daily banter between a witty dominant woman and her submissive 5 the daily rituals we have that reinforce our d s relational dynamics 6 being the object of her dominant and sexual desires 7 being with someone who appreci...