Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

september, 2008, and, sunday, you, my, story, avery, growing, it, who, are, date, of, loss, life, 28, wednesday, 24, monday, 22, 21, friday, 19, 14, for, more, on, our, family, click, here, introduction, about, me, belly, blog, archive, girl, birth, think, this, is, will, be, day, happy, due, why, having, baby,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
and (163), the (108), you (91), was (65), that (60), for (41), this (34), baby (29), know (27), are (26), will (25), have (25), like (22), but (22), she (20), daddy (20), out (19), who (17), our (16), one (16), just (16), all (15), date (14), day (14), not (14), husband (13), here (13), every (13), think (12), #september (12), weeks (12), more (12), with (12), there (12), her (12), get (12), time (12), right (12), what (11), contractions (11), first (10), life (10), has (10), your (10), too (10), little (10), wanted (10), how (10), were (10), why (9), story (9), told (9), can (9), after (9), they (9), had (9), really (9), through (9), having (8), due (8), now (8), mrsabc (8), about (8), from (8), still (8), going (8), kept (8), waiting (8), knew (8), could (8), midwife (8), avery (7), girl (7), 2008 (7), pregnancy (7), thing (7), again (7), posted (7), because (7), love (7), birth (6), home (6), mother (6), would (6), than (6), been (6), answer (6), want (6), them (6), made (6), other (6), help (6), night (6), point (6), much (6), might (6), long (6), started (6), during (6), ever (6), over (6), may (5), pain (5), happy (5), current (5), yes (5), always (5), never (5), lost (5), take (5), when (5), around (5), comments (5), gift (5), god (5), give (5), its (5), don (5), enough (5), come (5), pregnant (5), checked (5), sweet (5), coming (5), changed (5), road (5), whole (5), labor (5), decided (5), getting (5), couldn (5), belly (4), years (4), actually (4), beautiful (4), back (4), which (4), make (4), own (4), came (4), same (4), feel (4), family (4), asked (4), morning (4), next (4), into (4), three (4), late (4), some (4), thought (4), telling (4), soon (4), then (4), days (4), lot (4), overdue (4), tonight (4), between (4), breathe (4), intense (4), even (4), way (4), minutes (4), november (3), left (3), someone (3), please (3), only (3), question (3), understand (3), different (3), isn (3), either (3), before (3), sunday (3), guess (3), very (3), off (3), myself (3), say (3), last (3), man (3), said (3), stop (3), fun (3), completely (3), being (3), end (3), ago (3), funny (3), walk (3), loved (3), mommy (3), forever (3), scared (3), together (3), care (3), dark (3), many (3), both (3), wish (3), didn (3), boost (3), did (3), dinner (3), away (3), laugh (3), trying (3), push (3), experience (3), got (3), healthy (3), finally (3), loud (3), hospital (3), 2007 (2), february (2), june (2), blog (2), 1st (2), growing (2), taught (2), daughter (2), jane (2), stopped (2), tracks (2), new (2), given (2), hope (2), turn (2), done (2), leave (2), blessed (2), precious (2), found (2), place (2), strength (2), bit (2), big (2), picture (2), progress (2), click (2), posts (2), year (2), old (2), breakfast (2), tells (2), simple (2), gave (2), tiny (2), meaning (2), haven (2), babies (2), desperately (2), hand (2), wrote (2), ultimately (2), good (2), cut (2), tell (2), later (2), gets (2), choose (2), idea (2), birthday (2), trust (2), sit (2), accept (2), early (2), nobody (2), beginning (2), something (2), should (2), people (2), walking (2), well (2), looked (2), huge (2), anymore (2), realize (2), thankful (2), excited (2), totally (2), went (2), holding (2), course (2), arrive (2), comment (2), wonderful (2), though (2), yesterday (2), favorite (2), borderland (2), state (2), hour (2), voice (2), him (2), single (2), stars (2), world (2), sleeping (2), proud (2), promise (2), wasn (2), headed (2), neighborhood (2), mine (2), maybe (2), heard (2), rocky (2), ready (2), meet (2), down (2), ride (2), dirt (2), probably (2), remember (2), special (2), scary (2), pork (2), chops (2), warm (2), won (2), hours (2), writing (2), sleep (2), while (2), floor (2), letter (2), wednesday (2), worth (2), ounce (2), scream (2), natural (2), anything (2), perfect (2), cried (2), best (2), describe (2), head (2), relief (2), rest (2), saying (2), believe (2), part (2), basketball (2), sounds (2), able (2), drugs (2), screaming (2), possible (2), almost (2), crying (2), epidural (2), amazing (2), each (2), tub (2), calming (2), excruciating (2), effaced (2), car (2), contraction (2), loss (2), skip (2), december, january, march, april, july, august, let, bring, archive, view, complete, profile, grade, adjusting, stay, mom, initials, abc, marry, welcomed, handsome, son, tyler, jacob, welcome, humbled, dead, shaken, core, taken, perspective, stumbled, upon, curiosity, miscarriage, contagious, cannot, catch, gain, wider, appreciation, deeper, compassion, those, most, sorry, glad, soft, land, comfort, great, since, healing, jumped, jumps, recommend, starting, entry, work, thank, reading, free, email, andraj22, yahoo, com, introduction, goes, waist, subscribe, atom, older, two, booth, takes, immediate, interest, giant, explain, apologizes, sigh, amidst, terrible, twos, quite, receive, accepted, grace, acknowledged, fragility, held, close, hearts, forgotten, plenty, women, men, reasons, seen, horribly, unfair, breaks, heart, chose, create, decision, extend, partnership, include, choice, grow, ourselves, harder, guessed, slightly, passive, lacks, power, reason, pops, mind, innocent, giggle, scrambled, eggs, toast, unmistakeable, girls, turns, asks, sort, matter, tried, everything, job, nature, confidence, body, child, neither, habitually, father, average, moms, seems, certainly, seriously, wrong, october, instead, switch, daily, route, avoid, neighbor, comes, outside, doesn, friends, calling, emailing, dozens, ask, mean, somehow, miss, announcement, walked, wow, past, cute, obnoxiously, stare, process, emotions, childish, lucky, honest, yet, plans, easy, without, arms, stared, calendar, rationally, emotionally, christmas, waking, giftless, tree, santa, grew, jewish, imagine, friday, truthfully, working, nap, hot, shower, finish, faneuil, hall, boston, north, restaurant, meal, consciously, cherish, these, moments, numbered, also, recommit, patient, easier, hasn, second, find, pretty, wearing, sweatshirt, another, person, hiding, under, grown, restless, decide, venture, bagel, park, half, fall, hear, his, song, kisses, touch, joy, sound, smell, athlete, writer, turned, learned, sweetest, above, look, comedian, giggler, pray, dream, wowed, run, chase, butterflies, train, cars, fairies, flowers, lady, monday, spend, minds, put, sneakers, quick, watch, office, show, letting, walks, usually, driveway, laps, neighbors, saw, bet, woods, street, developed, secret, path, discovered, few, nights, bumpy, drive, silly, adventures, magical, planned, grills, meat, extras, steamed, carrots, biscuits, spicy, liked, warned, bite, overdone, boy, coughing, turning, red, hottest, tasted, apologizing, ruining, ruin, forget, wee, tries, upstairs, interrupted, need, project, pass, dear, looking, traumatic, capacity, anytime, damn, following, alert, fed, latched, gory, details, personal, post, blood, mattered, lifted, call, moment, entire, ours, pushed, begin, unbelievable, feeling, slid, chest, pink, full, hair, exhausted, shock, cry, pushing, disagree, friend, once, compared, pooping, large, see, begging, used, word, primal, woman, hallway, cared, asking, pushes, doing, where, beg, yelling, acting, kill, things, hearing, mouth, die, calm, fully, dilated, top, longer, focus, encouraging, reminding, incredible, 8cm, transition, hardest, imagined, opened, eyes, thoughts, doubt, already, labored, relaxing, shut, lights, sprayed, water, however, although, any, position, least, relax, hysterical, within, seconds, 4cm, considering, closed, earlier, intending, encourage, keep, such, presence, suggested, sorts, positions, environment, meant, laboring, professional, exactly, apart, packed, live, upright, highway, must, crazy, straddling, passenger, seat, downstairs, stopping, hands, knees, 00am, woke, stayed, until, rubbed, reminded, wouldn, called, encouraged, set, makeshift, bed, try, flip, hit, arrived, thursday, 13pm, weighed, 7lbs, 11oz, inches, miracle, wait, link, sidebar, main,

Text of the page (random words):
he never said i couldn t have it but she knew it wasn t what i really wanted she just kept telling me over and over again that i was almost there and that i could do this my husband kept telling me the same thing he was so calm the whole time around 4 00 she checked me again and i was fully dilated and ready to push i was so happy to get this baby out i had heard that the pushing was the best part and a huge relief i would have to disagree my friend once compared it to pooping out a basketball that sounds more like it to me a very large basketball i did not see how i was going to be able to get the baby out but at this point i knew it was too late for drugs so i stopped begging i didn t stop screaming though my husband used the word primal to describe the sounds coming out of me they were loud loud enough that i lost my voice loud enough that i probably scared every other woman in labor in the hallway but all i cared about at that point was getting the baby out as soon as possible i wanted this to be over i kept asking how many more pushes how many more minutes my midwife never gave me an answer she just kept saying you re almost there you can do this you are doing this finally after an hour or so she told me that i would have my baby with the next push i ve never wanted anything so much in all my life i pushed with every ounce of strength i had left i can t even begin to describe the pain when her head finally came out it was an unbelievable feeling of relief the rest of her slid right out and the next thing i knew my baby was on my chest and i was holding her she cried right away and was so pink and had this full head of hair i was too exhausted and too in shock to cry or think i just kept saying oh my god oh my god oh my god i couldn t believe i actually did it i couldn t believe my baby was actually here my midwife lifted her up and told daddy to call it he cried out it s a girl that was the best moment of my entire life she was a girl and she was ours she was so alert and perfect and healthy in every way i fed her soon after that and she latched on right away i won t get into the gory details of my personal post birth experience we ll just say there was a lot of blood and it was a little scary but all that mattered was that she was healthy and she was having a natural birth experience was something i always wanted to do it was more intense and traumatic than i even had the capacity to understand before hand and i can t say i want to do it again anytime soon but i am so thankful for the experience it has changed me forever and i am damn proud of myself for following through i know that if i got through that i can get through anything and looking at my beautiful daughter right now i know it was worth every ounce of pain every scream every push and every overdue day of waiting i am completely in love posted by mrsabc at 5 18 am 11 comments wednesday september 24 2008 i think this is it 6 days overdue dear baby it is the wee hours of september 25 and i think this might turn out to be your birthday i am writing this in between contractions as daddy tries to get some sleep upstairs i might be interrupted a lot but i don t think i ll be sleeping tonight and i need a project to pass the time while i m not on the floor trying to breathe so writing you this letter it is i want you to know about this night this magical night that you decided was the right one to come out and meet us we planned on pork chops for dinner daddy always grills the meat and i always do the extras tonight it was steamed carrots and warm biscuits i asked daddy if maybe he could make the pork chops a little spicy to help give you a boost daddy liked that idea he warned me before our first bite that he might have overdone it boy was he right we both started coughing and turning red right away it was the hottest thing i ve ever tasted ever and then all we could do was laugh and laugh and laugh daddy kept apologizing for ruining dinner but i told him he didn t ruin it at all he made it one i won t ever forget after dinner we decided to take a ride on rocky road this is a dirt road through the woods at the end of our street some day it will probably be developed into a beautiful neighborhood you might not ever remember it as dirt road but for now it s a special secret path that daddy and i discovered a few nights ago it s really really bumpy it s a little scary too but it s special because we drive down it just for you to help give you a boost and i think you like it i love having silly adventures like that with your daddy and i love that you get to have them with us now too after rocky road we came home and started to watch the office this is daddy s all time favorite show mine too but you started letting us know you were getting ready to come out and daddy and i are so excited to meet you that we decided to give you one more boost daddy and i love to take walks together but we usually walk during the day and it s really dark out at night around here so we decided to just walk up and down our driveway we did 24 laps if the neighbors saw us i bet they thought we looked really funny then we changed our minds and decided the dark wasn t going to stop us we put on our sneakers and headed out to the neighborhood it s a whole other world in the dark and i loved it there are so many stars out tonight and daddy and i both made a wish daddy s wish was quick and mine was long he made fun of me for that but i didn t care i have a lot to wish for and i think maybe you heard me it s very late now but i don t think i ll be sleeping tonight at all and that s ok with me i want to spend the whole night with you i want to tell you how proud i am of you we are in this labor thing together ok and i promise you i ll take care of you through it i ll take care of you through your whole life i promise so don t be scared sweet baby mommy s not scared either we ll get through this together and at the end of it daddy and i will be waiting for you the whole world will be waiting for you happy birth day i love you love mommy posted by mrsabc at 9 56 pm 18 comments monday september 22 2008 who are you and who will you be 3 days overdue who are you and who will you be a man like your daddy or a lady like me will you like fairies and flowers or train tracks and cars will you run and chase butterflies will you be wowed by the stars do you know that i dream about you do you know that i pray for you sweet little baby every single day who are you and who will you be a comedian like your daddy or a giggler like me what will you look like what will you love will you know that you are the sweetest gift from above will you know how you ve made your daddy a man will you know that you ve changed him will you understand will you know what you ve taught me will you know what i ve learned will you know that the road i was on has forever been turned who are you and who will you be an athlete like daddy or a writer like me what will you smell like how will you sound will you know of the joy me and daddy have found do you know mommy s voice can you feel my touch do you know you are loved do you know just how much do you know daddy s kisses can you hear his sweet song do you know we ve been waiting for you for so long who are you and who will you be and what are you waiting for sweet little baby posted by mrsabc at 11 43 am 1 comment sunday september 21 2008 date day 1 day overdue my husband and i get restless yesterday and decide to venture out on an all day date we go to our favorite bagel place for breakfast and then to borderland state park for an hour and a half walk it is a beautiful fall day much like the day at borderland three years ago when i first knew he was the one the first picture is from three years ago and the second one is from yesterday i find it funny that i am pretty much wearing the same sweatshirt only this time i have another person hiding under it a lot has changed and grown in three years there s one thing that hasn t changed though he s still the one after going home for a long nap and a hot shower we finish off our date walking around faneuil hall in boston and then to the north end to our first date restaurant it is a wonderful meal and a wonderful day i consciously make a point to cherish these just us moments because i know days like this one are numbered i also recommit to being patient waiting for our little late one to arrive which is much easier said than done truthfully i m still working on that one posted by mrsabc at 10 37 am 1 comment friday september 19 2008 happy due date 40 weeks yes it s my due date and no the baby is not here yet it might be my due date but i guess the baby has other plans this is not easy for me june 17 my first due date came and went without a baby and i kept telling myself that by september 19 i would be holding my sweet baby in my arms i ve stared at that date on the calendar for a long time and now september 19 might just come and go too of course i know my baby is coming and he she is coming soon i realize that rationally but emotionally i feel like a 6 year old on christmas morning waking up to a giftless tree still waiting for santa to arrive yes i know i grew up jewish but we can all imagine what that would feel like i realize my thought process and emotions are completely childish i know how lucky i am i know i have so much to be thankful for and excited for and i am but i m being totally honest here and i m telling you like it is i want my baby out it doesn t help that my friends and family are calling and emailing by the dozens to ask if i m still pregnant i know they all mean well but do you really think my mother is going to somehow miss the big announcement um last time i checked yes still pregnant pregnant enough that some man last night walked by me looked at my belly and just said wow i am past the point of cute pregnant girl i am obnoxiously huge stop and stare pregnant girl it really isn t that fun anymore nobody tells you in the beginning that the average for first time moms is 41 1 2 weeks and nobody seems to accept that either and certainly not my mother they think of your due date as your cut off that if the baby isn t here by that date there is something seriously wrong with you i should have told people i was due in the beginning of october instead i should have told myself that too i ve had to actually switch my daily walking route to avoid a well meaning neighbor who comes outside every day just to say to me you re still here ultimately my baby gets to choose the due date and i do sort of like the idea that it gets to choose its very own birthday no matter what i do and trust me i have tried everything this baby is going to come on its own time and my job is to sit back trust mother nature have confidence in my body and accept that my child is neither habitually early like its father or always right on time like its mother i guess someone in the family has to be late posted by mrsabc at 5 01 am 6 comments sunday september 14 2008 why are you having a baby i am asked this question by a two year old this morning my husband and i are out for breakfast and a little girl at the booth next to us takes an immediate interest in my giant belly i explain to her that there s a baby in there and her mother apologizes and tells me with a sigh that she is amidst her terrible twos later after my scrambled eggs and toast and three unmistakeable contractions the little girls turns to me again and asks why are you having a baby as simple and innocent as it is it s a question i haven t been asked before i giggle and tell her because babies are cut e but i know this is not the right answer the only other answer that pops into my mind is why not but i know that isn t the right answer either why not is passive and it lacks power and it s not a good enough reason for me so why it s harder to answer than i would have guessed back in february i wrote about why i wanted this baby which is a slightly different question than why am i having one yes i am having one because ultimately i wanted to have one my husband and i chose to create this baby we made a decision to extend our partnership to include a new life we made the choice to grow ourselves into a family but there s more to it i know that there are plenty of women and men who want babies desperately and for reasons i will never understand they don t get them i ve seen it first hand and it s horribly unfair and it breaks my heart my husband and i have been given this life a gift from god and there is no gift more precious it is one that we get to give and receive all at the same time our first baby was a gift from god too we accepted that gift with grace we acknowledged its fragility and held it close to our hearts we still do we gave her tiny life meaning and we haven t forgotten so when i think about why we are having this baby the answer is quite simple because we have been blessed posted by mrsabc at 10 05 am 2 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom for more on avery and our growing family click here there goes my waist again introduction welcome to my story it is one that has left me humbled stopped dead in my tracks and shaken to the core it has taken me and left me someone new it has given me perspective and hope if you have never lost a baby and have stumbled upon here out of curiosity please do not turn back now which is just what i would have done miscarriage is not contagious you cannot catch my story and make it your own the only thing you can do is gain from it may you take from my story a wider appreciation for what you do have and a deeper compassion for those who have lost it may you leave here more blessed than when you came and if you are one like me who has lost the thing most precious i am so sorry you are here but glad all the same that you have found me may my story be your soft place to land may it leave you with comfort strength and great hope since my healing has jumped around a bit my story jumps around too for the big picture i recommend starting with my first entry on november 15 2007 the day after we lost our baby this blog is a work in progress as is my life thank you for reading please feel free to email me at andraj22 yahoo com about me mrsabc i taught first grade for 10 years and am now adjusting to life as a stay at home mom and yes my initials are actually abc my mother always told me to marry a c my husband and i welcomed our beautiful daughter avery jane in september 08 and our handsome son tyler jacob in november 09 view my complete profile my growing belly 4 weeks 1st pregnancy 8 weeks 1st pregnancy 14 weeks current pregnancy 17 weeks current pregnancy 20 weeks current pregnancy 24 weeks current pregnancy 28 weeks current pregnancy 32 weeks 36 weeks 40 weeks blog archive 2008 74 september 9 it s a girl avery s birth story i think this is it who are you and who will you be date day happy due date why are you having a baby bring on...