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Text of the page (random words):
mrsnesbitt s space mrsnesbitt s space pages home about me saturday january 24 auntie dot uncle moss auntie dot and uncle moss auntie dot and uncle moss met through work they both worked on the buses uncle moss was a driver and auntie dot was a conductress they had no children i don t know what the arrangements were ie if auntie dot stopped working in order to look after me or if she had all ready stopped work but she was there for me whilst mum worked from the age of 5 i would get up on a morning for breakfast go to school and after school i would have my tea and then watch television whilst waiting for mum mum would collect me and i would spend a few hours with her at our own house 61 west street around 9pm mum would take me back to 57 william street where i would have a wash or bath and then go to bed on a weekend mum collected me on a friday evening and i spent the entire weekend with her returning on a sunday evening ready for school when mum had holidays i would stay with her the arrangements stayed like this and we were all happy here were times when i missed my mum and let it be known but on the whole everybody had my best interests at heart and we soldiered on posted by mrsnesbitt at 16 24 1 comment labels william street email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest family fortunes f is for family fortunes dream on junk mail is a common place in the everyday life in the nesbitt household this day was no different the letter arrived addressed to me and i glanced over the contents before tossing it to one side did they think i was stupid they were after my money that wasall well dream on soldier you ve picked the wrong one here i had visions of people all over the uk getting similar letters watchdog would be featuring it as the latest scam hey i may even be on tv the letter was left on the work surface and i carried on with my morning jobs jon came home at lunch time and as we had a cup of tea i remembered the letter i showed it to him and we both laughed sure somebody was trying to trace a denise nesbitt lol there was a number to call yes right no doubt premium rate yes yes heard it all before seemed a normal number i called answer machine i left a message went to the shops on my return jon said there had been a phone call could i phone again asked for the name on the bottom of the letter a conversation followed mentioning certain names dates and circumstances i indeed was the denise nesbitt somebody was trying to trace there have been only a few moments in my life which has deemed me speechless but this was certainly one of them it would seem the family of my biological male parent were wanting to contact me i use the words biological male parent with particular care and deliberation notice i do not use the words natural father because he could never be that people often use the word natural as a compliment as in being a natural teacher or she s a natural you know no certainly not a natural father he never knew what it meant as he never owned up to the responsibility choosing instead a life of drink and violence having several affairs bringing about his business going bankrupt i do remember however his mother my nana from hull i also remember her grand daughter my cousin i suppose called pattie silence i didn t know what to say panic there was a phone number given to me i wrote it down eventually i drummed up the courage to make the phone call pattie s mum brenda apparently nana from hull had always wanted to know how i was getting on and in deed wanted to get in touch following a re union on some programme or other she had written a letter to the bbc asking them to find me the letter was never delivered as she was involved in a traffic accident on route to the post box she died with the letter still on her person her daughter pattie s mother was now finishing the quest her own mother had set out to achieve when i spoke she cried i have that effect on some people but i did find myself with a lump in my throat all these years people had been thinking about me then she told me he was still alive well they say the good die young and this could not have been so true when i think of all the lovely family and friends who we have lost and to think he was still alive beggars belief your dad no he s not my dad i spoke quickly didn t want to utter the words apparently he has a photo of me as a young child big deal eh i thought of my dad jack who had looked after mum and i helping mum to build a life following the dreadful divorce and nervous breakdown i felt i was betraying him by having this conversation panic again sensing my rising hysteria brenda assured me she was doing this for her mum nana from hull he didn t feature let s keep it that way i insisted phew she was overjoyed ecstatic thrilled and emotional i was miffed touched yes people had been thinking and wondering about me brenda gave me pattie s number she d love to hear from you denise hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i called tears again denise it s you it s you there followed some moments of recollection memories remembered and shared she asked me if there was anything she could do yes never ever let him know you have spoken to me i begged this was scary she assured me do you have any photographs i asked she said she would have a look i left her my phone number to have all of this unfolding was all too much for me to deal with that night i talked extensively with jon what i intended to do was it confrontation humiliation annihilation i needed some time to think a couple of weeks later pattie phoned me pattie pattie who i had completely forgotten your long lost cousin pattie oh yes it all came flooding back i explained how in my own heart and conscience i could never ever have any contact with him how i had a dad a proper dad my own dad who i had loved respected adored and now sorely missed i didn t want to know of him how he was how he had been i wasn t in the least bit moved by the fact he had a photograph of me it meant nothing keeping a photograph in a pocket does not display any great parental quality it meant absolutely nothing i wasn t touched moved or even bothered the opportunity to reflect came in the form of our wonderful holiday in my mind in my own little world as we travelled around on the motorbike i pieced together bits and pieces trying to comprehend the situation planning how to deal with it all i guess a bit like osmosis the important bits filtered through the rest has simply washed away nothing has changed one thing i did realise was the fact that i am denise nesbitt i have no part of any of his name anymore as a child i just had the name of a person i never knew only feared the name stayed until i was married when i had a choice when i embraced the name of mrs nesbitt i remember my class of 7 year olds practising on the first registration following our wedding they all said together good morning mrs nesbitt it brought a lump in my throat there may be the odd phone call from pattie but that is it that s all there will ever be i have got this far with those who are with me and have loved me i don t need anything else may the east fling open your windows and fill your rooms with air may the south send you strong sunshine and give you the strength to dare may the west wash rivers into your heart and oceans into your soul may the north share the secrets and gifts of the earth to heal and make you whole m flanders posted by mrsnesbitt at 16 23 1 comment labels hull email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest nana e is for elizabeth elizabeth elen to be precise my nana or grandma a term many of you will use more frequently my middle name was after nana and our middle goose dolly was named again in memory of this great person my mum s mum my nana was a schumacher ie her maiden name was schumacher before she married my grandad a farmer from thetford in norfolk when her name changed to self her dad was german and moved to england when the unrest in germany started he was a clockmaker he moved his family to york where he had a clockmaking shop when the war started he had his shop windows smashed repeatedly so he moved his family i wonder if i am related to the legend f1 driver as i explained mum secured a job as a secretary at ici wilton when i was a child whilst she was there she met jack a great friend who took a shine to mum and wanted to help her get the house sorted as electronics was his speciality he helped with the re wiring and other electrical stuff mum eventually introduced him to her own parents my grandad a man of few words took him out for a walk he wanted to know his intentions as mum had been through so much jack assured him he had her and mine best interests at heart grandad was re assured and a great friendship was kindled between them my nana really took a shine to jack he would sit with her and talk about this that and the other nana was ill and as her health deteriorated in 1970 we kew she was gravely ill on one of his visits as jack sat with nana she drew him close and asked him to promise he would look after madge and denise he promised on june 17th 1970 nana died i rember nana quite vividly the storiesour family recall show a family who although surrounded by adversity and limited funds had a rich dialogue of their exploits which remain with me to this day i guess this is where i get my love of story telling from tears would flow down our cheeks as each family member recalled events which however sad were always laughed through with great understanding i remember nana always in the kitchen cooking fatty cakes a very basic scone mixture served with gravy i still use her green gravy jug which has been used for the same purpose for 3 generations i guess i have to keep to some chronological format and write more about my early years i am going to have to set the scene and this means i have to tackle f for father posted by mrsnesbitt at 16 21 1 comment labels bolckow road 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