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Text of the page (random words):
it s a lot of fun seeing them play together now he runs climbs on everything jumps indiscriminately and does a hundred other things that stop my heart lately he loves to close doors he can open our outside doors too if they re not locked so that s a new concern he loves nothing more than playing outdoors so we make sure to have outside playtime every day we go on lots of walks with and without the stroller he loves to swing and slide at the park and i can t even get to the bottom of the slide fast enough to catch him before he s sliding down gleefully he says mama dada or daadddyy woof woof what the doggy says brooo what the elephant says bloo what the fishy says rooooaaarrr what he thinks lions bears and alligators say hi lucy looozh or lulu or lala there it is baby and probably others i m forgetting it s all very cute he likes dancing to music and spinning around in circles until he s dizzy he was a good boy when we flew to atlanta drove all over the south and flew back home much better than i expected him to be my baby looks like such a handsome little boy now it s amazing how much he s grown he may be a big boy now but he still gives his mama hugs and kisses and he likes his cuddles i hope he stays that way forever here are some later birthday pictures from 2 months ago the pre birthday photo shoot these were all taken by my lovely sister in law keshia with help from my brother jordan thanks for the great pictures guys these are a few behind the scenes pics that i took and these are from the birthday party it was woodland themed he got more presents than any kid needs seriously simple menu mushroom dip with baguette grilled teriyaki chicken and flank steak pasta salad homemade rolls pineapple plain and grown up soaked in malibu and cake i made william s cake the characters on it are my drawings from his invitation printed on edible frosting sheets i only had 10 minutes to cute them out and put them on the cake so they didn t look great the other cake was supposed to be cupcakes from a local bakery that fell through at the last minute so my lovely brother and sister in law stopped and bought costco cakes on their way to ridgecrest thanks so much adam and shelby you guys were lifesavers plus they majorly helped with party prep the roses that came on the cake didn t seem theme appropriate so i scraped them off and redecorated with meringue mushrooms and acorns made of hershey kisses mini nutter butters and a mini chocolate chip i think it turned out pretty cute for a last minute salvage operation this william banner in chronological order from birth was so dang cute that it s still hanging up in our dining room the birthday boy with his grandparents hallie and uncle jordan aunt shelby ready for cake mama weird kid he doesn t really love cake he liked the meringue mushroom on top most of all i think with his good buddy talen the kid always needs a bib he is soooo drooly with auntie sabrina he had a lot of aunties there real and honorary and somehow we didn t get pictures of all of them scarlett and autumn we were so glad you could come too he loves all his aunties aunties cris and sabrina spoiled him rotten piñata time there s scarlett okay this piñata was impossible to break auntie autumn had to beat it to death to get it open silly uncle justin it was a fun party and it was really great to see everyone there i can t believe it was already almost two months ago posted in william leave a comment happy birthday lucy march 28 2014 by jill dear lucy two years ago at 12 23 am you made your unexpected debut into our lives until then and even after i didn t know what it meant to be a mother you taught me so much two years later not having you here with me doesn t hurt any less we ve sort of learned how to live with this gaping hole in our lives but in some ways it feels more painful than ever i think i ve only just begun to realize what it means to have an entire lifetime of missing you ahead of me as we ve watched your cousin hallie and your little brother grow into beautiful little people all the things that we re missing with you have finally started to hit home the birthdays and cakes the milestones the cuddles and kisses are all so sweet but so painful too every event and holiday feels like it s taking me farther from you sometimes i hate that time passes because it passes without you i never wanted to leave you behind you re still a huge presence in our lives of course we have pictures of you everywhere we talk to william about you he knows your name and your face and when i say lucy to him he smiles and waves at your picture i see you in him a lot of times i think you two would have looked a lot alike he just turned one he s already getting so big recently your ashes finally found a new home in a small pewter heart it took us so long to do anything with them because we couldn t bear to think about it i don t know if all of your ashes will stay there or not but for now i m glad they re there it s small enough to fit in the palm of my hand and it warms up as i hold it it s heavy and solid and more inviting than the plastic box the mortuary gave us i know it s not you in there but i m still glad your ashes have a nice place to rest now they re sitting on a bookshelf in william s room and your room too along with some of your other things i like to imagine you watching over your little brother there lucy i ve struggled a lot this year i didn t think i could ever have a harder time than i did when we said goodbye to you but it s even more difficult to try every day to be the kind of person i want to be for you i struggle every day with guilt and shame for my failings as your mommy a lot of people have told me that i was strong but i know in my heart that i wasn t the kind of strong mommy you needed i could have and should have done better you deserved the very best me possible and i didn t give it to you i was too focused on the wrong things and i didn t know until it was too late you are so sweet though i know that you would know all that and still forgive me and love me i hope that you know that even with all my failings nobody could love you more than i do there are so many things i wish i could change about that time and i can t change any of them the only way i know how to deal with that is by trying harder every day to be the kind of person who would make you proud and to be the kind of mom who would deserve the precious gifts she s been given in you and william i fail a lot most days i fall short i try and try and i just keep failing but continuing to try is what it s all about right i know nobody is perfect so i ll just keep on trying to be better and trying to forgive myself at the same time because really this isn t about me at all it s about you and all the lives you touched hopefully it s about making the world a little bit better in your honor some days are very dark for me lucy but you are still my little light and you always will be i love you darling girl with every bit of my cracked imperfect heart love mommy this is the elephant uncle justin gave her he wears a bandaid that she had on when she died the heart is the urn that her ashes are in twilight beach print by carlymarie posted in lucy anne 1 comment william s eleventh month march 17 2014 by jill oh no i only have two hours left before william turns one i d better hurry up with this post this month involved lots of walking laughing playing and just generally being cute oh and climbing jumping falling and getting hurt giving mommy s heart a workout https www flickr com photos jillouci 13228131204 who wouldn t want to hang out in a popcorn tin no clue what that face was about shadow puppets with daddy https www flickr com photos jillouci 13228267944 he discovered the oven drawer eat your hearts out ladies one of my favorite times of the day bath time https www flickr com photos jillouci 13227847135 not amused in his bubble bath naked time happens after bath time it s all fun and games until somebody pees on the floor grandpa cousin hallie and william he really wants his books look how skinny he looks now he split his lip but he was still happy poor lip he super loved his valentine s day balloons from grandma and grandpa https www flickr com photos jillouci 13228138005 i love it when he fake cries okay by then he was actually crying very serious about reading with his papa and helping his papa with the manual labor valentine s day william he s been doing this weird thing when he s tired https www flickr com photos jillouci 13227967393 https www flickr com photos jillouci 13227869705 you can tell he s tired because he s still he s almost never that stationary https www flickr com photos jillouci 13230625673 he really didn t want daddy to stop the train https www flickr com photos jillouci 13228044843 really i think he s got daddy wrapped around his grubby little finger gah i love this little goofball he fills my life with so much laughter and love and exasperation https www flickr com photos jillouci 13228067765 even if he is a little faker posted in william leave a comment william s tenth month march 15 2014 by jill the first birthday is fast approaching so i only have a few days to get the last two months of blog posts done let s see what did we do during william s tenth month christmas and new year s were the most major thing we also visited great grandma anne and went to the kern audubon river preserve twice lots of fun oh yeah he started walking for real this month at 9 months old and as soon as he started walking he started climbing he s now constantly got bruises all over himself first steps by himself https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139080083 first trip to the preserve second trip we saw 3 does 3 fawns and 1 buck plus an eagle a pack rat s magnificent nest hanging out at the beach and at great grandma s house after christmas https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139012605 for some reason he loved playing on the beds in the hotel room william loves to play and he never stops moving we ve since replaced the cardboard box with a prettier toy receptacle i found my old dolly jessie and cleaned her up her clothes were pretty tattered so i dressed her in some of lucy s preemie clothes i gave her to william and cried as he kissed her over and over again he still kisses her all the time i guess he was stashing his water for later he s constantly going where he doesn t belong it actually took me a minute to find him there he loves to play in the bath david tried to put him in the walker and he was having none of it this is as close as he would get now it s just a climbing toy playing with his new toy from autumn aaron and talen and as usual playing with daddy https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139058555 boy he really loved this balloon https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139178954 i have no idea what was so funny here https www flickr com photos jillouci 13138879173 in this one he was kissing his puppy dancing then waving out the window because he knows when daddy should be coming home he s been pretty stubborn and naughty at times and he s way too good at saying no https www flickr com photos jillouci 13138939153 trying to get him to say mama he only says it when he s hurt or tired otherwise it s all dada all the time https www flickr com photos jillouci 13138861595 no no no https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139252924 in fact almost every time he does something he knows he s not supposed to do he shakes his head no while doing it anyway being told no makes him sad poor baby he gets good and irritated he s a big fan of eating https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139066663 he doesn t really have great manners yet but he does say hi https www flickr com photos jillouci 13139084884 but one time he just fell asleep yep he s out turns out he did a lot of cute sleeping this month well that one s more ridiculous than cute but still cute but really he spends most of his time charming his mama playing games with aunt keshia kung fu kicking totally bored in his stroller just generally brightening my world posted in william leave a comment william s first christmas march 2 2014 by jill there s nothing like having babies around to make christmas feel even more special william didn t really care this year but it was fun to celebrate with him for the first time anyway he got to visit santa claus twice and even saw mrs claus when they visited the ronald mcdonald house and we got to see autumn and aaron and talen mommy tried to take some pictures of him for our christmas card but he wasn t feeling very cooperative that morning then uncle jordan took some family pictures for the card much better in the middle of december some cute cousins played in front of the tree at grandma and grandpa s house in their jammies on christmas eve we all went to church then came back to open presents at grandma and grandpa s house somebody was tired this was one of uncle justin s presents for the babies thanks a lot uncle justin william got a rocking caterpillar he likes to stand up on its back nowadays then we spent christmas morning at our house opening stockings from santa christmas breakfast dutch baby pancakes sausage and mandarins he got a piece of gingerbread and a mandarin and he wasn t sure which he wanted to eat more that s not how you eat a mandarin he got gingerbread all over everything he played on his new rocker then decided he d had enough how many toys does a baby need a lot apparently he loves the hammer from his pounding table here he took it over to daddy s new step ladder to test it out and that was about it we had a great christmas and we loved spending it with william the only thing missing of course was lucy we hung her stocking on the mantle just like we will every year we wrote letters to her and put them inside a tradition i hope we ll continue every year maybe when william gets older he ll want to write her a letter too blurry but those are stenciled from lucy s actual footprints life sized here s the christmas card we sent out by the way i was so pleased with how cute it was when i ordered it our very first family photo christmas card as you can see i overlooked one important thing i forgot to change the default name so all of our cards were sent out from the copeland family oh well live and learn i actually thought it was kind of hilarious posted in lucy anne william leave a comment william s ninth month february 28 2014 by jill i m going to try to finish all of william s monthly updates before he actually turns one in less than a month then i won t be doing them as frequently he s growing so fast and he s so much fun i ve got to be honest though we ve had some rough times i was almost smug really when at 3 months he transitioned easily to his crib and slept 11 hours straight what s so hard about babies i thought but that all ended when he got his first tooth at 4 5 months he has all eight front teeth now and is working on molars and...