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incompetent cervix i became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog i now have a wonderful son since bed rest anxiety and cerclage were so much fun i ve decided to do it all again saturday august 22 2009 c mere you big 3 year old yesterday q turned 3 years old today at his birthday party someone asked me if i was sad that he was 3 i said no why should i be and my friend said something about how the kids are just growing so fast which i admit did make me pause for a moment even as i told her that i hadn t thought of it that way when i think about the pregnancy we lost and how still it is the hardest thing i have ever been through in my entire life i am able to appreciate how happy i am now and when i think about my pregnancy with this little boy and how much anxiety hope fear all the rest totally chronicled on this blog we went through i have to take a moment to realize how lucky we are to be here and of course baby o is part of everything now too little miss independent is showcasing her skills as a world leader while my q my little man is quietly waging his own happy less loud confidence on everyone he meets so of course once i thought of all of this i admitted to myself that in my effort to survive 2 small children work and marriage and all the rest i might not stop to appreciate that it is going so fast and these moments are all so meaningful and fleeting of course after this thought process i ran over to q and grabbed him for many unsolicited hugs and kisses while he of course squirmed away like such a very big boy happy 3 years old posted by kmw 3 08 pm 9 comments monday july 20 2009 hey don t i know you from somewhere i practically have a photographic memory for faces i guess i don t know what the deal is but i recognize people from various places all the time like when i see that same mom at the playground i saw at walgreens a week ago or that friend of a friend of a friend i met once two years ago or that guy i went to college with and that guy and that girl all sf residents who either don t recognize me or don t want to bother which is fine i am not bothering either what is annoying about this ability is that if it comes up meaning if i actually am the one who says aren t you friends with or did you go to __ college i deal with a puzzled yes and then me i recognize you i m ___ and because not every one has a memory for faces like mine i usually get a sort of sometimes nice but sometimes are you a stalker response i have had 3 encounters with guys i went to college with recently that just make me feel like an asshole i met one guy at a party and we were actually sort of friends in college or at least totally knew each other because we were on a group project together and had to talk on the phone a lot and meet to study it was freshman year but still i go through the thing and he totally doesn t remember me and his wife right next to him is nice but also giving me the stink eye like how do you know so much about my husband and he must have made an impression for you to have all this detail again it happened at work a new family came to clinic i m asked to see them because the mom has a history of depression and a new baby so i am checking in to see how everyone is adjusting you re more at risk for post partum depression with a depression history when i look at dad hey you look familiar it clicks did you go to __ college again they are nice but act like i am a bit strange plus they probably felt vulnerable since i had all this info on them but i mean well i do the next week the husband and i are getting coffee and i mumble to husband about this hipster at the next table i went to college with that guy husband tells me to say hi i say no i ve been seeing that guy around hipster coffee shops for years and i haven t bothered yet husband reminds me that i am friendly you are friendly that s your thing be friendly but secretly i have always thought this guy knew me too and that we give each other the nod and the acknowledgement that we both were never going to actually say hi we weren t friends in college why start now so with the husband s prompting i say did you go to __ college he says yes i tell him me too that i recognize him and he is not friendly at all again i feel like an idiot as if there is something special about this guy other than his totally recognizable face i know college was a long time ago but i also know i don t looks so different i am unrecognizable we were at the farmer s market at the ferry building on sat i say to husband there are those friends of friend s he s all who i say you know the ones our mutual friends carpool with she s an attorney and he switched careers to finance he was an engineer they have 4 kids we met them that one time and then the husband is off and running with the awkward do you know __ and ___ the guy has the paralyzed suspicious face yes he was friendly enough but sometimes it feels like more work than it s worth on that day i also saw the parent who was giving info at one of the pre schools we visited a year ago another family who i see all the time in our neighborhood and a resident who worked at my clinic for 1 month 2 years ago i can t wait for the day that someone comes up to me and says hey aren t you i will simply combust with relief and i will be nice and very friendly i admit this talent comes in handy for my work but overall it is just sort of annoying i mean i could go on and on i have about 6 other stories on the tip of my tongue i m going to end on a good note because i am feeling a bit whiny in this post i admit that this trick has resulted in some very nice friendships and nice mom encounters on the playground fine i wouldn t give it up given the chance posted by kmw 11 08 am 2 comments monday july 13 2009 the joy of parenting no really i was going to write about q s tantrums and the fact that if i didn t know anything about child development i would swear he has an obsessive compulsive disorder he is so picky about every little thing he wants it all just so and if it isn t just so tantrum i know that he is trying to be independent from me and that developmentally it is a good thing his effort at trying to control his little world i have to be wily to figure out to make him think he wants what i want but i m up for it he s no match for my mental gymnastics i kid he s totally more wily than me and it s really annoying but wait i wasn t actually going to write about this i was going to write something positive about how freakin funny he is lately too yesterday we were in a hike in the park near our house when mommy yes i have a secret o k do you want to wisper it in my ear he considered his head was cocked to the side as if weighing his options he finally nodded in ceo fashion like we ve decided to shake on a deal one swift nod i m surprised i didn t see the sides of his mouth pull down in satisfaction i put my head near his ear and he said in a loud whisper when you poop you get m m s but it came out enimen s after giggling a little i acknowledged that a poop in the potty does surely result in two m m s he paused nodded again and continued walking posted by kmw 1 03 pm 2 comments monday july 06 2009 growing growing growing i knnnowww it s been so long i miss you blog when did you start to become a chore i am at work again like most moral lapses it s easier the second time around this time it is bad too because i actually have a lot of charting to do and phone calls to make and yet here i am i just had lunch with some colleagues and after a not so subtle will you please just update your blog request from a friend to blog again i ve decided to dedicate my hard working hours to this post except i have nothing to say i m so so boring ok my kids oh my god i love them so much gush gush gush the problem is its too daunting to describe their impossible beauty and overall amazingness and trying to touch those things in any way just feels so inadequate perhaps i could do better than i love my kids gush gush gush but probably not much better i will say shortly that baby o is now nearly 15 month old q will be 3 in august they re turning into kids i ve even had a few glimpses of them ganging up against me like when i gave q a time out for hitting me another post o looked at me like i was insane and also like i betrayed her by removing her play buddy she ran to the door of the room where i had very gently put q for his time out and began pounding on the door and screaming in between yells she d look at me with a murderous impatient and adorable expression that basically said why are you ruining my buzz quinn was inside also yelling i don t want a time out that was awesome another peas in the pod moment was when they took all the clothes out of the laundry basket and gleefully threw them one article at a time down the stairs the baby gate at the top of the stairs was up and i was in the other room what i could hear them and i heard hysterical giggling and pitter pattering of little feet back and forth i realized that they were just too happy and were most likely deep in mischief but once i investigated i couldn t help laughing at their pride as they demonstrated their well worn path from laundry basket to stairwell i really don t think this event would be filled with such glee if they didn t have each other to egg on they for sure have their moments sharing what and they often fight for my attention but a new exciting pattern of friendship is emerging it really is satisfying it is what you hope for when you have a second you know that they lurve each other so while i am scared for my future if they can do this now what do i have in store i am also so happy to see them bond i suppose there was a post in me after all it s almost like i have a mommy blog posted by kmw 11 50 am 3 comments tuesday may 12 2009 my life in exercise running today i was thinking about exercise this might be boring who really cares about my musings on exercise but whatever isn t this a whole thing a narcissistic anyway my blog if i wrote nice birthday milestones for my kids i could try to say it was about them but since o s bday post had a virtual pat on my back not so much anyway i am writing my ode to my two and only forms of exercise running and yoga not that i don t go months at a time with no exercise but when i do exercise which is more often than not i actually think a great deal about it i cannot deal with a gym i won t explain but it will never happen for me these two work for me my fist yoga class was in 1999 i really cannot believe it s been ten years of very sporadic at times yoga running well that s a part of me i was on varsity bragging track in 7th grade i ve been running as long as i can remember it s true i have running camp stories ala band camp sigh i loved running camp this is what i was musing about today i notice that when i am in a running mode i sort of hate yoga and when i am in yoga mode i am all down on running right now i am big on running running is so fantastic outside is the big draw i cannot fathom spending nearly two hours in a hot room with san francisco yogis their tattoos and their bangs and their fancy yoga clothes all that hugging and smiling gag me with a spoon also let s be honest no matter how vigorous a class it can t match the cardiac pumping of a good run there s a reason people want the heart of a runner plus the freakin time suck driving to class class driving home it can be a 2 1 2 hour deal sometimes there is an actual canyon with trails in it near my house when i am in the back of the canyon running smelling the earth pretending i don t live in a city it is so beautiful there are so many days when it is foggy i feel chilled to my bones before leaving the house but i force myself out and find i have these moments of such unbelievable splendor especially if all i can hear is my feet rhythmically moving it is the smell of earth amd fresh air that move me most i was talking to a friend about how i don t match with my virgo astrological sign but it is an earth sign and when i run the damp earth smell more than anything else is what gets me i always come back from a run energized but inevitably my muscles start to tighten even sitting here right now my shoulders and back ache i never stretch enough when i am running the pounding starts to feel well wrong my body is not flowing it is stuck all over once i feel that way i drag myself back to yoga for some good old fashioned healing and whole body care there have been times in yoga when i ve been in the midst of some heart opener and a thoughtful instructor is playing the perfect music and holy shit suddenly i am crying because i am so grateful for my life i love the elastic feel of my body after a good yoga class it is wonderful after i ran the marathon nearly 10 yrs ago lame me still bragging i felt so wrong afterwords that i did nothing but yoga for 6 months i just needed to be told what to do and metaphorically held and healed by this wonderful instructor i needed to be still finally though one day i had a bad day at work it was time to let out some steam it was still not quite spring and it was nighttime the air had some bite i was living in brooklyn but it was so fresh i walked into my apartment and dragged out my running shoes it was time to fly posted by kmw 10 00 pm 3 comments wednesday april 29 2009 graduation day for baby o holy boring work day i have read and reread all the blogs and now am sinking low enough to blog myself i am getting paid right now to do something entirely different than what i am doing i really try to avoid doing this it feels so wrong but see i am already less bored than i was a minute ago baby o is baby no more my girl is 1 year old she turned a year on april 20th remember i went into labor on passover last year o is amazing despite the daily abuse hitting hair pulling knocking over and even pinching at the hands of her only brother the girl appears to be thriving she even acts like her brother is the coolest thing since sliced bread she is a pistol every time i worry about some horrible mother daughter angsty thing because she already seems so strong willed i have to remember that i love her strength and her confidence i never want her to feel bad for those aspects of her personality nothing else is new which is great i am so proud of us reaching hand over shoulder to pat back for getting through the first year it was touch a go for the first few months seriously what was wrong with us i mean i have friends who had babies in similar age difference who didn t go insane for 4 months i used to think that everyone was just lying if they said that thing of actually it s been ok but i have had enough people look at me like i am a little certifiable when i say isn t it so hard you are in hell it will get better don t worry that i have learned to keep my mouth shut for me it was just the sleep sleep sleep sleep as one friend said i thought my marriage was based o...