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Text of the page (random words):
they don t know i burn maybe there s a devil or something like it inside of me thursday september 8 2022 it s been a while since i have written on this blog a lot has changed while this blog was left in dereliction i ve moved to a better employer be in a long distance relationship i lost my mom contracted covid twice found myself in new hobbies as much as i don t want this to be a life update post i think i don t need any more prompts to write i wish i ve become eloquent enough to convey something at least i ve taken up water color painting which helps me a ton it s soothing and calming to paint something i am currently feeling just me quietly working a piece that i don t even have a name for my collection of paints are growing i just wish i have more time to paint capitalism sucks and i hate the hustle culture but ya know money talks i like painting weird stuff i also am in a podcast where we just talk about anything under the sun moon and stars it s kept me sane cannot claim that i gained popularity but i do enjoy the perks it s fun reading natal charts and tarot cards people asking get really really surprised when we talk about something that vaguely relates to their life astrology is fun like that also please send us sponsors or brand deals so we can stop working our day jobs do you know mechanical keyboards yeah so i ve become obsessed with them i can confidently build my own custom now they re just really really expensive please give me money so i can build you one i really don t know the reason behind this post quite honestly ever since my mom passed things just kind of went weird in our extended family both paternal and maternal grieving sucks might also be because of the recent national elections anyways i guess that s all that i can write for today toodaloo posted by little nikki at 1 20 am no comments wednesday july 20 2016 gravity you know what s funny my life is just kidding it s been a while since i ve written on my blog and it feels good to finally revisit some of the pages i used to read things have changed so much that i don t recognize the writing of the people i follow although i know most of them are in a better place than i am not that i didn t improve as well a ton of events happened from last year up to now and i m still reeling it all in a breakup failing twice for a promotion my mom getting sick quite colorful ain t it that s all been said and done i m moving on or at least still trying to i mean for the most of parts of my daily life i m okay but i can t help but think that what if this is my destiny will i ever have the things that i ve been dreaming of it s not that i m not trying but these things they get to you definitely not the end of the world but i can t help but feel there s so much more that i can do but you know every once in a while i still try to log in and read some of the stuff on my timeline and lately my hands have been itching to write so here i am at this dingy computer shop writing my heart out i tried dating again lo and behold i flopped like fish out of water haha it s not for me i guess but i still believe that someday i ll stop being a potato and start winning at the game well love is a losing game anyways i almost got promoted twice almost and then my mom got sick again the more that i feel the pressure as the breadwinner hence i the want to earn more and i guess its one of the reasons why i m still here and why the single life is beneficial for everyone in my family it sounds like a bullshit reason but i d do anything to keep my mom healthy have i turned into an adult now i don t know i still feel underhanded and heavy and the road keeps on telling me to go on i have to it s soothing to see how most of the blogs i follow are still active and still there this side of the internet has a very special meaning for me it still feels like home given that other bloggers may have logged off permanently this blogosphere is my safe zone i may have gone off the radar but hey something always brings you back to where you belong posted by little nikki at 4 00 pm 4 comments monday january 11 2016 white flag i know you think that i shouldn t still love you or tell you that but if i didn t say it well i d still have felt it where s the sense in that i promise i m not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were but i will go down with this ship and i won t put my hands up and surrender there will be no white flag above my door i m in love and always will be i know i left too much mess and destruction to come back again and i caused nothing but trouble i understand if you can t talk to me again and if you live by the rules of it s over then i m sure that that makes sense i will go down with this ship and i won t put my hands up and surrender there will be no white flag above my door i m in love and always will be and when we meet which i m sure we will all that was there will be there still i ll let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think that i ve moved on i will go down with this ship and i won t put my hands up and surrender there will be no white flag above my door i m in love and always will be i m happy for you guys but i can t fake my heart not breaking seeing you two together this is what i deserve for leaving you i love you bub goodbye posted by little nikki at 8 48 pm 2 comments saturday january 2 2016 high and mighty i guess its time to come clean to everyone i broke up with my boyfriend roughly 7 months ago and things called feelings just hit you when you least expect it this is why i m writing this i need to get this off my chest i have no one to talk about it to my work mates barely even know my personal life i don t want to bother friends because i m like that when i get asked if i m okay i ll just pretend that nothing s happening i am not good with spoken words i am not sure if i m getting through and i m crying while typing this because i thought i m made of ice but apparently i m not to be fair i was the one who begged off he was still the most understanding boyfriend when i did that 3 almost 4 years have passed we braved through it all things changed and i changed i changed so much that i lost track of the people i loved specifically him transitioning to the primary breadwinner of the household is taking a lot of my time and my effort my feelings for him was put aside so many times that it went away i tried my best i did my best my world that revolved around him was gone it s now me my family and my career it was a slow and painful process i still love and care for him i have nothing but love for him but i was the one who told him to go see other people i felt unworthy of him i never cheated or anything but i feel so dumb because i can t even devote time and feelings for him anymore because loving someone is always a choice i chose to love myself and my family a little bit more and here i am crying like a child and i just recently spoke with him and he s seeing someone else i m so scared that if i met them together i might just break down and cry incidentally i met them at a friend s house they looked good together i was panicking and fidgeting but they re really cool the memories came crashing i wanted to bail out i should have been the one by his side i should have been the one snuggling with him but i threw it all away i seriously wanted to hang myself right then and there but thank god my friends made sure that i m ok i am not ready i wasn t ready for this why did i even bother that s another shining moment for you nikki getting yourself into an awkward scenario and it s just like january 3 it wasn t my night they were all huddled up together with their significant others it was a couple s game night no one knew that the joke is on me but i kept smiling and laughing and eventually it got better i m very good with that anyways i m not posting this to garner affection or validation i just wanted to cry myself out and this is the only form that i know that i ll be able to i m fine with them i can mingle with them but there s always a memory that would trigger me and i ll silently break down and cry i m no attention seeker i ll cope in private thank you friends for not making it awkward to bub if you re reading this and i hope you re not you look good together i wish you all the best don t mind me i ll be fine anyways i think i should come out to my mom so at least she knows why i m just staying at home sometimes and not going out every week like i did before being single puts perspective again things feel different and sometimes painful because i used to do it with bub but i m getting along swimmingly i m still happy with my work and my role in the family i ve immersed in bettering myself self improvement2016 i ve learned how to read clow cards and apparently i have a very good connection with it i m practicing painting with watercolors i think i m up for promotion but i am not hoping i m generally in a better place come to think of it i just wanted to make this post as a breather i promised myself that i ll be a better because 2015 was me establishing my power and 2016 is now my turn to upgrade myself also happy new year i hope you guys all have a great start posted by little nikki at 3 09 pm 4 comments sunday november 29 2015 shut down there are things that just happen for a reason one of which is a fall out it s not something to look forward to it s a grim and lonely process but what s more painful is that you actually have to admit that it s happening i m really sorry posted by little nikki at 1 36 pm no comments sunday march 29 2015 how to date like a milennial image found on a friend s twitter page so i haven t written anything for the last 3 years i don t know i haven t really had anything to write about life is swell to be really honest maybe i ll write about it some other day when i even find time if you can notice this is just a quick post of random shit i find peculiar and interesting i came across this image on twitter and basically it concisely systematizes how to date flirt hook up a la millennial i have seen people struggle their hardest in the dating scene it s like seeing baby seals getting clubbed to death it is that bad and brutal i am not gonna name drop because i might just be throwing shade in general insert miranda priestly gif so here i found a quirk sheet flowchart of some sort it is very relevant and timely it s not overly sappy it s not overly dramatic it s like the updated sex and the city conversations i guess i just wanted to post this up somewhere for future references i don t know maybe it can help you and your friends in need too haha this is to be filed under things i find on the internet also my good friend is single and would very much like to try this flowchart out send me a message on twitter if you re interested posted by little nikki at 1 21 pm no comments filed under blah friends oh life random wednesday march 26 2014 2 i remember that night when i got drunk with my friends i took a cab and ed sheeran s give me love was playing i broke down and cried i wanted to hear your voice say my name i had your name on speed dial it rang 7 times until it disconnected on its own thank you for not answering posted by little nikki at 3 20 am no comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom head demon in charge little nikki tomas morato quezon city philippines fighting inner demons one by one best served cold kinda like ice cream view my complete profile schindler s list closet roars a different kind of heartbreak 6 years ago l esprit de l escalier nom de guerre 8 years ago bohemian diary healthy eating to boost cd4 the immune system 10 years ago sunny side up wind up 11 years ago excuse my french art in the park 2014 12 years ago juanderlast let s help out 12 years ago sean s dirty laundry under fluorescent lighting 12 years ago mr g s spot now i finally say no 15 years ago demonology 101 2022 1 september 1 it s been a while since i have written on this 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