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n that the opposite sex decided i was difficult i also struggled with smalltalk preferring deeper conversations on topics that usually lead to conflict and though there were times when i fretted over my lack of social graces and envied the natural vivaciousness of my friends those feelings of insecurity have since disappeared with my smooth skin these days i care much less now about what people think of me more importantly perhaps i grow more confident and content in my own company and skin crap at smalltalk with a resting bitchface i was rarely bothered by strangers every woman hits a phase where she doesn t want parties people or noise just peace and her purpose divine female mind instagram undoubtedly this transition from relevance or society s definition of relevance isn t as easy for every woman and i can understand why career women or women who have fought hard for equality can find themselves slighted or somewhat lost for me personally though i cannot ignore the benefits of this stage the freedom not to wear makeup shave my legs or tend to my lady garden the liberation of using the equipment at the gym without someone mansplaining to me how it works or trying to make small talk at the water fountain in fact my full membership to the invisibility club was proven on a recent visit there when realising that my shirt was on inside out i stripped it off in full view of the other patrons and no one batted an eyelid scrolling past the advertisements on my insta for age concealing beauty products has become a full time job of course accepting this change in status can feel arduous at times especially when instagram inundates my feed daily with advertisements for neck serums age concealing foundations and beef tallow and though on bad days i am more conscious of my cellulite turkey neck and the relentless pressure to turn back time i m human after all after years of forced beautification the removal of judgment is a huge relief that has more than made up for the lack of elasticity in my skin there are better ways to fill my time than worrying about fine lines and age spots the best bit about ageing is that it changes your priorities which helps with this acceptance because with death staring me in the face why on earth would i waste precious time and money on expensive beauty treatments that force me to make small talk with people half my age when we understand that each day isn t one more day but one less we start giving more value to what truly matters source believed to be the joker akiko busch reinforces the above message in her article for the atlantic the invisibility of older women a reduced sense of visibility does not necessarily constrain experience associated with greater empathy and compassion invisibility directs us toward a more humanitarian view of the larger world this diminished status can in fact sustain and inform rather than limit our lives going unrecognized can paradoxically help us recognize our place in the larger scheme of things the reality is that getting old is neither punishment nor death sentence and certainly not something that is within our control so if we look at it as a privilege that shouldn t be wasted as a rebirth and an opportunity to reset reinvent and self discover this season offers as much fulfilment as the others did it helps that we are now old enough wise enough and ugly enough to understand that value is linked to integrity compassion growth and generosity rather than looks hence after years of sexist comments uninvited attention and commands to smile a delicious sense of freedom self permission and excitement comes with invisibility it is a new dawn after years of sexist comments uninvited attention and commands to smile there is an delicious sense of freedom that comes with invisibility skinny dipping is the best analogy i can find for this new sense of freedom remember those times when you left your inhibitions with your clothes on the foreshore and experienced a true weightlessness in your body as it tingled from the shock of cold water on your naked skin a thrill heightened by the risk of discovery this year my goal was to find more peace which is why i am leaning into this reduction of noise in my life i am grateful for this new era this gift of freedom from judgment it has taken me sixty years but finally i am ready to be me relevance isn t created by public perception it comes from within and i choose how to define it these days no one knows about or would understand the tiny things that bring me joy and fulfilment now or about my bigger scarier plans that may or may not eventuate and that s okay like rachel ward i am proud to embrace this season whatever it brings like a pig in shit share this tweet email a link to a friend opens in new window email more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp like loading categories advice ageing beauty body image discrimination equal rights happiness midlife observations women tags ageing happiness invisibility life love mental health struggling to embrace retirement 9 ways to fill the extra time published on january 28 2026 january 28 2026 by my midlife mayhem 3 comments it s easy to get caught up in the aspirations of retired friends who have unlimited funds and important to recognise what you want out of your next chapter in my last post i talked about one controversial way i am filling some of the extra free time that has come with semi retirement however as i hurtle towards the finish line of my working life or d day as i privately call it i m still nervous about potentially long empty days ahead transitions are scary especially when a lifelong scaffold that supported you through most of your adult life is suddenly removed so it s not uncommon for retirees to panic about the loss of routine in their lives furthermore as half of a couple that isn t particularly turned on by global travel meeting new people or learning new tricks it s going to take time to work out my new normal it s not uncommon for some people to struggle with the loss of routine and or meaning in their lives when they retire i gave retirement a shot a few years back discovered i couldn t hack it and hastily retreated into another job however that slower transition was beneficial for me it confirmed that i was done working for other people provided some framework to ease me into a new slower pace of life and also gave me a better understanding what i want and don t want in my next chapter now consicous of my privilege of having a choice in this matter and after years of moaning about work it s finally time to take the plunge i can do this of course many retirees have grandkids or elderly parents to keep them busy but for those of you don t have any framework aren t close to family or have a limited social circle i ve listed below some of my current activities that currently keep me busy that don t include hours of mindless reality tv lazier mornings admittedly staying in bed longer goes against the recommendations of many retirement experts who believe that a seize the day approach is imperative to fulfilment however i ve never been a morning person and though i d like to call these extra hours in bed lay ins with a weakening bladder and a puppy who demands attention that s not truly the case gym membership everyone knows the importance of keeping your body moving at this age not to mention the importance of maintaining muscle and this is a a new activity that i have surprisingly grown to love sorry beneficial not only in terms of my physical health it s also proving beneficial to my brain and socialisation if hiding at the back of the yoga studio or nodding at people counts writing this is my creative outlet but over the past few years it has been a bit hit and miss due to various life stressors however with a more positive approach to managing my anxiety and more time on my hands i m giving it another shot this time with a just do it approach rather than striving for perfection i am conscious of not giving back yet another activity recommended by retirement experts but having tried various volunteering activities and realising i wasn t in the right mental space for the moment writing is my outlet to help by sharing my experiences about ageing and mental health we got a puppy getting a puppy in retirement is not for the faint hearted or for those who want to travel or like cream carpets but if global travel isn t in your plans i can guarantee that two walks a day numerous puppy training fails games of tug of war and countless visits to the garden each time the bugger so much as looks in your direction will keep you busy the design and creation of a variety of food platters that our puppy usually rejects within a couple of days also takes up a lot of time as do the hours spent online researching puppy toys aids and tools with the aim of making all of the above much easier on line shopping i m not promoting unnecessary spending a because i m married to an accountant and b because typically i send back the majority of my purchases but for those of you who can interpret size guides from clothing manufacturers who clearly design for oompa loompas or who simply enjoy window shopping this is also a great time filler housework unfortunately this does not fill as much time as i anticipated because i m naturally quite lazy and not overly disgusted by mess furthermore as a feminist i refuse to take on the bulk of the domestic load the perfect excuse to ignore the areas of the house that my boys use but as we all know there s always something that needs doing and the layer of dust on the dashboard of my car has finally guilted me into adding the chore to my husband s to do list reading before streaming became so popular this was an invaluable time filling pastime for retirees however when i stupidly signed up with two book clubs to broaden my horizons i didn t anticipate that i d never actually want to read any of the books what i will say though is that belonging to clubs enforces a level of accountability that help prevent you from becoming a couch potato brain training i can t say that i m overly enthusiastic about crosswords and brain training games but i am persevering with them to offset my early dementia risk from my overconsumption of wine i am also polishing up my french for all those trips to europe we re unlikely to ever take walking with friends or what i like to call free therapy there are reasons old people become obsessed with nature and gardening in old age which i believe relates to gratitude and our better understanding of our place in the world as death gets ever closer we finally start to understand what truly matters relationships peace health and the natural world conveys the simplicity of those ideas so beautifully i estimate that these habits should use up approximately half of my free time so what about the remaining hours well i ve considered carrying on the boomer tradition of composing letters of complaint to national newspapers about first world problems like dogs on beaches women that expose their butt cheeks in brazilian bikinis and parties that go beyond 10 pm furthermore my curtain twitching skills could do with a polish and soon i may start bombarding my local facebook page with the deets of anyone who so much as breathes in our street i will also make it my mission to keep my husband unofficial manager of the refuse bins in our streets cognitively challenged by hiding our bins after each collection and dedicate more time to unnecessary travel research because he believes that a radius of five kilometres from our home is far enough to experience different cultures in my opinion we should ignore society s attempts to guilt us into keeping busy meaning purpose and fulfillment comes in many shapes and forms and look different for everyone what i will say though is that however you choose to spend your time you will need to plan and a rough idea of what you expect from your next chapter is helpful at one time i couldn t wait to be old enough to book one of those fancy schmancy river cruises in europe to sup on champagne as local yodellers serenaded me from the shore now i can t imagine anything worse my advice is follow your instincts and be honest about what you want the biggest benefit of ageing is the wisdom of finally understanding and accepting ourselves for who we are and fortunately there are countless time filling activities that are kinder to your bank account will keep you fit and your brain ticking over share this tweet email a link to a friend opens in new window email more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp like loading categories advice ageing empty nesting gratitude happiness health lifestyle midlife observations retirement tags dogs family humor life retirement retirement planning writing controversial mental health tip no 1 published on january 6 2026 by my midlife mayhem leave a comment controversial mental health tip no 1 share this tweet email a link to a friend opens in new window email more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp like loading categories advice anxiety depression happiness health mental health relationships retirement self love tags health mental health relationships self care self care strategies writing surviving christmas 7 top tips for a calmer big day published on november 18 2025 by my midlife mayhem leave a comment surviving christmas 7 top tips for a calmer big day share this tweet email a link to a friend opens in new window email more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp like loading categories advice christmas family gratitude happiness tags christmas family humor stress management the little things that make life beautiful published on october 22 2025 by my midlife mayhem leave a comment the little things that make life beautiful share this tweet email a link to a friend opens in new window email more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr share on whatsapp opens in new window whatsapp like loading categories advice ageing australia gratitude happiness health inspiration mental health middle age midlife observations relationships retirement tags mindfulness 4 important life lessons i share with my kids published on september 16 2025 by my midlife mayhem leave a comment 4 important life lessons i share with my kids share this tweet email a link to a friend opens in new window email more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on tumblr share on whatsapp opens in new window 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