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Text of the page (random words):
ht when i was having a high fever on one of my trip over to kelantan he made sure to check my temperature all the time made me hot milk with ginger made me spicy instant noodle that i ve been craving though i don t eat instant when i m healthy ensure force me to drink a lot of water rub my back to ease my discomfort and massage my legs it reminds me of how my mom takes care of me when i m down with fever she would put wet towel on my forehead wrap me up with a comforter so i d sweat she d make me chicken porridge and the pain of having a fever just went away with a good sleep i told my husband that my mom rarely get sick because she s been eating healthily all her life little did i know my mom was having fever as well at the same time while my head was pounding with pain i cried for not being there for her and for not being the best for her i felt that i don t deserve the treatment like a queen my husband is giving me i wonder again where did i go right dear mom this very first stage of pregnancy taught me so much about you more than i thought i knew for the past 28 years of my life i am you in your shoes going through what you might have gone through wanting the very best for the child in you regardless of what may come enduring so much pain just to know that things will insyaallah go well hoping that this will somehow clean up my sins make things better for my hereafter thank you for always being there for me i love you i can only pray that allah will pay you with the best of the best in jannah dear husband though i wanted to give so much i ended up getting so much more from you i expected to give you with the best treatment a wife can give regardless of all ups and downs because all my life as i saw my mom giving her very best for us i ended up getting the best from you where did i go right how did i get you how did we happen so fast allah gave us a miracle before our eyes and that is the only gift i can give you thank you for your everything happy birthday dear husband i love you and i hope that allah gives us the best protection and rizk in this dunia and akhirah by nadiah azli 0 thought s shared by readers email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday october 04 2015 one year of self realisation another year has passed another list of things to be thankful for another list of people to reply thank you for the wish xoxo since i ve moved to a new place recently i was expecting another usual day at the office please let there be no one who knows my birthday is today turns out that was exactly what happened on my birthday just another day of ageing my best friend who used to call me every year on my birthday didn t give me that call anymore he didn t even text to wish me har deep inside being a year older means so much more stop being a cry baby not that i am but that is what i feel remember what i said about doing to others what you would expect others to do to you that was i learned exactly a year ago life is all about giving but one year gets me to a new discovery one can never give if they do not posses anything to be given in the end i lost myself in giving i became to dependent on giving so much making self appreciation is a feeling that i ignore the most my own feelings to learn to love and appreciate thyself more to love what thy do best to love to take time to explore thy possibilities life is not all about me my self and i but you yourself and you is the only thing you own until forever i took sometime to buy myself some japanese home food ingredients it was a bit expensive here but as soon as i made some it brought me to a feeling that i was very used to my self my own cooking to be honest i never learn how to cook before i took off to japan my first dish was a chicken curry that i had to read every line of how to steps at the back of the adabi s 1kg packet in order to make one i failed miserably i created the infamous nadiah s kari sabun because i accidentally poured a bottle of soap water that i was rinsing earlier when i was cleaning the kitchen into the curry pot i was clumsy i decided that i rather cook something familiar that s when i started to learn japanese home food it was very easy to do i didn t have to menumis which i am still learning until now all i had to do was boil steam bake and sometimes stir fry i love tempura but i rather have a tempura party and eat with friends rather than making a one person portion i cook for one for a long 5 years and a half of staying in japan i stayed on my own i won t forget how blessed i am with my batch mates and senior s companion as soon as i woke up i d cook some rice take bath and pray my breakfast was a complete set of raw egg on top of the hot rice nattou japanese style fermented soybeans seaweed soup and grilled salmon slice that was me whenever i got really hungry i d text my senior and told her how lovely it d be to have steamed hot rice with raw egg and nattou i d get home and make one asap whenever i get lonely i ll get someone to talk to me anyone a stranger a cat and of course god whenever i want something i will get it i no longer second question myself of what i want i highly believe that what i want is good for me i hope i m wiser enough to make the right decision whenever i want to feel good i treat myself to a soul searching journey go places i might be going to the same place over and over again but i know i will feel much better after a a swim in the ocean with the corals and the fishes now i realized that i need that thing that gets me back to being me give my self a chance at what i love the most i have learned to say thank you to my self have you done that before this is new to me well i just turned 27 life is a journey i need to learn me love me before i expect anyone else to by nadiah azli 1 thought s shared by readers email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday july 21 2015 pain today marks the day where i seek some peace from the social media from people who harms me internally and externally i don t really know how to put the situation into words maybe deep inside i m a pure introvert or i just have a terrible anxiety issue that i didn t know of i get over sensitive when it was actually only me i might have hurt others with my words thinking i m the victim maybe what i ll be writing here could be used against me in the future you know what they said never put your personal feelings online for the public to judge you or maybe someone out there is feeling exactly the same where you just want to be heard and share the same anxiety i don t know maybe it has been a terrible long time since i last travel on my own going on journeys that i get to tell myself nadiah you might die soon buckle up journeys that i know there s only me and i only rely on god to help me out journeys that i thought was a dead end but gets me to a wonderful findings journeys that i don t know where s my next stop yet not once i felt scared nor lost journeys that i keep on finding ways to say hi and make friends with strangers and go for short trips together i never wrote anything about that that s what i call real traveling i kept it to myself the only souvenir i got was the currency itself and a postcard i ve sent back home i m never the same person everytime i ve lost my way now i feel lost trying to fit in to what s normal i feel extremely lagged and anxious as if my time should have come now now why hasn t it arrived yet what s wrong with me why am i not normal you know exactly what this is all about i used to write about this years ago then it felt like it was the right time now it feels like i ve missed the right time god knows better we can only plan all i can do now is to be a better person each and everyday yes i have to admit that i ve lost my way really lost it as empty as a dead can in the african dessert being tossed out by the mat salleh tourist on a jeep used and meaningless that s how hard that quarter life crisis can get to you i m not ashamed of it it might be happening to most of us right now finding the obvious way back is the hardest thing to do i keep on questioning how hard will i be tested can i make it out as a winner or i could just get lost in my own nafs and desires it feels worse than traveling without a map in the end you don t even know what you want my emotion became extremely dependent on texts from a person i never knew i would care so much about i was like a zombie following through each and every stage of the relationship so no one will get hurt whilst i kept things to my self at least for a short while i was too eager to know why what when how you know it truth are meant to hurt so bad a person who fakes about giving a damn to your feelings a person who only wants to be cared about with no intention whatsoever to commit to anything at all yet wants you to always be around i gave in to the situation though i knew the truth the painful consequences i wanted to be needed i wanted to be the person who s always there to be the best friend for life i kept on giving and i was emotionally drained i didn t receive what i expected in a relationship because it was never one in the first place i was living a lie i ve heard this before a beggar doesn t beg from another beggar i know that one can only give love and attention to others by asking to be given from god not from another human being but i forgot that unless i was given then i can only give i was in pain i am still in that extreme pain where it gets really hard to breathe it s the most painful thing i could ever imagined i forced myself to stop because i know it s for the best it should never happen in the first place i cry my heart out wondering that person still needs me it was never about me i was self less and now i couldn t find myself anymore it s my worst case scenario who am i what do i want i wanted something to heal this pain pronto i wanted to be selfish so be patient o muhammad indeed the promise of allah is truth and ask forgiveness for your sin and exalt allah with praise of your lord in the evening and the morning 40 55 by nadiah azli 2 thought s shared by readers email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday october 03 2014 meanings at 26 we seek appreciation from strangers as if all of our emotions and actions depends on them on what they perceive what we should be according to their personal needs on what they feel like saying how they would act to our say and decisions we expect them to react to our own assumption we crave for that acknowledgment to feel belonged to be a part of them to be accepted we try so hard to be understood too hard and fail miserably most of the time once we re no longer relevant once they give us the cold shoulder and treat us with less respect and dignity our life shattered into pieces of broken soul and we desperately try to look for a reason something someone to blame life is how you control your emotions pull yourself together and stop hanging on that delusional rope from those strangers that you think will make you whole they won t most won t be there for you most won t even care to give a second look at how you re really doing would they be bothered to ask how was your day how have you been how do you feel anything bothering you anything i can help you with are you alright are you hurt where does it hurt do you need a hug would they be bothered to say i m here for you if you need anything it s okay everything will be alright you mean so much to me i m thankful to have you in my life i m proud of you congratulations happy birthday so it s a yes or a no for you once you accept yourself your flaws your past your status your background your car your house your family then there s not even an inch of requirement for you to feel like you re being left out for you to want those strangers words of acknowledgement and their approval for what you feel because you have already accepted yourself before you you even demand for someone to ask you those questions and expect someone to show you how much they care have you asked someone today how was your day how have you been how do you feel anything bothering you anything i can help you with are you alright are you hurt where does it hurt do you need a hug have you said to someone i m here for you if you need anything it s okay everything will be alright you mean so much to me i m thankful to have you in my life i m proud of you congratulations happy birthday stop expecting start doing if everyone is like us and we re like them then we ll be deserted human beings in wasted in emotions we shouldn t be feeling in the first place thank you for calling me asking me how i ve been thank you for texting me letting me know that you ve remembered me thank you for seeing me and spend a bit of your time with me knowing that i m still worth hanging out with thank you for great words of wisdom giving me a sense of courage and hope thank you for saying happy birthday it means as much as the world to me thanks herline for the cute photo by nadiah azli 1 thought s shared by readers email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to posts atom my selected posts kehidupan a diversion mata oh mata what is zina hati ummah vs nationality izzah dengan berani izzah dengan berani ptii verily with every difficulty there is relief kemanisan ukhwah if only you know 帰りたくなったよ when a 10 year old called you on ym at 6 30 about me nadiah azli view my complete profile roy tanck s flickr widget requires flash player 9 or better get this widget at roytanck com labels thoughts 41 deen 38 daily 33 activities 24 incrediblejapan 24 travels 20 do you know 13 nanny diary 12 school 12 family 11 friends 10 malaysia 10 summer post 9 kerteh 2 my links my facebook my tweets my flicks my multiply my spaces my xangas my ytubes follow me on instagram faith et tarbiyyah dakwah info muntalaq ini cerita kita by akhwat 18 kippu by ikhwah dakwatuna era muslim twitter tweets by nadiah assalamualaikum feedjit live blog stats blog archive 2016 1 july 1 where did i go right 2015 2 october 1 july 1 2014 1 october 1 2013 11 december 1 august 2 july 1 june 1 may 1 april 1 march 1 february 1 january 2 2012 13 december 1 october 2 september 6 august 1 july 1 february 1 january 1 2011 45 december 4 october 3 september 3 august 8 july 3 june 8 may 3 april 8 march 2 february 1 january 2 2010 43 december 1 november 3 october 4 september 2 august 3 july 10 june 3 may 6 april 6 march 2 january 3 2009 86 december 4 november 1 september 1 august 4 july 4 june 5 may 21 april 12 march 11 february 14 january 9 2008 103 december 8 november 13 october 13 september 7 august 2 july 3 june 8 may 8 april 8 march 5 february 15 january 13 2007 44 december 4 november 3 october 6 september 9 august 4 july 9 april 2 march 2 january 5 2006 20 december 10 october 5 september 5 2003 2 december 2 2002 1 august 1 inilah jalan 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