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Text of the page (random words):
o people i bring this up in my post about being lonely i m confusing i could call friends whose perspective i enjoy whose wisdom in these areas might make me feel less alone in my problems but that feels like i m foisting my problems upon them they re busy they re working on other things the two with the most relevant work experience have left the corporate world to write i can talk to them about being lonely since they re both divorced and had more than their share of crap in corporate jobs the three other friends with most insight into human interactions who can help me understand why other people insist on having human reactions to life instead of just being knowable and reliable actually i have no good excuse for not calling them i want to hear what they re dealing with lately always feels better to know our problems aren t the only problems in the world that is of course why i started blogging because i didn t have friends in similar situations and i wanted to know my problems weren t different from anyone else s but blogging this year feels like whining into the wind because i already know my frustrations aren t unique it feels ridiculous to use this space to complain i have nobody to talk to so readers old and new can shrug and say yep welcome to being human ugh being human is the worst i m going running now to come up with a plan for addressing problems and then i m calling my friends because it s sunday and i can talk to them while i declutter and cook may all your days be merry and bright yo posted in can t decide on a category ma am try not to get so worked up 6 comments golly gee i miss theater posted on 2 october 2016 by naptimewriting i went to see a friend s one man show at the sf fringe last week and it was so lovely all of it the play the performance the music the audience the lighting problems the crappy neighborhood 99 seat black box the dingy old seats the props the compromises the costumes the sweat the tears the waiting the request for donations every minute of it because theater is so much of who i used to be because i ve loved this particular show since it was an idea five years ago then as a rough draft then at a reading then at a staged reading and now as a fully produced show well acted well directed well attended the place was sold out for every show he was named best of fringe and the audiences and critics loved my darling friend his writing his acting the evening was lovely because it belonged to my michael wholly but also because i fucking love theaters the thrill i get when walking into a black box theater exceeds my excitement at walking outside on a gorgeous saturday morning headed with my boys to the local bakery it s true tell their therapists i don t care i love dingy dusty moth eaten theaters and opulent gilded soaring ceilinged theaters every theater has something thrilling weird something gross something secret something special that makes it different than all the other theaters you ve been to it s true of tiny basement spaces and huge professional opera houses backstage feels like a pact front of house feels like a privilege onstage feels like magic every space in which i haven t yet performed is a thrilling portend of the moment the lights will come up and audiences will collectively gasp and every stage on which i have is mine mine mine mine mine i remember every laugh every awkward pause every piece of dust floating in the footlights i can count on one hand the number of theaters i ve been in since peanut was born and in all of those theaters i was there to watch not to perform i haven t auditioned in over 15 years my headshot is shockingly young i haven t performed in 2 years and that s only if i m counting conferences at which i presented i should count karaoke too but i don t because i do actually know the difference the last time i was in costume and makeup cleaving to a script was in 2000 that hurts to write i looked for the old review and it s in a paper that features an article on napster yes really the last time i did stand up was 1997 twenty years ago open mic at blogher s listen to your mother session doesn t count i did make a couple of people cry though so that was worth the mic time i could excuse this gap in my theatrical life by explaining that theater is for night owls and i ve had to be up early since i had kids but that s 11 years what happened to the other 6 i could blame it on work or grad school or being a grownup trying to make a living but none of that is true i always meant to go back when i was moving toward things it made sense to prioritize successes in different arenas now that i m restless and floundering auditioning takes way more courage than i have i miss the theater i can t audition right now because i can t accept any role i m given unless we rehearse only every other sunday and perform every other sunday not likely unless the show i m doing is liturgical don t think i haven t considered that maybe a little choir to get back into performing a little open mic a little actually there are possibilities there are several i think it s time to look into the local open mic scene and the moth schedule i ll let you know more important congratulations my dear friend gaff what a lovely show you wrote and what a stunning performance you gave posted in can t decide on a category tagged theater 1 comment skipping through fields of daisies posted on 5 september 2016 by naptimewriting i don t often use this space to twitter about boundless joys for just over eight years i ve blogged to find community and generally my need for connection stems from frustrations sadness or observations borne of my disdain for what humanity as a collective scourge is doing unto itself but i ll be damned if this isn t the finest weekend i ve had in years decades this might be the finest weekend ever set the stage sure i m in up to my eyes at a great job slogging through a friendly divorce and raising two amazing human beings who drive me freaking crazy and make my heart ache all at the same time there all caught up now this weekend i planned this a few months back as summer stretched before me in a long string of work childcare machinations family trips and school free lack of ritual i decided that a couple of family trips were not serving my q3 goal of restoring some of what wall to wall kids and work having been doing to my brain and soul yes i actually have a formal quarterly goal to chill the eff out i m too motivated by formal goals to do anything not on the list so i put myself on the list it s like i m growing as a person kind of i asked my bff if she wanted to spend labor day weekend holed up in local spot by the ocean and hiking trails our relationship is anchored in 25 years of enjoying each others company but also in being fully willing to wander off by ourselves we don t ask each other permission we don t mince words we don t need to be together a lot and we don t get too easily annoyed by each other we get super annoyed by other people though we re gonna be the best single old ladies ever like these ladies so we spent late friday to late monday in a tiny corner of the world right under the golden gate bridge i picked her up after a meeting at the mediator s office where i wept through a discussion of how important revokable trusts are in a divorce because from here on the state will assume that my almost not husband and i want each other to burn in a fiery hell of destitution and legal disempowerment even regarding our own children my weekend companion and i took several calls for work powering through an afternoon of work in half the time setting up our teams for wild successes next week friday ended about 3pm and my dear friend and i drove across the incomparable golden gate bridge to check into the hotel we supped we read we ran we slept that was the whole weekend on our own terms in our own time at our own pace for days and days on repeat eat read run eat read sleep in perfect weather with gorgeous views in silence most of the time but also talking about things small and tall there was only one problem i m not used to luxuriating in wall to wall there is no wrong choice i m used to cramming little bits of sanity and health into giant gobs of should and must and have to and hurry up so i woke panicked because i missed my kids and was sure something was wrong there is nothing wrong they re healthy and happy and three days without me is a vacation for them too and i woke panicked because i d forgotten two things at work whatever i ll add them to the long list and get to them as priorities dictate the work is never done ever and i woke panicked because the trip is coming to a close and i still have book and work and handwritten letters to finish yep that s as small as it sounds cost me three hours of sleep though midnight panic 3am panic 5am panic super useful way to spend the last night in a quiet solitary space what a glorious gift to have nothing to worry about except where and when to eat run sleep and read it doesn t get much better most people don t get this they can t afford to take vacations they can t leave their children with someone else they don t have the time off work especially with multiple jobs i m incredibly lucky that working my brains out and being in the middle of a divorce means i can take vacation and i m immeasurably lucky that i have a friend who makes the whole process exponentially better may you all have something like this and so much more posted in are you freaking kidding me feels like home pure bliss 2 comments promise posted on 24 august 2016 by naptimewriting will you give me a nickel if i just post all the stuff in my draft folder one draft a day for 143 days yes seriously i m a hoarder hypercritical of my writing and used to be prolific put em all together and whaddya got well 143 drafts that s what pretty sure i just said that try to pay closer attention for once this is a short post during my first national blog post writing month which is actually easier to type out than to abbreviate nablopowrimo because the latter fights every bit of my literal and linear mind i threatened to dig out old drafts and polish them up for posting but that was when i blogged several times a week now that i m down to twice a year or so i m looking for anything to kickstart my writing again so how about that nickel posted in can t decide on a category tagged amnotwriting 9 comments okay enough posted on 21 august 2016 by naptimewriting so i ve recalibrated and held fish to remove their unwanted hooks and slide them back into the water stopped to listen and focused on a new pace and i m done i don t do relax well i don t do chill well i tried i found stuff here are photos now can i go back to wifi and deadlines and alarm clocks i mean i don t need to go back to back to back meetings or traffic but have i earned my chill badge i mean seriously i photographed hummingbirds for an hour surely that s some kind of type a record i ve followed the kids as they invent things to do and i eavesdropped and read while keeping them in earshot but i m powering through franzen with all the frustration that involves seriously ugh with that guy and his hatred for his characters and i m only running two miles a day back and forth between the driveway and the almost fence line because out here everyone has property possessive and stranger averse dogs so i photograph a lot i mentioned that hummingbirds cool right now please give back my email posted in can t decide on a category 7 comments dear henry dear liza the therapy years posted on 20 august 2016 by naptimewriting interior evening therapist s office couple sits on couch several large fabric pillows rest between them across the room by a bookcase and desk is a woman sitting slightly forward in a large leather wing backed chair therapist so why have you come to see me liza not sure where things started going wrong but we know we need help therapist what do you think henry henry she s right liza sniffs well that s the first time you ve said that in years therapist what do you feel you need help with liza communication therapist can you say a bit more about that liza he doesn t seem to hear what i say he doesn t listen henry i listen just fine i hear you liza well you don t act as though you hear me henry i answer don t i liza if you call those answers henry i do i call those answers you ask questions and i reply that means i answer therapist can we try an exercise let s try to rework a conversation you ve had recently can you think of one that went particularly awry liza the bucket henry what happened with the bucket liza dear god man do you remember nothing the bucket there was a hole henry oh right right and you were snippy liza i wasn t snippy you were daft henry i beg your pardon therapist hold on let s back up let s have the conversation just as you remember it liza fine henry do we have to therapist it ll help see how you re communicating and how we can give you both some tools to handle conflict henry fine turns to liza there s a hole in the bucket liza shrugs and inhales deeply then fix it henry with what liza i don t know with straw i guess henry the straw s too long liza sighs then cut it henry with what liza jesus henry i don t care with the axe i guess henry the axe is too dull liza then sharpen it for fuck s sake henry with what liza i m going to venture a guess on this one henry the whetstone henry easy for you to say the whetstone is dry liza are you trying to piss me off i have work to do henry wet the thing and leave me alone henry with what shall i wet it liza heaven help me henry you can t be this stupid when i married you you were clever and wonderful and fuck wet it with water henry how will i get water liza the same goddamn way we always get water jackass with the bucket henry yes that would be logical but as i said before there s a hole in the damned bucket silence therapist is that how it ended liza yes therapist and how do you feel about how that conversation liza it enrages me just to hear the word bucket he does things like this just to make me mad if he knew there was an irreparable hole in the bucket why fucking ask me henry to see if you could help liza oh bullshit you wanted to make me feel bad henry nope therapist henry how does it feel to hear liza accuse you of trying to make her feel bad henry sounds about right therapist you mean you want her to feel bad henry no i mean she says that a lot liza because you do therapist liza how do you know henry s intentions liza because they re obvious therapist to you or to him liza to me therapist let me back you both up for a minute let s talk about the bucket liza rolls her eyes and sighs posted in fiction headspace posted on 17 august 2016 by naptimewriting everything is relative of course but it seems as though there s no oxygen at 8 000 feet and everything is relative of course but it seems as though a rural vacation is considerably ...