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aborers besides the members of the family it was with some difficulty thus that paul could take four whole days off around the last weekend of the month of july a mild june had given way to a warm july july is the warmest month of the year in the area and this is one more reason why we chose to leave then the wood would lessen the heat of midday but the temperatures should remain high enough during the night we would take the horses champ and pearl and bobby would ride with me ann had sewn a baby sling made of different patches of cloth i had tried hanging it from my shoulders on the front so that robert would be comfortably cradled on my belly it was not very common at the time and i was very happy we had had the idea which i found very convenient some days before then paul had taken some supplies and the baby carriage to the cabin so that robert could have a place to sleep in the carriage had actually already become a little too small for him to be comfortable but we thought it would do for another few days when we were in town we would use the stroller to carry him around but it was difficult to use it on the farm where i generally used to carry him on my arms he was growing heavy though and i couldn t wait for him to finally start walking so that i wouldn t have to carry him so much i wondered whether the idea of the sling could also work for our strolls around the farm since i would not be sitting on a horse i promised myself i would try we left on a tuesday morning riding eastward from the farm the weather was sunny and the air of the morning was already warm ann waved us goodbye from the door frank and the others were already in the field and we waved to them in passing broomstick was with us of course trotting alongside the horses i felt elated i rode for the first half hour as in a dream trying to take in all the sights and sounds i had so much missed paul had to put a hand on my shoulder in passing to draw my attention it was so beautiful after that we rode in comradely silence for quite a while the horses were walking slowly and we d let them pick the way for us steering them only in a general direction both of us knew the wood well enough not to get lost little robert had fallen asleep a few minutes after leaving the farm he seemed to have accepted his new means of conveyance which looked very comfortable to me and it was so for me too i could feel his warm soft and soothing weight on my belly around the middle of the morning we stopped by the stream the baby needed to nurse and it was a good occasion for us to rest a little and let the horses drink so we slid down from the saddle and i made myself comfortable in the shadow of a tree paul sat next to me enjoying the particular moment of intimacy when a baby feeds at his mother s breast the look in his face made it clear he wished to be there in his place or at least in mine there were so many things he would never be able to experience personally as far as having a baby is concerned later in the years he wouldn t be so curious but with his first son it was as if he needed to know how it felt like and i was at a loss for words the best i could do was to let him watch once when robert was a few days old i had held paul to my breast and he had sucked some milk he had told me later that he had felt a little guilty but that it had been a wonderful sensation as if he had gone back in time and had been for an moment the child at his mother s breast he stroked little robert s head now and the child opened his eyes for a second to close them immediately in the abandon of feeding he then kissed me gently on the lips and smiled we rose to go some minutes later i had changed the baby and washed the clothes summarily in the water of the stream i would wash them properly at the cabin we rode on until midday when the heat of summer made us look for the shelter of a thicket we dismounted and paul set about to building a fire we had brought sandwiches for ourselves but robert had started to eat solid food and i needed to prepare some rice meal for him he didn t like this change in his diet very much and would have wanted to go on breast feeding but i was planning to switch to cow milk soon and he needed solid food anyway in general it took me a long time to feed him with the spoon today though he was so taken by the new surroundings that he seemed not to notice he just kept opening and closing his mouth at intervals after this welcome change of attitude we settled comfortably on the blanket we had brought eating our sandwiches chatting and holding each other robert fell asleep very soon on my lap and i laid him on the blanket next to us broomstick spent the time running around and chasing birds and little animals i wondered where he could find so much energy after having walked beside the horses all morning thus we enjoyed our first day in the wood we did not ride further but lay lazily in the shadow until it was time for us to ride back the horses recognized the place and were content enough to be tied to their posts and be able to eat and drink after paul had lighted the fire and collected water i set about to cooking a warm meal and washing the baby s clothes it s incredible how much work there was to do before disposable baby diapers came in use the baby s nappies had to be changed and washed frequently and they tended to leak a lot making it necessary to wash also the other clothes the baby was wearing i had settled bobby on the bed and he was looking at me intently while holding his favorite toy a rag dog his cousin mary ann had given him i had been a little sad to see that he had not even taken windy into consideration i had been so fond of it and still was that i had taken it for granted he would love it from the beginning he was now trying to pick up his toy he would hold it and then let go admiring his hands in the process babies could be very funny sometimes he used to spend a lot of time admiring little common things like the movement of his hands the rays of the sun coming in from the window or a particular reflection in the mirror and he bore such an intent expression i could barely keep myself from laughing after dinner we went to bed little robert in his crib and fell asleep quickly wishing to enjoy with bobby s help all the rest we could get that s more or less how we spent the following day we left in the morning heading east again this time we were more to the south than the day before and we kept going east for the whole morning the day was great and it felt wonderful to be in the sun it was not too hot just perfect we stopped in the middle of the morning and then again for lunch this time we found yet another stream and paul sat by it after lunch he was able to catch three fish and we decided to carry them home we came back in the evening when the sun was setting we ate the fish for dinner and then lay long on the bed holding each other in silence at the end we made love the fire burning low in the fireplace and little robert snoring softly in the carriage by the bed we hadn t had time to think of the works on the cabin we had so much dreamt about and we resolved to leave the last day a sunday for that we had thus one more day in the wood the next morning we decided to ride northeast this was the part of the wood i knew less but paul had been there more than once on hunting expeditions with his father and brothers there was no particular difference nor did i expect any thickets gave way to clearings and vice versa with no discernible pattern the ground was sloping down as i had expected and i was curious to see whether we would reach a developed area soon we were after all in the general direction of the urban area the morning was hot and humid and we tried to keep to the thickets so as to find some coolness there was none to be had though so we rode along in silence i could feel little robert twitching in the sling and i felt clammy where his weight rested at midmorning we stopped at a pond for the usual break it was a relief for both of us to take the baby out of the sling and away from my belly we sat longer then usual even after he had finished feeding and moved on later in the day around midday we saw some clouds forming in the north and we welcomed them heartily at the next thicket we stopped and laid our blanket this time the fire paul had built would serve also for the food we had brought along i prepared robert s meal while the fish was cooking on a stick and didn t have trouble feeding him again i mentally resolved to find a way to distract him also at the farm maybe i could move the chair outside until he got used to eating from the spoon after lunch we lay on the blanket and went to sleep after disposing of the leftovers from the fish also broomstick curled at our side it was a little cooler in the shade but i had to admit the clouds were not doing much to mitigate the humidity after a while we all fell asleep i was awakened much later by a loud thunder it had started to rain and we were thoroughly wet i quickly checked robert who was screaming and changed him in the shelter of the blanket that paul was holding over our heads since there was no way to escape the thunderstorm we resolved to go back to the cabin as quickly as possible the weather was cooling considerably my prayers had been answered somewhat too enthusiastically and robert was at present the only dry one among us paul helped me to mount and wrapped the blanket around us to keep us warm so we rode back as quickly as we could there was a terrible noise from the storm and bobby could not keep still and kept screaming there was not much i could do for him though also the horses seemed frightened and we had to hold on to the reins and spur them on broomstick was leading the way he seemed the only one to know exactly were he was going and we relied on him to lead us home visibility had dropped and it was pouring it was hard to follow him and he had to stop at intervals barking and retracing his steps until we could spot him again it looked to me we were not making any progress how far had we gotten before stopping at the thicket it couldn t have been very far since we had rested longer at midday and had stopped early i had no way to judge the time and did not dare look at the watch for fear of falling down the horse i did fall down eventually i fell on the side and quickly turned on my back in order not to hurt robert he was not hurt at all fortunately but he had gotten wet and i had no spare clothes anymore moreover my leg hurt badly and it was with difficulty that i sat on the horse again we arrived at the cabin late in the afternoon the sky was utterly dark and it was still raining hard paul helped me down and into the house and i lay on the bed quickly taking care of little robert while he was seeing to the fire and fetching water to be heated the baby looked exhausted he had stopped screaming some time before and he was now hiccupping his face was pale and he was cold to the touch i quickly undressed him and moving awkwardly because of the pain in the leg dried him as well as i could i then wrapped him in a blanket and laid him down on the bed it was time to take care of myself my teeth were chattering and i was shivering with cold i too undressed quickly and got into bed pulling bobby close to me he was still cold so i held him tight to my bosom and offered him my breast he had to be hungry because he had missed his afternoon meal instead of suckling though he remained motionless and simply kept looking at me after a little while he fell asleep paul had come in and had set the water to boil he was now mixing hot and cold water in a pail so that we could wash the baby and ourselves the fire was burning brightly and sending a welcome heat the wind outside was strong and the shutters were banging loudly i rose and sat close to the fire with a blanket around my shoulders and bobby in my arms it was time for paul to undress and warm up he looked very pale and was like me very cold the touch of him reminded me of the baby in my arms he was still cold so i put his blanket aside and laid him gently in the warm water he didn t stir for a little while and i was starting to seriously worry when he finally opened his eyes and began screaming again so i dried him and i once more offered him my breast this time he suckled vigorously making small gurgling noises he was also warm finally and sending off a nice heat paul had undressed and was sitting in front of the fire with his feet in the hot water so i drew near and imitated him oh it felt so good we sat there for a long time holding each other s hand and slowly warming up the baby had stopped feeding and had fallen asleep again so i laid him in his carriage with an extra blanket my leg was still hurting and my ankle had swollen noticeably i knew cold water would have helped but i couldn t bring myself to using it right now the damage didn t look bad though it was probably just a sprained ankle paul had poured water in the kettle and tea was brewing we had some vegetables and i decided to cook some soup i was not hungry myself i felt exhausted and i just wanted to lye down and sleep i felt as if i had been awake for days also paul didn t look well he rose though and putting some clothes on went to tend to the horses he had tied them to the post where they were partially sheltered by the slanting roof of the house but they needed to eat i had forgotten about broomstick he was lying on the floor discreetly close to the fire head on his paws and was looking at me tears overcame me it was thanks to him that we had found our way back he had led us home never faltering and never leaving us behind his fur had dried and he looked none the worse for wear i stroked his hair gently and he stretched luxuriously wagging his tail i started talking to him telling him a thousand things and yet nothing in particular after a while he licked my hand and rose i fed him taking care of being particularly generous paul had returned in the meantime and had undressed again we sat companionably sipping tea and waiting for the soup to be ready we barely kept our eyes open until the end of dinner and then collapsed on the bed and promptly fell asleep i was awakened in the morning by a low crying the weather was still bad it had stopped raining but the wind was strong and it looked like the rain would soon start again i rose and walked to the crib i picked little robert up and took him to bed where i could nurse him he was very hot to the touch and badly needed to be changed he had had diarrhea in the night so i washed him and changed him rekindling the fire i woke paul up because i was very worried his eyes were watery and he was crying lowly like a kitten i thought i held him to my breast but he drank very little milk and he was so hot paul was worried too bobby had always been in good health true he had had diarrhea a couple of times before but it had been ...