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Text of the page (random words):
nehtaeh skip to main skip to sidebar nehteah uǝɥʇɐǝɥ saturday may 5 2018 the wee hours the sharp night lights now not so luminescent even the close ones seem to be dull distant the halo round the moon blurs them reminescent of the world that lost its meaning in an instant this magic hour at dawn when all seems possible space and time dissolve yet they are visible for they are reborn each day in your mind as you search for them and yourself you find posted by heathen at 5 04 00 pm 0 comments saturday march 10 2018 there s hope i go a little crazy every single day while the world s still hazy and idly turns away don t believe a word to them who always say life is just a game and you should also play instead bend your mind and see the truth again this is the only chance it s all to lose or gain we re not so different in truth we re all the same so give the others a chance to be just as sane inspired by today s song of the bowieaudio band posted by heathen at 5 45 00 pm 0 comments saturday january 20 2018 think about that i often wonder when i see all those pissed off and burnt out people around me while traveling or at work or in the neighborhood and even when i go to the mountains and share a place with them who wear a mask but wouldn t admit there s something centrally wrong in their lives and they take over what they see and hear from above and then try to put their misery on those around them but never say no to those above them it s like the church decided for milennia what you shou ld do and not and even today in the almighty s name some try to tell you what is wrong and what s good and convince you to follow their advice as either you do so or not you ll surely face the consequences for an eternity i also wonder what s wrong with the idea of live for the moment and live and let live which actually means that everyone lets the others focus on what they re doing and thus to be able to be fully aware of it and yourself and others and also understand and respect that if you prefer free will and would love to live free then you also give this chance to others this can be then related to all areas of life from so called ethical questions to work related or economic al if you please to social sociological ones and many others but overanalizing simple things and questions that could easily be understood and solved by using common sense always and only shows that those who gained power either economically or socially usually both as these two are strictly connected they still need self justification which in turn shows they are only human think about that posted by heathen at 8 10 00 pm 0 comments wednesday december 27 2017 a sole experience the ducks and the seagulls and the crows and their cry on the rocks that echoes even the helicopter that would hover all the way above my head all over they all tell me about leaving something i ve been lately thinking i ve never felt home wherever i sat down yet i was whole when alone i left town only then i don t feel out of place i m an outcast of the whole human race and i don t feel like a prostitute at all just because i can love everyone and all it only means i connect soul to soul by which i mean definitely no foul posted by heathen at 4 47 00 pm 0 comments i was you for a day i tried to be nice and with occasional hiccups i managed to stay sane keep the feelings away looking at the facts might not always help but they are clear and can keep you intact what has come over me i am at such unease what is that bothers me can you tell me please posted by heathen at 12 20 00 am 0 comments saturday november 4 2017 chance meeting witb the grey cat i gently stroke your fur and you didn t even purr you gave me your head and i also stroke that we parted with no word nothing that i heard i looked back a few times but you didn t wave goodbye posted by heathen at 7 37 00 pm 0 comments wednesday november 1 2017 have i stared too long have you ever had that feeling that you ve been looking at someone so long that in the end you couldn t tell who it was i mean you fell for someone and you saw him in everyone it could be only because you kept it like that never told him and maybe you were hoping to find him in someone else but it lasted so long that you were finally not sure if it was him you found or someone else from before whom he resembled and then it didn t matter anymore for life goes on anyway and as long as you re alive you re looking for the meaning of it all posted by heathen at 9 29 00 pm 0 comments sunday october 8 2017 all things must pass there came a funny wind today and the sky looked like as if seen through fish eye all the clouds scattered like fluffs in a circle with the focus on the sun sitting on the other edge opposite me someone died today someone who wasn nt born yet and a part of me died too like with all the dreams that vanish before they become reality so i m sitting out here again by the river and thinking i might not take a picture anymore there s been just too much that happened lately and there are things that can only be described by words and the rest you can see anyhow if you have the eyes for it posted by heathen at 12 16 00 pm 0 comments friday october 6 2017 haunted i am really not sure if i still feel something for this guy at work whom i fell for about a year ago but it is somewhat suspicious that even when i woke up in the middle of the night i was thinking about him right away and then again before i fell asleep was it so only because i saw him several times during the day which is usually not the case did it stir up memories or is it more than that in any case i remember i felt something like this last year and reacted the same way tried to grab the feeling but instead the feeling took a long strong hold of me and i don t want to feel so vulnerable again i still don t know if i gave up before i started to get closer to him because i was afraid that i could get hurt or simply because i took it for granted what i heard of him that he was not interested in men shall i find it out this time is it actually a new chance or has it been there all the way posted by heathen at 6 53 00 pm 0 comments sunday june 18 2017 tic tac you there was a cross drawn next to the moon this morning as i looked up on the sky and a new line was appearing soon paralel to the one that a plane left by my hair is always a complete mess never so neat and well organized it shows how i feel nevertheless since i do not take those two hour flights posted by heathen at 10 30 00 am 0 comments friday march 3 2017 and i think it s gonna be a long long time i m waiting for the man missionary man watch that man demolition man taste in men rocket man posted by heathen at 8 33 00 pm 0 comments sunday february 12 2017 deceitful under a blinding sun that has no power enormous ice slabs tear up each other above mallards point their arrow to the north along a wind beyond cold that s freezing no more under your spell i was blind and had no power my heart turned to ice tear it up if you bother i turned wild couldn t turn back nor forth a long winter ahead a feeling ultimately wrong posted by heathen at 10 32 00 am 0 comments tuesday january 31 2017 the turmoil bit right then it s dark there s been a lot of changes lately lost some colleagues lost some heart all too sudden all too much and i m still trying to catch up on the inside with what s going on on the outside sometimes i wonder if i was the minotaur in that old dream i mentioned here in my very first log if my inner bad not just my fears but what becomes of me when i let it effect me is that monster coming up the stairs in this re ocurring dream i wrote about recently i m still trying to make sense of this world that so often seems senseless posted by heathen at 8 29 00 am 0 comments tuesday january 17 2017 uncle pista is right he steps out from his worn down little block that dates back a century or two and with the same effort he adds a bit of his cig smoke to the urban air you wouldn t call clear anyhow along with him runs out his little poodle and lets out a little puddle right there on the sidewalk as they cross the road the pet pumps out some dump too another elderly gentleman is riding his bicycle against me but he steers away before we d collide i hear foreigners talking as i pass a doorway to what i guess is a kindergarten or a school what strikes me is that their language sounds arabic while this part of the city is right by the jewish quarter as a matter of fact we don t have that many arabs here in hungary anyhow i don t want to be rude so decide not to turn and stare on my way further down on this long long street i see an old woman barely able to cross the little distance from the other side and relieved she enters the drugstore probably right from the doctor i m turning out on the avenue the little kiosk where there used to be a flower shop not so long ago stands there empty with its windows smashed in they turned the big clothing department on the corner into yet another pub what we ve been witnessing on the outskirts for a few years has now started to happen here too this half an hour walk makes me understand how much i m still longing back to where once we lived for a short while and what seems to disintegrate and turn into something else like everything else anywhere else posted by heathen at 8 08 00 pm 0 comments thursday december 29 2016 good bye old stuff never felt this tired end of year or not i am losing my way in the streets and i am forgetting things by the minute all i want is to let it go all the things that are holding me back and sometimes i manage but then i catch myself coming back to where i left it at i hope i ll be able to help myself to get better by the time i can stretch and bend my arm again and lost the rest of my kidney stone not only physically but in my soul it s overdue to make a good thorough cleanup in there so that i can be free again and find my own way good luck with that i really need it and happy new year i mean happy not just saying it posted by heathen at 8 48 00 pm 0 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom my podcasts www mixcloud com pog followers blog archive 2018 3 may 1 the wee hours march 1 january 1 2017 11 december 2 november 2 october 2 june 1 march 1 february 1 january 2 2016 99 december 10 november 5 october 7 september 15 august 14 july 10 june 15 may 5 april 4 march 7 february 7 2015 14 august 2 june 4 may 1 april 3 february 3 january 1 2014 4 july 1 may 1 january 2 2013 8 december 1 november 1 october 1 september 5 2012 45 november 4 october 13 september 1 july 3 june 3 may 1 april 6 march 3 february 8 january 3 2011 20 december 1 november 3 october 3 september 5 august 3 july 2 june 1 march 1 january 1 2010 34 december 1 october 2 september 2 august 1 july 1 june 9 may 14 april 4 uǝɥʇɐǝɥ heathen yes me me me me as agent smith would put it maybe as the symbol of the inevitable and everlasting fight between the ego and everything else view my 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