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Text of the page (random words):
d yamada menu skip to content home about this blog and nwi events free articles need help popular and notable posts monthly archives january 2020 ten popular mtw posts from 2019 january 25 2020 by david yamada in dignity at work and in society education and learning notable books power abuse in society psychology and work therapeutic jurisprudence workplace bullying mobbing and abuse tags dignity at work and in society education and learning notable books power abuse in society psychology and work therapeutic jurisprudence workplace bullying 1 comment dear readers i ve collected ten of the most popular mtw posts written during 2019 if you missed them before i hope they will prove interesting and enlightening to you this time around here goes man faced surgery while bullying co workers bet on his survival and gave him a toe tag link here when charlie bowlby faced heart surgery his co workers placed bets on the likelihood that he would survive and gave him a mock toe tag before he went off to the hospital speaking truth to power incivility abrasiveness vs bullying mobbing link here bullying and mobbing are forms of abuse not bad manners and we should treat them accordingly workplace bullying darvo and aggressors claiming victim status link here dr jennifer freyd s conceptualization of darvo deny attack and reverse victim and offender applies to many workplace bullying and mobbing situations workplace bullying and incivility does kissing up fuel kicking down link here one study suggests a link between kissing up to one s superiors and picking down one s subordinates it s not yale or fail the college admissions scandal and our unhealthy obsession with school prestige link here the burgeoning college admissions scandal has prompted a fast developing and overdue dialogue about how the wealthy and powerful are able to game the college admissions systems on behalf of their children workplace bullying should creative folks get a pass uh no link here a workplace aggressor should not be given a free pass simply because they happen to be creative a short list of recommended books for targets of workplace bullying and mobbing link here i thought i d offer a very selective list of four affordable books that i repeatedly recommend to others a short speech in rome link here the text of my acceptance speech after receiving the bruce winick award for contributions to the field of therapeutic jurisprudence at the international congress for law and mental health boston globe two important features on workplace bullying link here discussing two feature articles one a piece on a former corrections officer who faced savage bullying and sexual harassment the other a piece on bullying of resident physicians on following evil orders at work link here what if an employee is directed or enlisted to take part in the bullying mobbing or harassment of a co worker share this print opens in new window print share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading recovering from workplace bullying and other traumatic experiences can t or won t january 19 2020 by david yamada in power abuse in society psychology and work workplace bullying mobbing and abuse tags power abuse in society psychology and work workplace bullying 4 comments drawing copyright aaron maeda when it comes to folks who are dealing with severe workplace bullying and mobbing sexual harassment or other forms of targeted interpersonal mistreatment we sometimes see people who seem to be stuck in a place of rumination and obsession he just won t move forward i think he prefers to suffer and be a victim she just can t move forward she s suffering and feels very victimized on the surface these two characterizations may not sound all that different but dig even a little deeper and the contrasts illuminate won t suggests that a traumatized individual has affirmatively chosen for the time being to stay in this bad place and not move forward true on a more hopeful note it also assumes a power and ability to choose to get better that said there s a judgmental ring to won t as well sounding a bit like victim blaming for a present refusal to proceed with recovery and healing can t suggests factors internal and external that limit a traumatized individual s ability to recover heal and move forward it implicitly suggests medical and external reasons for why someone is stuck in place but it also connotes at least in this context that maybe someone is stuck there for the long haul i admit that in moments of frustration i sometimes have used won t but in the process of learning more about psychological trauma i now understand that can t is the more appropriate term trauma is bear of a thing to wrestle with and oftentimes those who are dealing with ptsd depression and related conditions due to abuse can easily get stuck in place however if we are going to use the more appropriate can t then we should add an important addendum at least for now you see the good news is that a lot of progress is being made when it comes to understanding and treating trauma in connection with a new course i m teaching called the law and psychology lab described here i ve returned to dr bessel van der kolk s groundbreaking accessible book the body keeps the score brain mind and body in the healing of trauma 2014 in re reading its chapters i m once again reminded of the complexities of trauma and the emergence of multiple treatment modalities for helping those who are experiencing it in essence currently various trauma treatment approaches await those who are ready to seek and participate in them furthermore i sense that we are still in the early stages of developing effective treatments thus there is real hope for recovery and healing right now and additional hope for even better treatments down the road highly recommended share this print opens in new window print share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading on forgiving yourself for dropping the ball january 12 2020 by david yamada in experience of work tags experience of work leave a comment image courtesy of clipart library com have you ever dropped the ball on a work related project i have and it feels awful even when i ve had an understandable reason usually related to being overcommitted and swamped at times the workload has been self inflicted the product of taking on too much or not being able to say no typically dropping the ball means that we ve let others down by failing to do our piece of a project or delivering an inferior work contribution due to lack of sufficient time or attention folks who have a tendency to overcommit or who may not be the best self managers can be especially susceptible to dropping the ball this includes people who have a strong sense of responsibility so what should we do when we drop the ball i ve given this some thought and come up with the following advice while fully confessing that i haven t necessarily practiced these points to perfection if you re mortified and or feeling guilty about dropping the ball that s good it shows you have a conscience not everyone has that capacity in many instances a sincere honest apology is appropriate it shows respect for the folks you re working with or for and it may well make you feel better and relieved if there are significant negative consequences including practical legal or contractual ones then owning up to the situation promptly is the best thing it also may be possible to fix the situation reflect upon how it happened and how to avoid similar problems in the future above all forgive yourself hold yourself responsible for your miscue and try to do better but don t let it be the bane of your existence similarly if someone drops the ball on you try to be forgiving especially if they apologize and explain what happened after all they probably feel bad and embarrassed on their end of course if you or someone else is dropping the ball all the time then there s probably a deeper or more systemic problem ultimately being responsible is a good thing and so is cutting some slack for ourselves and others now and then share this print opens in new window print share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading gaslighting exists and it s horrible so we should invoke the term carefully january 5 2020 by david yamada in gaslighting power abuse in society workplace bullying mobbing and abuse tags gaslighting power abuse in society workplace bullying 3 comments drawing copyright aaron maeda in her excellent book the gaslight effect how to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life 2018 pb ed with rev intro dr robin stern defines gaslighting as a type of emotional manipulation in which a gaslighter tries to convince you that you re misremembering misunderstanding or misinterpreting your own behavior or motivations thus creating doubt in your mind that leaves you vulnerable and confused gaslighters might be men or women spouses or lovers bosses or colleagues parents or siblings but what they all have in common is their ability to make you question your own perceptions of reality from this apt definition we can tease out two major elements of gaslighting first it is intentional and targeted toward a specific individual or group it is not accidental or inadvertent after all i cannot imagine a sincere apology along the lines of oh i m sorry i really didn t mean to gaslight you second it is emotionally manipulative designed to disorient and even frighten those on the receiving end it s about messing with someone s perceptions of reality in short gaslighting is a tool for taking preserving or abusing power at work it may be a component of workplace bullying and mobbing sexual harassment anti union campaigns or seemingly bizarre management pronouncements i am glad that we have a term that captures such targeted disorienting behaviors that said there s always the risk that the term can be overused in earlier posts i predicted that now that gaslighting is becoming a more mainstream entry in our vocabulary of interpersonal abuse it is inevitable that it will be misused or confused with other behaviors at times i believe this is now coming true over the past couple of years i ve noticed gaslighting being invoked in situations where the apparent factual circumstances did not justify its use borrowing from an earlier post gaslighting is sometimes confused with an honest disagreement even an intense or heated one an argument that includes misunderstandings sometimes on both ends someone being obstinate or stubborn erroneous even confusing directives and instructions one side or multiple sides talking past over or through each other white lies meant to mask a more painful or difficult truth instances of incivility or an incoherent explanation indeed i recently found myself characterizing a description of someone s behavior as gaslighting until i had to acknowledge that their actions didn t reach that level i believe that using the term gaslighting has become a well cool way of demonstrating that we re in the know about the lingo of emotional manipulation it then can be used as a sharp negative blanket label to characterize someone else s objectionable statements or actions even when they don t quite fit the definition especially in situations where negative emotions escalate it can be tempting to slap a tag of gaslighting on communications in person on paper or online that become heated however if we are to save the use of this term for the specific nasty tool of mistreatment that it is then we should not hurl it across the room so to speak whenever angry disagreements occur unfortunately there is enough real gaslighting going on to ensure many opportunities for its continued proper use share this print opens in new window print share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on x opens in new window x email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading post navigation email subscription enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address sign me up join 2 031 other subscribers blog stats 1 565 809 hits pages about this blog and nwi events free articles need help popular and notable posts recent posts see you in september workplace bullying newsletter no 8 feb 2026 workplace bullying newsletter no 7 jan 2026 workplace bullying newsletter no 6 dec 2025 workplace bullying newsletter no 5 nov 2025 can ai be evil workplace bullying newsletter no 4 oct 2025 growing the therapeutic jurisprudence movement looking back at a sept 2015 workshop in boston workplace bullying newsletter no 3 sept 2025 workplace bullying newsletter no 2 august 2025 recent comments academic parity newsletter november december 2024 parity movement on america by choosing the bully has entered a new dark age workplace bullying in the legal profession recognizing it rescot law firm on workplace bullying newsletter no 8 feb 2026 4dignity on see you in september 4dignity on see you in september 4dignity on see you in september archives march 2026 february 2026 january 2026 december 2025 november 2025 october 2025 september 2025 august 2025 july 2025 june 2025 may 2025 april 2025 march 2025 february 2025 january 2025 december 2024 november 2024 october 2024 september 2024 august 2024 july 2024 june 2024 may 2024 april 2024 march 2024 february 2024 january 2024 december 2023 november 2023 october 2023 september 2023 august 2023 july 2023 june 2023 may 2023 april 2023 march 2023 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