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h food to wanting to eat everthing in sight i have felt baby move a few times nothing super regular or strong yet just little flutters i do find myself feeling super moody though and there are days when i literally could just cry about nothing all day long sleeping is getting uncomfortable and not as restful and my anklles actually more like kankles these days are already super swollen most of the time as are my hands bah my temper has been really short with nick and maggie and honestly i feel quite bad for them nick said today as he was leaving for work well it seems as though you are only the real niki every other day these days so i am really excited to see you tomorrow oh my sorry babes sadly i am not a cute bubbly and very glowy pregnant lady i blow up like a balloon get zits become emotionally unstable and moody and feel like poop but all for a very cute cause maggie oh maggie what a cutie she is and how quickly she is growing up she is on a little kick of wanting to do everything by herself it is really cute to see her be so independent but i must say that there are just still some things that she needs help with like rinsing the bubbles out of her hair pouring her milk wiping her face putting on pull ups choosing clothes etc i have been trying to hold back and let her figure things out on her own but she definitely does not want to ask mom or dad for help or allow us to step in at all without throwing a royal tantrum so unfortunately she is learning more and more about time out each day and learning to take deep breaths and not worry about things so much as am i it is a fun stage of parenting but it is also very exhausting with her being my first child i have to admit that i feel a little bad for her i have never been a mommy before her and i am learning one step at a time but there are times when i have absolutely no clue what to do i started reading secrets of the baby whisperer for toddlers by tracy hogg hoping to find some useful skills in there and i have learned a lot about maggie s personality and my parenting style and hopefully later on it will get into more problem solving skills and such truth be told up until this point i have not read many books or taken any classes about how to be a mom i have taken advice from my moms and prayed about what i should do and that is why maggie is alive i don t think i am a horrible mom or anything i just feel like we have come to a point that i need some extra help mommy is a tough job but very well worth it i would be a liar if i told you that i didn t lock myself in my room and scream into my pillow at times or told you that i don t wish for a little time all by myself sometimes but then i see that breathtaking smile and those sparkling blue eyes and i m done it just takes one little hug accompanied by ooooh mama and i am back to my ooey gooey self so all is mostly well with the hendershots nick is done with school for the summer so we have had a few weeks of mornings together and we are ready to accomplish some summer and pre baby projects and have some much needed family fun posted by niki and nick hendershot at 2 07 pm no comments wednesday april 11 2012 for anyone who is affected by death recently my great grandma ruth vivian cecil passed away at age 90 i truly feel blessed that she stuck around for so long as long as i can remember ruthie and her sweet husband ray who passed away nearly 10 years before she did have been an epic love story in our family they spoke so lovingly to each other and it was so apparent that they were deeply in love every day that they knew each other my gramma cecil was full of spunk and spirit and life and i am sure that some of her best traits have been passed through the generations and will be cherished forever it is safe to say that ruthie will be sorely missed by so many of us left here especially her children and grandchildren that were very close to her at the same time i believe that we can all find a testimony strengthening lesson in her life and passing ruthie grew ill a little while ago and so many of us had been alerted to go visit her for what might have been the last time for us in this lifetime a couple of weeks ago maggie and i went up with the rest of my family members to visit with her while she was obviously ill and a bit loopy i am greatful that we were able to see her one last time during the sunday morning session of conference on april 1 as soon as we arrived to my mom and dad s home to watch it with them my mom recieved the call that gramma cecil had passed away at that very moment our prophet was giving this message every thoughtful person has asked himself the question best phrased by job of old if a man die shall he live again try as we might to put the question out of our thoughts it always returns death comes to all mankind it comes to the aged as they walk on faltering feet its summons is heard by those who have scarcely reached midway in life s journey at times it hushes the laughter of little children but what of an existence beyond death is death the end of all robert blatchford in his book god and my neighbor attacked with vigor accepted christian beliefs such as god christ prayer and particularly immortality he boldly asserted that death was the end of our existence and that no one could prove otherwise then a surprising thing happened his wall of skepticism suddenly crumbled to dust he was left exposed and undefended slowly he began to feel his way back to the faith he had ridiculed and abandoned what had caused this profound change in his outlook his wife died with a broken heart he went into the room where lay all that was mortal of her he looked again at the face he loved so well coming out he said to a friend it is she and yet it is not she everything is changed something that was there before is taken away she is not the same what can be gone if it be not the soul later he wrote death is not what some people imagine it is only like going into another room in that other room we shall find the dear women and men and the sweet children we have loved and lost 12 president thomas s monson http www lds org general conference 2012 04 the race of life lang eng ok now that is some good timing how much more comfort can you recieve than that i can t even imagine the precious reunion that was going on in the spirit world when ruthie and ray were finally reunited never ever to be seperated again how sweet is this gospel that we can be assured of such things i recieve so much comfort in knowing and feeling that my brother andy who passed away at age 12 when i was just a toddler can and is in my prescence at times i have always felt that loved ones have a way to influence our lives and be present in their own way once they pass through the veil last night i found another little gem from conference that can offer comfort to many people mourning a loss president joseph f smith said i believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings we are not separate from them we are closely related to our kindred to our ancestors who have preceded us into the spirit world we can not forget them we do not cease to love them we always hold them in our hearts in memory and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break if this is the case with us in our finite condition surrounded by our mortal weaknesses how much more certain it is to believe that those who have been faithful who have gone beyond can see us better than we can see them that they know us better than we know them we live in their presence they see us they are solicitous for our welfare they love us now more than ever for now they see the dangers that beset us their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves 1 relationships can be strengthened through the veil with people we know and love that is done by our determined effort to continually do what is right we can strengthen our relationship with the departed individual we love by recognizing that the separation is temporary and that covenants made in the temple are eternal when consistently obeyed such covenants assure the eternal realization of the promises inherent in them richard g scott http www lds org general conference 2012 04 how to obtain revelation and inspiration for your personal life lang eng i don t mean to pretend that i know what every loss feels like because i most certainly do not and i am sure that intense pain is inevitable with every death but what i do know is that i feel very blessed that the gospel can bring such comfort to know that this life is not all there is but merely a step to a greater goal i love knowing that life is not over at this life for anybody no matter how big or small old or young i love that our church has living prophets to remind us of these things at times when we need it most it is really awesome that our sensitivity to spiritual things lies within our control and that we can choose to be in tune by living righteously seriously what better consolation can anyone have so might we all remember those sweet spirits that are so dear to us that made it to the other room of the spirit world before we did and allow their existence to leave a mark on us for the better and never be forgotten posted by niki and nick hendershot at 10 54 pm 1 comment monday march 12 2012 spiritual thoughts journal every year my sister my mommy and i get to go to campus education week at byu i swear that this is my spiritual highlight of the whole year and it is just wonderful i love the environment of learning that is there and the time that i get to spend with my best friends and it is just lovely i have always taken notes and written things down there but this year i was impressed to do something different i feel like sometimes my notes are just trying to write down every little thing that i can and they often lack the beautiful spirit that i feel while i am there and sometimes trying to write so fast can drown out the spirit and cause me to miss something that would have otherwise been meaningfull so i found this beautiful book and immediately it was mine i decided to use it to write down only the significant spiritual lessons thoughts quotes and experiences that i come across so that i can have them for future reference and actually have access to the spirit that i felt while in that moment without any of the unnecessary fluff well months went by and i was faithful with recording things in my spiritual thoughts journal stj and then i came to a speedbump at this time in my life i was feeling a lot of hatred and it was all consuming hatred is not an emotion that i am very familiar with and it was really hard to overcome i prayed and prayed that heavenly father would help me with this and i felt like it wasn t getting any easier i came to feel helpless useless insignificant and began questioning many things i thought i had known for sure and it was not pleasant at this point i think that nick was getting sick and tired of hearing me complain and he finally suggested that i read through my stj and see how i felt so i did and i could not believe the spirit that i felt there were things that i could not have known that i would later need to be reminded of at the time they were written that just totally put me in my place the sequence of entries written was nothing less than a miracle for me and it changed my life i really felt the spirit so strongly and knew that my heavenly father has been there the whole time i was just so distracted that i wasn t noticing i learned something huge from that and i hope that it will mean something to anyone reading this it is possible to forget why we have the testimony that we have and nobody should ever take theirs for granted or forget to nourish it i know the importance of writing down spiritual things solely so that we may look back on them in times of weakness and be strengthened from our own experiences i love being able to look back on those things and have my worries dispelled and fear replaced with faith i really do have a testimony of my gospel and it is truly what brings all the happiness and joys into my life i am grateful for my heavenly father and the careful love that i feel from him it really is through my savior that i am the most me that i can be and i am growing every day because of him posted by niki and nick hendershot at 9 57 am 3 comments wednesday february 29 2012 our little miracle today i was told that the impossible has become possible not only possible but reality scary yucky feeling exciting wonderful anxious reality and while i would love to say that it doesn t feel real the nausea fatigue heartburn and dizziness are all very real to me so i am just overtly grateful that there is a good reason for all of this this may not seem all that miraculous to the outside eye but for this girl at this time it is a very miraculous and beautiful mercy here is why so i am so blessed to have my little 2 year old maggie i know that i am blessed to have her and i have intensely adored her from the moment that i heard her little heartbeat but being pregnant with her totally messed up my body i really wanted to be one of those more happy when i am pregnant people but it was not the case i developed a severe rash some mutalated form of pupps covering the length and width and anything in between of my body it was so severe that i would scratch till i would bleed and it never felt better it was horrible and i would never wish it upon anybody i then developed a racing heartbeat and high blood pressure to top that off and got put on bedrest at 36 weeks at 39 weeks at my regular appointment i was not progressing and with my blood pressure still threatening at a stroke worthy level my doctor decided to just take maggie out by c section thinking that the end of my pregnancy signaled the end of my rash emotional ups and downs and health issues was not about to be reality i dealt with post partum depression fatigue cold rashes and just constantly not feeling well enough to do daily things let alone take care of a refluxy baby after many doctors telling me all different things i e you are depressed try this you have low thyroid try this even you are just fine just read a steamy romance novel said before i was even finished telling my symptoms you have fibromyalgia and are too stressed out etc painful no progress then maggie at 2 years of age i suddenly stop having periods at this point i am feeling awefully concerned after all i really wanted to maybe start thinking of another baby soon no period no baby ever very scary i finally decided that all this time had gone by still feeling crappy trying to lose weight and having every single effort thrown in my face never getting any real answers from these doctors and now this girly stuff was just all too much i needed to find someone who would listen to me and actually do the blood...