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rotection so it s a loss but also a failure recently a friend commented that when they see pictures of the farm posted on facebook or instagram they imagine it s as idyllic as a disney cartoon with birds singing on my shoulder and bambi emerging from the woods i guess it can appear that way from the outside looking in but today is a stoic reminder that here like all places there is life and there is death there are predators and there are prey quaint stories and beautiful pictures protect no one and nothing from cycles more ancient than all of us i m not cut out for this i cried into jeremy s shoulder as he tried to shield me from the little goat but i made myself look and forced myself to remember that risks are taken to get here so hearts get bruised but also fill up so big big they could burst on monday chula who i hadn t seen for a day ambled slowly from the trees followed by a tiny prancing baby donkey i suspected she was pregnant but wasn t sure the baby donkey providing solid evidence my suspicions were correct because of atlas s death i spent more time than usual in the pasture this morning for the first time since monday the baby donkey approached me slowly slowly his tiny new hooves solid as granite clicked on rock the quick dart of a tongue almost imperceptible beneath the fluff of a brand new muzzle he sniffed me gingerly tossed his head and then galloped in circles around chula stiff legged high necked gliding across the broomweed just as we lay to rest one little life we start again with another the stark contrast between life and death so harsh and apparent out here always trembling in balance the type of contrast i rarely considered prior to the farm was it better before all this i have to wonder that crouched on my knees to comfort a mournful animal knowing the answer before the question s even done posted by no name farm ranch at 1 26 pm 3 comments thursday april 25 2013 rinse repeat anyone who tells you that milking your darling animal at 5am is idyllic and wonderful is lying straight up i can think of a lot of incredible ways to spend those graceful hours between 5am and 7am where the world is wrapped in a dewy blanket of early morning when all the littlest things are out creeping and wandering when the moon s passed completely over the liquid midnight hours into the haze of earliest morning and just about anything anything is possible on this new day the most incredible way i can think of spending those tepid hours is frankly asleep tucked into my cozy bed and snoring through a dream about sprouting wings and flying over hills or drinking cups of liquid chocolate it s untruthful to paint images of skipping forth from the house in pigtails and checkered blouses your rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes glowing at the prospect of living on a farm oh yes lucky you clicking your heels as you approach the tidy barn where the animals bleat happily and smell like furry little roses that s a lie again straight up let me tell you how it really works because if we re not keeping things real then we re doing a disservice to the true beauty of the situation once the alarm smacks you into wakeful dreaming and after you have rolled over to fumble through the dance of turning the damn buzzer off you will lie on your back momentarily rubbing your eyes with the forlorn reality that yes actually you must wake up stumble through the darkness if you didn t have the foresight to lay out the dirty farm clothes the night before you must trip over the snoring labrador who frankly has no plans to accompany you on your morning rituals man s best friend my a as you are nearly blind without spectacles you must grope across the inky darkness of a black room in the wee hours and feel around for clothing stubbing your toe on the bed for good measure just to re affirm that you re alive and still feel pain if you re very lucky the new precious angel puppy not yet house trained has left a gift for you smack in the middle of the floor a present deposited in the deepest hours of night when you were dreaming of flying and chocolate when the notion of 5am wakefulness was a distant reality somehow you dress falling into the hallway your toe still throbbing you enter the living area and lean against the wall momentarily where it s possible you might crumple into a pile and take a nap suddenly above the snoring dogs and hum of the refrigerator you hear a bleating sound waft through the woods that shroud the house then the high and steady call of a whippoorwill the haze that clouds your vision is thick but it s clearing and as the bleating outside gets louder more frantic you remember why you ve gotten this far into the hallway the ridiculousness of your situation gaining some semblance of meaning again there are little animals out there who because of your planning and scheming are pacing with bags full of milk it s your fault and only you can fix it this propels you out the back door emerging outside damply matted bed head sticking off your scalp in right angles it s likely you don t fit the bill of a precious dairy maid the vision that may have played into your decision to get this far in the first place animal husbandry and farming look sort of like this matted hair dirt crusted in your nose and the corners of your mouth to match the sleep crusted up in your eyes mismatched clothes not washed in a week and a manure and milk splattered jacket not your sexiest moment but also somehow your sexiest moment it s confusing now you re striding towards the barn carrying the empty pails sanitized overnight silver and gleaming maybe there are bowls of dog food gripped in the other hand for your guard crew maybe a bottle of milk for the animal babies still on the bottle you glance out at the view suddenly caught by the enormity of the beauty that s just there just sitting out there all night long revealed in these early minutes of morning the resentment you felt when the alarm screamed and the pain in your toe and the sleep in your eyes start to turn a little just a little into tiny pangs of gratitude you push through the mushy feelings and busy yourself with the work of chores filling the trough of the milk stand with feed arranging your towels to clean the udders tucking away the dog bowls so they re ready for feeding when you re done milking hang the pail stretch the fingers as you lead the first animal from her pen probably the herd queen given first rights to the milking stand clarity starts to settle in the whippoorwills sing from nests at tree bases the hoot owls gossip all around you a coyote barks at the pond the animal is now settled into the stand eating her grain happily it s cold still and you rest your head into her side where the smell of the beast rises up and warms you in that familiar way that maybe smells like childhood depending on how you grew up that s the moment every morning now when i ve shut my eyes and milk by feel with the sound of a rumen working against my ear the dusty scent of musk and hay consume the senses that s the moment it s like taking the sacrament there on the little wood stand bent over an animal your hands work like machines cranking the levers spinning the milk hitting the pail with a steady hiss you are connected to thousands of others crouched over their creatures in worship at this very moment united in this solitary endeavor that inexplicably forced you from the comfort of your covers at an unholy hour to complete such a holy and ancient act i can t articulate why we do it does the milk taste good sure it s great but i can buy it from a store there s no point dissecting what s sacred to each of us so long as we recognize it s sacred you complete the task go back inside clean the equipment take a shower get on with things for the day until it s time again 12 hours later rinse repeat every morning every day a routine that s not a burden but a blessing for reasons i can t explain and won t attempt to decipher posted by no name farm ranch at 9 42 pm 4 comments do it if you think shoving two lives into one is impossible then let me assure you it is possible if you believe sacrificing one life for another is the only option then let me assure you there are probably other options if you think the secrets you scribble about from those deepest dreams those most sacred corners of the mind that convention screams are unrealistic will be legible in 20 years let me assure you they fade and tatter if you read a person from a first impression then you re missing the story we all have something else pulsing beneath the surface i met a woman who dreams of farming but reality limits her space to a city apartment she researched her options and joined a community garden where she spends every evening now with both hands in the dirt growing plants meeting neighbors and setting roots down where she s planted for now she takes pictures of her growing tomatoes and marks their progress like we mark children s growth on door frames this life is short make it glorious spill your guts out into the world and make an effort every day to take a chance towards what you re dreaming don t trip over your own excuses or justify the obstacles just make an effort however small i tip my hat to you for trying posted by no name farm ranch at 9 31 pm 1 comment sunday april 21 2013 10 000 charges without much ceremony we acquired a beehive we ordered the hive back in the fall fearing it would be impossible to find one come springtime there are lots of options when bee shopping but the other choices nucs bag o bees taming a bee tree hive etc required too much skill so we paid the extra money and picked up a thriving hive through bee weaver apiaries despite our grand plans to be well trained beekeepers prior to bringing one home we hadn t even attended a class before we picked it up in fact jer paid extra for priority shipping on some hive tools and bee suits three days before the hive arrived it s been that kind of spring around here where the time gets away and suddenly the best laid plans are never executed bee pick up was scheduled at austin s favorite urban farmstead boggy creek farm and we drove up in buster the busted farm truck backed him in and they tossed a little blue hive in the bed although the truck hardly moved with the weight of them something imperceptible shifted i heard a faint buzz beyond the truck window and i quickly reached down and rolled it up as one friendly bee whizzed by on his way to work we shared a wary wordless exchange and looked in the rear view mirror yet again we were starting from the beginning with an under researched endeavor so jer said slowly that s it in his now often used oh crap tone of voice that s it i attempted to enthusiastically pat his knee if i could learn goats jer could learn bees we got this i thought confidently before frantically swatting at my neck where paranoia made me believe bees were crawling down my shirt so as is usual for us not the most impressive start that was last weekend that was how we started with bees luckily we had the wherewithal to enroll in a beekeeping class for the following weekend and already picked a location for the bee yard the area was ready and waiting for the hive when we got home aside from setting it gently onto its resting spot we did little with them this week hoping to build bravery and knowledge through the class i ve read one book and skimmed others and jeremy managed to speed read a bee book this week order more of the essential equipment and we both attended class on saturday with questions during the introductions it was evident that we were the only fools who purchased a hive prior to taking a class and i noticed our instructor s eyes widen slightly when he learned we were keeping bees already it seems irresponsible probably the way we generally approach our farm acquisitions and hell even the farm but since we both succumb to procrastination i ve learned that jumping in can sometimes force your hand a little for better or worse after an overview of the hive structure hive pests and predators and the basics of beekeeping we were each handed a suit and encouraged to meet the bees we felt fairly bulletproof in the heavy canvas suits although the hive swarmed and buzzed around us once the lid was removed the sensation of standing amidst a few thousand bees is unsettling regardless of the armor you re wearing our instructor mark gretchen of gretchen bee ranch calmly and casually began inspecting frames talking us through what we saw urging us to identify drones vs worker bees vs the queen suddenly pure fascination drowned the oppressive buzz from the curious bees keeping guard over the hive for the first time i started to understand how it is that one might be consumed by beekeeping and by bees themselves truly the most industrious and clever little insects aside from say ants obviously our fascination began with the bee tree when the size and production level of that wild hive was exposed inside the hollow tree but seeing domestic bees work neatly and carefully inside their man made box understanding their wordless but efficient communication their vital contribution to well everything and knowing that at the end of it all you get to extract the honey it s more then i could take yesterday i was truly in the midst of bee heaven armed with resources some gorgeous handmade beeswax candles and that intangible ignition of bravery we came home and donned our suits jeremy fired up the smoker and we finally tromped down to our own little hive terrified they had swarmed and left sometime during their week of neglect after carefully prying off the lid we finally met our new charges 10 000 of the busiest creatures we now care for the bee yard is down near the vegetable garden in our front acreage tucked back under a cove of trees i was shocked to realize that a bee highway now extends straight from the hive out to the front pasture where wildflowers are in full bloom not only was their path to and from the hive straight direct and clear i literally heard the zoom and flutter of wings as they whizzed past my face it s essential to check on the health of a hive yes but yesterday i realized how much work they do don t be a bother to your bees i learned their job is more important then mine in many ways this week was tragic heartbreaking and devastating for many whether viewed from a distance or experienced first hand watching jer lift the frames covered in thousands of bees forming perfect wax hexagons creating honey capping combs feeding the brood a choreography so ancient it s written about in the oldest texts was to be honest life affirming none of us can completely silence the noise of our realities whatever it may be but growing and tending and being rooted in these natural rituals is a solid reminder that we re just a small part of an intricate system that basically got it right the first time without much intervention from us the world keeps turning photos...