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illegal or sinful any ideas posted by tom carten at 9 37 pm 2 comments wednesday january 12 2011 driven to distraction exactly where is distraction i ve been driven there many times but i just can t locate it tried my national geographic atlas to no avail ditto the merriam webster geographic dictionary even tried weather com to see what they offered again zilch it sounds like some forlorn miner s camp in alaska like coldfoot or deadhorse what sort of a vehicle is a dudegon especially a high dudgeon i ve heard reports of people leaving in one but never actually saw the thing out on the street i also wonder about what type of hole you would need to lower your expectations do you lower them into a pit or something you have dug yourself my mother was a high episcopalian despite being of average height or she went to such a church which as i recall wasn t much taller than any other house of worship one of my relatives must have been hauling ice because i heard he gave someone the cold shoulder or was it an icy stare do you need to have an exceptionally long tongue to give someone a tongue lashing how can you end up with egg on your face when there is none in sight you are a chicken is a mis identification but you are chicken is an insult posted by tom carten at 2 29 pm 3 comments tuesday january 11 2011 your call isn t important to us hello this is united association of associations hi this is tom carten your call is very important to us at the moment all our representatives are busy with other customers please stay on the line and a customer service representative will be with you shortly kenny g airport music time passes the clock slowly moves ahead calendar pages flip trees blossom leaves change color people start to wear heavy coats kenny g music keeps playing thank you for waiting tom carten here we are sorry for the delay i wanted to speak to someone all our representatives are still busy please stay on the line babies are conceived and born parents age and eventually pass on presidents run for office and european governments fall kenny g music plays this is terri may i help you hi terri this is tom it s about my prescription plan i m sorry that office closed fifteen minutes ago posted by tom carten at 2 17 pm 1 comments monday january 10 2011 you never know by jim carten while driving through ontario this week i heard twice within an hour a song and the one phrase that remained in my mind over the years has been you never know how much you got til it is gone so true i spent the remainder of the afternoon going through my childhood from my earliest moments in my memory until the day i left home to join the navy it s hard driving through tears foreheads do not come equipped with wipers i saw my entire life in front of my mind not chronologically nor in any pre arranged sequence just pop ups basically they were mostly all good good times fond memories family members and events which make up our personal history but each one had attached to it the love of a mother the old saying only a mother could love would be in some instances concerning my personal history and events column the only way to justify the tears which rolled on the highway 401 today i d give anything to drop by 235 victoria lawn in stratford connecticut and have a coffee with my mom spend an evening watching tv and not even conversing taking a walk down to the beach watching her fall asleep after a swim and then dozing off myself yesterday on the 401 i was there mentally a cheap substitute to be sure but i thank god for my memory even though sometimes it hurts to go back there do me a favour will you pass this on to your kids your grandkids and let them know that you never know what you got until it s gone thanks for reading me jim posted by tom carten at 2 59 am 2 comments sunday january 09 2011 wolves were snapping at their feet as i drove through the dense woods i saw a pack of wolves in the distance their heads down gathered around something it appeared they were feeding on some helpless animal who was unable to outrun them in the deep snow i came closer but only one looked up and that for a moment they had a local peasant from the back mountain pity i thought it s been a rough winter for all of us and i guess what seemed like wolves but were actually a pack consisting of a few jack russell terriers three long haired cats of no particular lineage a rabbit and a sheep i thought i spied a possum in there somewhere there i sat in my car comforted by a hot steaming mug of tea connected to the cig lighter to keep it hot wow almost burned my lips watching the peasant being devoured like a zebra on the national geographic channel at least i m warm and safe too bad about that guy walking alone out in the freezing cold it s times like this i really appreciate the good things in life an auto hot tea maybe something to snack on laying next to me on the seat yes sir the good life i wonder who took him down the rabbit did the cats operate in a pack i m not sure how the jack russells work but maybe the sheep could convince them to stop running around long enough to actually do some work nah you have to watch those possum they can play dead then jump up and scare the daylights out of you posted by tom carten at 9 11 pm 27 comments saturday january 08 2011 singing in my baritone voice when i go over to the citizens voice newspaper at night to pick up my copies for the morning radio program i do for the visually impaired i serenade the workers specifically i do selections from the great broadway composers as would be performed by the best of singers thomas hampson for instance the great bass baritone whose broadway disc i own as i imitate his style my voice grows ever stronger more resonate and resounds throughout the room pity they can t hear me above the roar of the press even in the mailing room where the papers are put together with their inserts whooshing into them as they are conveyed down a belt with alarm bells sounding and the general atmosphere of a boiler room and a three alarm fire i am little noticed nor long remembered vastly unappreciated i pick up my papers and leave hoping that another night it will be quiet and they will be struck dumb by the sheer power of what comes forth from this famous rockport ma community chorus section first or second tenor as required experienced two seasons vocalist they already had a pianist yes virginia there is a vocalist among us a singer of power and might a thousand years from now virginia nay ten times ten thousand years from now he will continue to make glad the heart of newspaper printers and mailing room assemblers their progeny will say who was that guy who moved his lips amid all the noise posted by tom carten at 11 28 pm 3 comments friday january 07 2011 it happens every other day it s the end of the world it s a sign of the end of the world it s god sending us a message it s aliens it happens on the average every two days a massive kill off of birds fish animals nothing more mysterious than that but why now because it happened near a city with a tv station newspapers and a lot of people who are online reindeer in the middle of the tongass national preserve in alaska don t make headlines the birds were scared out of their gizzards by fireworks on new year s eve they flew out of their nests and not being night fliers flew into anything that happened to be in their way sometimes a pack a herd a school not kids of something will catch a virus and a ranger will find them feet in the air with vultures dining to violin music meanwhile the people who concern themselves with this look up from their work and say another kill off interesting and your problem with this is it would be nice in the best of all possible worlds not to have this happed but we re not in the best of anything things go wrong and flocks of birds fly into bridges you hear of cancer clusters which brings a bit of humor into the sad lives of oncologists with over a hundred types of cancers the so called clusters turn out to be a random distribution of several kinds quite unrelated which happen to have occurred in a single location no single cause neither a cause for alarm no such thing as a cluster posted by tom carten at 2 20 pm 13 comments thursday january 06 2011 i m grateful to my grandfather for teaching me at a young age not to turn car tires when the vehicle is stopped because it will wear out the rubber now when i am backing or going forward i turn the wheels only while moving even at a very slow speed easier on the car easier on me as well my grandfather never drove a car in his life my barber for teaching me as a child that all people are created equal and so we must treat them equally when there is a line in the shop for haircuts he took us in the order in which we arrived this little kid may be ahead of the village councilman and that s the way things went fifty some years later i still hold that lesson dear my father for teaching me to own up to things i did the details are unimportant but when he apologized i never felt less of him nor of others who err mightily all the people who invented the things we use to make our lives more comfortable recliners computers highways cars toilets domesticated cats antacids medications traffic regulations ice cream cones dictionaries cruise ships the rockets red glare music radio and baked alaska my brother who taught me not to take the first swing in a fight but make the second one count he taught me there is much joy in traveling without a road map and not a particular destination in mind i still don t understand it and wouldn t do it on a dare but i see how much he loves it and i enjoy his stories at home with tea posted by tom carten at 2 59 pm 1 comments wednesday january 05 2011 i never realized how lucky i am you see my grandparents were not at all affectionate i lived with them for nearly eight years and never saw a hug much less a kiss no snuggling in front of the radio or tv separate bedrooms that sort of thing i recently discovered that mom was born nine months after new year s eve eleven years into their marriage they only had one child at least only one brought to term the family did not talk about such things so there s no way for me to find out much about her but that one child was the link between me typing this and not me ever existing if grandma had one less child my radio program for the visually impaired and homebound would not exist nor would my day job of the past 30 years my brother would never have become the fine photographer he is now nor the lower 48 traveler grandma s child produced a person who kept the family together during a rough period of time many miles of bad road through that single zygote inherited from her parents she kept the line going and here i am today what a tenuous line that is one little genetic mistake one little dna mis match and it s all over but it s not only how we got here that s luck how did you get your job how did you stumble into your good friends what led you to be where you are now what would have happened if you had not met this or that person accepted this or that job took up one or another hobby posted by tom carten at 12 44 am 4 comments tuesday january 04 2011 exactly what do i want to copyright oh there s just dozens of things in the public domain the copyright symbol for one i don t see a copyright symbol after it which leads me to believe it s not legally protected think of how many times you see it and if i copyright it at a royalty of one cent per use you are set for life this life and the one to come the trademark symbol is another one you never see a tm after the tm and so i can trademark it with the standard royalty charge you know what s available for the asking traffic lights that s what there may be laws about the various colors remember the white walk light at the bottom of the stack and how they are lined up but i ve never seen any protection note which says unauthorized duplication of these lights prohibited by law my advice to readers of this blog is to go around and copyright or trademark everything they see which is still in the public domain p d not otherwise claimed by anyone file a tm on the center and side lines of every street in your town ka ching direct deposit to your bank automatic payments to your favorite cruise line that s my plan for a huge retirement account every time someone uses a symbol then copyright or trademark the symbol your fortune is made and you can retire to your lakeside home liquid refreshment of your choice in your hand and enjoy the good life that came from reading this blog copyright and tm 2011 by tom carten posted by tom carten at 3 07 am 286 comments monday january 03 2011 we did prohibition one better what the feds couldn t do eighty years ago we did in one day the speakeasy down the street disappeared in a blaze of glory and a bulldozer it hasn t been active in many years of course but it was still there in all its glory just waiting for that law to raise its illogical head and show how the noble experiment never was that noble well it may have been noble in concept but the experiment fizzled mightily how people voted for it is a mystery to me and possibly others as well the house didn t come down just because there was an ancient cash register there along with all the other appurtenances which belongeth to a house of illegal spirits still echoing from the walls if all is quiet and you listen closely are the sounds of laughter clinking glasses and the faint sounds of police sirens coming up the street north franklin street was a fairly comfortable address middle and upper middle class residences one which stood out from others by its size and age our house of some repute was an average home perfect for hiding what shall not be spoken of the back door led to an alleyway spencer lane and then to another slight street we have become too pure these days the cops busted a barber shop for having a few slot machines in the back room big deal says i what s to be harmed in a small town without a little naughty we had a front here on main street frequented by cops lawyers a district magistrate and a judge a few bucks here and there no problem posted by tom carten at 3 53 pm 5 comments sunday january 02 2011 this family tree is long the jellyfish has been around for 600 million years which i just learned from the discovery channel a few minutes ago that s a long time which you know my brother is the family genealogist and for anyone else who fills in the missing gaps in their ancestral line you d have a hard time going back more than say 15 generations we can make it to 12 mostly due to a book which happens to list my mother s side back to 1639 she missed being in it by about eight or ten years but her parents made it i don t expect there are jellyfish around today who have a record going back that far in terms of the universe 600 million years is little more than a tick of the clock god s...