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Text of the page (random words):
ly have cared less about the packers or the steelers but i like football in general and hey any excuse to put on a spread of hot wings and chili right we had two other couples over one couple some of our closest friends some of only a vanishingly small handful of people we ve told about the root cause of our fertility woes in real life the other couple are also really wonderful people great people but they were not in the know as it were until this afternoon somehow improbably against all sense or reason as the packers and steelers battled their way up and down the field the conversation turned to our infertility troubles and ultimately somehow improbably against all sense or reason to my balls and how poorly they function it was weird it was uncomfortable it was embarrassing i didn t like it one bit fortunately there was a commercial break i m one of those weirdos who genuinely cares about the game and for the most part couldn t give a rip about the commercials and i was able to flee to the kitchen to work on the chili for a few minutes and when i returned to the living room i was presented with a stark reminder of just why we don t tell many people a lot of details about what s going on beyond the fact that there aren t many people i know in the real world with whom i feel all that comfortable discussing my balls having stirred and tasted the chili i walked back in to what could have served as a commercial for k tel s greatest hits of just having found out a couple is infertile have you tried different positions it might help if you lose some weight no offense you should switch to boxers i believe that if you want anything enough it ll happen have you thought about adoption it was weird it was uncomfortable it was embarrassing i didn t like it one bit and since i had just emerged from the kitchen and couldn t really flee right back there again and because the game was back on and i was actually interested in watching it there wasn t much i could do i clammed up tight and tried to tune out the whole conversation as much as possible it was all i could do because these people are good friends and people who genuinely mean well and weren t actively trying to hurt feelings or be insensitive and i d like them to continue being our friends so as much as i wanted to scream oh different positions really different positions you mean there s more than one i had no idea why you re a goddamn genius coming up with a brilliant idea like that why didn t the doctors we ve seen mention that idea hey tell you what why don t you come in the bedroom with us and take a look so you can tell me whether or not i m sticking it in the right hole since you re in such a mood to be so goddamn helpful i didn t do that i clammed up stared as hard as i could at aaron rodgers hurling the prolate spheroid pigskin down the field it was the only time i can think of that i was actually trying to pay attention to joe buck and tune out other noise rather than vice versa it s so hard sometimes because people do mean well they want to say something helpful and that they botch the effort at doing so like christina aguilera botched the star spangled banner does not negate their good intentions and my problems are not their problems no matter how much they wish to be sympathetic sometimes the easiest thing when your friend is explaining why he s in general against ivf is to just nod and smile and not make it into a thing and try to change the subject hey look at that will i am looks like he stole a robot s toupee to their credit they realized they may have gone too far and offered sincere apologies for any offense they may have caused because they re good people and obviously not without empathy or self awareness but if i could offer just one bit of helpful advice to anyone out there who has discovered that a couple you know is dealing with infertility it s this don t try to offer any helpful advice we really really don t need it and it can be weird and uncomfortable and embarrassing sympathy is lovely and appreciated saying oh well you guys just need to try the rusty bike pump that ll do the trick is maybe not so much and on the plus side it was a good game and the wings and chili both came out great 2 comments posted in uncategorized an open letter to dr wendy walsh posted on 15 december 2010 2 comments most of you have probably by now read this delightful little missive from self important windbag dr wendy walsh but if not brace yourself for a giant pile of thoughtless idiotic and judgmental garbage and click on over to read what she s got to say here follow some thoughts upon reading her ahem oh so brilliant and insightful thoughts on something that she never has and never will experience dear dr williams fuck you fuck you sideways with a rusty chainsaw fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you oh and just for good measure fuck you if there s one thing in this world i simply cannot abide it s a know it all busybody with a condescending attitide someone who merrily tells people exactly how they should live their lives and then tacks on but that s just my opinion take it with a grain of salt in short somebody exactly like you tacking a meaningless hollow platitude about how your heart goes out to parents whose homes are barren through no fault of their own doesn t make your entire lunatic screed about how people should adopt rather than have a go at ivf any less insulting any less foolish any less condescending any less asinine as you yourself note dr williams you have not experienced the pain of infertility so how can you so smugly explain to infertile couples what they ought to be doing what in the name of jesus h tapdancing christ do you think gives you even the slightest qualification to tell us what is right in this situation here s an analogy for you i m a young straight white male of protestantish background i therefore don t get to tell black people how they ought to feel when the kkk burns a cross on their lawn i don t get to tell jews how they ought to react when they hear someone making tasteless holocaust jokes i don t get to tell gay people what they ought to do when fred phelps and his cult of morons show up on the nightly news explaining that soldiers die because god hates fags you get it i do not directly experience racism anti semitism or homophobia so i wouldn t presume to tell those who do how they ought to respond to such things you likewise have no personal experience whatsoever with infertility so you should perhaps not presume to tell those who do what they ought to be doing look adoption is a wonderful thing adoptive parents are generally speaking wonderful people who are doing a great thing that should be lauded i want to raise children with my wife in part because i think we re going to be pretty damn good parents and adoption may in fact be something we pursue at some point regardless of what else happens but i also want to have a child with my wife because i want the experience of having a child i want the experience of sharing pregnancy and childbirth with my wife and i want the experience of creating and raising a person who is half me and half her mixed together to create something someone entirely new so tell me dr wendy walsh just who the fuck are you to tell me that it s not okay for me to want these things who the fuck are you to tell me that because of a quirk of my biology i shouldn t have the things i want when modern medicine makes it possible just who the fuck do you think you are to tell me that i should suppress the single most basic instinct not just of human beings but of all life to reproduce to pass on my dna to another generation just because what comes so easily and thoughtlessly to people like you is difficult for me the smug superiority radiating from your every word astounds me dr walsh the utterly baffling idea that those of us cursed with infertility should subsume our own desire to reproduce into some sort of ill defined greater good is so smarmily insulting you claim some sort of concern for the population of the planet but then go on to mention that you yourself have contributed to the population by having biological children of your own which is it infertile people should be concerned with environmental issues and not contribute further to the population of the planet but fertile people are under no similar constraint that s not just condescending and thoughtless it s actively vile if you re concerned about such issues you dr walsh need to do something about it not just say you infertiles are required to carry this burden for us your entire column is so thoughtless so tone deaf so judgmental and shows such an astounding lack of empathy that i must say i m glad i m not your patient and truly i am surprised i didn t know that ringling brothers clown college was giving out ph d s in psychology these days in conclusion dr walsh fuck you fuck you running with a splintery broom handle fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you in the future please stick to your areas of actual expertise and experience whatever those may be because they are clearly unrelated entirely to the issues that infertile couples face fuck you sincerely n swimmin not a doctor but plays one on tv 2 comments posted in uncategorized beyond reason posted on 16 november 2010 2 comments if someone came to me this afternoon and said you can pick one sentence that i have the power to guarantee that no one will ever speak or write to you again there s one clear and obvious choice i think you readers most of whom are either in the same boat as me and ms swimmin or at least part of the same flotilla know exactly what it is everything happens for a reason it is apparently one of the standard responses upon hearing of a couple s infertility everything happens for a reason this is often followed by something akin to just wait it will happen when you least expect it and or it will happen when the time is right to which i can only say bull shit i know people often just don t know quite what to say when confronted with such news and i know that they probably think they re being comforting or offering a pearl of wisdom that will help us through this time but all i can say is bullshit nothing happens for a reason things just happen and it s not going to make me feel better to imagine that there s a reason behind whatever biological quirk has caused my sperm to be useless sluggish lazy little bastards it s not going to give me some sort of philosophical perspective on the matter to imagine a world in which there s some sort of motive or intent behind all of the misery and unhappiness that the situation causes both me and ms swimmin if this is happening for a reason pray tell o wise one what could that reason possibly be i try my best to be a good person so does my wife we both really really want to have this hypothetical child when this child comes i will do everything i can to be a good father and yet the world is depressingly full of scumbags who beat their wives and cheat on them parents who physically emotionally or sexually abuse their children fathers who think nothing of raiding their daughters piggy banks to buy beer mothers who don t bat an eye while telling their sons you ruined my life you re stupid i hate you and on and on and on and for so many people like that the babies just pop out easy as pie so what then could the reason be to make it so goddamn hard for us there s also everything happens for a reason s religious counterpart it s all part of god s plan about which the less said the better thanks i suppose to the circles i generally run in i haven t yet heard that one from anyone if i ever do i don t think i ll be able to nod and smile politely i think the no fuck you and let me tell you something is going to arise with a fury and intensity beyond my control i don t think people who don t have to deal with it really understand that infertility isn t a cold or the chicken pox it s not going to get better i m not going to become more fertile if i rest for a couple of weeks get plenty of fluids and eat some chicken soup so talking about how it ll happen when you lest expect it or when the time is right isn t helpful or comforting or even particularly intelligent for so many people of the my husband looks at me and ooops i m pregnant again persuasion it s a totally foreign concept and because they don t understand infertility to begin with and they don t have to lucky them they don t get that ivf or other medical intervention type solutions aren t simple and easy it s not like getting a flu shot or having your annual physical it s a long and difficult process with no guarantees anywhere along the way it s a great big if and can by no means be considered pregnancy happening when the time is right i know people want to offer sympathy offer comfort offer wisdom offer advice but telling me there s a reason that i feel useless that i feel like a failure feelings that i know aren t really true but that i can t seem to avoid having from time to time just doesn t help in fact it hurts we were discussing it with some friends the other day and one of them really did have some wisdom to offer it was wisdom that came apparently from that old busybody dear abby who i guess really did have good advice to offer every now and then there is really nothing wrong with saying i don t know what to say it s okay it s honest it has the supreme advantage of not being an idiotic and meaningless platitude if you don t know what to say say that just don t tell me that my wife and i can t have the one thing we dearly and passionately want above any other right now but it s okay because the universe has a reason for denying it to us 2 comments posted in navel gazing the boxers posted on 14 october 2010 leave a comment for most of my adult life i ve been a boxer brief man i like a little support as it were but can certainly do without the ol tighty whiteys boxer briefs were the perfect solution until now of course switch to boxers says the doc and so i did we went to target and bought a couple of big packages of tartan print boxer shorts and i ve been wearing nothing but the boxers for several weeks now and boy oh boy do i hate it my boys as cosmo kramer one said need a house and the boxers just ain t cuttin it i liked my boxer briefs i could put on a pair and go running or go for a bike ride and not have to think about it the other day without really thinking about it i went for a bike ride with ms swimmin while wearing a pair of boxers paused at one point dismounted when we got back on the bikes rriiiiiip there goes a pair of boxers they don t move with me and in fact they often seem to be working against me and the support issue oy i like things to be stable and secure in that region with the boxers stability and se...