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eep the kids in upbeat spirits never did i think i would be living outside the us again and being in a county that is so similar actually makes it harder i feel fairly sure i blogged about this before but moving to a country that is completely different from your own means you expect everyone and everything to be different moving to a country where so many things are similar means i end up letting my guard down and get caught out on things i am supposed to know because i look like i belong when really i have no clue case in point with remembrance day right around the corner everyone around me is wearing poppies on their lapels i don t have a poppy i don t know where to buy a poppy i don t want to seem as if i am not being supportive but fuck if i know where to go find one as much as people in the us get their flag waving on i have never seen support for this holiday like i have here in canada and i would like to participate this morning one of the grandmothers at the school was sweet enough to offer a poppy to my son he declined because he will be getting one in his classroom i sheepishly stepped up and asked if i could have it my daughter is reading at the assembly this morning and i want to look the part i am loving getting to see other sides of shared traditions and i love that my kids are getting to learn other sides as well global citizenship starts at any age and this move has already expanded our horizons posted by not afraid to use it at 1 36 pm 0 people used it tuesday june 25 2013 shaking fists skyward my husband called me from work a few weeks back and from his first intake of breath i knew something was terribly wrong he could barely choke out the news he had received one of his friends had killed himself over the weekend no one seems to know anything of value no why just the where and how all mutual friends are at a loss to understand my husband is devastated and i i am angry spitting snarling mad i am furious at him for hurting all of us like this it makes me so angry to think of how this is going to be explained to his beautiful neices and nephews at the loss of their innocence at the guilt children internalize within themselves my heart is in agony for my husband who has so few people outside our family to whom he feels close within the confines of my anger is an enormous well spring of sorrow for the pain and loneliness our friend must have felt i spent the week after his death yelling at him through my ceiling shaking my fist skyward i have shouted all manner of hypothetical questions at him at this point the only positive aspect to his being dead is that i can yell at him and he has to listen my grief my rules it brings to mind another man we knew within the past few years who also killed himself he left behind a wife two toddlers and a torrent of unanswerable questions at the time i had a frank conversation with my husband about the importance of communication and the perception of a successful life now that suicide has once again touched our lives so intimately i sat my husband down to reiterate a few points i told him i was saying all of this for my own benefit but that i needed to know he heard me it was important for him to look me in the eye and hear me say that the only thing that matters is the four of us that if the job and house should slip away we would always be okay no matter what that the conditions of where and how we lived were far less important than us having each other i also made it very clear that if he ever tried a stunt like that i would revive him just to beat the everloving shit out of him this horrific news has reinforced my belief in the importance of telling people something as inane as seeing something at the grocery store and it reminded you of them nothing is inconsequential you may think the people around you understand but i am not taking that chance it is so easy to take for granted that the ones you love know you love them know you need them i am devastated that our friend didn t know there may have been nothing anyone could have done that the darkness he felt could never have been brightened by any of us we will never know and that is the most painful bit of all posted by not afraid to use it at 3 47 am 3 people used it friday december 2 2011 proper apologies i get that texting has become the norm for communicating with friends hey let s grab drinks on my way running late it s quick efficient and lets people respond in their own time and sometimes people hide behind it i was recently involved in a huge blowout with another parent she handled an incident completely inappropriately and flipped her shit there was screaming flailing of arms and threats which resulted in terrified sobs from my son who was one of the targets of her wrath this was all done very publicly and it took a lot of clean up on my part for my child to feel better i received a text message from the woman later on that same afternoon explaining that she d been having a bad day and that she realized she had reacted poorly i appreciated her candor but things have been insanely awkward since that incident now i did not expect her to apologize over and over and beg to make things right however her freak out was of epic proportions and one text message pawning it off on a bad day and pms does not cut it we teach our kids to look the person they wronged in the eye and say they are sorry all i wanted was for the next time this mother and i were in the same space for her to say to me in person hey i m sorry about went down the last time didn t happen not by a long shot and i can see the attraction fuck something up fire off a quick sms and never actually have to face the person you hurt i am probably in the minority here but i think that kind of sucks i make an ass of myself you ll probably get a text eventually an actual in person apology and probably a hug i don t think this makes me an awesome person i think it makes me accountable for my actions and that s one of the examples i want to set i hope my kids pay close attention because i want them to know that when their words hurt another person part of the forgiveness process is to allow the other person to express that hurt not hide behind a phone and pretend like it never happened posted by not afraid to use it at 2 45 pm 2 people used it labels welcome to my life wednesday november 2 2011 i m happy damn it i think that most people don t reflect on the fact that they are happy until something awful befalls them it usually takes an episode of grief and heartache to realize damn things were really good how important to come to that realization before the other shoe falls while you are in the moment because guess what i am happy as a clam like a pig in shit i am happy and it feels so damned good we ve been in our new digs for nearly a year now and it is the first time in long time i ve felt this way as in twenty two years long time for the first time since my parents first moved me out of my home state i love where and how i live i ve got a fantastic circle of friends who want to hang and listen to my stupid stories they can match and often trump them my kids are well adjusted and every now and then i even get to see my husband life certainly hasn t been smooth these past eleven months but i ve had love and support from amazing people i never thought i d meet i am having fun and i love it i mean how many people do you know will pick you up a couple of bottles of margarita mix from costco just for the hell of it posted by not afraid to use it at 1 47 pm 4 people used it labels welcome to my life friday april 8 2011 food bandit so here we are everyone has been on their best behavior polite and smiley and overly concerned for each other s feelings fuck that shit the cracks are already forming in the two days they have been here i have heard about how unsafe our swingset is yes i know it s rickety yes i know we need to re anchor it my husband your son actually has to be home to do it yes i know the cats have scratched the hell out of our couches yes i know they are ten years old yes i do know they look ugly when we have company no i don t agree or care that people will not like our couches and judge us for it yes i ve heard of slipcovers your son doesn t like them and doesn t want to pay for any yes i will discuss it again with him yes i would love it if you made a salad for dinner no i did not mean just for yourself i did not give you our single last tomato only for you to put it on your own plate and not share it with any of the rest of us same goes for the cucumber at breakfast this morning when i come back from morning school drop off starving for breakfast and coffee to cheerfully have you announce that you have finished off the remainder the breakfast food damn that s just not right looks like i need to start hoarding food under my bed posted by not afraid to use it at 2 35 pm 5 people used it labels welcome to my life monday april 4 2011 in law olympics after quite a long hiatus here i am we ve survived four months in the high desert and life is finally settling into a good routine we ve have bumps along the way but most issues have been resolved and put behind us which means the universe wants to throw me a curve ball before i become too complacent my in laws arrive tomorrow that s right you know the ones they haven t darkened our door in four years and whatever the reason they have decided to come and stay with us for a month we re not even done unpacking our crap and we re now repacking to make room for two more adults in our household we ve moved the kids into one room in order to create a guest room and are now trying to consolidate all the things i just found space for in their rooms i knew settling for three bedrooms would bite us in the ass so i will spend the day today continuing to purge vestiges of my daughter s existence from their room so there will be no issues of not feeling welcome i have tried to cook and freeze meals so that we are stocked up in order to lessen the tension as to what to make for dinner for lent i promised myself that i would not speak ill of my mil it has been very very hard i have not always been successful if nothing else it has made me much more conscious of what i am saying and how in any event it looks like mil monday will be up in full force again i m hanging on to the hope that this visit won t be a repeat of the last for insurance i ve got my guadalupe candles lit that s what you do around here when you need a miracle posted by not afraid to use it at 11 09 am 4 people used it labels welcome to my life tuesday november 9 2010 let s get together yeah yeah yeah we are into our final two week countdown to our move and the past two months have taught me two lessons i didn t really want to learn the first lesson involved dropping the we re moving bomb this was universally followed with the we gotta get together before you go response with all the enthusiasm and promises of help i had hope that maybe this process wouldn t be too bad well i ve been on my own with the kids since the middle of september and until this past saturday i had zero dinner invitations zero i understand families are busy but this has been ridiculous any adult company no matter how brief would have been a much needed breath of fresh air now that we are into our final two weeks i ve had offers to take the kids so i can get things accomplished i am deeply grateful for these offers and am taking advantage of them when i can i ve come out of this phase realizing that if and when i have a friend that is going through a move if i promise help i need to follow through i will go to my friend s house and help with the bedtime routine so she doesn t have to go it alone if even just for one night i will bring her a bottle of wine and help her fold laundry while we watch some bullshit prime time television show i will ask her how she is managing i will give her a hug and let her know it s okay to be sad that now that the kids are in bed she doesn t have to be strong the second lesson is that adults handle a move very differently now that we ve found a house and the move is officially under way my closest friend here has not asked a thing about it not the house not the kids not me i have come to realize that in some way she needs to distance herself it hurts but i get it we all have our coping mechanisms and i do not begrudge her the way in which she needs to deal i ve been surprised sad and now resigned i ve realized that all the while i worried about how my children would cope i never dreamed that the adults wouldn t be able to handle it i don t love her any less it just makes the journey a lot more lonely posted by not afraid to use it at 10 40 am 6 people used it labels welcome to my life older posts home subscribe to posts atom random natui goodness this expanable content box is made using a free javascript from flooble free javascripts composition not competition this expanable content box is made using a free javascript from flooble get free javascript games and effects contributors not afraid to use it not afraid to use it limning about me there is a lot of stupidity in this world and i have about had enough i have a lot to say and in all fairness to those who know and love me i am putting it all right here i have another blog that is just for my regular family and friends pictures of the kids sweet little paragraphs detailing their activities and the like this blog is for me not my kids not my parents this is where we get to the meat of the matter i am tired of smiling in the face of people and thinking what the fuck i know that i do not think or believe the way many of the sheep out there seem to this blog proves it email me love to hear the robin go archives sep 2009 aug 2009 jul 2009 jun 2009 may 2009 apr 2009 mar 2009 feb 2009 jan 2009 dec 2008 nov 2008 oct 2008 sept 2008 aug 2008 jul 2008 jun 2008 may 2008 apr 2008 mar 2008 feb 2008 jan 2008 dec 2007 nov 2007 oct 2007 sept 2007 aug 2007 jul 2007 jun 2007 may 2007 apr 2007 mar 2007 recent comments you need to enable javascript to read this and the pulitzer goes to posts you may have missed but shouldn t have those dirty little secrets flip flops and mass transit vulcan nerve pinch gone awry when your car smells like a toilet my grandmother is dead and i still despise her don t freak out in front of the neighborhood children why i m praying for a male bc pill a glimpse in the window of marriage and you can be my cowgirl ever have a csi moment if this vacation doesn t kill me why men who sit are superior the trophy case get your daily natui fix gears and cogs 100 things attempts at greenness our attempts at a green lifestyle we try to use cloth napkins or kitchen towels instead of paper towels when we clean up i switched to a smaller coffee maker there is less wasted coffee there is a shorter brew time and it therefore uses less engergy we attempt to grow plants i use a menstrual cup safer...