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oals coming closer to allah and to being the best person we each can be independently yet together the second idea that he eloquently presented is the idea that every unexpected sorrow and pain is the opportunity to grow spirituality pain as an opportunity how interesting when you think of it as we are exposed to painful situations such as death divorce failure in business or school etc or even those difficult situations of others we can react in one of two ways become the victim or the creator if we decide to be the latter we can use these moments to learn about ourselves and grow in the most positive of ways to learn how we are creating now and how we can choose to create differently growth both spiritually and emotionally is very important to me i find myself often reflecting and trying to understand why i react in certain ways and how i can perceive things in ways that are more constructive and better for my soul having said that i am still a very strong realist and very well grounded not a hippy i promise but i am constantly striving for betterment for a stronger connection and closeness to my creator in many ways the relationships i seek are with people looking for this same growth with an eye on the big picture of this life and a conscious knowledge of our mortality and my partner i hope he will support me in working towards spiritual growth with an attitude that will make us both enjoy the journey posted by nura 9 06 pm 11 comments monday january 01 2007 welcome y2k7 within a blink of an eye came 2007 a whole new year packed with excitement and endless possibilities i celebrated in chicago this year staying with my brother and his wife i spent the evening babysitting my beautiful niece and nephew i wonder how many other 24 year olds spent new year s eve lying on the floor with two children watching dora s halloween adventures in retrospect it s funny to think that it was only one year ago that i officially moved to canada from switzerland for what i knew would be quite the adventure on december 31st 2005 i had arrived in montreal that night and had a quick sushi bite with friends a nice tea i was in bed sleeping away in peace while the clock ticked into the new year and i embarked on a fresh beginning in my new home moving to canada i set out looking for the community i have always lacked and that is what 2006 was all about and i am happy to say that the attempts were quite successful and set the groundwork for more to come i met plenty of fabulous people this year from all walks of life and discovered many different personalities most importantly i became more involved in the islamic community and continued to explore my spirituality and my faith which i treasure 2006 was also a year of career discovery as i continue to search for my professional purpose moving through three different job positions i feel much closer to knowing what i want to do consequently i have finally made the confident decision not to go to law school and pursue a masters in business looking forward to 2007 if i had to choose a theme for 2007 it would be stability i want to find answers to all the questions that have been hanging up in the air for years going back for my mba will help me really figure out what i want to do with my career and make myself more of an asset to the business world there is so much to achieve and accomplish i want to continue to race forward and challenge my capabilities i want to strengthen my islam i want to overcome the emptiness i feel inside when it comes to libya and stop feeling so torn and deformed i want to get rid of this ache that famous repetitive ache that haunts me once every few months and begs me to return to my country and make it my own and of course i would love to meet a partner someone compatible with my vision for the future and who shares similar desires so that we may merge our paths and move forward as one so much to discover and learn and i truly look forward to what life will bring inshaallah kheir posted by nura 5 14 pm 10 comments thursday september 28 2006 my birthday yesterday another september 27th past and i have lived through it now for the 24th year in a row thank god i am noticing i feel discomfort on my birthday and prefer it that few people even know about it at all strangely enough i am usually a lot more emotional than on other days i must have received approximately 20 phone calls but i answered maybe four of them at home before bed i listened to all the voicemails i had a moment it pains my heart that the people i love are all over listening to the messages made me ache a little and i was very touched they remembered and took the time to call it really doesn t take much to make me happy and bring such pleasure into my life another reason why i don t like my birthday expectations to me it seems egotistical to celebrate a day you are born but there are all these expectations that i should have plans and do something meaningful yet i hardly every do and usually brush it off when friends make suggestions to do so and funnily enough when i do nothing i feel frustrated either way i like discretion and am touched by the show of love by those i care about in whatever form it comes that is enough i just wish people weren t so scattered and somehow i did not feel so torn my parents are complete jewels my mother got me a birthday cake and when i arrived home from my sushi dinner with my close friend she came out of the kitchen with a birthday cake with two candles a 2 and a 4 with my dad singing away surprise i tried not to cry but was so touched and felt a little guilty that i did not eat dinner with them how blessed i am it is a feeling of quiet joy and appreciation thank god for all i have and i hope others are able to experience a similar warmth and emotion derived from the love of others alhamdullah ya rab posted by nura 8 57 pm 11 comments thursday september 14 2006 why can t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together i guess that wouldn t work someone would leave someone always leaves then we would have to say goodbye i hate goodbyes i know what i need i need more hellos snoopy apparently abandonment the first fear that each of us experience as an infant as such it is the primal fear i am reading into it the abandonment wound deepens with each new experience a loss a disconnection or a disappointment geneva the city of diplomacy friends would come and go every four years summers in libya family would rotate new cousins discovered old ones lost family fights people disappearing in and out no consistency except for the house the youngest of five they all left the house one by one until i was 17 and i was alone at home abandonment is similar to other types of bereavement but its grief is complicated by rejection and betrayal i have become overly self sufficient i tend to keep people at a distance and only let a select few get close even those few are either in different continents far away or we only see each other a few times a week at most distance is always there i suppose it is comfortable no one overly close not a strong possibility of disappointment or pain it scares me sometimes have you ever been in a crowd of 20 people you adore or received 30 phone calls in one day and still feel lonely worst still have you ever come close to being loved and pushed it away does it make sense that you would push something away that you quietly yearn for and yet you seem to have no control over it as though the self defense mechanisms are operating on their own and you have absolutely no say in the matter have i become the abandoner posted by nura 9 12 pm 4 comments saturday august 19 2006 i quit my job after nine months of working at my it company i handed in my resignation on thursday my last day is on august 31st i can not describe the feeling it feels like i just got out of a suffocating highly stressful and hopeless relationship and now feel like i have the world and many fish in the sea for me to explore from the second month i knew i just knew but i did not give importance to all the warning signs wanting to commit and grow within a job i gave it a try exhausted all my communications skills not to mention my self control not to shoot anyone that is my job was toxic i do not think i have ever felt so overworked and undervalued although my position was good and the work was interesting when you have it coming in all directions while you are already struggling to keep up and then your boss keeps demanding more work with better results you just know either its time to quit or rip your hair out and explode so i decided to quit what s next i have a few plans among them are intensive business french courses i realize that my european french is often incomprehensible here strange quebecors studying for university entrance examinations a few freelance projects community projects hana i will get on that article my islamic centre and hopefully some travelling before ramadan finally i get to see ny i am excited and although i really am not enjoying this destabilizing stage of life with so many question marks in the air i feel like i am getting closer to knowing what i want through a great process of elimination my job i definitely did not want i m excited to see what is next rolling up my sleeves bring it on posted by nura 8 31 pm 9 comments thursday july 27 2006 writing my own script a few months ago i was approached by a lovely libyan lady who knew me in the past right in the middle of all the confusion she asked me to write about myself to share my conflict and the trouble i had growing up in conflicting worlds and to describe the synthesis i have become at first i was nervous not only to share something so personal but to actually delve into it and put words on the emotions and for a moment i wondered if i would be misunderstood but that is beyond my control so the least i could do was just try writing the article was quite a liberating experience and touching as well from when i first started writing in this blog and now to the article on tibra by extension i have been contacted by libyans mostly ladies with a similar struggle who have been reaching out to share their own stories in hopes of finding a kindred spirit and i am here i feel blessed how ironic to have these experiences now when i feel i need them less than i did when i was a confused adolescent exploring on my own the more people i meet the more i realize that many people have had the same experiences libyan or otherwise and that globalization has truly affected each and every one of us in such a deep way especially as we were growing up and trying to make sense of the world what a pleasure to have met you all and h thank you very much for bringing out my words and allowing me to express them in such an unashamed way i invite you to read my story posted by nura 7 21 pm 5 comments sunday july 02 2006 feeling suffocated montreal is amazing in the summer yesterday was canada day plus there is the jazz festival going on right now and on top of that we have the world cup games being new in canada i was all set to explore canada day yesterday with all the fireworks parade and concerts i mentioned to my parents that they should come but they declined too crowded and too noisy they said so i made plans of my own i went to a friend s house for dinner and after that gathered some friends and headed to the old port the concert was beginning at 9 30pm and the fireworks at 10 30 hmmm this is usually far beyond when i was usually home so i called and let my mother know she was not happy i told her grandparents were out mothers children huge families everyone was out there anticipating the beautiful sky displays and enjoying the music and i was adamant to enjoy it my first canada day needless to say this morning i got the cold treatment how dare i come home so late it is a continuous struggle with the parents who live a completely isolated life enjoying their daily tasks mainly within the confines of our home whereas i am so full of life i want to experience everything and anything and never ever have i compromised my muslim values and overstepped my boundaries and yet i still get the comments that i am excessive and out too much like a boy because i like to integrate into this world and see what it has to offer and my parents sit afraid and isolated at home i wish i had sisters or brothers who were here with me and can enjoy with me while my parents hearts are at rest but i don t so what am i to do i refuse to just lock myself in my room and let life pass me by but at the same time i never enjoy myself when i go out beyond a certain time because my watch begins to haunt me looking back now i wonder where the fireworks really worth it the only difference between going and staying in my room was that i had the momentary pleasure of being there amongst hundreds of thousands of montrealers celebrating a great evening but this morning the feeling is pretty much the same as if i wouldn t have gone out at all sitting here right now i feel like i do not deserve this i feel punished for being from colliding worlds and having strings pulling me in different directions my parents fear suffocates me and in reality i really am a daughter they should be proud of never been wild never done anything wrong always the responsible one in the group but nonetheless they complain because i want to be out experiencing the world whereas for them good girls stay home past dark so i guess i am not a good girl i do love my parents very much and i am certainly a good girl this was just written in a moment of frustration posted by nura 5 51 am 6 comments about me name nura location montreal quebec canada being originally libyan born and raised in europe with an american education i am a synthesis of many different cultures most importantly i am muslim and have striven throughout my life to maintain the balance between integration into western culture and the retention of my moral integrity sometimes though i feel overwhelmed and a little isolated so i have decided to bare myself a little and share my thoughts here in hopes of a interacting with those of similar experiences and finding comfort in that connection view my complete profile links red s enclave tareq s blog highlander s rock ayman grada dregia family aisha s musings jamilla s thoughts previous posts spiritual partnerships i was skimming through t welcome y2k7 within a blink of an eye came 2007 my birthday yesterday another september 27th past why can t we get all the people together in the wo i quit my job after nine months of working at my i writing my own scripta few months ago i was approa feeling suffocated montreal is amazing in the su balancei am an all or nothing personality there s men are running out or so it seems i am turni a few months have gone by since i visited my blog archives september 2005 october 2005 november 2005 december 2005 j...