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nely while we were all jamming on the ps3 and the preorder for brutal legend was still a couple weeks away we had played lego star wars pretty much to death with still a couple things in it yet to do now that i think about it which actually own it twice we have a copy of the original trilogy and a copy of the complete saga both for the 360 grandma felt we could use some more lego goodness without overindulging on star wars lego indiana jones was 20 bucks good bargain and there it sat for awhile unopened finally when the game room was free and we had some time to kill we booted up her 360 and got ready to kick ass with dr jones after dicking around the first level the loading screen froze okay no biggie we restarted the system then the flying x orb on boot up froze i began to panic a little bit we shut it off and let it sit for awhile i told you it s been going on me sure but games freeze sometimes it s no big thing no i mean like frequently i ll be playing poker and it will just lock up let s just see what happens it s probably fine this time when we turned it on it made it all the way to the dashboard before locking up we turned it off turned it on black screen three blinking red lights god dammit grandma became despondent fuck fuck fuck fuck noooo brutal legend is going to be here in days what do you want me to do shit well i guess we have to get it fixed i can t be without my 360 i know it s going to go to texas it will be a few weeks brutal legend is going to have to wait i guess fuck at least you have beatles rock band in the meantime yeah god dammit maybe it s okay try it again maybe it s was just a hiccup or something the 360 went to the three red flashing lights as soon as i hit the button nothing damn we went to the xbox support page and followed the troubleshooting guide thinking hoping maybe it was just a power supply problem or something similar but no such luck it was dead grandma moved away from the television to the computer i ll email evan he ll know how to get the repair started he helped me last time as expected grandma s copy of brutal legend arrived right on time and completely unplayable we begrudgingly took it to gamestop and exchanged her unopened 360 copy with an unopened ps3 copy an admission to ourselves that her 360 would be out of commission for awhile however now she could kick some brutal legend ass god or satan or whoever controls grandma s gaming luck decided once again that it was not to be the next morning the very moment she put the disc in her ps3 the power in the house shut off being the silly person i am i took a walk down into town to see if it was just our house the police station was running on a generator the gas stations were closed and the post office was dark nobody had power somebody really doesn t want me to play this game said grandma she s upstairs now somewhere on that huge map figuring out the mechanics and oddly the strategy of the thing she finds the game completely remarkable and best played loud we ll have lots more on brutal legend soon grandma is loving every second of it but right now i want to talk about grandma s xbox 360 when she first got it it was that first week of january 2006 on the empty set of trl poor jeff castaneda lugged it across times square because grandma was dying to hook it up to the television in her hotel room if you watch the credits of beatles rock band you ll recognize that name and then he lugged it back because the box was all unpacked and we wouldn t be able to take it on the plane the way it was when you look inside grandma s game cabinet you notice right away most of her games have that recognizable white edge corner with the green logo her xbox 360 games collection is only second to her ps2 collection and just barely much of that as you recall is thanks to evan from edelman microsoft after grandma emailed him about her 360 s final in warranty death and to find out honestly which version of the console she should look for when she buys a new one in the coming weeks evan responded simply let me see what i can do he put grandma in touch with natalie another edelman microsoft warrior i came home from the store to find grandma floating around the kitchen guess what what about the 360 guess it s working again no they ll wave the repair fee for you kind of no fucking way yes they didn t it s already been shipped holy shit was that evan evan and natalie i even got to talk with evan a bit today too i called him up they are sending grandma a brand spanking new xbox 360 system all she has to do is swap the harddrive and it s like nothing happened at all it arrives tomorrow so halo 3 odst dead rising 2 left 4 dead 2 all the stuff she wanted to play coming up she s got a system to play them on how fucking cool is that none of us expected this she was grateful just to get the one before we were going to save up some money and buy one that would last her until the next generation of the xbox line now she gets to use that money for a different purpose games game on read the rest of this post posted by ctrlaltdelete 9 07 am 87 comments tuesday september 08 2009 pax 2009 holy shit our plane just landed back in cleveland a little while ago businessmen and tourists have the luxury of west to east jet lag that allows them the magical feeling of being in the future when they get home we were not afforded such pleasures the last five days were so solidly packed with awesome that the artificial systems of time imposed upon the rest of the world no longer hold meaning to us our money is gone our feet are blistered our backs are crooked our suitcases bursting with swag and i can t be certain but i m pretty sure we killed a man at this point i don t know it wouldn t surprise me i have this general haunting feeling that we ve done horrible things that were drowned from our memories in an ocean of euphoric unnatural joy that s why i have to write this now all of it while i still have notes before i forget thursday september 3rd plane juggling seattle fark people the madness begins we sat in cleveland hopkins airport watching a little boy race imaginary enemies with his own empty stroller in front of terminal waiting for the employees of american airlines to clock in and start their work day the boy s parents exchanged exhausted looks of encouragement that gave away the dramamine and nyquil in their carry on luggage a woman wearing a light hawaiian shirt stood outside smoking a cigarette next to a sign saying she shouldn t she would check her watch every few moments between unnecessarily long drags of nicotine and look back at the counter as though someone watching her passive aggressive frustration would say to themselves gee that woman looks like she s in a hurry we d better get our asses out there a man who wanted everyone to know he was an experienced traveler casually plopped his huge goddamn bag onto check in scales before the currently motionless conveyor belt deliberately taking note of its reading he seemed like he approved of whatever it read curious i followed his example the bag with our clothes was 43 9lbs i didn t know if that was good or bad i carefully unpacked a hoodie and put it on just in case 43 2lbs good for me i guess grandma was happily munching on some werther s hard candy we picked up from giant eagle the night before she handed me one and i immediately recognized how goddamn cliche we were still tasty though i almost choked on it i walked to the smoker s area outside by the drop off curb annoyingly excited to be there the tsa employees didn t return my disgustingly cheerful good morning as i passed i paced a little smoking what was to be my last cigarette until seattle and almost tripped over a girl wearing a sbarro uniform hanging her head over a coffee looking sullen back inside the united and delta desks became active and lively our american airlines desk at the end remained empty and hawaiian shirt lady looked as though she was going to pace even faster and more angrily lest they get off their fucking ass and get over there so what do you want to see first when we get there i asked grandma i don t know well do you want to do some tourist shit go shopping anything particular you don t want to miss in the city sure we can explore a little seattle wasn t really on her mind pax was pax didn t start until friday so anything else was just groovy ever the overly prepared dickhead i produced a printout of the pax schedule from a folder in my camera bag i can t read this shit she said making a face why not it s too fucking small i printed it from a pdf so it would be on one page i explained but being the overly prepared dickhead that i am i gave her a big stack of papers from a different folder the complete list and summaries from penny arcade of each panel with their time and theater she leafed through it which one is tim schafer in i think it s friday night at 6 00pm is it just him and brutal legend or what is it i don t know is it a q a will we get to talk to him i don t know that s all i have right there when is annie s panel saturday at 10 30am who is she speaking with i don t know read the thingy that s why i printed them when is blair s thing i m screwing with you you know i know a single american airlines employee finally came up to the counter people we hadn t realized were waiting near us appeared from nowhere getting in line we didn t care there was no hurry but standing there in line every scenario i didn t want to imagine popped into my head what if the zipper on the luggage breaks i wondered what if the e ticket number doesn t work and it doesn t show us what if the shampoo bottle leaks through the grocery bag i wrapped it with and gets on our clothes what if some quebec separatist with the same name as me found his way on a no fly list what if we took the wrong credit card what if we fucking crash into lake erie would we still be able to make pax on saturday after the faa investigation into our water landing how long does that shit take exactly the man took our bag and 15 he gave us our boarding passes and we made the long walk through security grandma has always tried to rush through getting her shoes off and putting her jacket in the plastic bins she does it too quickly out of fear of appearing inattentive to the impatience of those behind us in line because of this she almost trips herself getting it done wearing pajamas and a t shirt with my hoodie and slippers in the bin i strolled through that goddamn arch of doom practically daring it to beep when grandma walked through it lit up like a police dog in a bodega after two knee replacements and a recent heart bypass surgery where they stitched her up with piano wire and a staple gun she tends to know the drill at airports i waited for her public interrogation to end sitting on a bench eying my camera bag probably not a good idea to whip that out right now i thought we grabbed apple fritters and coffee and waited at the gate grandma noticed a youngish couple sitting by themselves playing two matching ds lites i noticed them too we didn t say anything to each other grandma and i didn t need to unfortunately perhaps we assumed others would be as privy to the subtleties of our nonverbal communications it goes something like this when we saw somebody we suspected of being on their way to pax we we both too much of a pussy to just ask we both developed some kind of knowing stare that retrospectively probably came off as just creepy and weird we would wait for eye contact look down at the ds quickly back up at their eyes and wait interrogatively as if this motion was enough to ask in a single telepathic syllable pax i suppose we expected such people to return a smile pax from which we would return a nod us too and they would return a nod cool then maybe a long distance fist bump of acceptance and we would go our merry way this did not happen they sheepishly avoided eye contact and whispered awkwardly and we slunked down into our seats and gazed upwards as though we were just admiring the ceiling the whole time in clear weather at 30 000 feet you can see the lights of windsor and detroit from the skies above cleveland today was such a day we followed the sunrise west to chicago and landed at o hare international the perfect rows of illinois suburbs all pointing to the skyline in the distance american eagle is american airlines regional service so it was a relatively tiny plane that shook and creaked when the landing gear moved beneath us like magic the sun rose for the second time that morning we were exactly an hour away from chicago by air so it made sense but it was weird seeing it happen seeing the orange sunlight bounce off the freshly waxed floors in the terminals casting strange shadows onto everything reminded me of the scene in blade runner when deckard first meets rachael in tyrell s office it also reminded me just how goddamn geeky my brain is sometimes without anything cool too look at grandma started reading her book robin cook s foreign body i started reading mine bill bryson s a walk in the woods i had read it before but it was a good read for travel i have no idea why grandma chose her particular paperback our ds friends from cleveland apparently were not going to pax they got off the plane and disappeared into a parking garage they were replaced however by two more ds people they sat close so i skipped the nonverbal banter and just came right out with it if i had to guess i d say you were going to pax pax no really we are going to seattle though you re really not going i asked like their love of portable nintendo gaming devices meant they must be attending we know some people who are going to pax but we re not for some reason i was perplexed by this grandma bought us some mcdonald s breakfast and we wolfed down a couple mcmuffins which were neither scottish nor muffins and boarded the plane to seattle they fed us coca cola and ice and we watched the earth spin below us in various checkered shades of brown the badlands appeared and just as quickly faded back into boring ranches if there was a screaming baby on that plane i wouldn t have known it our focus was on the hazy horizon looking for the first signs of montana mountains black rivers sat quietly between impressive hills and peaks reflecting the sky back at us brown hills turned into green hills and we were in idaho for a moment or two western washington reminded me of new mexico or colorado with circular irrigation patterns and empty space just before the green returned the clouds took over we would see nothing until the airport our first look at the pacific northwest was a line of conifers in every direction around the tarmac inside seatac we passed no fewer than ten coffee shops and a skinny dude wearing a fleet foxes t shirt we had arrived we found the shuttle to the sheraton and got in another line we found the lines to be excellent practice for the lines at pax we were going to be fucking line pro...