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olive and harry olive and harry pages home about elsewhere also here sunday july 20 slow stitching i am finding it difficult to make outside of my comfort zone stitching patching and piecing flows easily from my mind through my fingertips but the outcome of hours of medative making is pretty much things i have seen before this is not really a problem but i guess i was hoping a move new surroundings more time and a settled mind would bring new thoughts and ways maybe it will over time the loss the move its all still pretty raw i wonder often if i will start grieving soon and totally lose my head have i buried and bottled up all my feelings and emotions or am i a totally empty space who knows i think i need to get out more see new things read watch absorb meet new folk walk in green spaces quietly with a doglet at my side be kinder to myself forget the past a little more and the people that are wrapped up in it move forward one step at a time gently posted by tracy x at 20 7 14 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday july 18 42 yesterday was my birthday a day i had really been dreading as i just do not generally enjoy them its not an age thing its more of a continuously disappointed so no longer bother sort of thing year after year of nothing special happening to mark my day has left me with an anxious and irrational fear that and the fact i was without my farmer boy for the first birthday in 24 years stupid really happily i can report this year my 42 birthday was rather lovely plenty of hugs from my girls and the sweetest happy birthday chirruped to me from my darling annabelle and there was cake enough said posted by tracy x at 18 7 14 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday july 16 relocated a change as big as this was sure to throw me off balance but i have been surprised at how well i seem to have accepted embraced and carried on our bodies and minds can cope with more than we think that s not to say that i have not had wobbly moments there have been a good few of those for sure but the chitter chatter of my darling niece and a hug from a family member washes the negative feelings away never underestimate the power of a small persons smile i am slowly adjusting to this new way of life the ability to breathe slower to have more time and head space of my own to not be so physically active its odd but in a good way stitching making and creating has been slow i think i need to get out and about and fill my creative mind up with new surroundings artists and inspiration thankfully the town nearby has a thriving artist community and what looks like an amazing gallery i will go in search of that soon my mind is desperate for colour shape and that makers kick up the backside i hope to be around here more often too now that there is time in my day i may have far less to chat about and the show and tells will certainly contain less beautiful animals oh how i miss them but i think it will be good for me writing is therapy posted by tracy x at 16 7 14 5 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday june 12 the shepherdess often my work depicts the time and the emotions i am going through and this piece is a mixed up old bag for sure the idea of a shepherdess holding her lamb close started forming in my head at one of the saddest heart wrenching times of my life deep in the madness of having a stand with my dear pal at the country living fair last november my most loved lamb chubster had to be put to sleep i was not with him instead i was surrounded by hundreds of people in a massive hall full of noise i fell apart literally the noise the heat the rush of people suddenly caved in on me as my heart broke never have i been so grateful for dear friends who picked me up and dusted me down but above all else hugged me close once home the idea of the shepherdess sat and whirred around in my head but i could just not actually start the papery process until months later finally the shepherdess herself appeared quite quickly but she was plonked back on the shelf as i still could just not bring myself to make a tiny chubster lamb for her to hold and then one day i patched and pieced a white lamb together that looked nothing like my little lost boy using scraps of this and that gifted to me from my sue i popped the newly made lamb in the careful arms of the shepherdess the fit was perfect the shepherdess was done a woolly hat and scarf a much loved worn and darned dress and a lamb of her own it is all any shepherdess needs i should know i hope you like her posted by tracy x at 12 6 14 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday june 2 a self confessed dream chaser i remember buying this painting like it was only yesterday it was from a tatty and beautiful shop in hastings i was with my very good friend amanda she was amazing and tall and willowy she had the best taste and was the queen of charity shops farrow and ball paint and making do before it became so trendy dull and over used she was a self employed gardener and had magic hands i admired her hugely and was more than a little star struck by her natural grace and beauty and quiet humility and she had a beautiful feisty border terrier really what was not to like i carried the painting under my arm for the rest of the day and proudly placed it on the wall of our tiny cottage which sat on a busy road in a large village i would look at that picture often and declared it to be my dream home a house in the middle of the country remote with land that i could fill with animals and so 14 years passed and the picture remained on that wonky wall that we plastered in that tiny cottage that we loved the cottage that kept us safe that was often filled with friends eating and laughing the place that was very much home and then on a whim we sold up and moved to follow the dream in that darn painting seven years later two houses and countless animals and here we are supposedly for the last three years i have been living in my dream of dreams location a stone house in the middle of a forest turns out it is a dream spiked with nightmares now we are leaving i can clearly see how utterly exhausted we both are both at the end of our well travelled roads seven years of chasing dreams building a house by the sea saving many animals and really not a moment for ourselves to just stop and enjoy the places we have lived ironic really the next part of my life will be based at home with my family where i began time to rest regroup heal remember time to be surrounded by the family i have been away from both physically and emotionally whilst i have been dream chasing its time to go home however a brand new dream is gathering a little whirl in my thoughts but this time it will be closer to those that i love the most family xx posted by tracy x at 2 6 14 13 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday may 30 instagram it took a very long time for instagram to steal my heart partly this was due to only having a phone that i had to literally shake vigorously in to life to even send a text so picture taking was a no no but the biggest reason for not joining was it just seemed like another thing to have to remember to update in an already full day of things how very very wrong i was as soon as i was able to upgrade to a phone that just about on a good day understood that instagram existed i was in albeit in a crap quality slightly blurry picture quality kind of way but i was there snapping my way through my days and exploring the daily worlds of so many others joy its a funny old place instagram as there are so many different folk using it in different ways this is why i guess i find it so interesting there are feeds that are full to the brim of scenes from beautiful family life those that are using it as a selling platform page after page of amazingly styled shots that leave you wondering how these supposedly normal folk have time to have such seemingly beautiful homes and then there are feeds like mine that show a random mixture of this and that are a bit hit and miss honest often messy more than often containing animals when news of us losing our farm tenancy here in the forest slapped me in the face it was instagram that i immediately turned away from i just could not look at people going about their beautiful lives whilst mine laid broken in so many pieces around my feet my heart and head literally just could not take it part of me felt so selfish for thinking and feeling this as other peoples happiness normally makes my heart sing but right then when my heart was swimming around by my feet it was just best that i stepped away to wallow in sadness however over the last week or so the reason i am still able to get up each day some days only just is because of the support system that has slowly grown around me without me truly realising it creeping in taking my hand whispering positive mantras saying a prayer sending daily facebook hugs all of you all of you that are there when i lift the lid on my laptop each morning with a heavy heart all of you that give time in your lives to wonder how i am how amazingly beautiful is that so today i am planning to return to instagram to continue taking quick snapshots of my days which i think will be good for me as we slowly approach the last month of our lives here the last month where i will be surrounded by precious animals with my farmer boy by my side i know it will be hard to look at these pictures after we separate and leave but maybe and i am hoping that in months years to come i will be grateful that i did it we shall see so anyway this is me over there on instagram where my daily life goes on where i hope to document the huge changes that i face over the next month and beyond plodding onwards a very wise incredibly supportive and kind friend who has held me up and pushed me forward when i honestly believed i could do no more advised me to keep my dog fort around me she was right posted by tracy x at 30 5 14 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday may 29 sugar is my poison at the moment each and every day is a weary struggle my heart is heavy and my body feels as if it has been hit by a bus i know part of this problem aside from the huge upheaval that is happening on the home front is all the sugar i am consuming nothing feeds misery more than sugar i am a vegan and have been for a long time previous to that i was a almost lifetime vegetarian that rarely ate dairy but just could not quite give up malteasers clean eating has always been important but the sugar cravings have always been strong even though i know that they act as a toxin to my body but at times of upset and stress i pile them in regardless always regretting it as i slowly feel my body coming to a grinding halt this i clearly where i am at now i know the next month is going to be hard both physically and emotionally so food fuel is going to be important even though every part of my being does not want to prepare meals eating just feels pointless so the plan is to try and be kinder to my insides but just not to worry about my sugar intake to keep in my mind that in only a months time i will be back with my family engulfed in love and warmth at the start of my healing process and it is then that i shall go back to clean eating treating my body well taking this whole vegan journey a step further i am hoping that this move will not only breathe new life in to my creative side but also in to my spiritual side that really really needs feeding and feeding well posted by tracy x at 29 5 14 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to posts atom ethereal theme powered by blogger